Hello all! Hope everyone has a good Christmas.

I am new to this forum and would like some advice...

I will try to keep it short:
I have been dating this Nigerian American man for 2 months. Then, he went out of state for work but in the mean time we talked/texted regularly while he was away. I actually visited him as he invited me, and stayed with him for a few days and it went well. We vibe well, wasn't awkward at all. According to him, he's ready to settle down and have kids in the near future. He is 35, a little bit older than me. I am not Nigerian but I am Caribbean Black so we have a similar upbringing, where we came from a religious background, fathers placed heavy emphasis on education. Also, on the 3rd date he asked us to be exclusive...

I, too, said I am dating for marriage providing it's the right person.

He told me he was offered a higher salary to relocate. The area where he is staying at for work is a very quiet neighborhood. He said he could imagine staying there if he had a wife and kids. I said what wouldn't he be bored there living on his own and he said, "I wouldn't be bored if you were here." He even said earlier if we lived together, we would have so much fun. Again, in the few days we spent together, we laughed a lot as both of us are goofy but we had serious conversations about our upbringing, goals, past experiences, future plans,etc

He even asked me what I want for Christmas but I didn't answer.

Anyway, he told me he was going to Nigeria to visit his family for the holidays. He actually invited me to come and I would stay with them. I declined and he said "Why not?" I said because of work which is partly true. But it's more so the fact I haven't known him long enough and that's a big step.

Anyway, on my last day and when he dropped me off at airport he said how he missed me already. But I noticed since the trip, a week ago, I been the one mainly initiating communication, when it use to be mainly him. So, then he said he is flying in Saturday and I replied I can't see him because I am at work all day. He replied with a sad face. So, I suggest Sunday and he said he doesn't think it's possible since he will fly out to Nigeria that day. I then said I wanna see him and he thumbs up the comment but never replied.

I feel since I made an effort to see him in Florida, he could have made the effort to see me or at the least call me and say he wants to see me but too but can't and that we will re-connect when he comes back. To me, it's an indication he isn't that into me. I told my friends and most of them think I am blowing it out of proportion, but one friend sees it as a lack of interest and effort on his part.

I am kinda bummed because I liked him but seems this is the end. I deleted his number and don't plan on contacting him again...

Contact me. I go do you well.

If you want to marry a Nigerian shine your eyes well well. Really look before you leap.

Well I could say that for any type of marriage at all.

Subject him to every possibly known test to confirm faithfulness and preparedness.
If possible hack him and read his chats and messages,e-mails.

Once confirmed go ahead & leave the rest to luck.

GraGra247:
If you want to marry a Nigerian shine your eyes well well. Really look before you leap.

Well I could say that for any type of marriage at all.

Subject him to every possibly known test to confirm faithfulness and preparedness.
If possible hack him and read his chats and messages,e-mails.

Once confirmed go ahead & leave the rest to luck.

Huh? I did Google and checked out his social media and everything checked out fine.

But I made this thread to see general thoughts on this situation..basically to get advice. Should I consider it a loss or wait for him to reply?

Women are crazy

Corps1000:


Huh? I did Google and checked out his social media and everything checked out fine.

But I made this thread to see general thoughts on this situation..basically to get advice. Should I consider it a loss or wait for him to reply?

If you know his date of birth, Google his astrological sign and use it to know his character. If he's Aquarius, you have found a man... Aquarius is still into you even when they seem no longer interested. They love with their heads, not with their hearts - that means once you are reasonable in your approaches, you have found a loyal man for ever. I'm Aquarius.

Beosten:


If you know his date of birth, Google his astrological sign and use it to know his character. If he's Aquarius, you have found a man... Aquarius is still into you even when they seem no longer interested. They love with their heads, not with their hearts - that means once you are reasonable in your approaches, you have found a loyal man for ever. I'm Aquarius.

He’s a Sagittarius.

jesusdiedLOL:
Women are crazy

im I’m crazy because I wanted him to make more effort? If we couldn’t see each other before he left, that would be fine. But he could have called or texted to say goodbye. Especially since he basically implied he would want me to move in with him, and invited me to go to Nigeria with him. So, he went from being very enthusiastic to more distant.
That doesn’t jive well to me...

Corps1000:


Huh? I did Google and checked out his social media and everything checked out fine.

