Hello wonderful people, There's something i stil have not understand especially when it comes to "financial responsibilities" of a relationship or the family altogether.
my wife argues: A wife SHOULD NOT have any financial commitment in the relationship/family ONLY IF SHE VOLUNTARILY WILL., then she can contribute. BUT NOT MANDATORY!

my own agruement: I believe d husband should take about 70% of d financial responsibilities while his wife should assist 30% of it due to d economic situation of country. since d husband and d wife are working.

I hope everyone understands my point here? howeva i believe nobody knws it all.
Am willing to hear ur take on it.
Thanks n cheers

pls share ur experience. very important pls

As a married woman I agree to 70:30 or 80:20 ratio .

I am not married. This is my take. If the husband and wife are working, the woman should assist the man in handling some financial responsibilities. Except a man is a senator or a governor, it is not easy to single-handedly handle the financial requirements in a family given the current economic situation of the country. If a man wants to take up all the financial responsibilities alone, he may end up not building a home of his own. He would only collect his pay at the end of the month, finish it and wait for the next month. These things should be discussed before wedding though.

These are points discussed before marriage, so a consensus could be reached before signing the dotted lines, not quarreled over after the wedding.
Only you and your wife can know what works for you, we do not know your income and expenditure.
Me as a woman who loves some degree of independence, I can not fully rely on any human being for my care. I love to use my hands and produce and get the satisfaction of spending what these hands have produced. We share bills, that works for us, My Husband is thorough and financially organized. We agreed on this before we married.

THANKS TO ALL DAT HAVE RESPONDED.

PLEASE, MY wife agrues dat am not man enough to take care of my responsibility thats y i tried to share d financial responsibilities, she believes women should ONLY CONTRIBUTE IF THEY FEELS LIKE,VOLUNTARILY, BUT NOT MANDATORY!. (because she's an igbo and they believe d man should do all financial burdens).

I STILL DONT KNW HOW TO MAKE HER REALISE THIS POINT, THOUGH SHE's DOING HER MASTERs RITE NOW,
PLEASE IF ANYONE KNOWS ANY MARIAGE COUNSELLOR TO SPEAK TO
i wil apreciate.
I STIL WELCOME MORE ADVISE FROM YOU ALL

I'm going to play devil's advocate here.

@poster, can you really blame her? Afterall, what's the point of sinking her hard earned cash into a venture that won't really favour her? I mean:

~ If she helps you lay the foundations for a solid future, say for example, help you contribute towards building your own home... what guarantee(s) does she have that your family won't see it as "My brother's / son's property" and she has no say nor entitlement to it? Are you going to put her name on the title deeds? Or not?

~ What's the point of helping you foot the financial bills if at the end of the day, say a couple of years later down the line, you decide she's "too old" and you need younger, fresher blood to grace your bed? She'll be thrown out of her home, bitter and full of regrets without a penny Kobo to her name. Afterall, in the Nigerian society, it's a man's world and marriage doesn't really favour the women folk.

~ Do you have kids? No. Does she have sons for you? And are her sons your "first" boys? Or do you already have kids outside by "another woman", who'll upsurp her, throw her out and claim your property at your demise?

~ Considering the above points, do you not think your wife deserves to keep her money aside, in case of a rainy day? Can you honestly blame her for thinking ahead??

@poster, I have a lady-friend who earns 11k more than her husband. She told me she agreed with her husband to take some financial responsibilities before their wedding. They are now married and they are doing fine. The last time I ran into her, she told me they (her husband and herself) were looking for a plot of land in a remote area in Abeokuta, so they can start putting up their structure little by little. These kind of ladies are rare. Since you are married now, you have to handle the situation with maturity. I cant agree to marry a woman who expects me to carry all the responsibilities in the home. I be Lizarazu?

debrief08: These are points discussed before marriage, so a consensus could be reached before signing the dotted lines, not quarreled over after the wedding.
Only you and your wife can know what works for you, we do not know your income and expenditure.
Me as a woman who loves some degree of independence, I can not fully rely on any human being for my care. I love to use my hands and produce and get the satisfaction of spending what these hands have produced. We share bills, that works for us, My Husband is thorough and financially organized. We agreed on this before we married.

No, you are actually stingy!!!

sunky-show:
THANKS TO ALL DAT HAVE RESPONDED.

PLEASE, MY wife agrues dat am not man enough to take care of my responsibility thats y i tried to share d financial responsibilities, she believes women should ONLY CONTRIBUTE IF THEY FEELS LIKE,VOLUNTARILY, BUT NOT MANDATORY!. (because she's an igbo and they believe d man should do all financial burdens).

