Just a question, I know a nigerian guy who is 39-40years, no children, never married, he has money and great career, is that kind of old not to have settled down?

If you were really Nigerian, this wouldnt surprise you.

ask osisi.

i actually am not a NIgerian, so please elaborate.

Well dear poster, i know lots of men from other countries, ranging from africans to blacks to whites (name the colours) that are 39-40, not married and without kids. Or your amazement was just based on the fact that he's nigerian? lol

Marriage is a thing of choice, either he's not cut out for marriage (yes my dear, some decide to remain bachelor and childless for the rest of their lives for one reason or the other best known to them) or he feels he hasn't found "Mrs. right", either way its his life and his nationality has little to do with it

Re: 39 And Never Married, Should I Run?

And what do you mean, should you run?? run to where?
has he made any intentions of marrying you or having kids with you??
Or are you male too, wondering if he's gay? (your gender is yet to be known)

dear please fill the blank spaces in your story, i hate speculating other's lives, you're likely to jump into false conclussions which are un-called for when the person could try and elaborate more

I actually like the guy, but and because I am American I can only speak to what is common in U.S., so I was asking members of the forum their opinion. Many of my friends have said, "what is wrong with him that he has never married ot had kids" is he gay, selfish, and the list goes on. I do understand marriage and family are a personal choice and you should be ready before you dive in, but just trying to be sure before I really get serious with him. thanks

make sure he hasnt reached male menopause!

@ earth tones

now that was much better, at least anybody that wants to give an advice will know what its all about

Now if you want my opinion??

I'll say, if your heart is with him, i mean if you have feelings for him then there's no harm in giving it a shot

How old are you Btw?? Cos if you're like very young then i won't say its an ideal plan ooh(i think 10yrs should be the age-difference limit). Cos to me a young girl with all her life in front of her should settle with someone in the same age category, so that you guys get to spend life together, mature together and grow in the relationship together.

But if the age isn't an issue for you, then who am i to disapprove?? whoever said it couldn't work out with the right efforts? and Hey, look at Celine Dion and her hubby, Catherine Zeta-Jones and the hubby. They're all doing splendid

earthtones:

I actually like the guy, but and because I am American I can only speak to what is common in U.S., so I was asking members of the forum their opinion. Many of my friends have said, "what is wrong with him that he has never married ot had kids" is he gay, selfish, and the list goes on.

And let your friends not cloud your judgement, you've been around him, does he seem to exude those characters listed by your friends?? Like i said earlier, people have their reasons of doing things, it could be that he hasn't seen that one person that makes his heart sommersault

If you ask me, i suggest you ask him outrightly, thats what a relationship should have , COMMUNICATION! His answer might blow your mind away but until you've asked him, no one can give you the answer to his decision!!

Its a bit eye-taking that someone would stay that long before committing but dearie there's nothing abnormal about it

spoilt:

make sure he hasnt reached male menopause!

Haba you eeh

But seriously, i think for men its a bit later than women, something like in their 50's - 60's
they could go for a test, if the lady wants kids herself!

earthtones:

Just a question, I know a nigerian guy who is 39-40years, no children, never married, he has money and great career, is that kind of old not to have settled down?

Erm, my people this one get as e be o!

First of all, do some serious search, girl. Ask questions. Are you sure he is not divorced? And he doesn't have a wife or a fiancee back home in Nigeria?

Is he an only child or an only son? Tell us. Have you spoken to any of his family or friends? Have you met any?

Or is he the first child out of a large family? Maybe he had to take care of his siblings or extended family, and those financial commitments made him put marriage on hold. Dunno. Just asking.

If, like you say, he has a good job & spare cash, there might be various chics of all sizes hanging around him. So he could be spoilt for choice. Y'know, some girls believe 'finance is the lube that oils romance.' In fact, one or more of those girls would have made serious efforts to snag him, before now. Find out.

Or did he have a bad deal at the hands of some chic that made him vow never to get married?

Being unmarried at almost 40 is strange but not unheard of maybe he was just too lazy to settle down.You should get to know him better get close to some of his friends especially thhe ones that have genuine concern for you as those are the ones that wil tell you the truth about him.Dont rush into anything that will make you feel used later move at your own pace dont be pushed to do anything you are not ready for that way you wont be too hurt if you find out he was not real. with time you learn to trust him and maybe both of you will end up living happily ever after.Wish you luck

Marriage isn’t about age it’s about finding the right partner and being able to accept full responsibilities as a good father.
For me, I don’t thing you’re too old just keep on searching till you find the right person that what really matters.

if u dont want him , then give him to my aunt , she is the female version of him

Personally i would say it isn't an issue, the only area of concern would be if he wanted kids because at 50+ he'd still be doing school runs.

i know some1 dat is over 50 and still is not married. maybe he just has not had great relationships with men and some even suffer from low-self esteem. juat make sure that he's white worms (sperms) wont be too watery by the time you settle with him.

He could be gay and using you as a cover.  He may need his papers.  So he looking to use you to get them.  Maybe, he has only matured and ready for marriage.  If he doesn't need to use you for papers, he may be legitimate.  However, this doesn't end the possible problems.

