Why on earth would you want to do that to yourself?

because i love him,

It's good to love someone how about you loving your self?

Natasha,,:

na wa oh,  [b] upon all the men in the world [/b]it is second wife you want to become? chai tufia ami Natasha I will rather stay single than be a second wife to any man, poster please don't do it, men have not finished, the same way you love him is the same you can find some one else to love 

Not much men in the world Natasha, go ahead@poster, that is d result of good joystick, this western ladies wouldn't listen to anyone when they get a good joystick until they are burnt then its settled.Second wife is good go ahead

Pls, if you find my post too long for your attention, kindly ignore it at this point, dont start complaining as that is how l write!

I also hope we can all be decent in a public discourse like this?

No need to insult ourselves naaah, just because we think "our advice" is the best and MUST be accepted by the Op! Goosh!!

Remember, the Op came here voluntarily, why is it then that some peeps here are "doubting her statements"?, she has nothing to prove to anybody!
Lets take her word on "face-value" instead of insinuating she is a liar.

So far, the best answer (in my own opinion) is that given by "dayokanu"! SPEAK WITH HIS WIFE!

In all these, the only place l would have a problem (and that seems to be your  concern too) IS THE FEELINGS OF HIS WIFE IN NIGERIA.

According to you laura-fr, your lover "said" his Nigerian wife would understand! That sounds like an"assumption", right?
That is the greatest headache you would/could have in the whole scenario.

Lets take him for his word, for now.
Ask him to categorically "speak with his wife" about his intentions".
If he comes around and still insists his wife is cool about it, ask him to let you double-confirm from her, by speaking with her.

If she then says she doesn't mind (not likely for a Nigerian woman ), then yours would be one of those 'large families made in heaven".

At that point, like any "contract" once "all the parties are in agreement", matured to decide and are aware of all the necessary information needed to make an informed decision, that contract would pass the stress-test.

Follow your heart at that point.
Anything apart from the above, l will not advise you to overlook "issues".

Generally speaking, your being a christian has NOTHING to do with this.
Some have tried to use "your Christianity" to condemn polygamy but l bet that none of these people or you yourself, can be more 'christianly' than Abraham (God called him Father of faith), David (God called him Apple of his eye), King Solomon (the only Landlord God ever had, the only one who ever built a house that God actually resided in!) and ALL THESE GUYS ARE POLYGAMOUS YET IT DID NOT STOP GOD FROM RELATING WITH THEM DIRECTLY!
Let us give that a thought for a second and ask ourselves: Should l insult God as well as l insult those who are NOT AGAINST POLYGAMY on this thread? Why not, if that insult is well deserved?

So, if God himself did not count such polygamist unworthy of his friendship, what manner of hypocrisy or "holier than thou attitude" is making us condemn polygamy ON RELIGIOUS GROUNDS? Am jut wondering aloud o!

Again, l want to note that "as humans, we all have diverse interest and risk-averseness".
For the fact that "Madam A" cannot tolerate polygamy (am not advocating it, l am just doing an academic discourse on the issue, nothing personal!), does it mean that Madam B must/cannot not tolerate it or that makes it evil?
I think it all boils down to individual threshold.

As the Op has said repeatedly, The man is naturalized (Paper was not the question).
*He has a viable business (He is not after her money and the reverse is not the case as he is reported to be willingly assisting her financially and would probably be able to afford two wives!)
*If he decides to relocate to Nigeria, she said she is willing to follow him down (Issue of abandoned baby Momma does not arise, in that case!)

Basically, it is "human nature" to want to keep "your property" exclusively to yourself only (otherwise, poverty will not be so rampant while others live in opulence, its called capitalism) but the problem here is that "human feelings" defer a lot, when th eissue at stake is not some "lifeless commodities/properties" like clothes, money, car, e.t.c

In most cases of "relationships", our decisions are governed by how we feel at any point in time.

As such, l have a very strong feeling that "Polygamy" in itself, is no less evil (if it were), than "Serial Monogamy" as practiced by the same Christians! (where you can marry as many women/men as you like, just by picking them and dropping them at will, through serial, multiple divorces!).