I STILL DONT KNW HOW TO MAKE HER REALISE THIS POINT, THOUGH SHE's DOING HER MASTERs RITE NOW,
PLEASE IF ANYONE KNOWS ANY MARIAGE COUNSELLOR TO SPEAK TO
i wil apreciate.
I STIL WELCOME MORE ADVISE FROM YOU ALL

I dont understand some women. I'm an Igbo lady, married to am Igbo man and we share financial responsibility. I don't expect him to pay for everything, it's demeaning. I work and I can contribute to the home so why shd i rely on him 100%. If something happens to him how will I cope? You need to let her know you cannot carry thee burden on your own or she will come home and hear you've been arrested for 419 or armed robbery. I know a lot of ladies think the man shd shoulder it all, but that is what leads to disrespect, beating and cheating from the man. And what is her reason for working then? Weird!

If I as the man pick all the bill in the house then what is the womans stake in the house?

How is she better than a piece of furniture that just occupy space?

If he pick all the bills then he has a right to do as he want in the house without being questioned. Just like the chairs and table cant question the owner.

If he come into the house even with lipstick stains all over his body and you ask him, He would simply reply, Its those lipsticks on his shirt that feed house and clothe your lazy arse since you contribute nada to it.

Even contributing to your own childrens school fees, upkeep etc.

I can never have anything to do with any woman with such mentality

I still find it hard to believe that some women still think this way. Hmmm... in this present economic situation, you can't have it all. What happens if for some reasons she's the only one working and supporting the family? Though nobody prays for that but then it happens. If only I have the option of 50-50, I will share testimony o.

joe4christ:

No, you are actually stingy!!!

Lol, how did my post pass me off as stingy? I said my husband and I share bills, and I love to work hard and enjoy spending the fruits of the hard work hence cant be lazy, where stingy enter the gist again?

I don't believe your wife and yourself should allow finances put a wedge in your home. Counseling is a. Step in the right direction and I commend you for that.
I also believe that regardless of what you or your wife believes, you are a man and should decide how your home should be run. Forget percentages for now. Calculate how you need for yourself, how much you need to keep for emergencies, kids school fees and savings for your future or a project for your retirement. Give your wife the balance (within reason), let her know that is all you can afford as you need to think of the future of your family. She would need to prepare a monthly budget with what you gave her. My brother no one would tell her to add her own money when the need arises. Every woman wants the best future for herself n her family. She would not want you to spend all you have without planning for tomorrow. I wish your home the very best. God bless your home.

That's the problem with people rushing into marraige without getting to know virtually all the basics about their partner, this issue u brought here would'nt have been an issue if you'd studied and put your partner to various tests including her perception about financial responsibilities while dating and courting even before proceeding to marraige, the reason why i'm saying this is cos i know of a certain that there are certain charracters, attitudes and perception in women that if you are incapable of noticing and dealing with while dating, then it would be almost impossible for you to make her see reasons to change now, i certainly believe u must have talked over this issue with her but she seems adamant to it and i guess that's why you brought it over here.
Well as far as i know, there are certain problems we tag challenges that we all might just have to live with in other to survive atleast for the sake of your family, i just hope you dont have to live with this one for the rest of your life.
I cannot start advicing you on measures to take in other to curb this issue cos i aint got a clue the kind of person your wife is and we all know different men are made up of different measure of Ego, so i'll just advice u talk to her believing she would be reasonable enough to understand so it does'nt degenerate into bigger issues in your marraige.
Goodluck!!!

If I am making more money than my husband, then I should also pay more f.ex of the rent and food and bills for us.
If he makes more, he should pay more.

If we make somewhat the same, it should be 50/50. Whatever is left is "your own money", after rent, food, electricity, tv, etc.

There is this feeling of satisfaction that come with been able to provide for your wife and children.

Personally, I really that God for this priviledge. And I am happy doing it.

To some other guys this is a crazy thing to do particularly if woman is earning some good money.

Man or woman, once you get married, your family becomes the most important thing in your world. Why would anyone not want to channel the economic resources they have towards their own family?

If your wife says its because of tradition, then you need to explain to her that tradition is a function of time. Each generation needs to adapt and do what works for them. Back in the day, women didn't have as much access to the workforce as they do today, so it was understandable for the man to carry all the responsibilities.

Today, your wife is doing a masters degree and should therefore be a good earner. What exactly is she going to do with all those earnings?

The flipside of this is that men also need to adapt and become more domestic than they used to be. In addition, the Nigerian legal system needs to step up in sharing family assets more equitably in the unfortunate event of death/divorce, otherwise many women will be tempted to hold back their money.

Claus: Man or woman, once you get married, your family becomes the most important thing in your world. Why would anyone not want to channel the economic resources they have towards their own family?