But I made this thread to see general thoughts on this situation..basically to get advice. Should I consider it a loss or wait for him to reply?

Google won't tell you anything. Any con man that's been to America can hide their dark secrets from Google.

If you have other promising options, then drop him, if not and if you can't wait any longer then reply but give him attitude to test him & know his reactions.

His reactions from intelligently arranged tests will tell you if he'll be abusive, cheat, lie, defraud or even kill.

Every lady has to liase with other smart thinking ladies to test their man in a way he won't ever know before marriage.

Corps1000:
im I’m crazy because I wanted him to make more effort? If we couldn’t see each other before he left, that would be fine. But he could have called or texted to say goodbye. Especially since he basically implied he would want me to move in with him, and invited me to go to Nigeria with him. So, he went from being very enthusiastic to more distant.
That doesn’t jive well to me...

There could be a reason.Jumping into hasty conclusions always puts a dent in relationships(always). You wanting to end a relationship because he isnt communicating with you without trying to know why is cukoo but whatever

GraGra247:


Google won't tell you anything. Any con man that's been to America can hide their dark secrets from Google.

If you have other promising options, then drop him, if not and if you can't wait any longer then reply but give him attitude to test him & know his reactions.

His reactions from intelligently arranged tests will tell you if he'll be abusive, cheat, lie, defraud or even kill.

Every lady has to liase with other smart thinking ladies to test their man in a way he won't ever know before marriage.

lol, you sound like you have serious psychological issues. Not everybody is the devil incarnate smh

My advice... keep calling... he didn't stop calling because he lost interest in you. he is probably occupied. you know how Nigerians love to spend time with someone they havent seen in a while. his behaviour right now has nothing to do with leaving you. to clear your doubts, you can talk to him about it.

jesusdiedLOL:
There could be a reason.Jumping into hasty conclusions always puts a dent in relationships(always). You wanting to end a relationship because he isnt communicating with you without trying to know why is cukoo but whatever

You're right I shouldn't jump to conclusions, but my feelings are valid. He seemed like a good dude up until that point. Well, I told him, "I want to see him" and he didn't respond. I assumed he would follow up with me, so now the ball is in his court. It's up to him to follow up with communicating with me.

Dramadiddy:
My advice... keep calling... he didn't stop calling because he lost interest in you. he is probably occupied. you know how Nigerians love to spend time with someone they havent seen in a while. his behaviour right now has nothing to do with leaving you. to clear your doubts, you can talk to him about it.

Yes, I know going to visit his family is a big deal. He said he only sees them a few times a year. I have no issue with that. My issue is he didn't attempt to see me before he left. And considering we are busy, that would have been acceptable if he communicated and said, "Hey, I want to see you too but I won't have time since I am flying out." Or when I said I had work all day, he could have said, "What time do you get out of work, maybe we can meet each other for a few minutes." Or "I will miss you but when I come back, we will re-connect."

Just something to show interest. I even told him I want to see him and he didn't even respond but he clicked like on the comment. So, he could have just as easily replied.

Also, for the past week since the trip, while he does respond to my texts, I been the main initiator when before it was him. So, with all that said, am I not valid for thinking he lost interest or something is up? Even if he is busy planning for his trip, a quick phone call good bye would suffice.

The ball is in his court as he never replied to my last comment. I don't think it's my job to chase a man or to "keep calling" I did more than enough flying in to see him.

This is a new relationship, this is when both people should be most engaged and happy since it's new. I asked a Nigerian male friend and he told me to wait it out and see if he contacts me after he comes back, that will be a good indicator whether he was for real about settling down or just running game...

He could be bummed you refused to follow him home since he wanted you to meet his family and is probably wondering if you're as into him as he is you. Tbh, taking a woman to meet the family is a huge step and from the way you speak of your man he doesn't seem to be fooling around.

I think you should wait till he gets back, tell him your fears and ask him to be honest with you if your refusal to follow him home was a cause. Nigerian men generally don't like to beg their women to do anything. If he feels he has to do too much work to get you to do something he might be reconsidering the relationship itself.

Also. it's possible he's busy with merriment and other activities, Christmas is a really busy period here in Nigeria.

Don't just assume. Be very sure.

