NO

BadRadio:
I hear people say things like " If not for the kids, I will abandon this marriage"... what does this mean? Will a person have to endure and tolerate an abusive spouse because of the kids?


What are your thoughts on this?

Sometimes when you look at those innocent faces, their trust in you, the joy they exhibit whenever they see you not knowing what you are passing through, you are definitely going to be 89% ready to sacrifice for their joy.

BadRadio:
I hear people say things like " If not for the kids, I will abandon this marriage"... what does this mean? Will a person have to endure and tolerate an abusive spouse because of the kids?


What are your thoughts on this?

what is an abusive marriage?
your answer depends on the definition of " abusive"

Iyaebe:
Not a good reason, abusive marriage has a great negative influence on the kids,it damage them beyond your imaginations and in turn they become abusive themselves when they grow up.Children needs a good atmosphere for proper upbringing, its best you walk out of an abusive marriage for the sake of the mental health of the kids.Staying in an abusive marriage causes more harm than good, walk away for your own sanity and that of the kids.

What did you do to the real Iyaebe?

Nice submission

BadRadio:
I hear people say things like " If not for the kids, I will abandon this marriage"... what does this mean? Will a person have to endure and tolerate an abusive spouse because of the kids?

What are your thoughts on this?

Of course.

Kids are everything.

Ill trained kids turn out to be a menace to the society at large so anything humanly possible must be done to protect kids from growing up in a malfunctional family set up.

They are not excuse to remain at all

DabuIIIT:
Never.
Pick a date, arrange yourself well and when the monster has gone to work or travelled,get a bus and pack your stuff and kids away.

Smiles
God go help us...
Many dont always want to admit their fault

Kids are not the reason for staying in an abusive marriage.
This has been a common excuse for people who are too weak to move on financially or socially.
Kids should grow up in a loving environment that would boost their confidence and inspire great standards.

Depends on your definition of "abusive". Some people have used that word "abusive" to end a good relationship to pursue other personal/selfish goals.

Depends the abuse, but eventually it all turns violent ..
Still your #1 plug for Original Backwoods in naija

Iyaebe:
Not a good reason, abusive marriage has a great negative influence on the kids,it damage them beyond your imaginations and in turn they become abusive themselves when they grow up.Children needs a good atmosphere for proper upbringing, its best you walk out of an abusive marriage for the sake of the mental health of the kids.Staying in an abusive marriage causes more harm than good, walk away for your own sanity and that of the kids.

This is a wise post.

An abusive marriage is even more poisonous for children than the adults.

nonsense. I still don't know why my dad didn't divorce my mom until the whole drama leads to his early death at 41. as a kid I thought my dad was at fault coz I see my mom always nagging at him for having a side chick. she never accepted or agrees to his decisions, acted as If she's the man of the house even though my dad was doing well as a NNPC staff. to cut long story short he died at 41. and I think it was due my mom always praying laying curses and visiting pastors to pray against the spirit of womanizing Instead of focusing on adjusting on the reasons why my dad find side chick more appealing. I swore never to allow any woman lead me to my early grave. my mom would always say she's In the marriage because of her Children I call Bullshit. coz sticking to my dad affected my psyche. my advice never stay in a marriage that have lost respect and affection.

nonsense. I still don't know why my dad didn't divorce my mom until the whole drama leads to his early death at 41. as a kid I thought my dad was at fault coz I see my mom always nagging at him for having a side chick. she never accepted or agrees to his decisions, acted as If she's the man of the house even though my dad was doing well as a NNPC staff. to cut long story short he died at 41. and I think it was due my mom always praying laying curses and visiting pastors to pray against the spirit of womanizing Instead of focusing on adjusting on the reasons why my dad find side chick more appealing. I swore never to allow any woman lead me to my early grave. my mom would always say she's In the marriage because of her Children I call BVllshit. coz sticking to my dad affected my psyche. my advice never stay in a marriage that have lost respect and affection. + my dad has never abused her by hitting her or something. he was just too quiet and tolerant that he always says someday he will take a transfer to Lagos so you can be with your kids and nag on yourself. my mom is the type of woman that calls pastors daddy but never call my dad a pet name, never affectionate and still thinks he wouldn't have a side chick?? haha she's just too churchy and over controlling for my liking.

