ednut1:
the stories i have read here is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tried

me I can't and even wount.....if I would at all marry I'll put her away from me that I'll have to go check on her once or twice a month. the respect would be there

wirinet:


You wife told you lies about everything before you married, went out and came back by 11 pm without your permission and her family came to your house and packed her load out, and you are asking what should you do?
You have not yet a attained manhood, ask Dpharisee what has earned a manhood certificate to disciple you. Women hate sissies, the want real man as husband.

You that should go and do Thanksgiving for escaping one chance is asking "what should I do"?

thank you, bro. That chrismymen sounds like a sissy. If he was my brother, and he brings back that witch as a wife, i'll cut ties with him.

Love her and be there for her as a Father, Friend, Husband and help-meet , and in every capacity God has given you make sure you perform your duties as the husband and Father. Divorce is not the Solution.

stinflame:
You apologizing after beating her shows you are a good man. Truth be told a man like me will never do it provided that her accusation have been on for a long time.

For goodness sake what did she take u for. A sleep around. Definitely that is a disrespect to me and I will never take that.
Sorry but she have to learn the hard way. Involve her parents into the situation, if she truely wants it to work out she will harken to their advice. And if the parents choice to side their daughter. Am sorry you in for it. And divorce looks like ur bet.
The truth is only a woman can make it work. It's easier for a woman to kick up a conversation with her husband after a quarrel. Using her feminine influence, and the man will gladly join her. And all things are resolved.
But if your wife is hard hearted. It will be something else.

Lotta sense init

kay29000:


Girl, I am bipolar, so you can't tell me about depression. Just admit that you are wrong instead of typing this long comment. OP's wife has some form of mental Illness, but she is not depressed.

Can you hear yourself? You have a diagnosis with a name, yet you dont want another person to have one. You have a treatable condition but somebody else must have an incurable madness from the Agbala shrine. Terrible

If you're bipolar then you should know that there are plenty of diagnostic criteria for assessing people with depression

If you have bipolar I, does it mean somebody else does not suffer from bipolar II? Are all the symptoms the same? If somebody used their own understanding of the term to judge your own illness, would you like it?

Who are you to say that people don't suffer from depression just because they don't fit your description?

I may be wrong and you may also be wrong. You don't know until you examine somebody in person and take a complete history what the person is suffering from

Don't project your own problems onto somebody else's issue just because you may not understand it and start making unnecessary insinuations , that's just my own.

Something that could be combated with a course of cognitive behavioural therapy or a talking therapy with a psychologist, you will be blowing grammar on it and scaring the OP over nothing

Why can't you come up with another name for what may be bothering her with logical reasoning and symptomatic basis instead of raising dust on somebody else's life?

Genqq:
Sometimes? Dude you should regret that sham of a marriage ALL the time.

Moreso, that dirty thing you call a wife should be in jail for the ABUSE she inflicted on those little CHILDREN. You are also an enabler of child abuse by refusing to report her to relevant authorities.

Forget these women citing "depression" etc.. sometimes a badly behaved woman is simply a badly behaved woman and should be treated accordingly.

I can't stand simps who employ KIDS for their LAZY wives in the guise of "housemaids" and further turn a blind eye to the maltreatment of these innocent maids

You and that w!tch must be jailed.

Eni a pe ko wa wo gobi to ni ki leleyi gobi- gobi

Mrcashman87:
Thanks guys . Yesterday I didn't go back home after work , I booked a hotel ( alone) just wanted to chill and have a stress free night . She called me at 2am wondering where I was and i have told her I'm having fun with friends , she cut the phone . Then she rang numerous times 4am onwards I didn't picked it up . I havnt heard from her since and not looking forward to go back home any time soon.

It's okay, as long as it keeps your head calm while you plan for the next decision. You can't always run.

You have to be confrontational and direct in a way that is straight forward and no physical violence.

Trust me, your wife has a lot of games up her sleeves and would be ready to blackmail you as usual to make you beg her so she can continue to disrespect you more.

Never beg her nor give excuses for her action. Talk but not too much and avoid getting emotional.

It's going to be a tough one for you to handle in the next few days and weeks. Remember, you are about to upset the table that your wife has her pride and ego on and she'll try to resist you violently. Keep your head calm. You'll be fine

sorry bro. Am sure your wife is not yet 40, so doesnt really understand what the lessons of life and marriage are.
please be very very patient. To be a good husband requires a lot of patience. Report her to her family. she is depressed and very violent therefore she needs quick help. Dont think divorce, kids will suffer. you can find temporary happiness by engaging in things that will make you happy outside your home.while you repair your marriage. No condition is permanent. This too shall pass.