Belafonte:
He could be bummed you refused to follow him home since he wanted you to meet his family and is probably wondering if you're as into him as he is you. Tbh, taking a woman to meet the family is a huge step and from the way you speak of your man he doesn't seem to be fooling around.

I think you should wait till he gets back, tell him your fears and ask him to be honest with you if your refusal to follow him home was a cause. Nigerian men generally don't like to beg their women to do anything. If he feels he has to do too much work to get you to do something he might be reconsidering the relationship itself.

Also. it's possible he's busy with merriment and other activities, Christmas is a really busy period here in Nigeria.

Don't just assume. Be very sure.

He didn't seem that bummed that I declined. He just didn't buy my excuse that work was the reason for me declining. Well, I flew out to see him so clearly I am into him. I declined because the relationship is still very new so I don't feel comfortable meeting his family just yet.

I also was dating other guys at the same time (no sex) and in part,dropped them, to give this a real shot. As I actually liked him and we vibed well from the 1st date.

I was actually thinking there could be a future there because our goals, upbringing, and perspectives are very similar.

I admit I am kinda closed off to an extent because it's hard to trust men, but he seemed legit but him being kinda distant, I am having doubts.

I will wait for him and see if he reaches to me and share how I feel. And affirm that I like him.

Corps1000:


He didn't seem that bummed that I declined. He just didn't buy my excuse that work was the reason for me declining. Well, I flew out to see him so clearly I am into him. I declined because the relationship is still very new so I don't feel comfortable meeting his family just yet.

I also was dating other guys at the same time (no sex) and in part,dropped them, to give this a real shot. As I actually liked him and we vibed well from the 1st date.

I was actually thinking there could be a future there because our goals, upbringing, and perspectives are very similar.

I admit I am kinda closed off to an extent because it's hard to trust men, but he seemed legit but him being kinda distant, I am having doubts.

I will wait for him and see if he reaches to me and share how I feel. And affirm that I like him.

I see some red flags in your own part, you are too emotional and that's not good, you may ask why I said that - you said you deleted his number never to contact him again. And why on earth will you do that?

He may have the same doubt about you just like you have the same doubts him. If He is like me, little things can set me off, it maybe something you may have missed but it's a big issue to him.

Don't jump into conclusions just yet, and you have to stop being too emotional, it's not healthy, it can make some men freeze in their tracks.

pryme:


I see some red flags in your own part, you are too emotional and that's not good, you may ask why I said that - you said you deleted his number never to contact him again. And why on earth will you do that?

He may have the same doubt about you just like you have the same doubts him. If He is he like me, little things can set me off, it maybe something you may have missed but it's a big issue to him.

Don't jump into conclusions just yet, and you have to stop being too emotional, it's not healthy, it can make some men freeze in their tracks.

I admit I can get make emotionally rash decisions. I guess because I like him, I don't want to get hurt so I figure end it before it happens?

Well, he never responded to my last message and didn't even say good-bye. If you were in my shoes, how would you feel?

If he had doubt about me, why invite me with him to see his family? Hmm, I didn't do anything. Also, he is pretty laid back.

Corps1000:


I admit I can get make emotionally rash decisions. I guess because I like him, I don't want to get hurt so I figure end it before it happens?

Well, he never responded to my last message and didn't even say good-bye. If you were in my shoes, how would you feel?

If he had doubt about me, why invite me with him to see his family? Hmm, I didn't do anything. Also, he is pretty laid back.

Well am not trying to play devil advocate here cos I don't really know this guy you are talking about..


But..


If I were to invite my girlfriend to come and celebrate Christmas with me and my family and she turns me down, I will feel bad, heck I will even feel am not important to her, I might even feel she already has plans to celebrate it with someone else. We Nigerians make a very big deal about Christmas, it's very close to some ppls heart.

I understand your reason for declining the invitation, how did I know? Cos you just told us.
The question now is does he know your reason for declining? Or you are expecting him to have X-ray vision to see thru your mind?

It's a good thing you guys flow or vibe (according to you)
So this next thing won't be too difficult for you..

Pick your phone and call him, ask how is Christmas over there, ask him how its going with the family....

Then...

Tell him why you declined his offer.

It shouldn't be too complicated, we can only help with suggestions, but the answer to your doubts is with him.
So...
Ask him.
Like I told my ex once, it's all about communication, with communication you can sail thru troubled waters.

