Basing on christian principles this is so wrong , you can actually get your own man than ruin another woman's marriage ,

So I take it you decided to let him go?

Talking about white chicks, don't think that because you knew from the beginning makes your situation different. I know a few couples where the man laid the truth to the european woman, sometimes the man was even feeling truly remorseful about getting another wife. I know of a guy who, because of long distance marriage, stopped having feelings for his wife, and married another lady in europe. But he still remained married to his african wife and keeps on taking care of her financially. There are kids involved on both sides, and though I can understand his feelings and reactions, the result is still a lot of pain and misunderstandings. Sometimes we believe our love can help us overcome anything, but marriage/children are for life, how about in 5,10,20,30 yrs? Things change, I believe when it comes to family it's better to choose a simple situation, marriage is difficult enough in itself!

Good luck with your decision, pls, be strong and keep the faith.

Miss_Ife yes u are right,i am leaving him, i have been thinking a lot,ad its not getting any easer with time,abd i know im going to be in pain,but i cause it to myself, so now i got to face it!thank u very much for ur words are very helpful!and also ppl are telling me love use to go with time,but this difficuld situation will always be there,so even its hard now,i know in future ill be hapy took this desition!!!!

That is a wise decision. You're learning the hard way but you will later appreciate the value of your decision. It is never easy to let go of a man that we love but cannot marry, but in the long run, it's the safest bet. May your heart be at peace with that choice, and pls, be happy, there are many marriageable men out there

Laura_fr:

Miss_Ife yes u are right,i am leaving him, i have been thinking a lot,ad its not getting any easer with time,abd i know im going to be in pain,but i cause it to myself, so now i got to face it!thank u very much for your words are very helpful!and also ppl are telling me love use to go with time,but this difficuld situation will always be there,so even its hard now,i know in future ill be hapy took this desition!!!!

Wise decision.

Next time,don't get entangled or allow yourself to love a man with wife,no matter the story and circumstance,it wud always fetch you pains and end this way.The man only used you to de-stress(Marital and business)

Goodluck.

Miss_If thank u!!!and i pray it will be all good!!!!God bless u!

Please we know she's not leaving him. Girl, get real. Stop pretending. Just know that you will be hurting the wife and probably already have.

How can you fall in love with someone that is so disrespectful to his wife and children? For you to have fallen in love with that kind of man while knowing he has a family, says a lot about your character!

One of the biggest challenges i have come to associate with certain humans is that of 'self-delusion' a state were by one is willing without coercion to accept glaring lies for truth.In this case even ready to mortgage their future on the excuse of uncontrollable passion,i am equally forced to believe this is the reason the Bible says my people perish for lack of knowledge(knowledge they have refused) Hosea4:6.How do you sow discord in another home and expect to reap 'love' in your new home with the same principal actor in the shattered home.If the OP cannot put herself in the shoes of the 1st wife of this lover-man and determine how she will feel then it is very worrisome to say the least.A man who does not respect an old-relationship will soon not regard the new one when it becomes old too.

Why una wan pour sand sand for another man parole? @laura follow your heart , I'm sure he must be a kind man for you to think of him this much. Over here on nairaland/fairyland people play with other peoples real life situations and joke with them. Even when they themselves if in the same situation will take worse decisions! I'll advice you to follow your heart and talk to him. Yes polygamy is allowed in Nigeria. And if you wanna get legal with him it has to be a Nikaih so you guys can convert to Islam if the marriage thing is important. Else you can just have a family and be together with the one you love. It dont come twice. , nothing guarantees anything.

