This. Deep emotional/psychological wounds. You are intelligent enough to know that this situation of yours is all wrong, but your hurt outweighs all reason. Find out why you tend to love the wrong people. How were your parents to you? Why was it your sister raised you? I am certain that the key to your situation and its resolution lies there.
Ineedtoheal: Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.
I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).
We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.
Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!
Few info about the relationship 1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27. 2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.
3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.
4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.
5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.
6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.
7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.
8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.
9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.
10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.
His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.
Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.
Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.
Both of you are just friends, that's all. You seem to be more intimate with him, but he is just your very good friend without any feelings. The choice is yours. He has let u know his status through his actions. You are simply playing reserve.
Ineedtoheal If you've tasted how sweet true love is,you won't settle for less I swear. Forget about him, still block him after forgiving him,give love a chance...few years to come you'd be the one asking yourself what you were thinking killing yourself over this Huncke. If you love yourself & your peace of mind,move on & don't look back.
Pray not to be in my shoes someday coz even common sense will fail you.
easy dear , I believe most people here have given you their honest opinions , and the summary is MOVE ON , nobody has said it is an easy road though , but u will be fine at the end .
Your problem is not spiritual, your problem is “lack of sense”. You think you can fix a grown man?
If he has problems as a man, he should go meet his parents! I DON’T FIX MEN!
Have you ever seen a SANE man praying for a cheating, unsubmissive woman? Have you ever wondered why most crusades are targeted at women? Because women are obsessed with fixing FCKED MEN. You want to be the woman that made a BAD BOY good! Lmao!
They call you fish brain when it suits them, then virtuous women when they wanna activate the stockholm in you.
There are good men out there, you left them and be giving toto to one ediot. Godforbid!
If he doesn’t have money and sense, you can never find me chatting with him sef. Every man wants a woman to give him peace, respect and love. I would only do that for the best I can find. Ain’t fixing any modafucker.
Dump that bagger!
LOL. I just like your bluntness. I'm sure you learned all these cold, bitter lessons about men the hard way.
Don't call him again. Let him go no matter how hard. If he wants to marry you he would've done that years ago He will call to check up on you and that will be all. There's also a slim possibility of him calling to make things serious but don't put your mind to it cos that's very unlikely. It's possible he wishes you're something that you're not and that thing is important to him and he's torn between opinions running through his soul because you satisfy all other conditions and probably don't give him wahala. He feels he can get what you lack from another girl so why choose you, hence nothing for you. A humans mind is that hard.
Funny how not hitting you is a point as if the normal thing is when a man hits a woman. That one is not a point And your number 8 point is your worst foolishness if really true. There are some men who will trivialize the thing that he is taking too serious, and will marry you without ado within months if possible weeks and love you sincerely, make yourself available to them and to all eligible men, in no time you'll be hooked up. Hope is never lost.
BLEMOSEDU: There is this question that has always been on my mind about relationships between the sexes, why do Nigerian girls think once a man is in relationship with them it must lead to marriage? And once the relationship starts they will start counting years etc. Must it always lead to marriage? Can't they just enjoy the moment? With the way divorce has skyrocketed in recent times, one wonders why these relationships are always all about marriage for most ladies. I'm just asking ni o Before people crucify me.
That's one unique thing with Nigerian ladies. Especially if the guy isn't broke. Girls generally seem not to want to date any, they want to skip this important step and tune you towards marriage straightaway, which is a turn off. A guy should have some breathing space to decide hes ready for marriage.
I had a long distance relationship that lasted about 8 months. I decided to make up see in person and flew to her. We met on about three different occasions during my visit and she started asking me what my plans towards our wedding was because she wanted to get engaged before the end of the year. I had never told her anything about marriage, I only visited to meet her in person
I told her I wasnt that desperate to want to jump straight to marriage with someone I'm just seeing for the first time. My comment offended her and our relationship went sour over that. Not sure if some girls pray for a robot that will say yes all the time to their marriage push. Marriage isn't as rosy as many make it seem and sometimes, being free and single is much more peaceful.
