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I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by bukatyne(f): 10:06pm On Mar 06, 2020
Acidosis:


Naturally, we all gravitate towards what we are familiar with. Problem is many are familiar with terrible things. You can't be familiar with good things and still choose to stick with the bad. Examine yourself, what kind of people do you surround yourself with? It is not normal to fall in love with bad people. It is ma.dness to find descent and good men unattractive. When a woman says they don't or can't seem to love a good man, I immediately consider them as people with terrific upbringing. You can't grow with good people and find good men unattractive.

@bold:

You can tell the value a person places on himself/herself by the way he lets other people treat him.

No person with sound mind let him/herself be treated like trash in the name of love/lust.

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by bukatyne(f): 10:08pm On Mar 06, 2020
LordKO:
@OP

You've an erroneous understanding of what love is, thus the reason why you've mistaken stockholm syndrome for love - you're just a slave to your own weakness, you don't have willpower. Strive to extricate yourself from the emotional entanglement you've put yourself and after that make sure you conquer yourself emotionally and psychologically before going into another relationship with any other man to avoid a repeat of what you've passed through in his hands so far- that which drains you emotionally, psychologically or financially can never be love, at least not genuine love.

The fault isn't entirely yours though, your weakness notwithstanding; you're involved with a guy who has neither conquered himself nor has genuine interest towards you. Genuine love renews energy, it never drains it.

Altruism without conscientiousness always zaps energy (own energy) - reciprocity of altruism in particular and conscientiousness in general is the secret of any healthy relationship. Take to goodness/remain good, but stop rewarding disloyalty with goodness or enabling/indulging/condoling nonsense.

kiss kiss kiss
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Timoleon(m): 10:08pm On Mar 06, 2020
She ought to have common sense abeg. Let common sense tell her.
Shibaraba:
Should we tell her?
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by futurewise11(m): 10:09pm On Mar 06, 2020
Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.

You dont value yourself. If man is too scarce go and get intimacy gadgets and cum as you want....
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Wizikal(m): 10:09pm On Mar 06, 2020
Not real oh! Make up stories jor

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Kingspin(m): 10:10pm On Mar 06, 2020
Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.
Kindly work your way out of that man's life.
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by bukatyne(f): 10:13pm On Mar 06, 2020
djon78:


She will never change until it's too late and she goes with a lifetime scar.
The main problem is that she has no value for herself. Such a kind of woman will make a bad wife.

A woman that allows a man treat her like a trash. There is no need advising such one.

See words on wisdom just dropping on this thread.
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by DAVE5(m): 10:13pm On Mar 06, 2020
Shibaraba:
Should we tell her?

Don't tell her, she knows already

Her "supposed boyfriend" told his friend over the phone that he doesn't have a girlfriend plus all the other jargons she wrote but she's still waiting for ring


LADY OF THE RING

I'm inclined to think the story is unreal, no human can be this dumb, except buhari supporters

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by ednut1(m): 10:14pm On Mar 06, 2020
angry dagi dagi obinrin
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Olalan(m): 10:15pm On Mar 06, 2020
This must be a joke?
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Sixfeetbelle: 10:15pm On Mar 06, 2020
eni4real:
What is rubber??

Are you one of those people that pick out one word from a cluster and capitalise on it?

To your question: Google is your friend wink
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Nobody: 10:16pm On Mar 06, 2020
GraGra247:
This is the biggest idiotic mugu of a lady that I've ever met in recent time.

Funny thing is that she's even literate and well educated.

All the village illiterate girls I ever met will never allow a man to toy with them to this extent let alone a supposed graduate living in a feminism dominated era.

The grand emotional deception called love have turned people to useless nonentities.

Enough of the #shading and kindly advise.if you can't then hush.you must not abuse, appreciate the fact that she was open to narrate a whole lot.

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by ogbs2020love: 10:16pm On Mar 06, 2020
GraGra247:


I agree with you but most ladies always allow their emotions to drive them to "slavish" attachment once they meet a good looking successful man.

Take it from me there's no sensible advice anyone will give her here that she will eventually adhere to.

Once the man talks to her with sweet words she'll run back into his arms and waste another 10 years giving an idiot free sex without marriage.

Its called Soul-tie. Women enjoy it a lot. It like a chronic addiction, highly possessive. I already discussed it partially on this thread:

https://www.nairaland.com/5686294/true-love-fake-love


Oga abeg , most married women don't give there husband's sex.

It's not a free sex thing .