Awwwn you're such a lovely and fine man... Maybe your wife's suffering from bipolar or some sorta disease...

Mrcashman87:
My wife is 29 and I am 32

You are lucky.

She is still within the age where she can be corrected.

If na mid 30's and above, bros, forget it.

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

meeeeehn....this is toooo damn bad!Elders come o!

File for divorce. But know this, the children stays with her for now but u will pay for child support. I realised long ago that the day u started patching your relationship is the day you've started digging your grave.

DeeMain:


She is a broken person that may also be depressed.

Depression is one of the symptoms she exhibits. Depression is not an 'all-join' condition.

The solution will start when the roots of what broke her is found.

Wrong! As has been stated here by others, Depression leads to withdrawal syndrome and not attack. Psychopathy leads to attack and not Depression.
Depression will not lead a woman to harm others children while cherishing her own
When a woman suffers Post Patum depression, the tendency is for her to do harm to her own offspring and not other peoples children

mumexcellency:
sorry bro. Am sure your wife is not yet 40, so doesnt really understand what the lessons of life and marriage are.
please be very very patient. To be a good husband requires a lot of patience. Report her to her family. she is depressed and very violent therefore she needs quick help. Dont think divorce, kids will suffer. you can find temporary happiness by engaging in things that will make you happy outside your home.while you repair your marriage. No condition is permanent. This too shall pass.

She is not Depressed, people who are depressed will rather do bodily harm to themselves or their own offspring than other peoples children, its psychopaths that are violent and dont feel remorseful when they break a childs head leading to several stitches.

If depressed people commit violence by chance they will go into hiding, wont go to the shop and interact with every customer and even close late by 10pm against 7pm as instructed by her husband like this woman, people will be scared on the depressed behalf, so that the shame of their action doesn't move them to the point of taking sniper, but this woman has no shame and you say she is depressed 'taaaah comot for here.

Chubhie:

What! He went for a village smallie? Hattrick in 1 calendar year. That's a new record

This thread has left me feeling conflicted. I feel like we are advising op the same way we usually advise a battered wife (loose weight, pray, be sexy etc). But then I can't get past the whole 3 children in 1 year! No wonder she didn't lift a finger at home... I think the lesson here is family planning and respect for the body (everybody)

Chubhie:

Child labour and abuse seems to have become normalised in Nigeria.

Genqq:
Sometimes? Dude you should regret that sham of a marriage ALL the time.

Moreso, that dirty thing you call a wife should be in jail for the ABUSE she inflicted on those little CHILDREN. You are also an enabler of child abuse by refusing to report her to relevant authorities.

Forget these women citing "depression" etc.. sometimes a badly behaved woman is simply a badly behaved woman and should be treated accordingly.

I can't stand simps who employ KIDS for their LAZY wives in the guise of "housemaids" and further turn a blind eye to the maltreatment of these innocent maids

You and that w!tch must be jailed.

Has it gotten to that level?

Officialgarri:
Tell her you have made up your mind to marry a younger wife. Eat outside, come home late. I hope she will begin to use her senses

This doesn't always work .
It can only work if she's still in love with him, otherwise she could care less...

Dpharisee:


Wrong! As has been stated here by others, Depression leads to withdrawal syndrome and not attack. Psychopathy leads to attack and not Depression.
Depression will not lead a woman to harm others children while cherishing her own
When a woman suffers Post Patum depression, the tendency is for her to do harm to her own offspring and not other peoples children

Had to re-read my post to make sure it's what you responded to. Guy, I don't get you.

Read my post slowly this time, then read your post again.

Mrcashman87:
I am not new to Nairaland but I have to use this account for my story . I have met her in 2009 she was calm , doesn’t talk much but easily get angry and I also noticed that she wasn’t a good cook but was good in other things ( chores) , it didn’t stopped me from loving her, I didn’t tell any of my people even though I have sisters that are good cook but I decided to take her to catering school to learn how to cook which she went for lessons to practice.

We got married in 2013 , she got pregnant that same month and she became so lazy that I will go to work and come back to found the house very messy with everything’s all over the places , dirty dishes and not dinner yet, and I have to take over cleaning and cooking dinner for us. She claimed she could not longer clean the house , she is tired and need to rest so I have decided to get a house help for her , a small 14 years old, this girl was hard working , very obedient but to my wife she is evil , every single day I comes back from work , this girl is always in tears my wife will beat the hell out of her to the extent of giving her black eye , if I confront her she will start accusing me of sleeping with the girl which is not true, I can never stoop so low to sleep with an underage girl. I have nieces of similar ages what I wouldn’t want another person to do to my nieces and wouldn’t do to another person daughter.

