franchasng:
You nailed it.

Advice to guys, if u are not financially okay or if u are still struggling or if u have not made up your mind to settle down, pls avoid ladies within the age range of 26yrs and above. Date ladies below 25yrs.

Once ladies clock 25 in Nigeria, marriage becomes their top priority in life and any man in their life will see hell fire if he doesn't go to pay their dowry asap.

But then, ladies below 25yrs are so unstable and arrogant, they hardly give upcoming guys a chance because they are busy forming slayqueens and slaying around until 26 knocks on their door, its a complex situation

goldcrossxx:


It’s a complicated situation anyway. If you go through my 1st post on this thread, you will get to see that it had nothing to do with the aspect of not being ready to settle down. As per finances, haven’t you seen a situation that immediately after marriage, the husband will lose job and there won’t be inflow coming in for a while? It’s all about sacrifice and the individual in question. The way some people marry is also different from others. A man will have all the money and once he’s ready to marry, he proceeds to the village or contacts people to recommend a woman for him. But it doesn’t work that way with another and i fall in this category.

Or a situation that when date has been fixed for an event and something happens, won’t there by a postponement to that effect? I quite agree with IamD18 on the aspect of desperation and priorities based on the actions displayed from my own explanations.

Lalas247:
Two grown adults airing out their relationship issues on a forum .. like y’all should not even be in a relationship to begin with ..

Look at all the issues and you are not even married ..... what will both of u gain
If you can’t solve this issue privately then you shouldn’t be together ..., with marriage comes other challenges .. behaiviour Will change .. persona will change a bit over time ..what will u do then ?


Anyway just read the topic .... not reading that essay save it for your Mrs dear .....

goldcrossxx:


It’s a complicated situation anyway. If you go through my 1st post on this thread, you will get to see that it had nothing to do with the aspect of not being ready to settle down. As per finances, haven’t you seen a situation that immediately after marriage, the husband will lose job and there won’t be inflow coming in for a while? It’s all about sacrifice and the individual in question. The way some people marry is also different from others. A man will have all the money and once he’s ready to marry, he proceeds to the village or contacts people to recommend a woman for him. But it doesn’t work that way with another and i fall in this category.

Or a situation that when date has been fixed for an event and something happens, won’t there by a postponement to that effect? I quite agree with IamD18 on the aspect of desperation and priorities based on the actions displayed from my own explanations.

HomeTutor1:
I wonder the type of family both of them want to plan...

Lalas247:
Two grown adults airing out their relationship issues on a forum .. like y’all should not even be in a relationship to begin with ..

Look at all the issues and you are not even married ..... what will both of u gain
If you can’t solve this issue privately then you shouldn’t be together ..., with marriage comes other challenges .. behaiviour Will change .. persona will change a bit over time ..what will u do then ?


Anyway just read the topic .... not reading that essay save it for your Mrs dear .....

goldcrossxx:
Greetings All,

To all that followed and commented on the thread created by “amaraokafor”, i decided to create a new thread for this as per the advice of a Nairalander. The below is the thread link and also my response.

https://www.nairaland.com/4484675/should-continue-wait-date-another#67236204

I have been following this thread on proxy and never wanted to comment because, i don’t believe in seeking emotional advise from a Public forum due to the fact that many advisers may be underage, inexperienced and would advise you based on what they have read from one party.

The young lady in question comes from a family of 2 girls and 4 boys of which she’s the 1st daughter and the 2nd is as well single. The relationship is also not 3 yrs as she indicated but was suppose to be exactly 2 yrs on the 1st of May.

A new relationship is always very sweet but the challenges that will follow is what matters most because relationship itself is filled with uncertainties just the same way as life. The way a relationship is handled is what justifies what the outcome would be.

The lady in question is nice and as humans, we all have our flaws. Yes, i am a very quiet and reserved person that hardly go out so it’s safe to say that i am an introvert while she’s not that type. I won’t completely analyze everything and what caused it but i will try within my capacity to disclose some so that those that gave their one sided advise can rethink again.

I am not a married man, as a matter of principle and respect to whoever i am involved with, i don’t double date. My problem with the lady in question was bourne out of the fact that she was disrespectful to me several times, domineering, unstable in the relationship and sometimes blackmail me to achieve her desires and a lot more. Those were what caused our problems from the first few months of my involvement with her. Several reasons may have prompted her actions but i don’t see it as being enough for someone you genuinely love.

I told her from the 1st 3 months of knowing her that marriage is what i want and she agreed accordingly. She met with my family, i met with the parents and made my intentions known to them in less than a year of relationship commencement. In fact if not for the financial challenge due to wrong projection of business dealings, marriage would have happened 2 or 3 months after.