Corps1000:


He didn't seem that bummed that I declined. He just didn't buy my excuse that work was the reason for me declining. Well, I flew out to see him so clearly I am into him. I declined because the relationship is still very new so I don't feel comfortable meeting his family just yet.

I also was dating other guys at the same time (no sex) and in part,dropped them, to give this a real shot. As I actually liked him and we vibed well from the 1st date.

I was actually thinking there could be a future there because our goals, upbringing, and perspectives are very similar.

I admit I am kinda closed off to an extent because it's hard to trust men, but he seemed legit but him being kinda distant, I am having doubts.

I will wait for him and see if he reaches to me and share how I feel. And affirm that I like him.

I think not buying your excuse has made him clam up, he's probably thinking you've got other plans with some other dude. Not believing your excuse is a really big deal. I think you should have come clean from the get-go with your real reasons for not wanting to make the trip. Also, understand I'm just making assumptions as I don't know him and can't speak for him. I just want you to see other very probable scenarios.

I think you should do as you intend as outlined in your last paragraph. Just come clean and try your best to make him do so as well. It would be the best line of action in my opinion.

Also, listen to Pryme above, he's got some real good advice for you. Calling him would go a long way in smoothing things out.

Corps1000:

Yes, I know going to visit his family is a big deal. He said he only sees them a few times a year. I have no issue with that. My issue is he didn't attempt to see me before he left. And considering we are busy, that would have been acceptable if he communicated and said, "Hey, I want to see you too but I won't have time since I am flying out." Or when I said I had work all day, he could have said, "What time do you get out of work, maybe we can meet each other for a few minutes." Or "I will miss you but when I come back, we will re-connect."

Just something to show interest. I even told him I want to see him and he didn't even respond but he clicked like on the comment. So, he could have just as easily replied.

Also, for the past week since the trip, while he does respond to my texts, I been the main initiator when before it was him. So, with all that said, am I not valid for thinking he lost interest or something is up? Even if he is busy planning for his trip, a quick phone call good bye would suffice.

The ball is in his court as he never replied to my last comment. I don't think it's my job to chase a man or to "keep calling" I did more than enough flying in to see him.

This is a new relationship, this is when both people should be most engaged and happy since it's new. I asked a Nigerian male friend and he told me to wait it out and see if he contacts me after he comes back, that will be a good indicator whether he was for real about settling down or just running game...

Yes please.. lets see his reaction when he comes back

Belafonte:


I think not buying your excuse has made him clam up, he's probably thinking you've got other plans with some other dude. Not believing your excuse is a really big deal. I think you should have come clean from the get-go with your real reasons for not wanting to make the trip. Also, understand I'm just making assumptions as I don't know him and can't speak for him. I just want you to see other very probable scenarios.

I think you should do as you intend as outlined in your last paragraph. Just come clean and try your best to make him do so as well. It would be the best line of action in my opinion.

Also, listen to Pryme above, he's got some real good advice for you. Calling him would go a long way in smoothing things out.

Perhaps? But I have told him before I am only dating him. And he did ask what my plans were and I said I was gonna stay at home with my family.

When I said I can't go for work. He said, "Really?, that's your excuse" And I didn't really respond after.

I figure since I been the one initiating contact, I would wait for him to contact me. And if he does, then I would clarify things. And if he doesn't, then that's that.

Dramadiddy:
Yes please.. lets see his reaction when he comes back

So, just wait it out then? So, if he doesn't contact me for the duration of his trip, which is 2 weeks, shouldn't I assume it's over? Just because he is with his family doesn't mean he can't contact me. Of course, that hasn't happened and I shouldn't assume..

But today is Christmas and so far, didn't get a Merry Christmas call or text and I know in Nigeria right now, it's almost 930 PM

Corps1000:


Perhaps? But I have told him before I am only dating him. And he did ask what my plans were and I said I was gonna stay at home with my family.

When I said I can't go for work. He said, "Really?, that's your excuse" And I didn't really respond after.

I figure since I been the one initiating contact, I would wait for him to contact me. And if he does, then I would clarify things. And if he doesn't, then that's that.

Alright, then. Wish you good luck.