One time I came back from work to found the girl in a pool of blood , that my wife hit her with a wooden chair and she had a deep cut on her head , I got angry with my wife even her reasons didn’t make sense to me , all because she asked the poor girl to warmed up the baby milk and she mistakenly left it for too long , the milk was too hot to give to the crying baby so she got angry at her and hit her . I have told my wife she shouldn’t act like that no matter what and here come again you are sleeping with her and that’s why u are siding with her , we had an heated argument that I have left the house to cool down , I came back after 5 hours and next morning I have send for my brother to take the girl back to her parents , I have given her money 30k to manage that was how the girl left the house.

When our first child was 6 months , we found out she was 2 months pregnant she cried that the baby is too small , she can’t keep the pregnancy , I have begged her to keep that everything will be alright . Our twins were born a girl and boy , having 3 children under 2 wasn’t easy for us and I have to go to work while she staying with the kids all alone and she was depressed , I have decided to bring in a house help 15 years old boy , the same thing repeated again , she was maltreated him the same thing she did with the girl , that boy didn’t even stays with us for 2 months , he run away . I came back to found her crying that the boy has slapped her and run away, I was angry for what he did even swear if I catch him , he will regret the day he was born but the other way I knew that boy did it for self defence .

After the boy left I said no more e help , she will have to manage alone because I couldn’t help her anymore , but my house become dirty that I wouldn’t even want to bring in visitors because of the state of the house , dirty plates can stay in the sink for 3 -4 days , laundry she has a washing machine but she couldn’t bother to do , cooking we eats take away every single night , imagine I comes back home 9pm due to my job and Lagos traffic , at that time I’m even exhausted but I have to started cleaning , one time I got pissed with her that she didn’t wash the eldest daughter school uniform and all her uniform 5 sets of uniform were dirty and she had no clean one to put on in the morning , I have to wash them at 10pm and for her she didn’t see anything wrong with that.

When the twins were 1 years she told me she is tired of staying at home that she wanted to go to work , I have told her to wait at least for them to be a year and 6 months to start school before she can pursue her career but she disagreed with me, so I gave her money for business , she opened a shop . We had an agreement that she should be closing down her shop at 7pm so she could be home with the kids and take care of the house , she was ok and I got a elderly woman as a help , she doesn’t lives with us , she comes at 6 am and closes at 8pm and I also brought 2 of my nieces 18 and 11 to the house. Every since she started working she has never get home on time , sometimes she stays until 10pm , if I talk she get angry and will start raining insults on me , we haven’t make love in a long time , she always complains of being tired , her stomach is paining her etc etc. I have decided to leave her alone and not bother her about sex anymore , and it doesn’t bother too. She acts as im a nobody to her. So it happened in July I came back home to found my niece 11 years old with a deep cut and blood on her eyebrows and my wife did it just because the girl broke a plate so she hit the girl with the broken plate , first all I had to rush her to the hospital and she had 11 stitches and went back home, all I wanted to sit with her and to talk sense with her but she wasn’t even interested all she could do was shouting at me , accusing me of sleeping with both my nieces and the elderly house help , was so angry that I have beaten her badly which I later regretted and apologise to her.

That was the first time I have lay my hand on her something I vow not to do to the woman I love but she pushed me so bad and I have been remorseful but she refuse to forgive me . It’s now 4 months we don’t talk , we don’t sleep in the same room , she just do her own and come home anytime she pleases. I just don’t know what to do anymore , I love my wife and children but her attitudes isn’t right. We have 3 beautiful children 5and twins are 4. Sometime i want to divorce her but when I think about my children I just don’t feel like going ahead with divorce but I’m also a human and can’t stop living like this .

Please my brothers and sisters help me with your advices

If you really want to live a long and peaceful life, now is the time to make that bold decision.

ednut1:
the stories i have read here is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tried

Yeah, that was how I was scared until I got married to my love. The secret when u are dating remove love ,show the lady what u want in ur life. If she doesn't want it during the dating Oga fly. But during dating u observed submission and understanding. Guy the others will b added in future...

This is what happens when you marry the wrong person = Disaster.

Enough people have advised what to do, no point adding to that. All I can say is I feel really sorry for the poster.

