Hi People!


Ok, so I have a burning question to put before the Honourable Panel of Nairaland.

The issue is that once I was going out with someone who eventually started toasting one of my friends. All of my other friends knew, but none of them told me. I didn't really expect them to do so because they were closer to her than to me. But there was one person who i considered my closest friend of the lot , mainly because i had met her at the beginning of the year and introduced her to the girl who started going out with my bf without my knowledge.

So anyway, the main point is this. As I said, I considered her my closest friend so when the gist came out, I asked her why she didnt tell me. She had a lot of reasons, such as that we were quarrelling a lot, she felt closer to the other girl as a friend and so on, but the main reason she gave , and I quote , was " I'm not under any obligation to tell you anything."

So one issue is that if she can say something like that, then doesn't that mean that we are not really friends? After all, it's only friends that have obligations towards each other, right?

She is still my friend but no longer can i call her a close friend because I don't feel that close towards her any more.

The other issue is, this same "closest friend" has a boyfriend. And in an ironic twist , he is cheating on her. And I know about it because a reliable source told me.

Am I under an obligation to tell her this?

IyaBasira:

such as that we were quarrelling a lot, she felt closer to the other girl as a friend 

Cool!
Even though she didn't handle the situation well, I think I understand her point.

IyaBasira:

" I'm not under any obligation to tell you anything."

Again, I think she has a point, here.
Your 'Closest friend' said she felt closer to the other girl. Therefore, the other girl, at that time, was her own , and her own, she's under obligation to protect.

IyaBasira:

Am I under an obligation to tell her this?

Yes, you are.

Is it me or does this story exhibits constructional homonymity?

[size=2pt]She is, she said, her friend's friend, her other friend, her closest friend. . .na wao![/size]

OP
Can't get ur point still.Sorrry

Missy ★ B:

Cool!
Even though she didn't handle the situation well, I think I understand her point.
Again, I think she has a point, here.
Your 'Closest friend' said she felt closer to the other girl. Therefore, the other girl, at that time, was her own , and her own, she's under obligation to protect.
Yes, you are.

You ignored my main question. Which was this :

[b]After all, it's only friends that have obligations towards each other, right?
[/b]

Yorisb:

Is it me or does this story exhibits constructional homonymity?

[size=2pt]She is, she said, her friend's friend, her other friend, her closest friend. . .na wao![/size]

Did you want me to write the names of everyone involved?

D-sense:

OP
Can't get your point still.Sorrry

You are a guy, right? Cool. You have a girlfriend who is cheating on you and your best friend chooses not to tell you. Later you discover that your best friend's girl is cheating on him.
Would you tell him?

IyaBasira:

The question I was trying to ask is that if she's not under an obligations towards me, then how can I be under an obligation towards her? She was keeping her friends secret at the time. But I am also keeping that same secret now as well. Cos the person who told me asked me not to tell anyone else.



Did you want me to write the names of everyone involved?

You are a guy, right? Cool. You have a girlfriend who is cheating on you and your best friend chooses not to tell you. Later you discover that your best friend's girl is cheating on him.
Would you tell him?

oh Yeah ,just got da trick.WELL i would tell him becuase we tre taught to always pay good with good at d same time good with bad,So mean ur best friend didn't get u informed when ur bf was cheating on u doesn;t mean u should revenge.
Always be honest ,pure and passionate to friends not matter what they pay u back.

IyaBasira:

[b]After all, it's only friends that have obligations towards each other, right?
[/b]

Yes! It's one's duty to 'protect' one's friend. People have obligations towards their friends.

She made it clear to you that She didn't see you as a  friend [at that time] and, as a result didn't owe you any explanation of what's going on. Her duty is to be on her friend's side and there, she was. The friend just wasn't you but the other girl.


You're under obligation to tell her because you say she is your closest friend. . . . . You prolly even would have told her so. It's your duty to protect your friends, if you say you see her as a friend, closest one at that, you owe it to her. The only reason she doesn't owe it to you is because she never said anything about being on your side or you being her [closest] friend. She gave it to you as it is -  I was on that girl's side- and she protected ''her own''.
The problem lies here -  You consider her a friend, She doesn't think so of you. It's like a triangle, while you consider her 'your own', she considers someone else 'her own'.
It's not compulsory that I must be friends with everyone that sees me as a friends. Just like it's not compulsory for me to like everyone that likes me.

If I were in your shoes, I prolly would pay evil with evil- I wouldn't tell her- but, that doesn't make it a nice thing to do.

poster

you shouldn't blame your so called friend for not telling you because she is not the person who hurt you. your boyfriend hurt you and not her. she is not obligated to tell you anything because there has been lots of situations when a friend opens their mouth and tell but then the woman would stay with the cheating guy anyway and eventually blame that friend for trying to break them up.
Anyway the new rule of the day is stay outta grown folks bussiness and that goes for you too. Let her find out when she does about her own man cheating on her then she would be able to relate and dont you dare tell her that you knew either.

as for your boyfriend snatching friend i hope you cut her outta your life and get some new friends and next time keep your man away from the vultures you call friends

If she is ur friend lyk u claim,d proper tin wuld be 2 tell her. But if u dont want d hassles den dont. By d way friends dont kip score card of each oda.

omega25red:

poster

you shouldn't blame your so called friend for not telling you because she is not the person who hurt you. your boyfriend hurt you and not her. she is not obligated to tell you anything because there has been lots of situations when a friend opens their mouth and tell but then the woman would stay with the cheating guy anyway and eventually blame that friend for trying to break them up.
Anyway the new rule of the day is stay outta grown folks bussiness and that goes for you too. Let her find out when she does about her own man cheating on her then she would be able to relate and dont you dare tell her that you knew either.

as for your boyfriend snatching friend i hope you cut her outta your life and get some new friends and next time keep your man away from the vultures you call friends

I don't blame my friend. I never blamed her for what happened and I know where the fault lies. But thanks for your input anyway.

Missy ★ B:

Yes!

She made it clear to you that She didn't see you as a  friend [at that time] and, as a result didn't owe you any explanation of what's going on. Her duty is to be on her friend's side and there, she was. The friend just wasn't you but the other girl.


You're under obligation to tell her because you say she is your closest friend. . . . . You prolly even would have told her so. It's your duty to protect your friends, if you say you see her as a friend, closest one at that, you owe it to her. The only reason she doesn't owe it to you is because she never said anything about being on your side or you being her [closest] friend. She gave it to you as it is -  I was on that girl's side- and she protected ''her own''.
The problem lies here -  You consider her a friend, She doesn't think so of you. It's like a triangle, while you consider her 'your own', she considers someone else 'her own'.
It's not compulsory that I must be friends with everyone that sees me as a friends. Just like it's not compulsory for me to like everyone that likes me.

If I were in your shoes, I prolly would pay evil with evil- I wouldn't tell her- but, that doesn't make it a nice thing to do.

She is still my friend but no longer can i call her a close friend because I don't feel that close towards her any more.

The time when I considered her to be my closest friend was before she made the statement of not having any obligations towards me. I prefer to read between the lines of what people say so I still talk to her, we still gist about stuff but I'm not stupid. I don't expect anything from her any more.

Your friend had a valid reason I guess.

Personally, if I knew a friend was being cheated on (not even necessarily my closest friend), I would tell them. But, that's just me. You're not under any obligation to do so, do whatever your heart/head tells you is right.

If you decide not to tell her, don't come to this decision because your friend didn't tell you because she felt she wasn't obliged to tell you ----> TO GET BACK AT HER. If that makes any sense. . .