So, in a church wedding programme, the preacher gave in her charge, that, a woman's highest qualification is 'Mrs.'.

Really, looking at those feminist 'celebrities' who subtly preach again the institution of marriage via their platforms of meeting people, they appear to have realised the importance of marriage and most of them in their Forty's are giving it all it takes to settle down with their own man! Yet, their young followers are still sheepishly following in their footsteps. Conversely, the so called celebrities have not openly declared they were wrong with their assertions.

Is it the loneliness they experience at old age, or how clingy the baby mamas are to their married children for company deficiency?

So, what higher qualification could there be for a lady/woman.

I go wait for Dem elders to comment first

cleantitleautos:
So, in a church wedding programme, the preacher gave in her charge, that, a woman's highest qualification is 'Mrs.'.

Really, looking at those feminist 'celebrities' who subtly preach again the institution of marriage via their platforms of meeting people, they appear to have realised the importance of marriage and most of them in their Forty's are giving it all it takes to settle down with their own man! Yet, their young followers are still sheepishly following in their footsteps. Conversely, the so called celebrities have not openly declared they were wrong with their assertions.

Is it the loneliness they experience at old age, or how clingy the baby mamas are to their married children for company deficiency?

So, what higher qualification could there be for a lady/woman.

who qualifications epp?

The best thing is to live a fulfilled life. Simple.

"Mrs' is not a woman's highest qualification and neither should it even be considered a qualification. Marriage is meant for two people. The fact that older generations made marriage look like an achievement is the main cause for resentment and rebellion in most young ladies today. They are made to live their life for men instead of themselves.

Marriage is important but marrying the right person is more important. Why do we have high rate of divorce?

Leece:
"Mrs' is not a woman's highest qualification and neither should it even be considered a qualification. Marriage is meant for two people. The fact that older generations made marriage look like an achievement is the main cause for resentment and rebellion in most young ladies today. They are made to live their life for men instead of themselves.

Marriage is important but marrying the right person is more important. Why do we have high rate of divorce?

I strongly disagree with you. The older generation did not make marriage seem like a woman's greatest achievement; the society at large is to blame. Let's not go too far. Let's start with Nairaland here. Male Nairalanders are quick to label a woman who has reached a certain age (sometimes as young as 29/30) 'evening newspaper'. Someone who has low self esteem will be hurt by such comments and will become obsessed with getting married in order to escape such derogatory labels. Marriage, for such people will be their biggest achievement in life.

I like the way you constructed your sentences and you are right if you say the "society'. The big question Is what makes up the 'society'? Most of the ideals or ideas, tribal differences and culture shaming were passed down generations to generations. Some men were thought from home that it's disrespect for them to get involved in any domestic chores. No matter how you persuade them they never see or think differently

w have to stop blaming older generations for everything and take responsibility for ourselves. Don't let anyone's comment or disposition pressure into marriage. Just do you!

Oprah winfrey, the most powerful black woman is nobody's wife. I guess she's grossly unqualified then

Highest qualification indeed....

How is Mrs a qualification. People just say anything.

DrFunmisticGlow:
who qualifications epp?

The best thing is to live a fulfilled life. Simple.

Thank you.

DrFunmisticGlow:
who qualifications epp?

The best thing is to live a fulfilled life. Simple.

I think a woman's highest qualification is when she discovers what her life was meant to fulfill and start living it,it then becomes awesome when she finds someone who will even help her fulfill it by all means, who happens to be her man.

The challenge is that some ladies have Ceilings that's just too low (marry and give birth), some don't even have at all. And those who have it high are stereotyped to be feminist of some sort, as if living your dreams and competing is a crime.

At the end of the day both genders should know what they want out of life and settle there in. The truth is may women find men at their level of growth (though this may be difficult, but with divine help,all things are possible), it's easier this way,if he is lower he becomes intimidated and she frustrated, if he's too high, she slows him down,this one is pure fact.

What matters is happiness. Married, single or divorced. Be happy! What good is a 1st class and no job, what good is Mrs and life is horrible?
Be happy!

.Why Does Every Nigerian Woman Want to Get Married & Be A Mrs.?