Even being with a single guy without prior experience doesn't mean you wont divorce within a year and be a single mom.  Generally I dont expect much from anybody and love / trust is overrated so I just live life the way it comes and the way I feel. Sooner or later children will grow and leave you lol ,  nothing guarantees nothing! Live life !!!! And somebody talking about your age , well because maybe you sincerely put your real age , Nigerians are fund of hiding their age check their facebook pages. Or lie about hteir age. You will be surprised you are listening to advice from a 13 year old teenager on nairaland. He's better than the guy that just wanna mess without taking responsibility!

no or yes

tEsLim:

[s]Why una wan pour sand sand for another man parole[/s]? @laura follow your heart , [s] I'm sure he must be a kind man for you to think of him this much. Over here on nairaland/fairyland people play with other peoples real life situations and joke with them. [/s]Even when they themselves if in the same situation will take worse decisions! I'll advice you to follow your heart and talk to him. Yes polygamy is allowed in Nigeria. And if you wanna get legal with him it has to be a Nikaih so you guys can convert to Islam if the marriage thing is important. Else you can just have a family and be together with the one you love. It dont come twice. ,  nothing guarantees anything.

Even being with a single guy without prior experience doesn't mean you wont divorce within a year and be a single mom.  Generally I dont expect much from anybody and love / trust is overrated so I just live life the way it comes and the way I feel. Sooner or later children will grow and leave you lol ,   nothing guarantees nothing! Live life !!!! And somebody talking about your age ,  well because maybe you sincerely put your real age ,  Nigerians are fund of hiding their age check their facebook pages. Or lie about hteir age. You will be surprised you are listening to advice from a 13 year old teenager on nairaland. He's better than the guy that just wanna mess without taking responsibility!

You are so pathetic,why don't you suggest your sister's to this same lover-man for 3rd and 4th wives respectively.Exposing yourself as someone who lacks love and as such does not expect much from love supports your reasoning on this matter and i can pardon you because you cannot give what you do not have.Better you are tongue lashed and saved from future agony than sweet-talked into a life of sorrow and regrets in the nearest future.If she wanted to be sweet-talked i do not think she would have thrown it open on NL but i believe deep down in her heart something warns her of 'caution',some of us may have been quite harsh and forthright with our views but if creates a more balanced platform for better decision taking.After-all their is safety in the multitude of counselors(so says the wisest man of all-times-Solomon).Prov.11:14

bossinie:

You are so pathetic,why don't you suggest your sister's to this same lover-man for 3rd and 4th wives respectively.Exposing yourself as someone who lacks love and as such does not expect much from love supports your reasoning on this matter and i can pardon you because you cannot give what you do not have.Better you are tongue lashed and saved from future agony than sweet-talked into a life of sorrow and regrets in the nearest future.If she wanted to be sweet-talked i do not think she would have thrown it open on NL but i believe deep down in her heart something warns her of 'caution',some of us may have been quite harsh and forthright with our views but if creates a more balanced platform for better decision taking.After-all their is safety in the multitude of counselors(so says the wisest man of all-times-Solomon).Prov.11:14  

Well that's partly what I'm saying ,  play the game/ball , not the player. Why attacking me? If any woman wants to be 4th wife so be it its her choice. Life is multifaceted and so are the situations. She asked a question like if polygamy is a crime in Nigeria and the answer is NO!  She's considering it already. If she's happy being the 2nd woman in the mans life fine. I just dislike hippocrates ,  several people here are in similar relationship i.e dating married men in Nigeria within same city where the man's got his family ,  and I bet this people wont talk about their own situation.  Several girls do know their boyfriend is a player dating multiple girls and they still stay in the relationship at their own risk. What guarantee are you giving her that the next guy is better or single guy is better who truly know if the other guy is single? Is it because this man came open and told her about everything? How many white girls are with married men without even knowing this men are married back in Nigeria? The cowards wont talk about it.

And who told you this white girls have money ,  half of them are dead broke, lazy and fat sometimes plus the recession in Europe. And not everybody needs residence permit as she clearly says that the guy is a legal resident! At Laura follow your heart. Think about it thoroughly if its gonna work for you ,  you only knows your situation best.

tEsLim:

Well that's partly what I'm saying ,  play the game/ball , not the player. Why attacking me? If any woman wants to be 4th wife so be it its her choice. Life is multifaceted and so are the situations. She asked a question like if polygamy is a crime in Nigeria and the answer is NO!  She's considering it already. If she's happy being the 2nd woman in the mans life fine. [s]I just dislike hippocrates ,  several people here are in similar relationship i.e dating married men in Nigeria within same city where the man's got his family ,  and I bet this people wont talk about their own situation.[/s]  Several girls do know their boyfriend is a player dating multiple girls and they still stay in the relationship at their own risk. What guarantee are you giving her that the next guy is better or single guy is better who truly know if the other guy is single? Is it because this man came open and told her about everything? How many white girls are with married men without even knowing this men are married back in Nigeria? The cowards wont talk about it.

