TYNN2:

I know this yoruba lady that told me she was 17 when a married yoruba man of 40 with children in Nigeria uses all whatever in his possition to lured her into having children and practically demonstrated readiness to have her as the second wive. Having manage to immigrate into Europe she still turn down most of my Ibo friends (well to do single guys) that attracted to her (with excuses that she need time to think) only to start dating another Yoruba man that has a wife with children back home in Nigeria.

She will be coming for help from me, something a boyfriend should be doing for a woman.

Your friend needs to have her head examined, for dating another married man with a wife & kids the 2nd time around, especially after being a 2nd wife to a married man over 40, in her first outing. Your friend's decision has little to do with tribalism, and everything to do with stupidity. 'Nuff said.

laudate:

Your friend needs to have her head examined, for dating another married man with a wife & kids the 2nd time around, especially after being a 2nd wife to a married man over 40, in her first outing. Your friend's decision has little to do with tribalism, and everything to do with stupidity. 'Nuff said.

. . .But when Igbo men go to marry girls from the East, it's definitely because of tribalism. You Laudate are a tribalistic hypocrite, you need treatment A.S.A.P.

I personally know a few Igbo and Yoruba marriages but then i believe people should be able to marry within  their preferences. I know of Hausa and Yoruba marriages especially when both partners are muslims. The least likely match are Hausa and Igbo marriages. More Research needed

If Igbo men are known for marrying within their ethnic groups, then there is no problem with that as long as they don't lead ladies from other cultures on. If people want to marry within their comfort zones and are happy, surely that is better than marrying someone from another tribe just to prove a point.

At the end of the day, for all the words and debates people like to engage themselves in, Nigerians are very tribalistic especially the three major groups. Intermarriage is supposed to be a way of bridging gaps between people and promoting unity, however, nigerians are not very united, are they?

TYNN2:

I know this yoruba lady that told me she was 17 when a married yoruba man of 40 with children in Nigeria uses all whatever in his possition to lured her into having children and practically demonstrated readiness to have her as the second wive. Having manage to immigrate into Europe she still turn down most of my Ibo friends (well to do single guys) that attracted to her (with excuses that she need time to think) only to start dating another Yoruba man that has a wife with children back home in Nigeria.

The lady in question probably suffers from low self esteem. Why would any normal lady be a second wife twice? Sometimes people just make bad judgement calls.

However, how many single nigerian men (no matter the tribe) will want to marry a divorced woman with children?

Donzman:

. . .But when Igbo men go to marry girls from the East, it's definitely because of tribalism. You Laudate are a tribalistic hypocrite, you need treatment A.S.A.P.

Nah! Donzman, na you get that 'hypocrisy' problem.  

If you read the poster's comments, there was nowhere where he said the lady turned down her Igbo toasters, on account of their ethnic group. Unless you are now clairvoyant, and you can read the lady's mind, in order to accurately deduce that she was using ethnicity as a factor, to reject those men.

Now coming back home, are you not the same person who stated that Igbo men would go for Igbo girls, because of ehm. . . (what did you call it now) ah yes, 'cultural familiarity'? Would it be right for me to tag you as a tribalistic hypocrite, for arriving at this conclusion?  

So how did you deduce what the Igbo guys were thinking?. . .Amidst all my explanations, you insisted it was tribalism that made them go back to the East to get married. So you're clairvoyant and Donzman can't be? 

Donzman:

So how did you deduce what the Igbo guys were thinking?. . .Amidst all my explanations, you insisted it was tribalism that made them go back to the East to get married. So you're clairvoyant and Donzman can't be?

Donzman, stop fabricating stories. I never said I knew, what the Igbo guys were thinking. All I ever said, was that one should look at their actions. After dating girls from other ethnic groups, they still head back to the East to marry from their ethnic group, without giving any concrete reasons for this volte face. If you remember, you came up with the term 'cultural familiarity', to describe this ocurrence. You were the one who wondered initially, why there was a dearth of Igbo guy-Yoruba girl relationships. I shared my own observations, and you also came up with your own view. Simple.

I still repeat that, in the story above, the lady in question never made her choice based on ethnic reasons. I bet, if a young, single Yoruba guy had also made a pass at her, she would have turned him down flat, in favour of a married man. I have met some women like that, who have an inexplicable attraction, for men that are taken. Dunno why!

very interesting topic.

I know a few Igbo man/Yoruba woman marriages, but they're too few for me to form an opinion yet.

Most of such couples I know of, met in college/university.

The whole issue is probably just cultural, as already mentioned.  Family pressure, cultural preference, and the like.