Before i met with her family, she ended the relationship twice and threatened that she will proceed with the next man available that love is not a criteria for her in marriage. After i met with her parents, she did same to the extent of giving me a deadline that if i don’t fulfill her rites, i should go my way which she executed her threats. I will be begging for her not to leave, the mother will beg, the father will also talk to calm her down, people from my side sef the same thing. I HAVE NEVER ENDED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER even when i had reasons to have done so but she has done so numerous times.

I later spoke with the Dad and told him that immediately finances arrive, i will come in to do the needful. The man told me no problem that he understands the economic situation and once i am ready, i should come in. But my woman was still not stable as it was one issue after another. The same woman that told me when love they sweet that, she would stand by me through thick and thin but when water pass garri, she said NO that it’s only in marriage.

Already people close to me that knew me and her already were concerned about her actions, the way she talks to me, etc and majority told me outrightly to withdraw. I never did but believed she was going to change. As a concerned man, i do sometimes meditate because no responsible man wants to end up with a woman that doesn’t respect her man and can easily be unpredictable in her actions.

I commend her though for her sacrifices. She rejected a guy that had cash, built house and was relatively very comfortable because i knew him. In fact, at a point it was like a competition and my blood pressure was affected when the guy was policing her bumper to bumper since they lived in the same state.

To cut the story short, after several happenings resulting to series of emotional injury, she apologized that she won’t disrespect me again and even knelt down when we finally met to beg and i accepted. Weeks later, she wanted us to meet but i wasn’t chanced to see her and told her i will let her know when i am free. During this time, i was observing her actions but she got upset and told me she doesn’t want the relationship.

I called to resolve the issue but she wasn’t forth coming. Relationship or marriage ooo she said she’s not doing again. I informed the parents and they said it’s not the first time that i should remain calm. I kept calling for resolution in the month of November, December(she only agreed to see me once and her actions weren’t the lady i used to know), January and February but still no show.

Note: Her words to me when she responded was that she can ONLY be my friend that if i don’t want friendship, i should go my way and if i continue to disturb, she will block me. Also note that my finances started picking up late last year and improved early this year to the glory of God.

I continued to beg through the mum till i stopped after realizing that it was stupid of me to have done so. Reason being that i won’t marry the mother and she as a matured lady has the final say to this. I am a principled man and she knows this because Rome wasn’t built in a day. But as a man, i cannot subject myself to all those shenanigans which has always being the problem from the onset. What you beg to enter, you beg to sustain.

So the relationship officially was 1 year and 6 months when she ended it. It was the aspect of reconciliation that kicked off just last month. So my people, even though me i dey sometimes hide inside my shell, i hardly go out at night and i also admit that i can stay for a while without seeing her, but the 4 months is not justified here. Is it not one that you have a relationship with that you can see?

My write up isn’t to castigate her person and it’s also never to praise myself. Seeking emotional advise on Nairaland isn’t my thing but i felt i should throw some light as this will also aid others that wishes to give advise before doing so.

Remain blessed all and excuse my typos.

VampireeM:
The issues I can read from the both posts of the couple is Misunderstanding, Miscommunication and Attitude in the relationship.
IMO, I believe the way you wrote it here wasn't the way you acted towards her likewise your gf that claimed she was not desperate for marriage. Pls if you guys can't be in accord in moving/sustaining the relationship forward you guys should call it quits its too early for all these dramas and involvement of families and outsiders.
Amaraokafor and goldcrossxx please take your relationship off NL and sort yourselves cause the comments here will only make both of you more miserable and not solve anything. Wish you both luck in whatever decision you make.

HomeTutor1:
I wonder the type of family both of them want to establish... if you can not handle issues in your relationship then you can not settle matters in your marriage. Please break up and allow Peace to reign before your wahala will feature on BBC

franchasng:
You nailed it.

Advice to guys, if u are not financially okay or if u are still struggling or if u have not made up your mind to settle down, pls avoid ladies within the age range of 26yrs and above. Date ladies below 25yrs.

Once ladies clock 25 in Nigeria, marriage becomes their top priority in life and any man in their life will see hell fire if he doesn't go to pay their dowry asap.

But then, ladies below 25yrs are so unstable and arrogant, they hardly give upcoming guys a chance because they are busy forming slayqueens and slaying around until 26 knocks on their door, its a complex situation

joeeee240:



HOW DOES BRINGING YOUR RELATIONSHIP ONLINE MAKE MATTERS WORSE?

Lalas247:


Imagine even if the lady use emotion Create nonsense thread the guy to follow ... tufiakwa ...
Real Men are hard to find these days just take Look at op ... smh
Exactly they should break up ..