And who told you this white girls have money ,  half of them are dead broke, lazy and fat sometimes plus the recession in Europe. And not everybody needs residence permit as she clearly says that the guy is a legal resident! At Laura follow your heart. Think about it thoroughly if its gonna work for you ,  you only knows your situation best.

Kinda sound like the 'lover-man' in question or at best an interested party.That someone would not talk about their relationship does not mean they are 'hypocrites',can't see anyone of them here on this thread except you know one or two we don't know.I don't dwell on assumptions as a determinant to my sincere position or otherwise on this issue.Summary,there is no guarantee that this man will not look for another wife after he is through with her OR don't you think she deserves something better

@ OP: nothing wrong with polygamy, enjoy ya self.

Be quiet teslim, you are not making any sense, does the fact that some women (like you said) are hypocrites sleeping around with married men, make it right? Yes women do it but should everyone do it because others do it? Does it make it morally right, to sleep with another woman's husband?

Men are busy Desecrating women ,killing women and family members for money rituals out of curiousity, using their private parts for money, why haven't you done same?

@laura

Do not do unto others what you don't want them to do unto you. No sane woman wants to share her husband with another woman. You wouldn't like another girl sleeping with your husband, why are you doing same to someone else? If you are an Atheist, or a muslim or whatever religion that sees no wrong in it, fine, but for you to say that you are a christian and still get involved with things like these make me wander how you feel when you pray or go to church, knowing that you are breaking up someone's home?

why is everyone laying all the blame on a chick that found love,only with the wrong person(married), i thought dey talk say love dey blind, abeg free de girl to follow her heart,abi de man himself no no say eey don marry before eey come dey find new fish,

@poster, most of them blaming you are not better than you in anyway, no one holy pass, make una free de girl like terry gee,

each time a foreign person comes into this forum to talk about love from a Nigerian, everyone will be like , papers papers papers,or money money money,

so Nigerians abroad cant have real love for a white or a Foreigner, abeg abeg abeg

Phrankve1:

why is everyone laying all the blame on a chick that found love,only with the wrong person(married), i thought dey talk say love dey blind, abeg free de girl to follow her heart,abi de man himself no no say eey don marry before eey come dey find new fish,

@poster, most of them blaming you are not better than you in anyway, no one holy pass, make una free de girl like terry gee,

each time a foreign person comes into this forum to talk about love from a Nigerian, everyone will be like , papers papers papers,or money money money,

so Nigerians abroad cant have real love for a white or a Foreigner, abeg abeg abeg

so you do not see anything wrong in her dating a married man and thinking of marrying him

The Holy Bible,King James Version.
The book of Isiah Chapter 4 Verse 1:
And in that day,seven(7) women shall take hold of one(1) man,saying,We will eat our own bread,and wear our own apparel;only let us be called by thy name,to take away our reproach.

Polygamy! Polygamy! polygamy! It is one of the foundational spiritual problem of the blackman. Let us assume, you are married to this man. Then competition, strife, envy, hatred, jelousy started to raise their ugly heads. @laura how would you handle it? The first wife will want her children to have the best, why you are also wishing that you kids are not relegated to the background, although, you are not living together. As a result of this conflict of whose child will be the best. The first wife decide to consult an african JuJU man to make juju medicine and put in the husband food, so that his husband will forget about @laura in france. Eventually, the husband develop heart attack and died. Now, another problem, who will take the assets, the first wife in nigeria or the second wife in france, please, think about this. God is love. That is why he created adam and eve and not many eves, because it will cause rivalry, strife, hatred, envy, jealousy. @laura pray to God to give you your own husband, he is around looking for you if only you can pray to God. If you decide to be a second wife, it means, you are a thief. You are planning to steal another person' husband. Be wise. God bless you. God2man. the best. The first wife decide to consult an african JuJU man to make juju medicine and put in the husband food, so that his husband will forget about @laura in france. Eventually, the husband develop heart attack and died. Now, another problem, who will take the assets, the first wife in nigeria or the second wife in france, please, think about this. God is love. That is why he created adam and eve and not many eves, because it will cause rivalry, strife, hatred, envy, jealousy. @laura pray to God to give you your own husband, he is around looking for you if only you can pray to God. If you decide to be a second wife, it means, you are a thief. You are planning to steal another person' husband. Be wise. God bless you. God2man.

