How true is it that God can lead you in marriage to someone that you don't love.In otherwords , you've always seen this person as a friend but to your suprise, he came asking for your hand in marriage. What about you loving someone who you aren't convince about and he also is asking for your hand in marriage.

Let me kick this off by saying "no!" How exactly do you percieve the leading of God in a direction you don't agree with? Dreams? Prophecy by a third party?

no

otokx, can you pls state your reason(s) for saying no.

Don't let anyone 'mumu' you trowey. If you're not in love with someone, God can't lead you to spend the rest of your life with him. The chemistry has to be established between the both of you. I've had friends - many of them real gentlemen; even though some of them have asked the 64 million dollar question, it didn't go anywhere - and some of them are still friends with me today in more ways than I could ever have discovered in them. What is called 'God's leading' has today been abused by many to apply to just about anything - 'God is leading you to smile for me, God is leading you to come to my house, God is leading you to touch my shoulder, God is . . .' Haba!

My dear, if you can't feel your knees buckle for him when you look into his eyes, don't leap into his arms. Any adventure you take outside a conviction in yourself that God is actually leading YOU will be signed 'O-Y-O'. . on your own.

it depends on the reason you don't love the person, if it's because he/she is too tall or short then God didn't see anything wrong with what he made so he'll lead you to that person but if you just don't feel the person that is not God cos God wants the best you love for you

Apologies to Deeper Lifers in the house. In Deeper Life, God leads people to partners they don't love. God led a 27-year-old man to a 45-year-old woman(or vice versa ) who must have reached menopause because they have no kids yet after 3years. Wow, love is great!

@Skidoc
seen a situation like that before?

Bishop Oyedepo said, God stopped choosing for people after Adam and Eve.

I think God may still decide to choose in some cases. He leaves us in most cases. You should marry someone you love and who has grown to become your friend

God does not exactly choose life partners for us, When we find someone we love we ask God if this person is right for us.

I think from my numerous experiences with born-again xtians, it does happen. Most conservative pentecostal gatherings are always silent on LOVE/ROMANCE in marriage. Guess they see it as being wordly. Instead people are fed to accept whoever God chooses for one and this is why a lot of mismatching is common in the xtian-fold.

No Only Pain Can.

Don't marry someone you don't love. God doesn't even choose for people He will only give you His opinion(advice) then you decide whether you will follow or not. So that when you start to live with the consequences of your own choice, good or bad, you won't blame God.

Remember "he/she  that finds a wife/husband finds a good thing----- " there's a place for "finding"

Pastor Bimbo dealt extensively on this topic during her life time, you can get her book - ---- Life Partner---165 Questions to ask

I have no doubt it will help you make an intelligent decision.

As christians, the only rule we have in choosing a life partner is that the person must be a christian. Every other factors we bring into play must be guided by wisdom and the choice must be made through the individual's free will.

I have been led in and out of manyhurtful r/ships by prophesy and all.
Am still a VERY devoted christain but i don't believe in that "leading" crap no more 

lioness:

I have been led in and out of manyhurtful r/ships by prophesy and all.
Am still a VERY devoted christain but i don't believe in that "leading" crap no more

I understand what you've been through. A friend of mine had a similar experience, but hers did not dawn on her until she was married and had the scales fall from her eyes about this leading of a thing. To me, I feel it is a big lie devised by some trickish and corny born again xtians to trap one another knowing some xtians are so gullible to believe anything that has the name of God attached to it. Most Pentecostal churches too especially those in Naija lay emphasis on marrying just a believer and not on other factors that make marriage work! The importance of marrying right and not just because a brother is tougue speaking ought to be more stressed!!!!!!!!!

My fellow n'lander, most of our experiences in life are as a result of how we personally react to the influence of our external environment on our mindset.We are the way we reason ! Understanding is the foundation of any good relationship, not sentiments.
Be yourself and know what you want.

