The night is oppressively hot, as it is wont to be in Wasimi. In the distance, I can hear a kid bleating. I have sworn deep in my heart that one day, I am going to take a very big stick, hunt that annoying kid down and bash its brains out. That goat must be possessed. Once its 12am, the satanic goat comes out and starts bleating. It is so annoying. Just one of the thousands of things that annoy the hell out me in Wasimi.

I remember the first time I set my eyes on the primitive roadside forest hamlet called Wasimi. I had left the orientation camp on the 31st of March, after receiving my posting letter on the 30th. The bus I boarded from the orientation camp to Wasimi took me first to Ondo town, and when I informed the driver of where I was going to, he graciously offered to drive me back to the hamlet.

I remember wondering just where this community was because we had passed hardly any buildings on our way to Ondo town, save for some dismal looking mud houses and desolate looking buildings. As we neared my destination, a nagging suspicion began to form in my mind. My heart began to beat madly in my chest.

Suddenly the driver pulled up in front of a bush path. When I disembarked,from where I stood, I could see a very shabby building in the middle of what looked like a forest. I had seen this building earlier on my way to Ondo town.
“Driver”, I asked shakily, “why did we stop?” “This na Kind College”, he answered, confirming my suspicion. My maniacal heart stopped beating, and went into a free fall straight into my churning, acid filled stomach. I was…embarrassed. The building looked like it had been abandoned since the previous decade. So this is where NYSC had banished me to for the next one year? This was so not cool. I was mortified…

“Manage am, dat na NYSC for you” the driver said when he noticed my unconcealed chagrin, and drove off leaving me at the roadside surrounded by luggage, mouth agape, hands linked on my head . . .Curses!!!!
I had nowhere else to go. Even if I had, I was hampered by my mammoth luggage. I had gotten carried away when packing for camp, and as a result the amount of luggage I had taken was like those of a new bride being ushered to her groom’s house.

Troubled by discomfiting memories,I sigh and roll around restlessly on my bed. Everywhere is eerily silent. Overhead on the black polythene nylon ceiling, lizards and rats have finally gone silent. Even the neighbourhood turkeys have gone to sleep. During the daytime, the turkeys gobble endlessly, and for some strange diabolical reason known only to them, they chose my window as the base for their heated and extremely noisy debates. Annoying.

Ah, I cannot forget the sand flies.

O sweet Jesus, the sand flies!

Oh God, the sand flies!!

Dear God, the sand flies!!!

The Yoruba call them “kotonkan”. Wasimi is a forest agrarian settlement, so these Lilliputian disseminators of gargantuan misery were in blefuscan proportions. When you wake up in the morning, they were there to kiss you good morning. At noonday they were your constant companions, at night time, they bid you goodnight. These insects ministered to your arms, legs and any other exposed part of your body with single minded ferocity.

My first encounter with them was less than memorable. I had gone to the bush to do my business, (Wasimi has no toilet facilities), when they attacked my bum with vengeance. I tried to hold them off by squeezing my butt tight, tighter than a politician’s fist around a cash bribe, all to no avail. I was chased out of the bush like a thief caught with the neighbourhood chicken… embarrassing.

God help me, this place is screwing up my mojo…

God will help u my guy

I like your figuratives but cant help you out of Wasimi,without you being there you wouldnt have composed this lovely piece for my amusement.You see it is good you are there for me to read your story and be amused by it.Just a joke.

What a nice poem there! More power to your elbow. Methinks there are lots of bushmeat at Wasimi; its not tales of woe all the way. I am impressed.

What a nice poem there! More power to your elbow. Methinks there are lots of bushmeat at Wasimi; its not tales of woe all the way. Wish you a pleasant memorable service. I am impressed.

Yujin: What a nice poem there! More power to your elbow. Methinks there are lots of bushmeat at Wasimi; its not tales of woe all the way. Wish you a pleasant memorable service. I am impressed.

Do you know what a poem is at all? You call this post a poem?

Basic:
Do you know what a poem is at all? You call this post a poem?

Lol. It's all about perception,my guy,perception. If he percieves the post as a poem,then a poem it is!

thiscounts: I like your figuratives but cant help you out of Wasimi,without you being there you wouldnt have composed this lovely piece for my amusement.You see it is good you are there for me to read your story and be amused by it.Just a joke.

I have already been helped out. I retired from my corp membership more than a year ago :-D

ayo2009ice: God will help u my guy

Ermmmm...I'm a full blooded female

Wow!!

This is soooo cool!

Pls, pls, pls share some more your Wasimi experiences - it'll be so cruel for you to stop here.

Efemena_xy: Wow!!

This is soooo cool!

Pls, pls, pls share some more your Wasimi experiences - it'll be so cruel for you to stop here.