It is shocking you can stay with this kind of person.
He’s basically 40, a womaniser, he’s unafraid you meet his other ladies (imagine the burial stunt), sends pix of better spinsters to his guys and you’re still staying with him!
He has complete control over you. He doesn’t even think he needs to splurge on you but won’t help out with the dishes. Never marry a man not humble enough to do the dishes or feel it’s a woman’s job. You’re his chattel pure and simple and not his girlfriend.
Dump him ASAP and don’t make the mistake of Lot’s wife. I repeat, don’t.
You have other potential suitors who’ll line up for you. Stop throwing pearls before swine. Even if this guy asks for your hand in marriage, tell him off. You’ll be miserable. I know a lady who married this type of monster. If he starts harassing you for marriage, tell him to do the dishes. That should chase him off.
Humility and love are 2 very important requirements in a marriage and he lacks the 2 as he’s selfish, self centred and mean.
Abandon him quietly and tactfully so he won’t fight tooth and nail to hold on to you. Stop throwing pearls before swine. Will you be happy if your favourite daughter was in your shoes dating this kind of man? You’ll have kids one day. Marriage to him will be a disaster. (Proverbs 27:12)
Ineedtoheal: Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.
I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).
We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.
Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!
Few info about the relationship 1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27. 2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.
3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.
4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.
5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.
6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.
7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.
8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.
9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.
10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.
His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.
Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.
Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.
I cannot advice you here .if you reach me on whatsap 08062593234 ....then I 've something for you. Women are very delicate and one has to becareful advicing them. Will say more when we chat
I think the only thing he wants u for is sex. If he isn't sleeping with you often, and he doesn't see you often, he will be serious with u. Meanwhile, you have to kill d anger in you and be more friendly. Then, don't go to him often. Lastly, give another guy a chance not sex!
I wish he will let me be and not try sweet talking me into opening my heart to him again.
Please block his numbers, block him from all the social media. Run for your life, the guy has no good intentions for you. Even if he ends up marrying you ( which is 99% impossible), he would never respect you or treat you as a wife and also be ready to go round the town fighting side chicks. If he could cheat on you without even trying to hide it from you, treat you with disrespect, deny you even in your presence, gift other ladies without gifting you now that you are still dating, just imagine what would happen if you end up with him. Besides, why would you take such insult, humiliation and disgrace from a man, imagine your statement, " you paid for his father's burial clothes, only for you to get there and see two of his other girlfriends wearing the same clothe" yet you stayed back with the guy. I believe why you are so attached to the guy is because of the big age Gap between you guys, you see him as a father figure, that's why it is difficult for you to leave him. Please get very close to your dad, spend quality time with your dad, each time you feel the urge to call your so call friend on phone, please call your dad and gist with him. Getting close to your dad would help you forget about this guy's sorry ass.
Hope it is a human posting this?If it's a human,Then,lady,the answers u needs is already in Ur post only it seems u have been soo blind since past five years
Damz360: I think the only thing he wants u for is sex. If he isn't sleeping with you often, and he doesn't see you often, he will be serious with u. Meanwhile, you have to kill d anger in you and be more friendly. Then, don't go to him often. Lastly, give another guy a chance not sex!
,Book.fron deep analysis,the guy dnt even need her body nor sex,he believed he is even doing her a favor dating her.somethig is wrong with this poster.she is suffering from complex.eighter she is ugly.or lacking something
GraGra247: This is the biggest idiotic mugu of a lady that I've ever met in recent time.
Funny thing is that she's even literate and well educated.
All the village illiterate girls I ever met will never allow a man to toy with them to this extent let alone a supposed graduate living in a feminism dominated era.
The grand emotional deception called love have turned people to useless nonentities.