Cheers !
spfavour

My fellow n'lander, most of  our experiences in life are as a result of how we personally react to the influence of our external environment on our mindset.We are the way we reason ! Understanding is the foundation of any good relationship, not sentiments.
  Be yourself and know what you want.
                                                                         
                                                                                Cheers !
                                                                                 spfavour

Hi mlks_baby,

Why do I always feel I'm being over familiar when I use your name? anyway!

As ever I like listening to your views, likwise this time around. But I must say, in this instance I beg to differ somewhat.

mlks_baby:

Don't let anyone 'mumu' you trowey. If you're not in love with someone, God can't lead you to spend the rest of your life with him. The chemistry has to be established between the both of you. I've had friends - many of them real gentlemen; even though some of them have asked the 64 million dollar question, it didn't go anywhere - and some of them are still friends with me today in more ways than I could ever have discovered in them. What is called 'God's leading' has today been abused by many to apply to just about anything - 'God is leading you to smile for me, God is leading you to come to my house, God is leading you to touch my shoulder, God is . . .' Haba!

My dear, if you can't feel your knees buckle for him when you look into his eyes, don't leap into his arms. Any adventure you take outside a conviction in yourself that God is actually leading YOU will be signed 'O-Y-O'. . on your own.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but you appear to be rendering love primarily as a feeling?
I thought that mature Christian thought considered love more as an act or a gift?

Your emphasis seems to be mostly on "chemistry", surely that should be "character"?

Whist I agree that strong physical attraction is good, whether as a starting point or as a development, that should never be the primary basis for a comittment to marriage. Feelings blow hot and cold, are subject to changing circumstances and in all probability will never be equally matched at all times by both parties.

I won't touch on your personal experience, but even the references to "God leading" seem to suggest that plays little or no part for you? I realise that some take this to extremes or flagrantly abuse it, but being led by "The Spirit" is the prerogative of the sons of God. Surely any God fearing Christian (is there any other kind?) would at least subject potential spouses to scrutiny, by the Word and heartfelt prayer? and not just physical indications?

I believe that marriage is something Christians can be proactive about, but to make that choice (or any other) based primarily on physical indicators? Surely not?

Love is what you do after you are married, love can be built, grown, developed. Prior to marriage it's lot's of things, but it's not yet love, love becomes an imperative once married.

If "knee-buckling" chemistry was the pre-requisite, we'd all be lusting after Halle Berry or Taye Diggs (who would probably be married to each other, leaving the rest of us to burn in unrequited lust). I don't see it like that. Love based solely on looks and physical attraction is always at best temporary.

As for the original question. Can God lead you to someone? Yes!, but will you necessarily love them at first glance? No. The choice to marry and love them remains yours. God sees not as we see. The key is to "Have the mind of Christ" apply Godly wisdom and discernment and judge rightly whether the person in question is spouse material. If you decide they are, then marry and work at Lurve (a lot !),

Mlks-baby, may I ask if you are married?

God bless

Interesting topic.

And have you all noticed how "God always seems to lead" the not too fine bros to the very cute sisters from a rich home and hardly the other way round.
Sisters beware there are some wolves in brotherly clothing out there looking to intimidate you with Bible passages and convert you into their bride by "thus says the Lord"
If you cannot see yourself walking down the street with him.please quickly say "I don't" before things get out of hand.

Marriage is serious business,third party ministrations will not work.
If you feel no butterflies when you think of or see the person,he ain't the one.Period.

babyosisi:

Interesting topic.

And have you all noticed how "God always seems to lead" the not too fine bros to the very cute sisters from a rich home and hardly the other way round.
Sisters beware there are some wolves in brotherly clothing out there looking to intimidate you with Bible passages and convert you into their bride by "thus says the Lord"
If you cannot see yourself walking down the street with him.please quickly say "I don't" before things get out of hand.

Marriage is serious business,third party ministrations will not work.
If you feel no butterflies when you think of or see the person,he ain't the one.Period.

Exactly my point. I sure do agree with you o jare!

Ha!

BabyOsisi, you too?

Milks_Baby & BabyOsisi, you are two of the three girls (along with Syrup) I like to listen to on this forum. Yet you both seem to be diametrically opposed to me on this one!

babyosisi:

And have you all noticed how "God always seems to lead" the not too fine bros to the very cute sisters from a rich home and hardly the other way round.