there are some disadvantages associated to becoming a second wife 1] let say both you move in together and start having children probably you start to share bills together how will you feel if he sends part of your income to his family back home for their upkeep ? 2]the wife in Nigeria will always have a upper hand take it or leave it maybe not now but you will understand in future 3]no Nigerian man will wish to die in Europe their wish is to go back to Nigeria at their old age leaving you all alone in Europe in your old age and if you decide to follow him to Nigeria there is no assurance that he will not abandon you and go back to his Nigerian wife or how can you cope in a country that you have no relatives, families or friends that will be there for you in time of crisis .4] dating and starting a family are two different ball game stating a family is a lot more harder. 5] he can later bring his wife and kids to France in future what will happen to you then.6] starting a family is not about love alone it includes a lot of things, love just have a little to do with having a happy family.7]i like the guy for telling you the truth about his wife so that you will not have cause to complain in future that he did not tell you.8] i pray you open your to see that you are still young to settle down with a single guy rather than a married one because polygamy is a very difficult issue and a lot of people get hurts in the process and the children suffers most, good luck.

@Laura, if you truly love him and you can handle it go for it. No one should tell you what to do when it comes to your love life because they are not going to be the ones living it.
There are thousands of women who would not mind their husbands having second wives.


As for my own, my bags are packed the moment my husband suggests a second wife.

Phrankve1:

why is everyone laying all the blame on a chick that found love,only with the wrong person(married), i thought dey talk say love dey blind, abeg free de girl to follow her heart,abi de man himself no no say eey don marry before eey come dey find new fish,

@poster, most of them blaming you are not better than you in anyway, no one holy pass, make una free de girl like terry gee,

each time a foreign person comes into this forum to talk about love from a Nigerian, everyone will be like , papers papers papers,or money money money,

so Nigerians abroad cant have real love for a white or a Foreigner, abeg abeg abeg

That's nt d issue here. D guy in qst is a married man wit kids. Wud u advice ur sista 2 go ahead wit such? Let's b realistic, hw wud she feel if such is done 2 her? Abeg joor dat 1 no b talk. Wot has happened 2 all d single guys? It seems gettin married 2 'married men' is d latest trend.

@laura_fr

YES!!

african and nigerian culture accepts it!!

but a lot of naija women dont like it, and start playing (MORE) politics in the home, so,

it depends on what u want?

if u love him enough, and u think he has the resources (including time, money, attitude and love) to satisfy you, without putting the other woman at an impossible position, then go for it!!!

dont believe the men and women here who are saying all these things - in naija, if the man can afford to build (or rent) one house/flat for his 1st wife and children, and can do same for you, then no problem

i have a european woman, and a naija woman, the european woman is ok about it

the naija woman can be a bit (politically) difficult but, its all good - just costs a lot of money though, but is made easier for me because i live in my own house, my kids from both of them wifeys come to me, and i dont live with any of the women too, so, makes it easier - costs money though

goodluck, have ur own mind, dont believe in these people here dont care about u, only u can care for yourself - dont 4get that

@OP

Polygamy is not legal in Nigeria, it's only ragheads that marries more than one wife and bomb all over the place.

franko!:

@laura_fr

YES!!

african and nigerian culture accepts it!!

but a lot of naija women dont like it, and start playing (MORE) politics in the home, so,

it depends on what u want?

