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i dnt usually say thing ahahh on this section but this thread should be locked for good

what a hole of crap
[size=32pt]
your presumably best friend about to hit the rock[/size] and u are chatting what?? feeling like an Nl celebrity aka becomerich

well NO COMMENT

@POSTER,

My advice is leave them ALONE.  I was in your position a decade ago. Like your case, the lady had a sordid past. In fact I could never think of marrying her (knowing her history) despite her stunning beauty. She did "it" professionally. To think of a woman doing "it" with 10 to 20 men daily is abhorrent. I really agonised about it. Would I be a bad friend if I let it happen? Would I even be a worse friend if I ruined his happiness when I could have kept quiet and leave them alone? In the end I decided to live them alone
To cut a long story short, they now have  lovely kids.
I never said a word.
He was head over heels in love and I felt she deserved a chance to start afresh. BUT still I found it difficult to be close to them after they got  married.
.
An argument might happen one day and I might lose control and say it in anger. I am only human. I basically severed contact with them to avoid the possibility of spilling the bean. I know by now that he would be thinking that I am only jealous that he has married a beautiful woman (knowing his mentality), hence I cut contact with them.
LET THEM BE. People are not really willing to hear the truth when it comes to love.
The couple in my case are getting on with their lives and I with mine.

marabout,

Maybe you were not really close to that said friend of yours, if it were to be your younger brother who brought a commercial sex worker home to marry with a high chance of him contracting STD's I want to ask if you would have done the same?

Dude tell him, Bros before hoes

The story tells the stuff (both financially, psychological & Physiological) stuff the lady is made of.

Your life is in danger !!!

Whether or not you tell.

@ Dayokanu

Not a childhood friend though.
Close but not close enough for me to be sure that he would not be blinded by love to believe me instead of the girl.
Though some of the girl's people knew that I knew.
But if it came to that, they would most likely back the girl and make me look like a liar,  slanderer and character assassin.
You have to use your head sometimes.

^^ Marabout if na your younger brother, Would you have acted the same way?

My advice for you is to be very careful with how you handle this matter. This is a very potentially dangerous matter. It is like a boil in the middle of the a***s hloe. Anyhow you handle it, there must be serious pain.

If the girl is really changed, she would not lie about being a virgin. She is still a big time cheat. Again, if she had changed, she would have found a way to relate this new worldview to you. At least so you realise that past is now past indeed.

My guess is that she will deny you full time and possibly turn the story on you so the complainant becomes the accused like the Joseph story, if you tell your friend. And that is why it is dangerous to seek any form of audience with her in a bid to force her to tell the guy. She may capitalise on the private meeting to set you up trust me.

You best bet is to tell your friend that you know her very well and give her a little idea of the fact that she was not averse to relating with guys but please save him the trauma of the 4some story. At least he'll figure out what you are saying.

Then give them some distance and be discrete and watch your back because she will surely fight back. Let your friend know you are not discussing anything relating to the wedding with him again and you have no further part in it. Maintain good conscience but remeber, always watch your back whatever happens. This is fire, it will consume someone if not properly handled. Be wise and don't play with it.

Cheers.

hey, the truth about this is that if i'm ur friend and you did not tell me such a thing, then i'll think you don't like & respect me when i find out because "Matthew 10:26" will explain better if you think no one will find out. one more reason why U should tell your friend this is that she lied to him to be a virgin which you know well that its not true, assumig she told the truth and he accepted her like that, then i think everything should be ok, but since she lied, Bro go on and unleash the dragon [b][/b]so she can reason well at the wrong time. Pls help him out now or never.

Hope UK is cool? take care

I dont think its a good idea for you to do that,

HELLO @POSTER, U MUST READ THIS

I DON'T USUALLY READ ALL THIS, BUT I SAW THIS AND TRIED READING. YOU MUST TELL YOUR FRIEND IF NOT HEAVEN AND HELL WILL NOT FORGIVE U I TELL U. 1ST OF ALL BE IN YOUR FRIENDS SHOE.

ALL WHO HAVE SIDED NIKKYKAY AND SAID HE SHOULD NOT TELL HIM, I WISH I CAN I WILL SENTENCE YOU ALL TO LIFE JAIL AND I MEANT IT. I DO NOT MEAN TO CURSE YOU BUT I WISH I CAN. NEVER DO WHAT YOU JUST SUGESTED. WHAT IF YOUR THE PERSON

ALL WHO SAID TELL HIS FRIEND, I PRAY THIS DAY THAT HEAVEN WILL REWARD YOUR SINCERERITY.