Na wa! I remember vividly the beating of life my elder brother gave his now wife when they were newly dating. Babe was very aggressive and always maltreating my nephew and myself. He had warned her several times not to hit us but she didn't listen,so on that day she threw something at my nephew and he was injured badly,simply because he brought a different stuff she had asked him to bring for her. She humbled after that incidence,so humbled that she even asked for our permission before sending us errands.
Most times people do shits to us because we overlooked them when they did to others. You should have stood behind those innocent children called maids. Their cases gave you good excuses to deal with your wife's attitude.

bros! end the marriage..take ur kids 4rm her and let her go!..ur children wil not die..am a product of such family,bt am stil alive today!..bro,if ur house starts now to becum a hail 4 u..in future to cum..u stil remains a cryingMAN!

Oyindidi:
It is well

In this scenario, it is not.

Hmmm...this is too much...

My case is similar to yours but worse than your.
I came back one day after about four days on official duties, my wife was using all sort of abusive words on her 14 years old niece staying with us and i decided to asked my wife while on bed the reasons for her behavior, to my surprise she said " do you think i don't know you have been sleeping with her". i was dumbfounded and began to ask her so many questions like : when did it happen , how did it happen , where did it happen, e.t.c
The following day after coming back from church, my wife gave a laud slap to the girl yelling at her to go and sweep. i try to caution my wife and say sorry to the crying girl. the next thing that happen bring the end to the marriage.
My wife faced me and questioning me of why am saying sorry to the girl and tear me a hot slap. the girl seeing a woman slapping the husband for the first time was screaming and pleading with my wife, i still continue to say sorry to the girl and she continue to slapped me repeatedly until i lost counting of the number of times she slap me.
After that incident my wife stop talking to me and stop sleeping in the same room with me for like three month before i finally sent her parking.

Dpharisee:


I did the same thing, called her family that I was sending her back. They called her and I gave them my condition for continuing with the marriage and the consequences of violating the terms of the agreement, now she control her emotions better.
I even went to court to start divorce proceedings but stopped midway.
I was like a sissy in the marriage for long until I woke up one day and decided to take full control of my house.

Her family were shocked by my sudden change, she attacked me and I gave her serious 'controlled' beating, by controlled beating I mean she pushed me to the wall but physically I was very angry and vibrating but in my heart I was loving her but had to show her my strength as a man and to let her understand how it felt inflicting harm on our maids.
Never beat a woman, but if it's the last option only do it when you are not reacting in anger but pretending to be angry.
She tried to blackmail me into apologizing but I never did, for sometime now she has been abiding by the tenets of the agreement and I try to encourage her, watch her mood changes and how to keep it in check, it has not been easy but it's better now.

Honestly they can be ogbanje!!!
But a man must be in total control right from beginning

Women don't do this with werey type of men
They only do this to simp and weak men

So men don't be a simp
Right from beginning let her know you be werey
If she try anyhow
She go see anyhow
And you won't see the kind of nonsense op was going through
Never let love block your brain

I really feel for op and there have been numerous advice for him from different users.
But then, have we heard his wife's side of the story? Do we truly know what triggered her to do these 'alleged' things? Are we gonna judge her already by just taking only the op's side of the story?

Dear OP, I pray God heals your home, touch your heart and that of your wife and return agape to your home. I pray for wisdom to man your house with righteousness and love. I pray God gives your wife absolute joy in your house and happiness to your three lovely kids.
#Cheers!

It appears that your wife's anger issues were present even before you married her. With marriage and responsibilities it became worse. No one should maltreat children in the manner that she has done. If this happened in other countries where the paramount interest of the child is looked after your wife will be arrested for assaulting those children and will also lose her own children in the process. The fact that your wife as a mother can abuse other peoples children in that way is mind bugling. I assume she does not do that to her own children, if she does then those kids are not safe with her.

My recommendation is for both of you to receive counseling. Let her also see a psychiatrist to assess her for depression and her doctor to see why she is always tired. If medical and psychiatric conditions are ruled out then you can safely say that she is just lazy and you can then have a frank conversation about her untidiness.

You should never lay hands on your wife even when provoked. I will suggest no more house help that she will abuse or kill inadvertently in a fit of rage.

Good luck

ednut1:
the stories i have read here is making me feel i should not marry and marriage is a scam. with all the problem in life person go add wife wahala join. our mothers and grandmas really tried

This is the smartest decision you will ever make. (You probably will still get married anyway)

@OP

Leave now because this marriage has failed already. I know how hard it feels not wanting your children to be from a broken home but the earlier you move on, the better for you.