If you feel no butterflies when you think of or see the person,he ain't the one. Period.

I am not legislating against physical attraction, but please, can that really be the basis of a lasting relationship? I see physically attractive girls every day!

So once again, BabyOsisi, may I ask, are you married? (and no, I am not being led, I am just curious. Unless of course you are really cute from a wealthy family, then I'm serious   !).

Sis' Syrup where are you? and what are you saying??

God bless

When I was in college back in Naija.
A sister in CU with me who was a med student got hooked up by a prophecy of some sort to a bro who was a carpenter in town from the same Church(in town).

we all prayed the sister would open her eyes quickly and flee from this mismatch and save herself from a lifetime of undue embarrassment.The bro could not make a complete sentence in good English.we all knew this looked awkward but thankfully before the wedding she quickly realised what was before her and said a big I don't.

Yes I agree a Christian should only want to marry a Christian but there has to also be an attraction be it physical,mental,intellectual.
If you are not proud to introduce your beloved to your friends and family,you may want to save yourself from a lifetime of  agony.

You don't want to be wishing that the guy dies suddenly so that you can be free to marry another.

Hi TV01.
I am engaged hoping to be at the altar real soon.

I went to college in Naija.
I saw sisters being engaged and  unengaged and re-engaged on a daily basis.
I fled from so many bros who were being led to engage me even at a tender age of 17 .
So lioness I know exactly what you are saying.

So many young 18 ,19 and 20 year olds being engaged without realising what they are getting into.
MY dear sisters God can speak to us too.
Politely tell him you are waiting to hear from God
and send him on his brotherly way.lol

Topic: Can God Lead You To Someone You Don't Love In Marriage?

Answer - A resounding No!

God is not an author of confusion; He is a God of Love. What am I even saying, GOD is Love and His blessings maketh rich and addeth no sorrow.(Prov.10:22)

Have you ever seen a choir member who hates singing or a keyboardist who postitively hates what he/she is doing. sure sometimes when God is 'leading' us into something, we might be reluctant at first but we eventually, with much prayer and waiting on Him, (not on Pastors, neighbours and friends, ) will be at peace with His leading. And that is the operative word, peace. HE will not lead you where His grace cannot keep you; like a loveless marriage for instance.

This is a true story:
He was led by God to marry this woman who he didn't love; even as a deacon in church, he was having flings because he hated his wife and wanted to be free of her. he fell in love with another woman and it was this love that put an end to his infidelities. According to him 'I couldn't imagine myself with another woman' (his wife included).

Fortunately/unfortunately, (depending on how you see it) his wife died and now he is (happily) married to his true love.

Moral of this story - God will Not lead you to marry someone you don't love because He knows that marriage is hard enough without you getting into it with low expectations/no love (which is the most essential ingredient).

While the man in the above may be blamed for his misfortunes, let's take heed. Most men I spoke with told me that when a man has all he needs at home i.e. in his wife, he doesn't see the need to 'go out'. Fine, that may not be the case for all men. But think about  it - if you don't love this person, how are you going to *****, eat, drink and share a 'till- death-do-us-part' life with them. Quite frankly, even as I'm typing it now, I'm getting the shivers. It doesn't bear thinking about!

So to cap it all -Can God Lead You To Someone You Don't Love In Marriage?

[b]NO!
Mba!
Otio!
Nyet!
Nien!
Ah-Ah![/b]etc

@Enugu. Which Enugu is it. Is it the one I used to know back at Ibadan,,,,,,,,Code Aare?

If not never mind. Just curious.

Enugu true talk.

Yes.

God most definitely will lead you to marriage with someone you do not love.

Look at all the people who marry for love now, and then look at the fact of how quickly they divorce.

A marriage should be based on more than 'love', that really will come with time, if respect, compatibleness, loyalty, duty, devotion are in place.

Could you do that with him? Then marry him.

If you can not be loyal and do your duty as his wife, then do not marry him.