For some people, (especially women), the idea of "my husband/wife, my property" will be utopian simply because though they married as "single", there is no guarantee that s/he would not cheat, that he would not marry a second wife, that s/he would not do the 'honorable form of polygamy' by divorcing and re-marrying!
Thus, NO GUARANTEES anywhere! We can only hope it does not happen to us but if it does, life will still go on.

Am happy the Op has been able to come to a decision that puts her mind at rest.


Lastpage.

yes marry him, feed your little infants with your little french mammary. after that the reality. find out what the reality is in advance.

Being a second wife is not an easy thing as the other woman will always think its you who took a way her man. if you love him and ready to face all what co-wives go through, go a head and marry him

HellaBella:

Please we know she's not leaving him. Girl, get real. Stop pretending. Just know that you will be hurting the wife and probably already have.

How can you fall in love with someone that is so disrespectful to his wife and children? For you to have fallen in love with that kind of man while knowing he has a family, says a lot about your character!   

You are the one talking about character.

I wouldn't be surprise if your fate is like that of the wife considering you personality and the sweetness of Karma. In that kind of situation of people like you, in my view, the man has done hardly anything wrong.

^^^^^^^^
Lastpage, you should know despite the fact that God was friends to Abraham, David and Solomon, they still suffered for their sins, your being a christain has a lot to do with morals (though not everybody understands that), What is wrong is wrong, no way to beautify it.

If is a Muslim then it has no problem because the Koran accepts it and he have a third one but if is christian do not dare go there because that is a sin. And Why be a second wife yet God can give a husband who is yours and have no guilt that you have stolen him from any one.

@Lastpage, I bet that post was "copy and paste"

@lastpage thank u very much,very interesting post!i thank everyone for their opinions, another thing is my own problem is more feelings of that woman,more than religious.i am christian,but i thing there is one God for everyone,so if muslim God accept it,why christian God will not forgive for that, .i dont think is a sin if everyone is happy with situation and there is no pain caused to any one!!!!only that i personally think this kind of thing herts any woman,

Laura_fr:

@lastpage thank u very much,very interesting post!i thank everyone for their opinions, another thing is my own problem is more feelings of that woman,more than religious.i am christian,but i thing there is one God for everyone,so if muslim God accept it,why christian God will not forgive for that, .i dont think is a sin if everyone is happy with situation and there is no pain caused to any one!!!!only that i personally think this kind of thing herts any woman,

ROFLMAO

That is just laughable.

Some of you practice religion without any conceptualisation of the religion.

What a waste of time you engage in on Sundays.

Because my own God accepts Ewure as sacrifice, then the God of Xtians should also?

^^No, but forgive you if you do. . Why should a God hold a grudge against you? Makes no sense when we are told not to hold grudges. . They say practice what you preach so others can follow suit. .

kandiikane:

^^No, but forgive you if you do. . Why should a God hold a grudge against you? Makes no sense when we are told not to hold grudges. . They say practice what you preach so others can follow suit. .

That is not what your religions tell ya all. From what I know when they were attempting to brainwash me when I was young, the way God operates is different, so he does not need to practice what he preaches.

Me, I don't know what God wants, what he is like and I don't believe anybody knows. I will never profess such knowledge. Anyone that claims such knowledge in my view is a fraud! Hence I don't live my life giving a rat's arse thinking God likes/expects this or that.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-505643.0.html

What is fraud? What is in religious text? People go to church and are told not to hold grudges? Is that fraud? If you are a christian or muslim or whatever religion you are you are taught what God wants from you. .

So the commandments in the bible are not what God(if you are christian) want from you? What about the teachings of God? Of his likeliness?

I want to understand. . If religious books are not the wants or purpose of God on how to live etc etc, what's the use of them?
Please, make me understand what you mean. .

I cannot tell from that post whether you are religious or not or just believe in God which is which?

@ronkebb

^^^^^^^^
Lastpage, you should know despite the fact that God was friends to Abraham, David and Solomon, they still suffered for their sins, your being a christain has a lot to do with morals (though not everybody understands that), What is wrong is wrong, no way to beautify it.

Thank you ronkefb.
I was not about whether Abraham and the rest suffered for their sins, l was about why God will still have anything to do with them at all, while HE knew they are living polygamous lifestyle!
I am just trying to understand why God could do that, judging by the amount of venom that even we mortals heap on such people?