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by israelmao(m): 10:16pm On Mar 06, 2020
Have you ever summoned courage to ask him what he thinks about your relationship?He's still keeping you because he enjoys some degree of financial help from you and because you are not a liability.
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Nobody: 10:17pm On Mar 06, 2020
Op do you have sense at all?
Your just wasting your time with someone that doesn’t even like you
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by udemzyudex(m): 10:17pm On Mar 06, 2020
BLEMOSEDU:
There is this question that has always been on my mind about relationships between the sexes, why do Nigerian girls think once a man is in relationship with them it must lead to marriage?
And once the relationship starts they will start counting years etc.
Must it always lead to marriage?
Can't they just enjoy the moment?
With the way divorce has skyrocketed in recent times, one wonders why these relationships are always all about marriage for most ladies.
I'm just asking ni o
Before people crucify me.

Well it's better to let your partner know on the long run instead of wasting his or her time.

People go into a relationship for different reasons,it's about knowing what both of you want in a relationship,if you want to enjoy the moment fine but you have to consider the other person too.

You don't have to be selfish,if after two years you can't tell if he is serious or just enjoying the moment then there is something wrong.

You want to enjoy ,she want marriage so just let her know and go your separate ways instead of wasting each other time.

2 Likes

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by bukatyne(f): 10:17pm On Mar 06, 2020
Acidosis:


As far as I'm concerned bro, there are no single men of age 35 years and above. You may want to ask my definition of single to ascertain my level of reasoning. Those I consider to be single are people without any form of attachments whatsoever with the opposite sex. You can't be sleeping with someone, got one stubborn ex on your neck, or one form of bestie whom you discuss intimate stuff with, and tell me you're SINGLE. I don't know a single man of that age by my own definition.

Let me freeze this moment in time.

Even 35yrs sef is old.

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by cococandy(f): 10:17pm On Mar 06, 2020
You really need to heal. But away from him.

Block him. Don’t communicate with him any further.

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by DAVE5(m): 10:18pm On Mar 06, 2020
GraGra247:
This is the biggest idiotic mugu of a lady that I've ever met in recent time.

Funny thing is that she's even literate and well educated.

All the village illiterate girls I ever met will never allow a man to toy with them to this extent let alone a supposed graduate living in a feminism dominated era.

The grand emotional deception called love have turned people to useless nonentities.

You know what they say when something sounds to good to be true, it definitely ain't true

MADE UP STORIES THAT TOUCH THE SOUL
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by djojo(m): 10:18pm On Mar 06, 2020
When a guy at 40years never think of marriage to me he is irresponsible, irreverent, how can you stay with such person till now yet he never do you well and you come online to ask for advise, my sister sit him down and ask him to let you know where you stand and let him tell you the reality, cos i bet you when he is through using you, he will dump you and by that time you will still come here to tell us and ask us how you will deal with the depression. My sister dont allow him to finish using you as a sex machine, or house girl and later tell you he is done with you. Look for a decent one out of your suitor or pretend to him that you are pregnant and hear how he will reacts towards that, but be extra careful cos he might drug you if you tell him you are pregnant. Use your brain.
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Lexusgs430: 10:18pm On Mar 06, 2020
Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.



You require no other 'truths'........ It's clearly embossed on all the walls.....

You're heading towards Sokoto, he is heading toward Spain..........

How many abortions, have you carried out so far?

You're on the wrong means and form of transport........
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Nobody: 10:18pm On Mar 06, 2020
Dusty Versus Pickmeshia 50/50 Geng....I no dey put mouth for una matter abeg!
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by djojo(m): 10:19pm On Mar 06, 2020
When a guy at 40years never think of marriage to me he is irresponsible, irreverent, how can you stay with such person till now yet he never do you well and you come online to ask for advise, my sister sit him down and ask him to let you know where you stand and let him tell you the reality, cos i bet you when he is through using you, he will dump you and by that time you will still come here to tell us and ask us how you will deal with the depression. My sister don’t allow him to finish using you as a sex machine, or house girl and later tell you he is done with you. Look for a decent one out of your suitor or pretend to him that you are pregnant and hear how he will reacts towards that, but be extra careful cos he might drug you if you tell him you are pregnant. Use your brain.
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by cococandy(f): 10:19pm On Mar 06, 2020
Then he needs to be clear that it won’t lead to marriage so she can tell if she want a to continue with him or not.