In the face of increased reports of spousal abuse, exploitation, domestic violence and related mortality the question ‘why do women want to get married’ has taken on a heightened urgency.

Why despite the many risks and the lack of protection from abuse do women, most frequently the victims, continue to make finding and keeping a husband such a lifetime priority over and above dignity, happiness, health and frequently even over and above their life. I don’t know why. And I really can’t speak for anybody but myself.

Why would I want to be married and answer a Mrs. Somebody. Okay I really don’t want to be married. Primarily because the institution is stacked so heavily to benefit one party, the man but if I did want to be married why would I?

What are the advantages of being married in Nigeria?

1. Access to capital through your own personal work horse. Chinweizu has already said it so eloquently. It can be a cushy role sometimes being a Mrs. Somebody. You get to play with children all day or pursue ill advised pet projects while someone else (the Man) hustles for your bread and butter.

Of course this is not every woman’s reality. A lot of women have to hustle for their own and their children’s bread and butter too. Increasingly in my family law practice I see women doing all the hustling while their abusive husbands pretend to lead the leisurely life of a kept bum with expensive taste.

There are as many men out there looking for ‘made women’ to marry and exploit as there are women looking for ‘made men’ to marry and exploit. Why am I surprised? I remember growing up hearing my male peers declare they will marry working women for their extra income. Why didn’t we see it coming?

In the rural areas access to farming land rights, the difference between life and death in an agrarian subsistence economy, is given through men. Certain cash crops are also monopolised by men. So if you want to survive you must have a man, get a husband. Wives are conditioned to be territorial and can make it hell for any sister in law to depend on her male relatives.

Women with access to capital are less likely to stay in unhealthy abusive relationships. Its cliche. Daughters of the rich and powerful are quicker to step when a relationship goes bad. (Advise to men if you marry a rich man’s daughter forget bending her to your will to make her ‘submit’. She’s daddys spoilt princess. Treat her like one.)

Would I marry a really super duper rich man for his money? Only if we had a prior contractual agreement! I’m too self absorbed. I’m not sure I could maintain a fawning adulation indefinitely. Self made rich men are powerful men. Frequently driven controlling alpha males.

As Jane Fonda found out its cool getting a ranch, million dollar stock options and flawless diamonds for birthday presents but her life wasn’t her own any longer. She walked away happy anyway. Who wouldn’t? If you get real desperate it might be worth investing a few years or your life.

Marrying the super duper rich scion of a self made rich man on the other hand could work. He has a trust fund, probably never had to work and hustle a day in his life. Saw his mother brow beaten by an over bearing father. Over compensates by spending his fortune indulging his working class wife who he was attracted to because she was so unlike his mother. Just saying.

He could also be a junkie, a spoilt brat, a sadist or a sociopath. You never know where the apple is going to fall. Still there have been a couple successful models. Cindy Crawford comes to mind. And the senior Mrs. Hilton mother to Paris and Nikky. I can think of no African model. The male scions of the African elite class are usually bastards with an overwhelming sense of entitlement and their own privilege.

So the choice is Dangote or his son. Now imagine the sort of Machiavellian project meeting, seducing and keeping either of them would be. A life sentence. Surely getting a loan from the bank and making my own fortune is easier. And more satisfying fun. For me.

.
2. Access to richer, high social status networks.
Women are stereotyped for using marriage to scale the social class ladder. You can go from working class to middle class or even aristocracy literally with the stroke of a pen on that certificate. Sign on the dotted line Kate. Thank you Duchess. Neat trick. Everyone else has to work real hard for it and sometimes for many generations. Ask Fayad.

Of course women aren’t the only ones that use marriage to fast track up the social ladder. Men do it too. Again ask Fayad. If his son Dodi had been successful the family could have cut short what will be a few more generations of social climbing. Imagine that, they could have been related by blood to the English monarch.

I wouldn’t mind marrying a prince. It may not be a guarantee for happiness but marriage never was anyway. Since there are so few princes available and the really important ones rarely marry outside their race we’ll scratch that as never going to happen. And I really don’t want some small village prince. Or even a big village prince. He would have to be at least a prince of a recognized nation. (What can I say? I have big eye!)