Sometimes friends to want the best for u....B4 u take any action based on friends advice make sure u tink it through very well through the positive side Nd the negative one...B4 acting on such advice.....I can't say he loves u or not...call him ooo cos Nigeria change fit don hook am too...

Corps1000:


So, just wait it out then? So, if he doesn't contact me for the duration of his trip, which is 2 weeks, shouldn't I assume it's over? Just because he is with his family doesn't mean he can't contact me. Of course, that hasn't happened and I shouldn't assume..

But today is Christmas and so far, didn't get a Merry Christmas call or text and I know in Nigeria right now, it's almost 930 PM

I know... just be patient

Corps1000:


So, just wait it out then? So, if he doesn't contact me for the duration of his trip, which is 2 weeks, shouldn't I assume it's over? Just because he is with his family doesn't mean he can't contact me. Of course, that hasn't happened and I shouldn't assume..

But today is Christmas and so far, didn't get a Merry Christmas call or text and I know in Nigeria right now, it's almost 930 PM

In my first post that i quoted you, I said something about "some" red flags on your own part. The first one i mentioned is that - you are too emotionaly.

Now the next one? your Ego, yeah you said "if he does not contact you, you wont contact him" well this ego dancing a ballet here. sorry if am picking bones on your own end but like they say

"the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off"

You said something about being afraid that you dont want to get hurt, let me ask you who wants that? is it the men that are suppose to be guinea pigs for Dr Heartbreak to cut to pieces for his experiments? they say a feeble heart does not win a fair lady, i believe this goes both ways.

this explains why fvckboys are very successful, cos they will say what you want to hear, make that call you are now waiting for, infact they will go as far as they can go to get what they want. you will mistake their unrelenting effort for commitment. well i have news for you not every man has time for girls that make them feel they are not important.

Look my dear friend, they say its not easy to find a good woman and even if you did, they dont come easy, the same goes with men.
but if you feel you are too important for him to ignore you when he is with his family, then pls leave the guy alone and find a man that will give up his family for you.

The ball is actually in your court, cos you told him you will be too busy this period, so he has let you be i see nothing wrong in that.


Am just curios why use "Corps" of all the names for your moniker?

pryme:


In my first post that i quoted you, I said something about "some" red flags on your own part. The first one i mentioned is that - you are too emotionaly.

Now the next one? your Ego, yeah you said "if he does not contact you, you wont contact him" well this ego dancing a ballet here. sorry if am picking bones on your own end but like they say

"the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off"

You said something about being afraid that you dont want to be hurt, let me ask you who wants that? is it the men that are suppose to be guinea pigs for Dr Heartbreak to cut to pieces for his experiments? they say a feeble heart does not win a fair lady, i believe this goes both ways.

this explains why fvckboys are very successful, cos they will say what you want to hear, make that call you are now waiting for, infact they will go as far as they can go to get what they want. you will mistake their unrelenting effort for commitment. well i have news for you not every man has time for girls that make them feel they are not important.

Look my dear friend, they say its not easy to find a good woman and even if you did, they dont come easy, the same goes with men.
but if you feel you are too important for him to ignore you when he is with his family, then pls leave the guy alone and find a man that will give up his family for you.

The ball is actually in your court, cos you told him you will too busy this period, so he has let you be i see nothing wrong in that.


Am just curios why use "Corps" of all the names for your moniker?

I think say na only me dey reason am so. And as I have no dog in the fight I done lock up. Naija guy na him one babe dey use cure for Christmas period of all periods. Baba fit even dey with oloshos wey dey ready to leave her own work plus family for bobo sef. We dey try reason with am she dey form. Anyway, she fit get assurance say guys full everywhere so no shaking.

Belafonte:


I think say na only me dey reason am so. And as I have no dog in the fight I done lock up. Naija guy na him one babe dey use cure for Christmas period of all periods. Baba fit even dey with oloshos wey dey ready to leave her own work plus family for bobo sef. We dey try reason with am she dey form. Anyway, she fit get assurance say guys full everywhere so no shaking.

lol, una eh

Ladyjumong:
lol, una eh

We're only being honest, sis. You know how it is with a loaded Naija dude during Christmas, he's practically Santa and his main babe isn't with him after giving him cõck and bull tales as to why she wouldn't be. You sef reason am.