Imani:

I personally know a few Igbo and Yoruba marriages but then i believe people should be able to marry within  their preferences. I know of Hausa and Yoruba marriages especially when both partners are muslims. The least likely match are Hausa and Igbo marriages. More Research needed

At the end of the day, for all the words and debates people like to engage themselves in, Nigerians are very tribalistic especially the three major groups. Intermarriage is supposed to be a way of bridging gaps between people and promoting unity, however, nigerians are not very united, are they?

some parts of Plateau state also seems to have a high rate of extra-tribal marriage, from what I've seen. I've had some friends with Plateau relatives, in the past.

And yes, at the end of the day, the gap doesnt really seem to have been bridged. In many parts of the country, the children of inter-tribal marriages are raised solely in one culture, mainly ignoring the other part.

tpia:


1. some parts of Plateau state also seems to have a high rate of extra-tribal marriage, from what I've seen. I've had some friends with Plateau relatives, in the past.
2. And yes, at the end of the day, the gap doesnt really seem to have been bridged. In many parts of the country, the children of inter-tribal marriages are raised solely in one culture, mainly ignoring the other part.

1. Really? Why is that so? I wasn't aware Plateau had a high inter-tribal mix. But i hear that Jos is nice.

2. That has been my observation too, especially with our culture of "the father owns the child".

But i think things are changing and people are begining to realise the importance of peaceful co-existence with other tribes and cultures!

tpia:

some parts of Plateau state also seems to have a high rate of extra-tribal marriage, from what I've seen. I've had some friends with Plateau relatives, in the past.

And yes, at the end of the day, the gap doesnt really seem to have been bridged. In many parts of the country, the children of inter-tribal marriages are raised solely in one culture, mainly ignoring the other part.

I really think it all depends on each specific family. Many of my relatives are products of inter-ethnic marriages, and they understand the cultures of both parents. My cousins for example, speak their paternal & maternal languages, fluently. So do I. A person may be more fluent in one than the other, but it all depends on his/her flair for languages, learning dexterity & the parents' ability to ensure the kids assimilate both cultures, at an early stage.

The best thing is to expose the kids to both cultures early enough, and send them to spend as much of their holidays, in both regions. It also helps if the grand-parents on either side are alive, as they can also help to teach the kids more about their respective cultures, on each visit. 

In my opinion, kids of inter-ethnic marriages are often more tolerant and able to mix with those from other ethnic groups much more easily. But please note: this is just my own personal view.

Love conquers all. Just don't give up!

nossycheek:

Love conquers all. Just don't give up!

Gee, thanks!

nossycheek:

Love conquers all. Just don't give up!

Keep living in fantasyland, love conquers nothing!

Imani:

1. Really? Why is that so? I wasn't aware Plateau had a high inter-tribal mix. But i hear that Jos is nice.

2. That has been my observation too, especially with our culture of "the father owns the child".

But i think things are changing and people are begining to realise the importance of peaceful co-existence with other tribes and cultures!

it might be more common among Plateau indigenes living in the North.

The child being raised solely in the father's culture is starting to change somewhat, like you observed. might be because people are getting a bit more tolerant. ie the people who marry outside their tribe.
however, there are many who still rigidly hold this view. Pity.

laudate:



In my opinion, kids of inter-ethnic marriages are often more tolerant and able to mix with those from other ethnic groups much more easily. But please note: this is just my own personal view.

yes, most of them generally are, though this might not always be a good thing, especially when they're facing unmitigated bigotry from the so-called " authentic" real mccoys.

It sort of places the children permanently between two worlds. But I really believe intertribal unions can only benefit us in the long run.

I've never ever considered dating someone from my town, because from what I've heard, nearly all of them are related in one way or the other, and some of the older people have the habit of telling you the entire life story of your great grandparents down to how and when your entire clan courted, married and had you. I think such details make for great reading, but I dont need people pushing it down my throat everytime. I got other things to do.

nossycheek:

Love conquers all. Just don't give up!

To some, love doesn't conquer all, tribalism does.

Let's hope we get to a stage that love is not only colour blind, but also blind to other facets of life such as age, tribe, language, etc.

With love, comes tolerance!!!

tpia:

yes, most of them generally are, though this might not always be a good thing, especially when they're facing unmitigated bigotry from the so-called " authentic" real mccoys.

It sort of places the children permanently between two worlds. But I really believe intertribal unions can only benefit us in the long run.

Uh?? Bigotry exists everywhere. Some racist white folks who feel they are better than blacks, may show their nasty sides to an African or an African-American, by bullying such a person or placing him on the receiving end of their racist taunts. Bullies exist everywhere too, from the playground to the workplace. It is how the victim deals with it, that counts.

