Sorry this will be a tad long …

I’m a 39 yo single mother with a very demanding career. I live in europe so dating and finding a mate is almost impossible for me. Lately, I’ve caught baby fever but only have a year or so to try (not even sure it would work)

As of now, I have only 2 options on the table:

1- I get back with my baby daddy. Problem is this S.O.B bailed on me when I got pregnant (after 5 years of relationship) and was a no show for our daughter’s first 18 months.
I had to take him to paternity court to get a reaction. Now he sees her regularly and pays child support.

Since we reconnected, he has been trying to make amends and get back with me time and time again.
I resist because I have some dignity left but I still love him. I also found out that part of the reason why he refused to claim our baby is that he got back with his high school girlfriend when things started to get shaky between us so he had a few months of overlap and got her pregnant too.

He keeps saying he’s on board with us having baby #2 but I know from experience that he is not reliable. Still the big plus here would be to have both my kids from the same father. I still love and know him now like the back of my hand. Marriage would be out off the table and I would wind up in a de facto polygamous partnership. I don’t mind not having the paperwork and when I think about it, most women in my entourage are in similar situations. Some are married to men who have official second wives, married traditionally or religiously or long time mistresses. Since she lives back home and us in the EU, I wouldn’t have to deal with her on a daily basis.

2- I get with this new suitor. He’s my cousin’s best friend and I’ve known him since my teenage years.
I knew back then that he had a thing for me but I was young and his friend’s cousin so he never did anything about it…until a year ago.
We reconnected on FB and since then, we’ve been flirting. He want's us to spend time together and start a relationship.
He’s a decent man, a divorce with an 8yo son. He has a good situation back home as head of a bank but the distance is a real problem. He doesn’t have enough time to travel back and forth so it would be up to me to commute. To top it all, it would be a brand new relationship to build from the ground up and it would take months before I know if it’s a viable one and probably years before we even consider taking it to the next level. So in this case, it would be too late for me to try for another baby and I would never do an "ooops" baby to any man.

So now I'm in a dilemma. Go with the devil I know, try for baby 2 but accept to share him with another woman or strat from fresh, take a chance and forget about having another child.
What would you do ?

Go with the 2nd choice...Goodluck

jayextra:
Go with the 2nd choice...Goodluck

Thank you

nobody else please ?

Pls go with ur first choice, its best to have ur kids from one source only beside u don't any formality's in reconnecting to him. Lastly, I know someone here in Nigeria who could help u out to fix the issue with ur baby father. God will grant u the wisdom to take the right step. U can whatsapp me on 07032178167 just incase.

adamsoghene:
only beside u don't any formality's in reconnecting to him.

What do you mean by that ?

It's good enough that you have a child, at 39 years of age, based on the ups and downs you have encountered in your relationships, playing second fiddle should not be a priority for you. What led to the divorce of the second guy? Have you cared to ask or you just looking for someone stable which you pointed out based on what he does and can offer you financial wise. Having a second child putting in mind the circumstances sorrounding the first would be plain stupid, both situations are not in your favour, if you are to keep any relationship with any of them, I would advise you keep it simple, you are too old for the sort of drama you want to entangle yourself in

Apina:

Could you please elaborate ?

Only a man who is truly in love would want to go back to his baby mama after a long breakup.

But the harsh fact is, your baby daddy is out rightly irresponsible. How could he make the same mistake twice? Maybe he has no plans of getting married ever; hence his decision to have two baby mamas

Well, like you said, the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.

I wouldnt spell out what you should do, but if i were in your shoes (thank heavens icm not in them cos they are fvcking huge), i'd stick to the devil i know.


Chances of him spending less time with you and your child is small since baby-mama-2 is back "home" (by home, i'm guessing you mean somewhere in africa.....right?).


Fortunately, i'm not in your shoes so the final decision depends on you.


PS: do you know why new-guy got divorced?

adamsoghene:
Pls go with ur first choice, its best to have ur kids from one source only beside u don't any formality's in reconnecting to him. Lastly, I know someone here in Nigeria who could help u out to fix the issue with ur baby father. God will grant u the wisdom to take the right step. U can whatsapp me on 07032178167 just incase.

Sharp guy u sef wan jand

ChopBellefull:

Sharp guy u sef wan jand

omo the hustle is real

Yes the other baby mama lives in Ghana so it wouldn’t be that difficult to deal with her being in the picture. It’s more of a matter of principle now

The new guy was very evasive about why they got a divorce. All he said was that they had very different expectations in life and started arguing way too much. I appreciate the fact that he didn’t trash her but I was a bit suspicious
So I went to my cousin’s wife. She said they fought about money essentially. She wanted a certain kind of lifestyle she thought they could afford. He in the other hand us a very low key kind of guy and didn’t like her showing off and stuff.
This is the one sided version I have

Someone said something about the fact that I talked about the new guy’s status...
I’m not going to lie, it matters but for 2 imports reasons:
1- a lot of guys from my home country have been hitting on me but most of them are after an easy way out of Africa. I don’t want to be used as a living visa. This guy has a situation that makes it easy for him to travel all around the world and he has no interest in immigrating anywhere

2- most men I know, especially African men, don’t want to marry women who make more money than them. I’ve seen it time and time again. It always end up with the guy feeling emasculated and resentment on both sides

me myself I couldn’t care less about status. Never did.

lilbabe79:
Someone said something about the fact that I talked about the new guy’s status...
I’m not going to lie, it matters but for 2 imports reasons:
1- a lot of guys from my home country have been hitting on me but most of them are after an easy way out of Africa. I don’t want to be used as a living visa. This guy has a situation that makes it easy for him to travel all around the world and he has no interest in immigrating anywhere

2- most men I know, especially African men, don’t want to marry women who make more money than them. I’ve seen it time and time again. It always end up with the guy feeling emasculated and resentment on both sides

me myself I couldn’t care less about status. Never did.

Do you know that you are too pompous. someone who doesn't read in between the lines will take the nonsense you wrote up there in your first point as a harmless statement. What makes you think that all the guys interested in you from Africa(as you claimed) are simply looking for a ticket to Europe. I was about advising you not knowing you've already avdised yourself.

You can continue looking down on honest struggling guys at home till those two destroy and dump what is left of you. At 39 you still don't want to lend yourself a brain. You'll be humbled by force when they are through with you

39 year old and you are calling yourself lilbabe

E don be for you, ayangba