@POSTER MY MOUTH IS FULL OF WORDS TO SAY. ASKING IF YOU SHOULD TELL UR FRIEND WHEN U ARE 100% SURE OF WHAT U R SAYING IS A CHILDS PLAY, TRY TO ASK UR FRIENDS SOME QUESTIONS, AND TELL HIM TO ASK HIS FIANCEE TO OPEN UP HERSELF. BE SERIOUS AND SAY YOU BETTER ASK UR FUTUR WIFE TO OPEN UP.

IF HE FINDS OUT AFTER MARRIAGE AND HE IS ANGRY TO A GREAT EXTENT, AND HE KNOWS THAT YOU KNOW AND REFUSED AND YOU ARE HIS BESTFRIEND.YOU ARE WORTH BEING KILLED.

THANKS

What is funny is dat chicks say don't tell him while guys say go ahead and tell him.
I think you should tell him since she has refused to tell him.
If he decides to go ahead with the relationship at least ur conscience will be clear.

Funseeka:

@ NikkyKay

I can see you desperately defending your past in disguise. People show their true colours through their contribution especially in an online forum like this. You definitely have some skeleton in ya cupboard; just wish your 'honey' doesn't get to read your post.

@OP

Handle this case the way you would like your pal to handle it, if reverse were to be the case.

My dear, i dont have past that can haunt me.I have told him everything.He loves me more and respects me for that.The worst that i did , i told him so i dont have anythg to worry abt.Am just talkn like this cos i dont want the guy to make a drastic decision.

Poster,

If it were me, I will tell my friend baout his fiance but not indirectly. I would create an email where he wont know its me and I would give him advise and tell him the whole thing and tell him that I know this lady from before. I mean just make a big lie about your real identity cause I dont think you telling him straight to his face would be good. He might not take u as a friend and he might insult you and stuff like that. It happens

As long as I pass the rightful message across, the rest I will leave it in his hands to decide.

the biggest mistake she did was lying about her virginity.
y girls do dis beats my imagination-i've had several experiences and as a sharp guy i always discovered they were lying, yeah its true we'll value u more if u r a v-nyansh but den dats not wat a guy totally wants, we want sum1 we cud entrust our lives with.
@Op
tell u paddy- atleast let him knw fully, whom he is about to commit his life to, once married he is in 4life.

it is beta to tell him to clear ur consince cos if u don't and dey get married she will do anyting to see that she seperate the friendship between u and ur friend because u will always remain a threat for life she will neva be comfortable with u the best is to tell him and be free from any future guilt cos if she now even turned out to be terible in future u will neva forgive ur self and ur betrial to ur friend

All has been said

If your friend was your jnr or snr brother would you allow him proceed with the wedding?

If your friend was your jnr or snr brother would you allow him proceed with the wedding?

Make her tell the trith and let your friend make up his mind. If she refuses then spill the beans.

swiftcool

I would sincerely advise u tell your friend you cant be a part of his wedding ceremony and if he ask why you tell him to ask his wife to be but be cautious she may blackmail you so have concrete evidence to prove her wrong and if he believes her just wish them good luck and walk out of their definately nemesis will catch up with her if she refuses to tell the truth. Just do the right thing and let your conscience be free man.

@ poster,

this is a very serious issue - relationships,
no matter the case she has a better edge over you. she could also frame you up to with her and then break your relationship with your friend, women could be very dangerous when it comes to relationships - so watch out.

my advise - call her , advise her to open up to her fiancee but promise never to be the one to do it under any circumstance. meanwhile get your discussions with her recorded for future reference and your protection.

promise to be free with her as if you know nothing and that she should do same with you. her conscience will kill her after then if she doesn't confess.