Am thinking in my coconut head: If God can befriend them (to the extent that we know), why should l, ordinary human, detest them?
To me, it just dont add-up at all (this not an endorsement of polygamy all the same! l think it is something personal and individualistic.)

Again, the "suffering" that you referred to above, is there a way we can "isolate it and categorically say" that they were being punished "just for being polygamous" and not for "other sins" that they commit?
I do agree with you that Christianity has a lot to do with morals but the big quagmire is that "morality" itself is very "relative" and depends on so many things like "environment, culture, norms, e.t.c."


kandiikane

@Lastpage, I bet that post was "copy and paste"

You are entitled to your opinion, however foolish it is!
You could have, in the least, justified your allegation by showing "PROOF" of where it was copied from, that way, some people might take you serious.

I bet ALL my posts are also copied, maybe from YOU!

Cheers and be good.

Lastpage

^^OH MY FLIPPING GAWD!! Get that stick out of your as[i]s[/i], did you not see the face I made meaning I was kidding. Er, you suck bad. .Jisos!

kandiikane:

What is fraud? What is in religious text? People go to church and are told not to hold grudges? Is that fraud? If you are a christian or muslim or whatever religion you are you are taught what God wants from you. .

So the commandments in the bible are not what God(if you are christian) want from you? What about the teachings of God? Of his likeliness?

I want to understand. . If religious books are not the wants or purpose of God  on how to live etc etc, what's the use of them?
Please, make me understand what you mean. .

I cannot tell from that post whether you are religious or not or just believe in God which is which?

What I meant about fraud is anyone that professes they know God or know what God wants.

In regards to your other point, I have heard Xtians say several times that God thinks differently from man. For example, you are dictated to be nice and merciful by the Bible, but yet the Lord of the Religion (the most merciful) will through people that do not worship him in Hell fire. Worse still, he would ensure the people do not even die, they must feel that horrific pain for eternity.  What a whole load of Hogwash. But hey, if that is some people's thing, then that is their thing.  I don't believe such bull for a second.

So you should not expect God to respond in the same way as man, according to the Bible.

I don't believe in such and such either but when religious nuts bring the bible out or religious books out I would argue with mu understanding from it. . I mean I believe in God but I disagree with quite alot of things these religious texts say, .


I am considering Buddhism at the moment, it is the only sensible teachings I can understand. . Might have to travel to Asia to get into it and learn more about their teachings and understanding after UNI.

kandiikane:

I don't believe in such and such either but  when religious nuts bring the bible out or religious books out I would argue with mu understanding from it. . I mean I believe in God but I disagree with quite alot of things these religious texts say,  .


I am considering Buddhism at the moment, it is the only sensible teachings I can understand. . Might have to travel to Asia to get into it and learn more about their teachings and understanding after UNI.

I just decided to start my own religion. I plainly demand reetards to worship me as their God.

Lool, any followers?

^^^^^The stick is definitely in the ar.se of "people of my age" within ur household. (Am sure you know those am referring to )
Am convinced you lack proper home training otherwise you would not be so uncouth and completely devoid of social skills as evident in your post above.

PLEASE Carry your silly "face" elsewhere, you should have noticed l detest engaging with poorly raised juveniles like you!

mtchew.

^Talk to me when that stick is out. . Rubbish!

Laura_fr:

@lastpage thank u very much,very interesting post!i thank everyone for their opinions, another thing is my own problem is more feelings of that woman,more than religious.i am christian,but i thing there is one God for everyone,so if muslim God accept it,why christian God will not forgive for that, .i dont think is a sin if everyone is happy with situation and there is no pain caused to any one!!!!only that i personally think this kind of thing herts any woman,

Why am I not surprised? Never believed you for one minute when you stated here that you were going to leave him

kandiikane:

Lool, any followers?

Reluctant ones. What do you expect? They are reetards, hence not that sharp to acknowledge that they need to worship me.

But I am proficient in demanding my deific rights since my apotheosis to the domain of the intellectual part of heaven.

@Laura_fr
Mets toi en place de la femme de ton amoureux qui est au nigeria et soit sincere avec toi; accepterais-tu que ton mari/amant epouse une deuxieme/troisieme femme?
Prends du temps pour cogiter sur cette question. Aussi sache que les desavantages de la polygammie affectent plus les femmes et leurs enfants. Pour moi tu es encore jeune et tu peux toujour te trouver un prince charmant.