I think Laudett gave some good advice.  If he is the eldest male, his family is a tremendous financial burden on him.  Being the eldest male or only male is not a good thing to be. 

I would advise you to careful and investigate him.  These guys are very tricky.  He could be faking the funk. 


But I would personally be skeptical of a man over 40 and never married. I would have in my mind that he is a closeted gay, but this may not be the situation.

lmao

Run as fast as your legs can carry you, I smell trouble!

It is no big deal. There are lots of single Nigerian men in that age . He is neither gay nor impotent. MOST Nigerian men do not like having children out of wedlock. Different strokes for different folks, I am surprised people judge Nigerian men based on what is obtainable from the American society. If your men have babies at will, married or single, that is not exactly what is obtainable beyond your culture.

which kin crap talk bi dis? there are tons of ppl in the usa, male or female not married and no kids, and it is easily found among the white professional folks. and present day nigeria has taken to that trend too as every1 wants to make money have a car, big house, save zillions of naira so that they can spend it all on the wedding, b4 they even consider settling into any serious relationship, so it is not strange and i truly wonder if u are truly american.

He is a baby booomer, so leave him alone, most men in white man's land will be scared to get married after he has burst his azz to make the money, cos this days kinda hard to know the motive of the woman, especially when the brother got it going on, so i dont blame the brova.

Where are you running to ?

He might have been to busy with his "great career" pls marry him!

am sorry shawty 4 real.

@ POSTER

CANT YOU MIND UR BUISNESS??

that would depend on where

Did I hear you right? Is there such a thing as Male Menopause? oh my gawd Only God will save us

scientist:

Did I hear you right? Is there such a thing as Male Menopause? oh my gawd Only God will save us

Yes there is.  That is why many women who marry such men find themselves in fertility clinics trying to squeeze out some thing that might still be alive.

@Topic

If this is his first marriage--depends on your age. If you are over 30, please you are in the right hands-time is not on your hands either.  So no need to be too choosy.  If you are less than 25--please run for your dear life.  This one might be too used to being a bachelor and no hope of settling down. 

Definiteley needs an "older" broad he can't intimidate in the future.  Your union has a 50% chance of survival since this dude might just be set in his ways being a "Nigerian" with no room for compromise.  Make sure you check him out medically and psychologically before you jump in.  Find out the reasons why he is still single at almost 40.  Pretty strange.


Goodluck.

whats the thought process behind this script
Age isjust a number if your not married is it by force or a necessity ,

it will hapen when it happens but dont just choose anyone it might end in tears

Run if you like - is that not very common in America? I see nothing wrong in that. Maybe he doesnt want bitchy women in his life.

britgirlee:

whats the thought process behind this script
Age isjust a number if your not married is it by force or a necessity ,

it will hapen when it happens but don't just choose anyone it might end in tears

Yes.  Age is but a number after you have fullfilled all earthly and heavenly obligations.  There is a time for everything and that is what "psychologists" refer to as "developmental" milestones.  You have to walk as a baby by age 1 on the average.  If a baby does not walk by age 1, why are we worried then, for example?

Same thing with marriage and relationships.  Yes, it is a personal choice and everyone if free to remain single if he or she chooses.

The problem is that most of these "old fogies"--move around with people who intend to get married and waste a lot of other people's time with their "psychoses and phobias".  They go around giving mixed signals and deceiving people into emotional committments they are not ready to provide.  Old dudes are good at this and some brainless females keep falling for it.

If you do not want to get married,---- fine.  But a 40 year old dude cannot be going around dating young ladies who have marriage in mind and leading them on and vice versa.  Stick to you own kind of "whatever goes" romantic flames then.  I only pity the stupid girls who hook up with these old time "playas", hoping to reform them. Once emotionally detached--you stay emotionally detached since you missed your opportunity to form those kinds of relationships. You do not learn that at 40, when your life is almost over. No pastor can cure that.

If you choose to be single--hook up with others with like beliefs and don't waste anyone else's time.  Simple!  These old dudes want the best and have nothing to offer--in return.  Rubbish!

@labiyemmy:

Run if you like - is that not very common in America? I see nothing wrong in that. Maybe he doesnt want bitchy women in his life.

Yeah right! Keep making excuses.   Only dogs attract bitches!!!!!!!  So enjoy!!!!

@ cute-ass

She means run as in "Only this man knows why he is not yet married and I am not interested in the reason as it might cause me some serious emotional and psychological trauma"

@ poster

People have the right to choose and if he has decided he is not ready to settle for less until he has met the right woman or to stay single for the rest of his life despite of his acclaimed success, that is his cup of tea!

Give the poor man a break!

@ poster

r u sure that he does not have a wife or chick somewhere else ?

Orun apaadi beeni!!!!!! On ni onifekufe, tabi on ni ogbon omo ati marindinlogbon aya eyin wole Naija!!!!!



translation: Yes you should persue a relationship with him, it seems like a good idea to marry him since he is professional and not attached, it is common in america to be 40 and not have a wife,