@poster

i tink u shd go wit marabout. everybody has a past. wheather she lied about her virginity or not shudnt be ur problem. is ur friend also a virgin? leave dem, let dem live dier life, if ur friend later finds out, tell him u dnt wnt to be d architect of d broken relationship. if it happens, ur name go everly dey record ooooooooooooo. think twice.

dear, the truth is sometimes bitter but must always be spoken because truth sets free (john 8:32), if u can mount pressure on her to confess to the guy,then that'll be fair enough. but if that's not possible, tell him urself with the videos as evidence.

oh women

tytylayor:

@poster

i tink u shd go wit marabout. everybody has a past. wheather she lied about her virginity or not shudnt be your problem. is your friend also a virgin? leave dem, let dem live dier life, if your friend later finds out, tell him u dnt wnt to be d architect of d broken relationship. if it happens, your name go everly dey record ooooooooooooo. think twice.

Tyty Where have u been?!!!!!

[b][b][b][b]Abeg Bros, tell your friend and save his life oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/b][/b][/b][/b]

Tell him immediately. You should decide how and how much coz the foursome might be too gross.
Pressuring the lady to confess may put you in danger. You owe a duty to your friend. The fact that she lied subtly implies that she has not changed.
If your friend loves her for her 'chastity and honesty' then the relationship is a mirage.
Let him know. He wil be deeply hurt but wil heal in time. If he still cares for her, then they wil sort it out.As for the family ties, things will work themselves out. They always do

As a friend, you owe him the truth.

I wonder how you'll stand at the wedding and smile at the groom with that kind of knowledge.

Now whether it comes from you or her is up to HER to decide.

Let her know you want your friend to know the truth and give her the option of telling it herself.

Your friend doesnt need to have details but if there is a video out there, she should tell him.

If the guy truly loves her, then he'll accept her for who she is.

The length some women will go through just to be comfortable,

Who knows, your friend might just end up in a situation similar to the first case in this thread.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-507342.0.html

You can place a call through to her (Record if you can) and let her know your stand on the current situation.

Also, its good that you have copies of that video. I dont mean for you to blackmail her but just in case she wants to turn the case against you, then you have proof to let your friend know whats going on.

Dayokanu,

Certainly Not. I won't allow my brother to go into it.
But my brother would also know and trust me more than a friend I met in diaspora.
My brother would not think I just want to ruin his happiness.
Also the friend in question had also displayed certain characteristics (when he began getting some money) that made me to have some doubts compared to a few years earlier when he had nothing. For example he became a bit arrogant and would now want to teach you things that you actually thought him when he just came.
If he now suddenly lacked respect for the opinion of those better educated, older, more experienced and immensely helpful to him in years gone by, he certainly wasn't the kind of guy I was going to risk the wrath of a scorned woman for.
I had generally stopped telling him a few things anyway in order not to be accused of envy. When making a quick buck by any means became his priority, those more careful like us became good for nothing people who just spend a long time abroad (like studying for 7 or 8 years) without all the flashy things yet. Some people don't believe in sowing before reaping.

If your friend was your jnr or snr brother would you allow him proceed with the wedding?
God bless u joo. Do to others as u want others to do 2u. If after all these advice u still decide u hide the truth woe will betide u if ur friend finds out. He that has ear let him hear.

Every human being has a right to a past and that cannot be disputed.  However, the important thing is that when you take the very serious step of planning to go into a permanent relationship with another human being, you owe that person the duty of care to reveal your past to him or her.  This way, you will save yourselves future embarrassments and scandals when the hidden past eventually comes back to haunt you.  Do not take away the right to make the decision after hearing your past, whether or not he still wishes to be with you.  It is his decision to make, not yours to make for him.

Secondly, it is not love but selfishness and lack of humane feelings when you not only hid your past but fabricate lies to cover them up.

In your own case, you owe your friend a duty of care to let him know what happened.  However, what matters is how you reveal the past.  If you cannot reveal the past directly, then you can spur your friend to investigate by declining to play any role in the wedding.  Tell him you cannot out of good conscience play any role given what you know, but which you cannot reveal.  Encourage him to get the girl to reveal her actual past to him.  Where this fails, sit both of them down and in the presence of the lady, spill the beans.

I agree that people do change for the better at some points in their lives through their own experiences or lessons they have learnt from experiences of others.  Those who change show it in their conduct and activities.  If this lady in question had changed, she would have come clean and trust on the love the young man has for her to prevail.  If it didn't, then the young man was never hers and she can continue the search.

For me, the moral of this story is for the young ones to always take heed never to engage in activities that will come back to haunt them in future!

Peace!