Salut.

@manutayo Merci beaucoup, c'est vrai ce que vous dites, mais il est très difficile ,

@laura, it is very difficult for you to leave him right? Let me help u.,, Open ur mind and imagine this: your man marries you, you give him your best years and children. But Then he has to travel outside, where you can't reach him physically to study/work or whatever. Then one day he comes to you and tells you he has fallen in love with and wants to marry a girl he met where he resides. And you know you can't marry another man yourself when u're still married to him! Be honest with yourself: wat will be your reaction? To Smile? Clap for him? Welcome the woman with open arms? From some of your statements, i'm beginning to wonder whether u're indeed a christian like u claim-always comparing Islam with christianity just to justify the fact that you want to take another woman's husband from her. U have also analyzed how u want everything to happen- suggesting u'll live in another house while the woman lives in hers. Which means ur plans didn't start today. Kudos! Dat's wat u're hoping everyone here will tell u right? Master planner. You continue to say u dont want to hurt anyone, that's the only thing holding you back. Somehow i think you've already decided to marry the guy. U might even have fixed your wedding date and playing the role of wife to him, only to come here with the pretext to deceive us. Shame, woman! A MARRIED MAN. You did not respect the sanctity of marriage, only to make yourself a pros.tit.ute to him, and try to attract the wrath of God upon yourself. In this day and age where many profess God but know Him NOT.

@wiselet,if my decition was taking,what is the reason of me comming here and asking an advicei am trying t check both of posible solutions,as i said before im not gettin marry to him,because of her,i dont want no ones pain.cuz i beleave what comes around goes around,still he insist,and he said that i will talk to her myself and see she will be fine with his desicion!!!i wonder how people talk without knowing me,or him,or her!not everyone is the same!!!and u only judge people thru your own thoughts!!!!u can not tell for me if i dicited already or not!!!!!

Wislet:

@laura, it is very difficult for you to leave him right? Let me help u.,, Open your mind and imagine this: your man marries you, you give him your best years and children.

Huh?

Your best years?

I have heard this erroneous statement so often it is shocking especially from the "clean-him-out-in-divorce" crew.

Hardly do a lot of women give the man they marry the best years of their life. The best years of your life is from about 17 to 25 years old. That is normally given to some bad boy most women find sexy, exciting and think they can change.

By the time they have been damaged and start losing it, they turn to the good man and give him the remnant.

So except a woman meets a man within the aforementioned age range or she has a wider than average best year range, she did not give him her best years. Very few women meet their husbands at that age range.

Sagamite:

Huh?

Your best years?

I have heard this erroneous statement so often it is shocking especially from the "clean-him-out-in-divorce" crew.

Hardly do a lot of women give the man they marry the best years of their life. The best years of your life is from about 17 to 25 years old. That is normally given to some bad boy most women find sexy, exciting and think they can change.

By the time they have been damaged and start losing it, they turn to the good man and give him the remnant.

So except a woman meets a man within the aforementioned age range or she has a wider than average best year range, she did not give him her best years. Very few women meet their husbands at that age range.

Mr anti-GOD and anti-godly marriage, you come here analyzing things u know nothing about, ''in your own wisdom'', playing Mr smart. You obviously have no respect for the marriage institution. Go school those that want to be deceived, not people that need to know the truth. Nairaland small champion.

Sagamite:

Huh?

Your best years?

I have heard this erroneous statement so often it is shocking especially from the "clean-him-out-in-divorce" crew.

Hardly do a lot of women give the man they marry the best years of their life. The best years of your life is from about 17 to 25 years old. That is normally given to some bad boy most women find sexy, exciting and think they can change.

By the time they have been damaged and start losing it, they turn to the good man and give him the remnant.

So except a woman meets a man within the aforementioned age range or she has a wider than average best year range, she did not give him her best years. Very few women meet their husbands at that age range.

Mr anti-GOD and anti-godly marriage, you come here analyzing things u know nothing about, ''in your own wisdom'', playing Mr smart. You obviously have no respect for the marriage institution. Go school those that want to be deceived, not people that need to know the truth. Nairaland small champion.