I definitely will . Thanx

Nice!
I served in Brass Island, i'm thinkin maybe i should write about it...

kay9: Nice!
I served in Brass Island, i'm thinkin maybe i should write about it...

Please do write about it. I'm sure a lot of people will love to read it

hahahahahaha!

i dey read o!

A house burned down in Wasimi. Well, at least a mud hut {i call it a house because Wasimi is a community of mud hut dwellers}. The tragedy occurred around 8pm that fateful evening.

We {corp members} had gathered to charge our phones in the hut of another corp member who was ingenious enough to have connected a wire to the barber shop next door, so that whenever the barber put on his generator, his little room would have electric power.

Everyone was in a foul mood that day,as I recall. The weather was very sultry, mosquitoes were feasting on our sweaty bodies with reckless abandon,and the whole atmosphere felt oppressive. Nearby a group of farmers were chatting away happily. I continually glared malevolently in their direction. "How can anyone be happy on night like this?", I asked myself.

Restlessly i got up to check if anybody's battery was full so i could charge mine, it was getting late and I badly wanted to go back to my tiny room where my companions were 'roaches and rats, to rage at the heavenlies and NYSC for bringing me to this backwater village.

The normally amiable John 'JP Da Josman' Christopher noticed my movements and snarled "Ishi don't disturb my charger!". I barked back, "I'm not disturbing your phone!!". JP usually made it a point of duty to flirt with Your's Truly at a every given opportunity {I was the only female corp member in the midst of seven guys}, but not so this night because everyone was in a foul mood indeed.

Out of the blues, screams of " ile n jono!!" rang through the hot night.

I wondered which raggedy ass mud hut had caught fire. Everyone rushed out of the hut to behold a dilapidated building burning merrily. My guys rushed to the scene of the fire,leaving me alone with the charging phones. Immediately the broad shoulders and muscular, hairy chests exited the room, my eyes began to gleam evilly.

Ignoring the anguished and terrified screams outside, I pounced on the unattended phones and set about disconnecting phones and replacing them with mine. This done,i went outside and did my own share of sympathetic screaming and rushed back to guard my phones jealously.

Corper Akeem 'Akeembo' Aremu, a very dark complexioned, dimunitive, tribal marked version of Iron Man rushed into the room, beheld my treachery with the phones and promptly usurped the remaining unattended charging phones with his own with amusing alacrity. When he had connected all his phones, my partner in crime winked at me and declared expansively that he wanted to go back to watch "that bush conflagration" {as he put }. Na person burning house dem turn to cinema.

Hours later,when my guys returned and beheld Akeembo and Ishi's shenanigans with the phones,a very vigorous quarrel broke out.

Wetin be my own; the koko be sey all my phones charge wella

Correct! Na u kill abacha ni! Abeg charge anything chargeable for ur body join Jare! Sharrrp gal!

Idowuogbo: Correct! Na u kill abacha ni! Abeg charge anything chargeable for ur body join Jare! Sharrrp gal!

I sure sey if na you serve for Wasimi the guys for beat you taya

Ishilove:
I sure sey if na you serve for Wasimi the guys for beat you taya

Beat who? I b Pro for gidigbo o! Den wan loose nuts b dat

Oya finish d gist Biko!

Idowuogbo:
Beat who? I b Pro for gidigbo o! Den wan loose nuts b dat

Oya finish d gist Biko!

Hm,the gist too plenty. Where I wan start? My one year in that tiny village was something else. A mix of the pleasant and unpleasant,

Do I talk about the numerous 'respectable' men that didn't give me breathing space because I was wearing the FG's cheap asss green khaki? Or the uncountable queries I wrote due to my insufferably laid back attitude? How about the students I taught who were only interested in cocoa farming and marrying,to hell with you,you bloody corper, thank you very much.

Where do I start from,Idowu?

Madam liv grammar and start anywhia jare! gist dey hungry moi!

Idowuogbo: Madam liv grammar and start anywhia jare! gist dey hungry moi!

Grama ke? You neva see grama o. Go to the Religion section and read the posts of folks like Deep Sight,thehomer,Enigma,plaetton and co and you go fear fear wey go fear you. Won ti ya weyrey ni be.

Na run me run comot for that section before my head go somersault with all the big big grama den dey blow dia.

Awon weyrey

Ishilove:
Grama ke? You neva see grama o. Go to the Religion section and read the posts of folks like Deep Sight,thehomer,Enigma,plaetton and co and you go fear fear wey go fear you. Won ti ya weyrey ni be.

Na run me run comot for that section before my head go somersault with all the big big grama den dey blow dia.

Awon weyrey

choi! Lwkm! Dis nairaland can't kill me! Lai lai!

@fluid26. What?!