if u love him enough, and u think he has the resources (including time, money, attitude and love) to satisfy you, without putting the other woman at an impossible position, then go for it!!!

dont believe the men and women here who are saying all these things - in naija, if the man can afford to build (or rent) one house/flat for his 1st wife and children, and can do same for you, then no problem

i have a european woman, and a naija woman, the european woman is ok about it

the naija woman can be a bit (politically) difficult but, its all good - just costs a lot of money though, but is made easier for me because i live in my own house, my kids from both of them wifeys come to me, and i dont live with any of the women too, so, makes it easier - costs money though

goodluck, have your own mind, dont believe in these people here dont care about u, only u can care for yourself - dont 4get that

Traditionally the culture tolerates it. Historically, it was practiced and was common as monogamy. Having multiple wives culturally was a sign of wealth or a need to have people that can work on a farm for you. This does not mean that monogamy was not as common. Personally it is a personal choice. This woman you claim you are also married to, can you go out and boast about being married by courts in two different countries? Did you ever disclose this fact that you were married in Nigeria when you were struggling for paper or is this white woman a baby mama. The fact is that no matter how wealthy you are, your quality of life reduces drastically when you create multiple mouths to feed. There are also a lot of lazy men that marry desperate, multiple women and put them to work so that they can give them (the man) salary every month. An enlightened person in this day and age will stay away from polygamy. It is because of polygamy we have many street urchins that are now bombing all over the place. There is no attention to the child, lack of funds and lack of the necessities. I have a feeling that your second wife who doesnt live with you is a baby mama and is collecting money from the government to feed your kids. If she lived with you and the government knows you are earning salary, you will be solely responsible for all their upkeep. This is what is know for a fact.

franko!:

@laura_fr

YES!!

african and nigerian culture accepts it!!

but a lot of naija women dont like it, and start playing (MORE) politics in the home, so,

it depends on what u want?

if u love him enough, and u think he has the resources (including time, money, attitude and love) to satisfy you, without putting the other woman at an impossible position, then go for it!!!

dont believe the men and women here who are saying all these things - in naija, if the man can afford to build (or rent) one house/flat for his 1st wife and children, and can do same for you, then no problem

i have a european woman, and a naija woman, the european woman is ok about it

the naija woman can be a bit (politically) difficult but, its all good - just costs a lot of money though, but is made easier for me because i live in my own house, my kids from both of them wifeys come to me, and i dont live with any of the women too, so, makes it easier - costs money though

goodluck, have your own mind, dont believe in these people here dont care about u, only u can care for yourself - dont 4get that

So you think caring about someone is telling that person what he/she wants to hearDude you sound more like an opportunist, can smell that from a mile away

depends on what point ur trying to make but, i gave the papers - not the other way round, the european is european, the naija is naija, no confusion anywhere, except maybe in ur mind

i bring motivation into the whole pix, and i have only done native and customary marriages, i am a xtian by birth, but thats as far as it goes, i attend church, however, i am very aware there is islam, juju and atheism, and i do believe in God - with live and let live the keyword

i wont answer any of ur queries again please

i am simply giving laura_fr benefit of another side of the narrow-minded coins being bandied about on here, which are just too feminist or christian-religious DOGMAtic since i happened onto this thread

franko!:

depends on what point your trying to make but, i gave the papers - not the other way round, the european is european, the naija is naija, no confusion anywhere, except maybe in your mind

i bring motivation into the whole pix, and i have only done native and customary marriages, i am a xtian by birth, but thats as far as it goes, i attend church, however, i am very aware there is islam, juju and atheism, and i do believe in God - with live and let live the keyword

i wont answer any of your queries again please
Not important to me, just responded to your response to another(it's a flowing thread)

i am simply giving laura_fr benefit of another side of the narrow-minded coins being bandied about on here, which are just too feminist or christian-religious DOGMAtic since i happened onto this thread

A Christian by birth,a bit in practice o.k, and can give expert advice on 'another side of the narrow-minded coins being bandied about on here', do i sense a self-cleansing here Just thinking aloud, I bet she understood your opinion.