I was just 11 when my father abandoned my mother with the five of us.He took another wife and I remember being made to drop from school severally just to hawk and help my mother raise my younger ones.I was very intelligent in school,but I didn't have a degree before working.By the mercies of God,my boss,a Lebanese,was too kind to me without ever trying to take advantage of me.He bought my form and helped pay my fees.I graduated with a second class upper and now I am married to a man who loves me,pampers me,and sees nothing wrong in me even when I hurt him.Last year,he flew my mum out to the UK for medicals.My siblings are all gradutes now with good jobs in banks and oil sector.My husband got it all for them and I run one of the top boutiques in Ikoyi.Anyway,my father,after wasting all he had is now broke.I sent him some money because as the only girl,I have to be there for them.But I have to say this,I hate my father with passion.My mum is always sick now because of the whole stress she went through training us.I weep whenever I remember what my father put us through.My husband even hates seeing him around,my mum is weak now because of us and my father is now trying to come back to us,I can't,we can't accept him now that we don't need him.He didn't even know when I got married. Pls I need ur advise on what to do!

so sorry for all the pain your dad has caused you, your siblings and your mom.
This is my opinion, it will take a while for you to readjust back to your dad coming back into your life.dont rush it and if you believe in God, asking for His help in forgiving works.its a slow step, but you also need to heal.
I cant advise you on whether or not to help your dad financially...thats up to you.But i am so glad God gave you a husband (an angel) to help you.
sorry

laminaria: I was just 11 when my father abandoned my mother with the five of us.He took another wife and I remember being made to drop from school severally just to hawk and help my mother raise my younger ones.I was very intelligent in school,but I didn't have a degree before working.By the mercies of God,my boss,a Lebanese,was too kind to me without ever trying to take advantage of me.He bought my form and helped pay my fees.I graduated with a second class upper and now I am married to a man who loves me,pampers me,and sees nothing wrong in me even when I hurt him.Last year,he flew my mum out to the UK for medicals.My siblings are all gradutes now with good jobs in banks and oil sector.My husband got it all for them and I run one of the top boutiques in Ikoyi.Anyway,my father,after wasting all he had is now broke.I sent him some money because as the only girl,I have to be there for them.But I have to say this,I hate my father with passion.My mum is always sick now because of the whole stress she went through training us.I weep whenever I remember what my father put us through.My husband even hates seeing him around,my mum is weak now because of us and my father is now trying to come back to us,I can't,we can't accept him now that we don't need him.He didn't even know when I got married. Pls I need ur advise on what to do!

You don't have to go out of your way to embrace your father. Just ensure that you give him the basics he needs to live a decent life. It is true that he was totally irresponsible but be bigger than him in terms of showing some level of care for him. I don't expect you to love him but just interact with him with dignity and decency.

Look at it this way, God used his misdeeds to push you to greater things, just show him some mercy as God as blessed you.

Tanx to both of U for d Godly advise I realy I appreciate it.

if you guys didn't have money would he be showing his face?

It's hard for me to grasp that a man can shirk the responsibility/run away from taking care of his children, disregard his own blood (his children) and be somewhere eating and not thinking of his kids----just the same thing I marvelled at today when somebody said to my hearing that his father left his mother after having them saying that he does not want the commitment of training them.How do they find it in themselves to do that?

@Poster
Great that you and your siblings came out good and strong from it all. It sure hurts, I don't know you or him yet I abhor that enough to be tempted to say that you ignore him. Don't ignore him, he is your blood dearie. Somewhere in the Bible we are told to reward evil with good.

WAIT..Are you male or female.

Ivynwa: It's hard for me to grasp that a man can shirk the responsibility/run away from taking care of his children, disregard his own blood (his children) and be somewhere eating and not thinking of his kids----just the same thing I marvelled at today when somebody said to my hearing that his father left his mother after having them saying that he does not want the commitment of training them.How do they find it in themselves to do that?

@Poster
Great that you and your siblings came out good and strong from it all. It sure hurts, I don't know you or him yet I abhor that enough to be tempted to say that you ignore him. Don't ignore him, he is your blood dearie. Somewhere in the Bible we are told to reward evil with good.

A Swedish proverb says: Love me when I least deserve it because that is when I need it most.

I know the OP cannot truly love her father but the proverb captures what she and her siblings need to do.

Ur dad is only coming back bc he's broke, old and needs ur help. One question I do ask such father "what about if I had died on dat process". The heart of man is desperately wicked, my dear.

I feel like shedding tears, it's hard to bear. U've to forgive him but be wise. I felt he ought to have accommodated so much wealth, dat he shouldn't be broke but keep enjoying with the woman he had abandoned ur mum and five children for her sake. Most times, I ask myself how men think. Pls pay more attention to ur lovely mum, I appreciate her courage. The evil dat men do, live with dem. LET HIM BE..........

U can't reap where u didn't sow.

@ Confilass, most men think with their d1cks that is why they do most of the shit they do.

@ OP, my darling, I feel your pain! I cannot fully understand what you and your family went through because I had an ever present Dad that never let us lack. I thank God you and ur family are doing ok but my love you need to free yourself from this hate. Free yourself because you are hurting yourself with this passion hate. I'm not saying let the man into ur life or come and live with you, but pls don't hate him so much. I'm no bible thumper but it says to honour your father and mother. It says to forgive. It takes time my dear but free yourself from anger. Take it one day @ a time, one step @ a time,and please ask God for the strenght to forgive him. Not for him, but for you, because there is no salvation without forgiveness. God loves you, and he loves your father too, despite all he has done!

@OP, i can understand ur pain, but u must understand that actions of children to parents have generational consequencies, whether the parent in question is bad, wicked, selfish,a wizard, a cultist or not (the law of Karma). No matter how good u are to ur children, there is the possibility of one or more of them doing to u whatever u do to ur father. My advice is take care of him with love and not just for caring sake, for anything done without God's true love is useless to God and as u care for him with love, ur father's wrong actions will not be generational but will all be on him alone while u continue to enjoy God's grace. Anytime man thinks he is powerful enough to fight his battle and punish his offenders, God withdraws his protection and grace from him. See ur father's action as what attracted God's grace towards u faster.

We have almost the same case only,as I write this,my sister is in the mortuary.I'm in a salon doing my hair and trying very hard to fight of tears cos I'm reminded of everything we went through.My dead sister had it worse cos she was 3 when the man left but they were very close,she was his special child,the love of his life,I was 2.He travelled to US and forgot us.For the nxt 16yrs,it would be after a serious fight or prayers would he send anything.My mum didnt work so it was even tougher.Now my sister has suffered until she died last Monday and the foolish,stupid man wants to come and bury her.On her sick bed,he would have done her so much good if he had called her and come back to see her,maybe she would be alive now.She died a week afta he was told that she was sick.I don't know how I'll deal with this,cos to me,he killed her and now wants reconciliation.She needed him most and it hurts me most that ppl are talkin of reconciliation on top of my sister's corpse.

Poster,forgive him but don't help him fiancially,,call him once in a while to know how he's doing.If u visit him,buy him a few things ''VERY FEW''.The bible says,what a man sows that he shall reap.The bible also said,Parents do not provoke ur children to anger.If u do ur part as a parent to ur kids,no amount of karma will make them treat u d way u treated ur father who was only reaping what he sowed.I know this is how I'll handle that man.He won't enjoy me just like I dint enjoy him and I know I'll make heaven unless God shows me otherwise.

If men knew they won't be having it easy if they abandon their kids and come back whenever they felt like it,then less men would either be reluctant in having kids they don't/won't care for or live up to their responsibility.

why do people try and reap where they did not sow