Even after a divorce women retain their acquired social status especially when the marriage was long term . Ask Ivana Trump. Or Kimora Lee Simmons. Or Jennifer Oyakhilome. They flourished post divorce. Riding the wave of their ex husbands social capital mostly. Not to say they didn’t do a lot of hard work themselves but seriously the contacts and networks built up during the marriage helped.

3. Access to shelter.

In both urban and rural settings accommodation and housing is inadequate. In urban centers like Abuja its also bloody expensive. A few years ago I heard of the ‘Abuja Marriage’. Basically a woman moved in with a man that had a house whether rented or owned and they proceeded to play ‘house’ , have children and answer Mr. & Mrs for all intents and purposes.

Except neither party knew the others family or ever been to the village homestead, a key criteria of a stable marriage in Nigeria. Sometimes the lacuna was deliberate and malicious. Some men treated the woman as a glorified sex slave and housekeeper and abandoned her and their children for a family approved ‘wife’ when the time came. Which is when the women finally came to see us lawyer people.

Of course the female victims of the ‘Abuja Marriage’ were no less bleeped than the runs babes that pick up a different guy every night because they need a place to crash. What’s the alternative? Sleep under the bridge? Surely virginity, if some paedophile didn’t take that years ago, isn’t that important. Or very safe under the bridge anyway.

Would I want to give up my autonomy and independence through a marriage for a roof over my head? Let’s look at it differently. Would I give up the insecurity and trauma of being homeless in exchange for being a wife? Go figure. I’m glad I can earn an income and rent or buy my own house.

Of course I know a lot of financially independent women who have been socialized to believe its ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ for a young single woman to own or rent a decent home and who choose to stay in bedsits or B.Qs instead. Or squat with relatives. Till they’re married. And Mister will get them a home.

Now these advantages to be married sum up to ‘security’. A lot of women are looking for security when getting married. Security from the storms of life. In a world that still gives the majority of its women too little opportunity to find financial security outside marriage. Ironically many women don’t find it in marriage either. Especially Nigerian women where a man can divorce and impoverish his wife and the mother of his children with legal and social support and connivance.

Other possible advantages of marriage could be companionship and love. Why do I mention these last when most writers would cite them as most important advantages of marriage? Well because I’m an Igbo-Nigerian woman who has lived her entire adult life in Nigeria. Love and companionship always come up later in a conversation about marriage

If I were to tell my Igbo-Nigerian grand mother I wanted to marry someone her first question would be what does he do for a living? Come to think of it that would be my Russian grandmothers first question too. My Nne-ukwu would go on to ask about his family pedigree. She would never ask me about love. Babushka would. Eventually. And love would win the day in her case.

Nne-ukwu would dismiss me if I based my decision on ‘ifunanya’ which is Igbo for ‘love’ but really means ‘attraction’. Literally it means ‘I see you eye’. You don’t marry for love she would say (though it sure does lead to a lot of quicky marriages.) Marriage is a practical choice, not an emotional one she would insist. Its the rest of your life. How can you plan the rest of your life on a fleeting ‘attraction’. She would say.

She would also call me irresponsible if I said I didn’t want to marry unless I had a plan to be responsible which to her means nurturing a family. Luckily in Igbo-Nigeria women had those options. We could marry and be a ‘female husbands’. Except the Same Sex Marriage Prohibition Bill criminalised it. Maybe I can sue for violation of my constitutionally protected cultural rights?

Only after verifying whether my choice was capable of sustaining a family in a decent if not opulent manner and came from an acceptable pedigree would she enquire if he was considerate, responsible and attentive. Those would be her top 3 criteria for a suitable life long companion. Love will come later she would say, after a life time building a family side by side like it did with her and grandfather.

I’m not going to even consider the frequently quoted cliches and subjective arguments about the ‘social status’ of a married woman in Nigeria. Its hog-wash. All I can say is being a ‘Mrs’ won’t protect you from poverty, sickness, death, disrespect, dismissal, sexual exploitation, victimisation, harassment or violence. So what ‘social status’ does it confer?

So have I convinced myself that I want to be married? No. I can get all of the above without being married. Might be harder to do but hey I’m the mountain goat, remember? And I can be married and still have none of the above. That might make me a sucker.
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cleantitleautos:
So, in a church wedding programme, the preacher gave in her charge, that, a woman's highest qualification is 'Mrs.'.