BadRadio:
I hear people say things like " If not for the kids, I will abandon this marriage"... what does this mean? Will a person have to endure and tolerate an abusive spouse because of the kids?


What are your thoughts on this?

IMO they are not. It is most likely the abuse will even extend to the children. No way I would support staying in that kind of situation.

Abuse is not only physical as many people are mentioning.
Why should a child grow up knowing that their parents don't crack jokes with one another?
Why should a child grow up knowing his father has other love interests and his mother isn't allowed to complain?
Why should a child grow up thinking it is normal for his maternal grandparents to talk down on their father whenever they feel like?
Why should a child grow up knowing that their father can not express displeasure on anything going on in the home without being attacked verbally or physically?
Why should children grow up knowing that their mother submits all her salary to their father as the only condition whereby she is allowed to work?
E.t.c

No, at least for sane people. Any given time the union loses justness as the bond that holds it, there will be no need of remaining, maintaining, and sustaining it because of the kids or anything else in this world. Justness will always be a standard.

The highest and most fulfilling point of living is reaching the height of not minding losing anyone/anything in principle - thereby staying conscientious.

ethicallyright:
Yes, if you do not mind if the kids would grow to become abusive or risk being beaten to death one day.

It is instinctive for a smart mammal to put his/her offspring first.

More Cubs die of infanticide perpetuated by big cats and other carnivores of their kind than any other reason because these animals can never raise another Cat's cub.

This means that no matter how kind a step-parent is, they can never love a step-child more than their biological child.

If step-kids are maltreated and discriminated in polygamous marriages where their mothers are still present, what do you think will happen when they live with a new wife who knows that their mother is no longer in the picture?

Smart parents try to resolve their differences for the long-term good of their kids and it is an intelligent step towards self-preservation.

But if the marriage has broken down irretrievably, the separated spouse who takes custody of the children must place the safety and comfortability of the kids first.

That means, the separated parent must make it clear to the new spouse that he/she will not tolerate abuse of her existing kids in the new relationship. The parent must act on his/her word if the kids are abused.

---

Disclaimer

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother who makes it clear that she values her existing children more than you because she'll love them more than your own children when she gives birth to them.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband or baby-father is still alive because she'll always be attracted to him because they share a child.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband is dead because what killed the ex-husband may kill you too.

Wisdom baba... wisdom na im you yarn

BadRadio:
I hear people say things like " If not for the kids, I will abandon this marriage"... what does this mean? Will a person have to endure and tolerate an abusive spouse because of the kids?


What are your thoughts on this?

You can endure abusive boss at work. No matter the oppression and injustices you will stick to your job. But you guys will come here to write non senses about marriage as if your parents didn't face issues before they stayed to raise you.

The point is that you people value your extra marital affairs than your marriage that's why.

Tiwa left her husband citing abuse as her reason, but how far now?

Would you leave your parents and siblings because they are abusive? Let's make the world a better place. This generation hates tolerance and it's bad.

Sonnobax15:

Most times,it's the kids that are always affected by the aftermath of a broken home, abusive marriage.........Tho it's something that no one will or must have wished for but,at times, taking a complete walk out of it is the best option ever.

But you won't work out of your job no matter what?

Sonnobax15:

Most times,it's the kids that are always affected by the aftermath of a broken home, abusive marriage.........Tho it's something that no one will or must have wished for but,at times, taking a complete walk out of it is the best option ever.

But you won't work out of your job no matter what?

NO!

Iyaebe:
Not a good reason, abusive marriage has a great negative influence on the kids,it damage them beyond your imaginations and in turn they become abusive themselves when they grow up.Children needs a good atmosphere for proper upbringing, its best you walk out of an abusive marriage for the sake of the mental health of the kids.Staying in an abusive marriage causes more harm than good, walk away for your own sanity and that of the kids.

Maybe try therapy first before walking away

ethicallyright:
Yes, if you do not mind if the kids would grow to become abusive or risk being beaten to death one day.