What makes an individual feel he is the "authentic real McCoy", and others are not? A psychological inferiority complex. Such a person tries to compensate for his inner inadequacies by trying to act superior. If inter-ethnic kids are conversant with both ancestral cultures & have a healthy dose of self-esteem, they can deal with any one who tries to put them down.

Finally your second comment is unclear. Pray tell, in what way does an inter-ethnic ancestry, place the children permanently between two worlds? Can you be more explicit? Am not too sure I got the point, you were trying to make.

Imani:

To some, love doesn't conquer all, tribalism does.

Let's hope we get to a stage that love is not only colour blind, but also blind to other facets of life such as age, tribe, language, etc.

With love, comes tolerance!!!

Only idiots and hollywood think love conquers all!

Donzman:

Only idiots and hollywood think love conquers all!

Maybe you mean Idiots like yourself.

I didn't address my post to you and spoke generally. You are not the only person on this forum that cares so much about his ethnicity.

Like i said before, you DON'T have to agree with my post. You can diagree and say what you like but i object to your choice of insulting words.

I have tried to be civil, but i think you want to make enemies, but i am not interested, please try the "next door".

You could be either idiot or hollywood, either ways those are the only group of people that believe that love conquers all. Only an idiot will also believe that tribalism or ethnicism conquers all. Every sensible human being understands that life isn't about any 1 thing.

Its sad that in this time of age parents still have the atitude that only their tribe is the best.
If you 2 are prepared to face the hardship of your fiancee parents not liking you, then i wish u all the best.
Love may not conquer all, but lets pray it will help keep them strong!

You could be either idiot or hollywood, either ways those are the only group of people that believe that love conquers all. Only an idiot will also believe that tribalism or ethnicism conquers all. Every sensible human being understands that life isn't about any 1 thing.
[quote][/quote]

I have no further comments on this topic with you.

blue-sky:

Its sad that in this time of age parents still have the atitude that only their tribe is the best.
If you 2 are prepared to face the hardship of your fiancee parents not liking you, then i wish u all the best.
Love may not conquer all, but lets pray it will help keep them strong!

In an inter-tribal relationship, one party shouldn't claim "better tribe". I believe children from inter-tribal relationship tend to be more tolerant of other tribes. Just my opinion.

Love is supposed to be the "foundation" of a relationship, but a foundation in itself is not enough to sustain that relationship. Of course, other facets of the relationship, including to a degree, ethnicity, become important as well.

Imani:

In an inter-tribal relationship, one party shouldn't claim "better tribe". I believe children from inter-tribal relationship tend to be more tolerant of other tribes. Just my opinion.

Love is supposed to be the "foundation" of a relationship, but a foundation in itself is not enough to sustain that relationship. Of course, other facets of the relationship, including to a degree, ethnicity, become important as well.

but why is enthicity important? it really shouldnt matter.
Children of inter-tribal relationship are more tolerant? im not sure about this because i think our generation as a whole is more tolerant.

blue-sky:

but why is enthicity important? it really shouldnt matter.
Children of inter-tribal relationship are more tolerant? im not sure about this because i think our generation as a whole is more tolerant.

Where have you been?!  Did you say tolerant?

Please read through the culture, politics and the tribalism boards to see " how tolerant our generation are".

Imani:

Where have you been. Did you say tolerant?

Please read through the culture, politics and the tribalism boards to see " how tolerant our generation are".

LOL, i dont mean ppl from nairaland, some people on this site are tryng to cause arguments for the sake of it.
But like in the 'real world', i think this is so.
I may be wrong tho, i hope nairaland doesnt represent the nigerian public, if it does than things need to change sharp!

blue-sky:

LOL, i don't mean people from nairaland, some people on this site are tryng to cause arguments for the sake of it.
But like in the 'real world', i think this is so.
[b]I may be wrong tho, i hope nairaland doesnt represent the nigerian public, if it does than things need to change sh[/b]arp!

It is the same Nigerian people that find their way to this site and post their deep seated views, some of which they may not utter outside, however, words are cheap, and typing, cheaper!!

Imani:

Where have you been?!  Did you say tolerant?

Please read through the culture, politics and the tribalism boards to see " how tolerant our generation are".

If this was 1950,the culture,politics and tribalism threads would have been saturated with unparralelled tribalism.Tribalism is inevitable in a multi-ethnic nation.

I-man:

If this was 1950,the culture,politics and tribalism threads would have been saturated with unparralelled tribalism.Tribalism is inevitable in a multi-ethnic nation.

No one disputes that!

However, with all the tribalism in our land, where has that gotten us?! No tribe trusts the other and everyone acts in their own self interest. If we actually want progress at a national level, then we have to find a way to move on from this way of thinking. At least, if one way isn't working, we can try others.

Please, no one should misunderstand me, i am proud to be a southern Nigerian, but that ends there. My pride is not in what i say or don't say but in my actions!!