Really, looking at those feminist 'celebrities' who subtly preach again the institution of marriage via their platforms of meeting people, they appear to have realised the importance of marriage and most of them in their Forty's are giving it all it takes to settle down with their own man! Yet, their young followers are still sheepishly following in their footsteps. Conversely, the so called celebrities have not openly declared they were wrong with their assertions.

Is it the loneliness they experience at old age, or how clingy the baby mamas are to their married children for company deficiency?

So, what higher qualification could there be for a lady/woman.

Note that I am not a feminist, neither am I a sexist...However, stating that a woman's highest qualification is a "Mrs." doesn't quite cut it for me. Marriage is beautiful and we all look forward to being involved in one, especially if it works, but let's not forget that there is more to being a woman than that.


Saying a woman's highest qualification is marriage is invariably saying a woman shouldn't have or pursue a career other than managing her home and being a wife only. With how lopsided the Nigerian economy is, is it fair/right/wise for a woman to be just a housewife? Wouldn't it put undue pressure on the man and lead him to an early grave due to stress-related vicissitudes (in the long run)..? A woman being a Mrs AKA a house wife means those homes in which the financial burden rests on the woman would suffer.


Op, wouldn't you attach extra shoulder pads to your garment if your woman has a variety of qualifications to her name other than a Mrs.?

Senseless topic

Superpower:
How is Mrs a qualification. People just say anything.

Coming from a pastor, I am even more disappointed.

Yusufisraelj:


I think a woman's highest qualification is when she discovers what her life was meant to fulfill and start living it,it then becomes awesome when she finds someone who will even help her fulfill it by all means, who happens to be her man.

The challenge is that some ladies have Ceilings that's just too low (marry and give birth), some don't even have at all. And those who have it high are stereotyped to be feminist of some sort, as if living your dreams and competing is a crime.

At the end of the day both genders should know what they want out of life and settle there in. The truth is may women find men at their level of growth (though this may be difficult, but with divine help,all things are possible), it's easier this way,if he is lower he becomes intimidated and she frustrated, if he's too high, she slows him down,this one is pure fact.

Too much wisdom embedded in piece. I was about tagging you until I saw your comment.

cleantitleautos:
So, in a church wedding programme, the preacher gave in her charge, that, a woman's highest qualification is 'Mrs.'.

Really, looking at those feminist 'celebrities' who subtly preach again the institution of marriage via their platforms of meeting people, they appear to have realised the importance of marriage and most of them in their Forty's are giving it all it takes to settle down with their own man! Yet, their young followers are still sheepishly following in their footsteps. Conversely, the so called celebrities have not openly declared they were wrong with their assertions.

Is it the loneliness they experience at old age, or how clingy the baby mamas are to their married children for company deficiency?

So, what higher qualification could there be for a lady/woman.

Being a mother is the highest qualification

Not all women are qualified for that

..
The thing is, many Nigerian pastors, especially all these small small mushroom pastors, nor get sense..

An achievement is something you do successfully using effort and skill.
Some women work really hard to be a Mrs so let us give it to them.

Juliearth:





Too much wisdom embedded in piece. I was a about tagging you until I saw your comment.

Lols, thanks my dear.

I've equally learnt a lot from your very rich and sound mind.

Yusufisraelj:


Lols, thanks my dear.

I've equally learnt a lot from your very rich and sound mind.

I guess that makes the two of us...always a pleasure, bro.

Exponental:
What matters is happiness. Married, single or divorced. Be happy! What good is a 1st class and no job, what good is Mrs and life is horrible?
Be happy!

I Echo Amen to that Brother... Preach it

Mrs is also a qualification for women. You cant be called a 'mrs' without getting married, and getting a good husband/wife these days is not an easy job. Infact, it's more harder than getting a degree.

So i will consider marriage as qualification or achievement. If you doubt this, go and ask those baby mamas. Some may looks so happy and fulfilled but deep inside them, they're not.

Oizee:
I go wait for Dem elders to comment first

I follow wait for deacon and deaconess to comment