It is instinctive for a smart mammal to put his/her offspring first.

More Cubs die of infanticide perpetuated by big cats and other carnivores of their kind than any other reason because these animals can never raise another Cat's cub.

This means that no matter how kind a step-parent is, they can never love a step-child more than their biological child.

If step-kids are maltreated and discriminated in polygamous marriages where their mothers are still present, what do you think will happen when they live with a new wife who knows that their mother is no longer in the picture?

Smart parents try to resolve their differences for the long-term good of their kids and it is an intelligent step towards self-preservation.

But if the marriage has broken down irretrievably, the separated spouse who takes custody of the children must place the safety and comfortability of the kids first.

That means, the separated parent must make it clear to the new spouse that he/she will not tolerate abuse of her existing kids in the new relationship. The parent must act on his/her word if the kids are abused.

---

Disclaimer

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother who makes it clear that she values her existing children more than you because she'll love them more than your own children when she gives birth to them.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband or baby-father is still alive because she'll always be attracted to him because they share a child.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband is dead because what killed the ex-husband may kill you too.

You again. Maybe change your name to ethicallywrongsometimes

For example, a mother may love her children more than the man but that doesn't mean that she won't love the children she has with him as much as her previous children

Women love men and children differently. It's not the same kind of love

If you know you dont have endurance now
Its better to abstainfrom marriage. Marriage is not for everybody.

Sonnobax15:

Most times,it's the kids that are always affected by the aftermath of a broken home, abusive marriage.........Tho it's something that no one will or must have wished for but,at times, taking a complete walk out of it is the best option ever.

Why would a single, never married guy, marry a single mother. Is he cursed?

brownemmanuel43:
Once marriage dun dey abusive/violence separation should be the best bet.
As a volunteer in an NGO that deals on domestic violence and child abuse, marriage is one hell of a thing.
Men should make dough before venturing into that hell of institution. 99% of domestic violence/abusive marriage is being caused by lack of finance

Hello, please I m really interested in volunteering in an NGO too.. where are you based?
Can you help me?

Iwantpeace:

Hello, please I m really interested in volunteering in an NGO too.. where are you based?
Can you help me?

Lagos sir

Vision101:
If you love your children then you should make the sacrifice.

What?? Make the sacrifice as in stay in the abusive marriage??

brownemmanuel43:
Once marriage dun dey abusive/violence separation should be the best bet.
As a volunteer in an NGO that deals on domestic violence and child abuse, marriage is one hell of a thing.
Men should make dough before venturing into that hell of institution. 99% of domestic violence/abusive marriage is being caused by lack of finance

Thanks for sharing your experience, but why do you say that 99% of abusive marriages is due to lack of finance?

I always assumed the main cause to be poor upbringing

brownemmanuel43:

Lagos sir

Ok . I thought is Abuja..
Thanks for the response

BadRadio:
I hear people say things like " If not for the kids, I will abandon this marriage"... what does this mean? Will a person have to endure and tolerate an abusive spouse because of the kids?


What are your thoughts on this?

Most people will come here to shout ''walk out of an abusive marriage''. No one ever stresses walking out of a courtship with red flags. Yes people can hide their colors for long.
These days, they don't mind dating now to die later. So long as paparazzi and money are involved.

Abusive marriages have root problems usually tied to individual defects which have been likely ignored as singles over the years.

I'm not in support of an abusive marriage in any way.., but If you get divorced, stay divorced and out of sexual indulgences, until your ex is deceased.

Anything else is immoral and an abuse of a Divine Institution, as well as a cheap excuse for liberal promiscuity.

You can call me names.

bepositive11:


Thanks for sharing your experience, but why do you say that 99% of abusive marriages is due to lack of finance?

I always assumed the main cause to be poor upbringing

Once the money is their, or once a man can provide the basic amenities, I mean standard basic needs, the wife tolerates alot. But once their is no more or the standard basic needs are not met or diminishes, that's when the woman will bring her through colour.
I'm talking from experience, then some men are not worthy to be called men. Some are boys in men skin,