They all lie and pretend so that the ladies will stick with only them while they keep playing around
BLEMOSEDU:
There is this question that has always been on my mind about relationships between the sexes, why do Nigerian girls think once a man is in relationship with them it must lead to marriage?
And once the relationship starts they will start counting years etc.
Must it always lead to marriage?
Can't they just enjoy the moment?
With the way divorce has skyrocketed in recent times, one wonders why these relationships are always all about marriage for most ladies.
I'm just asking ni o
Before people crucify me.

3 Likes

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by Lexusgs430: 10:20pm On Mar 06, 2020
djojo:
When a guy at 40years never think of marriage to me he is irresponsible, irreverent, how can you stay with such person till now yet he never do you well and you come online to ask for advise, my sister sit him down and ask him to let you know where you stand and let him tell you the reality, cos i bet you when he is through using you, he will dump you and by that time you will still come here to tell us and ask us how you will deal with the depression. My sister dont allow him to finish using you as a sex machine, or house girl and later tell you he is done with you. Look for a decent one out of your suitor or pretend to him that you are pregnant and hear how he will reacts towards that, but be extra careful cos he might drug you if you tell him you are pregnant. Use your brain.

He is not irresponsible.... He has decided not to be responsible to her.....

She should have taken full control of her responsibility and checked out.........
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by freecocoa(f): 10:20pm On Mar 06, 2020
One doesn’t need to read all you wrote to Know that you sef no well. You better give yourself brain and stop wasting time with that unserious fellow.

1 Like

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by nnaemekanwachuk(m): 10:20pm On Mar 06, 2020
Y not just make it 10 years
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by spik007: 10:21pm On Mar 06, 2020
Ineedtoheal:
Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.


Babe here is my piece of advice and I hope you'll take a clue and learn from it.

You are okay,nothing is wrong with you, you are only scared of loosing the time,money and commitments you've invested into the relationship. Once you're not scared or see yourself in the loosing end and if you decide to break up with him,believe you me,you'd be fine and will move on easily..
The guy is committing you to spend more time,energy and commitments,he understands this psychology better than you do.

Let's take parenting as an example.

Why do you think responsible parent love their children more than anything else in the world,they do not joke with the welfare ,health and well being of their children.It is because of the time,energy,money and commitment they've spent on their children. Once a child misbehaves,they tend to get angry easily cause they know they level of investment they input to the child...

Now look at irresponsible parents


Let's take this for example. Irresponsible parents dont care if a child dies or mix with bad gangs or becomes something else....
Why They've never invested in the child's life,they feel they have nothing to lose. Their time,investment and commitments was never spent on the child but on something else they value...

What am I trying to say in essence.
You are feeling you will be on the loosing side if you let go of this guy, and I am sure the guy won't feel the same cause he doesn't invest much time, commitments and energy as much as you do.
Try and give another person that you think you like a chance and see how fast youd forget him.
He is manipulating you cause he feels you've got no other option.

2 Likes

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by 2Odds101(f): 10:21pm On Mar 06, 2020
Ineedtoheal:

I know coz I have a man that all these years I have been dating this guy, has not given up. He says one day I will come to my senses and come to him. I even get tired of his complaints and calls. He came for my sister's burial even without me inviting him. he only saw the poster on my facebook wall. he dropped everyone that came from my village that day in town, took my mom home. he's ever ready to do anything for me. he's 31 now, a senior colleague when I was in year 1. the thing is I don't love him. maybe my problem is spiritual coz I tend to love the wrong people.
Karma says : we must surely love who don't love us,for not loving who loved us...

My sister love don't cost a thing ...me personally can love anybody.....Read in between the lines....happiness lays in front of you..just open your door.
Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by PrimadonnaO(f): 10:21pm On Mar 06, 2020
BLEMOSEDU:
There is this question that has always been on my mind about relationships between the sexes, why do Nigerian girls think once a man is in relationship with them it must lead to marriage?
And once the relationship starts they will start counting years etc.
Must it always lead to marriage?
Can't they just enjoy the moment?
With the way divorce has skyrocketed in recent times, one wonders why these relationships are always all about marriage for most ladies.
I'm just asking ni o
Before people crucify me.

This here is the very reason why I say the boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship is just a sham. People with motives to just waste your time, and hurt you.

I tell a guy clearly from the get go to define what he wants and state his timelines. I may or may not be interested, it depends. But when I'm not 16, what am I going into a relationship without a worthy goal for?

2 Likes

Re: I Have Been With Him For 5 Years, No Sign Of Marriage by silento(m): 10:22pm On Mar 06, 2020
go and look for your own husband this kind of guy is some one you should only Bleep with and forget him he no send you and he will never marry you , forget about getting angry when suitor came by

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