Yes.

God most definitely will lead you to marriage with someone you do not love.

haba, girl, you are confusing things ooooo,
Which Church do you attend? How can God lead you to someone you don't love? What will God, you and your spouse have to achieve out of the union?

Imagine you married to someone who doesnt love you and whom you dont love. Is that one Marriage?

Look at all the people who marry for love now, and then look at the fact of how quickly they divorce.

That someone says "God is leading me, God is leading me" doesnt mean that God is leading such a person. In many Churches today, the guy n girl would have agreed on what to say, how to behave, what revelation they are each going to tell the Pastor or whoever, that will make such a Pastor / Counsellor believe that Yes, its the Lords doing, and in reality, God doesnt have anything to do with it. Definitely, they will tell the Pastor that God is leading them. And the Pastor who comes short of the grace of God will not be able to read in between the lines to know what is up,

A marriage should be based on more than 'love', that really will come with time, if respect, compatibleness, loyalty, duty, devotion are in place.

Could you do that with him? Then marry him.

FIne. But can you be respectiful, loyal. dutiful and devoted to someone you dont love, supposing you claim that God is leading you to someone you dont love?

CONCLUSION: IF GOD IS TRULY LEADING YOU TO THAT PERSON AND VICE VERSA, HE WILL BRING THE LOVE BETWEEN BOTH OF YOU.

@solosqr

your opinion is seconded by me!

God ordered that men marry women they had raped in the bible.

Tamar the sister of one of Davids son, after he raped her, said that the sending her away was worse than the rape of her.

The duty of the person was far more important than the love factor.

Your free to believe what you want about God and love but I just go by the bible.

Drusilla:

God ordered that men marry women they had raped in the bible.

Tamar the sister of one of Davids son, after he raped her, said that the sending her away was worse than the rape of her.

The duty of the person was far more important than the love factor.

Your free to believe what you want about God and love but I just go by the bible.

@Drusilla,
with all due respect and i mean this in the best possible of ways, but are you married to someone you don't love. Because you sound as if you are and if you had to do it, then the rest of us must!!

I sincerely hope you're not thinking that the idea of love we're talking about here is simply that of feelings; no, it's far much more than that.
However, it's certainly not duty either.Yuck!!! God is certainly not going to drag you by the ear and force you to marry someone .
And just for the record, can you justify your Old testament quotation with some from the New because there must be an agreement between the old and the new, I believe.

My sister, I don't know how you see it o! but I know that love is[b] important[/b] to prevent the resentment and frustration that will come[and it will come] in a loveless marriage. I also know that if God gives us without sorrow - that good job, admission into school, an affordable accomodation,e.t.c. then a life-partner shouldn't be the one thing we want from him that will come with sorrow.

peace

ps. @rotbog,
Unfortunately, it's not me. Nice of you to ask though.

Enugu,

First, Thank you for asking for scriptural proof of something I have said. I think like Paul, a person is more honorable when they want to search the scriptures to see if something somebody said is true.

And here is the scripture you asked for: Paul telling a man to marry a woman, not for love but out of duty because he has went to far with the woman.

1Co 7:36 But if anyone thinks it behaving himself indecently toward his virgin (if she is past her prime, and so it ought to be) let him do what he will; he does not sin; let them marry.

Human love is a selfish thing: Listen clearly what Jesus says to CHRISTIANS:

Mat 7:11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Father in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him?

1. We know Jesus is talking to Christians because He is talking about the Father giving them the Holy Spirit.

2. Notice that he says YOU BEING EVIL ---- give good gifts to your children.

Point blank, human love is so evil, that we really only do right by our children out of a selfish desire to look like a good parent, to make our kids look better than others, etc, etc.

My point to you is this, your absolutely right resentment and frustration do come into marriages now a days because there is only human love and it is too selfish to compromise, to see the worth of every human being and EVEN a human being totally devoted to and in love with them.

We would treat this person bad, we would resent this person, who only wants to love us and serve us -- because human love is only concerned with one person -- yourself.

It is God's love that comes unconditionally, our love is very conditional.