Idowuogbo:
Beat who? I b Pro for gidigbo o! Den wan loose nuts b dat

But wait o,Idowu you are just like me; we both like to 'fombul'. Fombulism

O lenu bi nuclear bomb

lol @wasimi, the name sef na wa.
I had a pretty fun time too, in Bills, Gombe state for nysc.

Ishilove:
But wait o,Idowu you are just like me; we both like to 'fombul'. Fombulism

O lenu bi nuclear bomb

Lmfaooooooooooooo!!! U need Jesus in ur life o! If u get am already, u nid to find Allah.

Emi fombule? Laye! Omo odua ni moi na! Be be stubborn! Be be is too strong!

Oshamo levels!

BoboYekini: lol @wasimi, the name sef na wa.
I had a pretty fun time too, in Bills, Gombe state for nysc.

You had fun,ba? Good for you.

I'm a reserved person so I didn't exactly have 'fun'. Those who could have given me fun experiences, corpers and civilians alike, had an unflattering fondness for my knees and waist . No thank you very much. I chose to take my chances with the Wasimi farmers, turkeys, goats and 'kotonkan'. At least these set of creatures are predictable. Well,except for the goats... Do you know that goats eat fish??!!

I made this startling discovery the day I kept two roasted 'eja Hawusa' (Hausa fish) outside. I had bought the fish in Ondo main market some days before,and since I wasn't ready to use them,I left them outside my mud hut to dry in the blazing sun. Less than ten mintes later, I came out to spread my laundry. After spreading, I was about to re-enter my hut when something stopped me.

Something seemed . . . off . . .

Standing under the hot sun, feeling hot and icky, I was still wondering what was amiss when my eyes casually fell on the tray I had placed the fish. The tray lay gleaming dully in the midday sun sans fish. Before I could stop myself, I howled "What da fucck?!!" (I usually resort to french when I'm upset). Who was the bloody thief that had stolen my fish in less than ten minutes?!? Had they been timing my movements?!?

My neighbour, Mummy Nurse, attracted by my rants came to enquire what had upset her bespectacled, usually reserved, quietly intense corper neighbour. By this time my glasses lay askew on my face and I was foaming at the mouth. I know its just fish but I had had serious plans for the fish, and besides I paid good money for it, so I deserve my money's worth,right??

I reported this spectacular theft to Mummy Nurse, liberally spraying her face with spittle while I was at it. She made her investigations and it was discovered that my neighbour's nanny goat was the only creature abroad in the less than ten minutes it took for my fish to grow legs and dance off merrily into the sunset. I suddenly remembered that the goat had rigmaroled the area shortly before I came to drop the fish outside, and she had stood a little distance off, watching me as I innocently placed the fish outside.

I thought goats ate only grass! So goats eat fish!? Mummy Nurse solemnly answered in the affirmative. I was . . .embarassed. Good thing nobody was around when I was letting rip the stream of "sheeit"s and "fucck"s

I ended up eating my soup with eja Shawa

I also speak french when i'm upset...very fluently, too. Abeg what is ''eja shawa''? My interest is purely intellectual.

^indeed
@ishi lol you should have flirted with corper suraju and had him kill the bingy goat fok dinner!

kay9: I also speak french when i'm upset...very fluently, too. Abeg what is ''eja shawa''? My interest is purely intellectual.

Lol. Shawa is a low grade, oily, soft and tasteless fish.

I am trying to cut French from my vocabulary but its usage during times of emotional upheavals is. . . deeply satisfying, to say the least . . .

BoboYekini: ^indeed
@ishi lol you should have flirted with corper suraju and had him kill the bingy goat fok dinner!

Lol. I should have had the goat killed and had myself offered up as a sacrifice to the gods,shey?

Seriously though,I confronted the owner of the goat and he was the one who ended up buying the cheap asss eja shawa for me to use. I couldn't ask for Hausa fish because its quite expensive, and he would have had to go all the way to Ondo town to get the fish.

Thus he apologised profusely to 'Aunty Corper', searched high and low for the four-legged thieving little beast to trash,to no avail (she had probably being robbing another hapless person in another corner of the village), crossed the fairly busy Ondo-Akure express way to Iya Sumaila's shed and bought me the cheap asss tasteless shawa.

Who is to blame for all the rubbish? NYSC of course

Idowuogbo:
Lmfaooooooooooooo!!! U need Jesus in ur life o! If u get am already, u nid to find Allah.

Emi fombule? Laye! Omo odua ni moi na! Be be stubborn! Be be is too strong!

Oshamo levels!

Lwkmd!!! Lmao!!! ROTFL!!!!!!!!

Badosky, e n be be scout! Lmao!!!

This lady you will not kill me, lai lai o, mbanu!!!