Misslady,

i am married to a igbo man and i would like to know what your grandmother told you if it is ok to say

My aunt told me it was better to be with an Ibo man, because, well i don't want to say why, but she took it back to the Biafra War, so some of you may have an idea of what she said,

thanks

Redwoman

laudate:

Uh?? Bigotry exists everywhere. Some racist white folks who feel they are better than blacks, may show their nasty sides to an African or an African-American, by bullying such a person or placing him on the receiving end of their racist taunts. Bullies exist everywhere too, from the playground to the workplace. It is how the victim deals with it, that counts.

What makes an individual feel he is the "authentic real McCoy", and others are not? A psychological inferiority complex. Such a person tries to compensate for his inner inadequacies by trying to act superior. If inter-ethnic kids are conversant with both ancestral cultures & have a healthy dose of self-esteem, they can deal with any one who tries to put them down.

Finally your second comment is unclear. Pray tell, in what way does an inter-ethnic ancestry, place the children permanently between two worlds? Can you be more explicit? Am not too sure I got the point, you were trying to make.

by real mccoy, I meant those so called full blooded whatever they call themselves, ie as opposed to people who are intertribal. These 110 %  phantoms ( who could be any race, by the way) can be so obnoxious and in-your-face. But like you mentioned, its mostly a cover for their sense of inadequacy.

In my opinion, being inter ethnic places the children permanently between two worlds because they're never fully part of one particular tribe. So most of them cant have the hang ups and blind nationalism that comes with being members of only one group. I read something somewhere that explains what I mean more accurately- when I locate the book, I'll post that particular quote.

I'm not sure if I'm being too clear here.

tpia:

In my opinion, being inter ethnic places the children permanently between two worlds because they're never fully part of one particular tribe. So most of them can't have the hang ups and blind nationalism that comes with being members of only one group. I read something somewhere that explains what I mean more accurately- when I locate the book, I'll post that particular quote.

I'm not sure if I'm being too clear here.

I don't know what book you are referring to, and I'm not too sure I agree totally with all the opinions expressed in it, which you have tried to put put across. Many of us are Nigerians. A few of us have lived & studied in the West. Some have even relocated to the West, to earn a living, yet they still come to their homeland for holidays and on business. Are they 'placed permanently  between two worlds?'    

A lot of Nigerians speak English in addition to their native language, or one or more indigenous Nigerian languages. Speaking English and living a westernized Nigerian lifestyle, (as opposed to a rural, traditional one) in an urban city, is a fluid dynamic routine that most of us are conversant with. Are we also stuck between two worlds? Do we belong in one, and not the other?    

Imani pointed out in one of her posts, that Nigeria is a strongly patrilineal society. I agree. Except for a few cultures, most of the ethnic groups in Nigeria follow this trend. So what is the problem? Where the mother comes from, often isn't a major issue, because in most cultural matters, it is often the prevailing culture in the father's place, that holds sway in the child's life. And it is often the determinant factor, in arriving at major cultural decisions.

It is only in cases of dysfunctional or single-parent families, that the child may be at a disadvantage when it comes to certain issues e.g. inheritance. But this is often rectified, by the single-parent making a will, in order to forestall any conflict when issues pertaining to inheritance arise. In order to cope with other cultural issues, the child could learn to become familiar with the tenets of both cultures, including language, customs[i] et al.[/i]

As a child of an inter-ethnic marriage, I can say in all honesty, that I have never experienced any kind of discrimination, for being a product of an inter-ethnic relationship. I don't know of any part of Nigeria where a child would be denied of his rights and priviledges, simply because his mother comes from another ethnic group. A collegue of mine once said: "Among my father's people, am a son of the soil but among my mother's kindred, am an honoured guest."   For me, it has always been more of an advantage, than anything else. I am fully part of both worlds, even if my words carry more weight in my father's clan. I also have to undertake more responsibilities in my father's lineage, than in my maternal one. One is blessed to have been fully assimilated, into both societies.

Some of my friends have not been as fortunate. They hardly speak their mother's language, and are barely fluent in their father's tongue. So the unease they feel in their own cultural setting, stems from their lack of familiarity with their own ethnic customs. I guess for them, they can never fully be part of one particular tribe, simply because they are not conversant with the culture of either tribe.

Finally, I agree to a certain extent, with your statement that for inter-ethnic kids "most of them can't have the hang ups and blind nationalism that comes with being members of only one group." It is true, in most cases. But in some cases, they could suffer from the same blind nationalism as members of a mono-ethnic group, if their feelings of angst are fuelled by uncomplimentary remarks from a third party or another ethnic group they are totally unrelated to, or share no blood ties, with.

Um, am I making any sense?