Guy remove education and literate here, every little thing educational education, Buhari with all his education what's happening now, the poor sister needs our help, remind you, nobody is above mistake.
Syas the one living less than a dog in a loveless pitiful existence. You don't even love yourself to take good counsel. What's the purpose of this fight.. tell me. I don't even treat the househelps like your lover's treating you. Not my househelps, no workers. I feel sorry for you
I agree with this. You do not love yourself. The first lesson of finding love is to love yourself. You have allowed your lover to erode your self worth, your self confidence, to such an extent he feels he can treat you anyhow, and you will not leave. That's the sad truth.
You came here for advice, and you have to prepare to hear the bitter and cruel truth.
The irony is that you have so much value. I am sure you are beautiful, you are educated, you are young, you earn your money and don't depend on him, so it's unreasonable to allow a man to treat you like shit. Maybe you did not get enough love while growing up and looking for love in the wrong places.
If he can treat you like garbage while doing boyfriend and girlfriend, he will treat you like sewage after marriage.
My advice to you is love yourself, appreciate yourself, do things that make yourself happy and not anyone else. Spoil yourself, go out, mix with different people, attend social, religious and professional events, pursue other interests, join Facebook and whatsapp groups that pursue your interests. You don't need him. If is the sex that's making you tolerate these emotional abuses , these will keep your mind busy or at worst get a rubber prick.
I will be 40 by December and already have three kids and the youngest 3 years plus. The dear that guy is not going to marry you. Just forgive and move on with your life. Trust me I have seen this happen before, he is just a player wasting your time. Believe it or not if you leave him now and meet someone serious before you clock 30 you will be married but if you decide to stay at 33 plus you will still be single, that's if he doesn't throw you out by then.
Most unmarried guys who works in a university sees alot of beautiful girls daily in the university, the nigga go cheat tire, he wants to taste as much as he can lays his hands on.
you know all these and you're still seeking for advise huh?
you love him foolishly prove that you ladies have fish brain truly
you better cut that relationship off now if he had never make any attempt to know your relative for the period you've been dating though I know is hard to cut it off, because of the emotional part, imagine 7yrs ago means when you're 20yrs when he's already 33yrs...the dicking things must have sweet you beyond reasonable doubt
no one can advise a lady in love, they messes themselves up before their eyes get to open
Ineedtoheal: Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.
I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).
We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.
Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!
Few info about the relationship 1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27. 2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.
3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.
4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.
5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.
6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.
7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.
8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.
9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.
10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.
His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.
Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.
Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.
My dear, i have taken time to read all you have written. I understand the feelings! But take this from a guy, you have to move on. It's gonna hurt at first, the first 3 days or even the first 2 weeks of turning on your back in him is going to be really difficult.
But you will be happy you made the decision. But you have to move on.
I don't think you should wait for him to call it quit.its ur life and u are responsible for it.y must u wait for him to or u don't want him saying u quit d relationship. Its false hope dear.u need a lot of guts.when a relationship is toxic take a walk.u can cry for a weekif it will console u or.make ur heart feel lighter but deep down inside , u know its the best decision. Y will u allow urself to be treated as such. Madam no b everybody wey marry dey happy o..sum wish dey could rewind der decision ooo. U will definitely meet Sumone better.have d guts das all u need
Ineedtoheal: Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.
I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).
We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.
Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!
Few info about the relationship 1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27. 2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.
3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.
4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.
5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.
6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.
7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.
8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.
9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.
10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.
His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.
Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.
Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.
Ineedtoheal: Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.
I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).
We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.
Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!
Few info about the relationship 1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27. 2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.
3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.
4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.
5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.
6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.
7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.
8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.
9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.
10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.
His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.
Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.
Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.
one thing I will like you to do is just leave the guy and everything about him today I say today not tomorrow cuz I tell you he will not marry you and one more thing you need to hold strong is ur heart him will come begging don't agree cuz even if you too eventually marry you will be working hard to keep your family in check cuz you will be the one spending alont.
