pls i need honest advise. my parents are separated. My father is a muslim n my mother a christian but the children are christians. My father is a very good man and has been there for us all thru out our lives. He supported us in every way possible, i remember when we were in school if he doesnt have money he wuld borrow just for us to ave all the essentiels we need for school in short he was a father who wld sacrifice anytin for his children. I remeber we use to be the envy of our neighbours then whose parent where nt too nice to them n other mothers envied my mum. But later they separated due to too many issues(nt a story for today).
I gt married first, to a man with a strong christian value but we couldnt get married in church just to compromise for my dad, we opted for the registry. My dad wanted nikai n my hubby wanted church so we meet half way n everyone was happy. My sis soon followed in the same pattern. Now my elder brother is getting married in 2 mnths time but his goin to church cos his fiance wants it so. I remember at a time his fiancee came to stay with me n we gt talking she said it has always been her dream to wrk down the aisle n i told her then that was also my dream but somtimes our dreams dnt come thru, i told her then since she decided to marry a guy who comes frm a muslim home she has to compromise. She said ok then but i guess she just said that to gt me to shut up cos later my borther said she insisted. Nw they are goin to church n my father told me he wnt be attending. I told my brother to just rethink the whole thing n go to a registry like us and later to the church for blessing, ow wld it look getting maried n ur father wld nt attend n it is nt as if he is dead, some1 who has been there for us all dis while dis same man wuld also be responsible for most of d wedn bills but he insisted that is the condition the wife's family gave him. Meanwhile my mum is nt helping matters cos she pushing him along. Right nw we dnt know ow our family members wld take it, if they will come or nt. Who do we call to represent my dad. Seriously nw am nt even looking forward to dat day cos i dnt knw ow it wld be.the wedn iv is out so no goin back. Ifeel my dad has has tried afterall he gave no hassles concerning who we married he allowed us to prctice our religion, marry whoever we wanted but all along he kept telling us he wnt go to church for any wedn n we all abided until nw. So NL want is ur opinion on dis.

I wonder why you let this bother you.
That you compromised doesnt mean others must. Your brother is a man and should be allowed to be one. As Africans, all he needs is the father's blessings and that, he already has. The wedding 'show' is just a formality. If your dad isnt present, the whole world understands he is a muslim and doesnt want to be in the church. Nobody will kill him for that.
Go support your brother the much you can in the church, your dad will be at the reception venue waiting for you all

I understand your soon to be SIL though. It was also a dream for me as a young girl to walk down the aisle with my dad BUT I married someone that practices the same religion as me. There are just some dreams that some people can never give up, this is one of them, I mean it is a once in a life time dream. I honestly don't know what to tell you here but I think a compromise from both parties can go a long way. He is your father, you people compromised really does not mean everyone should. Would you compromise if you were the one in your sister inlaw's shoes right now? To some people, father and father inlaw are two different people entirely though loved very much.

Second off, I think you should wish them well and then mind your business.

maybe am truly poking my nose where it shldnt be, its just dat ours have been a very close family n been ther eldest daughter n also d closest to my bro n dad i felt i shld do somtin. I guess i wld mind my own business henceforth. tanks u all for ur time n opinion

Not everyone will want to compromise on their dreams...if that happens, we should love them and respect their dreams.
The fact that you compromised doesn't mean your potential SIL should; it's best you not allow a simple thing as a wedding cause resentment from her (for not allowing her walk down the aisle) and from you (for her not being understanding enough) and I don't think you should have any 'headache' on behalf of your father...Yes, he suffered for you guys but that shouldn't be seen as a hangman's noose...
Not all your children will do your bidding anyway and when that time comes, please don't make them feel guilty for not remembering all you might have done for them...

Enoquin: Not everyone will want to compromise on their dreams...if that happens, we should love them and respect their dreams.
The fact that you compromised doesn't mean your potential SIL should; it's best you not allow a simple thing as a wedding cause resentment from her (for not allowing her walk down the aisle) and from you (for her not being understanding enough) and I don't think you should have any 'headache' on behalf of your father...Yes, he suffered for you guys but that shouldn't be seen as a hangman's noose...
Not all your children will do your bidding anyway and when that time comes, please don't make them feel guilty for not remembering all you might have done for them...

Love love love your post

Your father did his duties as any good man should,even i from here appreciate him for that it does not mean the children should sacrifice their happiness and dreams for him.What your brother owes him is honor and respect and i am sure he is doing that already.Why are you not trying to convince your father to go to church just for 1 day? anyway if he does not want to go its still ok but just as he made his choice your brother also has the right to make his choice, he is a man now.

I understand the side you are coming from and that's very considerate of u and ur sis to put your dad into consideration. No man wants his place to be taken by another especially when it comes to ceremony. Your brother should be able to compromise. He can have his registry and there after a small reception just to accomodate dad and later do his church wedding with a small reception. Extra cost but its worth it not for today but tomorrow.

We younger generations tends to take lightly things like this. He needs your fathers blessings whether ur dad is a pagan or not. Blessings and curses follow certain principles

One solution here is for your brother to have a small registry ceremony on the morning of the traditional engagement/introduction. Your father can attend these, skip the church ceremony and then join the reception afterwards. This really isn't as big of a deal as you think especially because your father already gave his blessings (he just doesn't want to be at the church). Encourage your brother to be creative and open-minded about coming up with a solution that works for everybody.

PS - Asking your future SIL to give up her church wedding is a bit unreasonable. You have to remember that she has her own father who probably also sacrificed a lot for her and wants to walk his daughter down the aisle at a church wedding! That you sacrificed your dream for your Dad doesn't mean your future SIL should also sacrifice hers.

The brother can have both a registry and a church wedding.

Why the heck can't your father live his life and allow his children to live their lives? Is he the one getting married? He is overbearing and imposing his wishes on his children? What difference and happiness does it bring to him for him to be depriving his children the joys of life? He has married and enjoyed his time, he should back off and let you guys be abeg. It's not as if after the wedding these children will start attending his church/religion, he just doesn't want to see any of his children wed in church, same children that have already chosen the religion they want to follow. You had to be deprived enjoying your wedding the way you want it and you went on to try and convince another poor girl to agree to be imposed on too just to make him happy.
Pls quit getting sobby and let your brother's fiancee enjoy her wedding day. How about her father/mother/family that will be looking forward to having a nice time in church on their daughter's wedding? Nobody is considering them. People won't stop living their lives or uncomfortably make their lives over because of others who want to impose their wishes around without caring about the happiness of the people it is affecting.

The lady knew her fiance was from a muslim background and she should make allowances for that, imo.


The wedding is different from the marriage.