If your wife says its because of tradition, then you need to explain to her that tradition is a function of time. Each generation needs to adapt and do what works for them. Back in the day, women didn't have as much access to the workforce as they do today, so it was understandable for the man to carry all the responsibilities.

Today, your wife is doing a masters degree and should therefore be a good earner. What exactly is she going to do with all those earnings?

The flipside of this is that men also need to adapt and become more domestic than they used to be. In addition, the Nigerian legal system needs to step up in sharing family assets more equitably in the unfortunate event of death/divorce, otherwise many women will be tempted to hold back their money.

*Applause*

When women are also working, they should also be paying.
When women are also working, that means the men should also help more around the house.

If I am working 8hours every day, and he is working 8hours every day..should I be the only one cooking and cleaning?

Sincerely, i cant fully blame ur wife 4 d decision she made, it might be due to d orientation she got from her mother or somebody dt trained her while growing up, nevertheless, whatever one does is 4 one's good or otherwise. Personally, i believe in helping each other because im working, if i dont use my money 4 d betterment of my family whatelse am i going to use my money for? If as a woman, u decided not to assist ur hubby, dont worry, by d time he overwork himself and get worked up and loose his life, what she dont want to share, she will now do it alone.
As 4 u d man, u dont have to share d responsibility, just do what u can and be sincere with it, a good woman will know when and where to assist, but if u try to share it with any ratio, it may lead to disrespect. Do ur best and be sincere. Sincerity pays off.

@sunky, pele o.
TRUTH: Your wife is right! You are the HEAD of the home/family. Aren't you? It is your responsibility to house, feed, clothe your family & educate your kids.
However, in today's contemporary world, average man needs all the help possible & our wives are best for such. But you can't go compelling your wife to specific %ge contribution. A wise hubby shud know how to get anything (financial) from his wife & not quarel.
You're so agitated. Calm down. Tell her she's right & see what happens next.

sunky-show:
Hello wonderful people, There's something i stil have not understand especially when it comes to "financial responsibilities" of a relationship or the family altogether.
my wife argues: A wife SHOULD NOT have any financial commitment in the relationship/family ONLY IF SHE VOLUNTARILY WILL., then she can contribute. BUT NOT MANDATORY!

my own agruement: I believe d husband should take about 70% of d financial responsibilities while his wife should assist 30% of it due to d economic situation of country. since d husband and d wife are working.

I hope everyone understands my point here? howeva i believe nobody knws it all.
Am willing to hear ur take on it.
Thanks n cheers

jst married people?dts not fair

For the man. it is a responsibility while it is an act of volition for the wife. It is an unfair world.

dayokanu: If I as the man pick all the bill in the house then what is the womans stake in the house?

How is she better than a piece of furniture that just occupy space?

If he pick all the bills then he has a right to do as he want in the house without being questioned. Just like the chairs and table cant question the owner.

If he come into the house even with lipstick stains all over his body and you ask him, He would simply reply, Its those lipsticks on his shirt that feed house and clothe your lazy arse since you contribute nada to it.

Even contributing to your own childrens school fees, upkeep etc.

I can never have anything to do with any woman with such mentality

GBAM! GBAM! GBAM! GBAM! ... thread closed

You've got some good advice, but really only you and your wife have the final say.

Have a heart to heart and be as open as you can be. Tell her your income, and go over the expenses in the house.

Explain to her how you need her, it's not by force but you are both building the home for your future.

be calm, and don't go shouting and carrying about as the MAN of the house, if so you will carry your load.

All the best.

It is for all, no dividing but men usually take the largest responsibility.

If your wife sees you as herself andyou d same, arguements like this should never ensue. You both would know each others income and know of the things to be taken care of. Dividing who does what sounds to me like business. Homes should never be run like that.

then what does your woman do with her money, feeding other men outside or what if she can not assist you, then who will see assist in terms if problems and challenges arise, this is a kind of woman that run to their fathers house.
truth must be told, its like you didn't define all these before marriage. besides even if you did, things can change over time.
this is the kind of woman that will not let their husband tell truth about their income.
if na me, I will just be using sixty percent of my income to present as my salary and play along intelligently.
personally, my wife was working and earning almost 2 x of my salary before we got married 4 years plus ago, no one knew. she didn't showed or bragged with it.she supported me with the salary all the time.now she is out of job and as am blessed now, it will be wickedness not to give her everything she wanted to maintain our family and her family. in fact,I give her almost all my salary so far am comfortable with the rest.and she is not that extravagant in spending. you need to be wise and talk it over especially if your income cannot solve all your financial challenges. if she refused, my brother, be wise.

I handle feeding and household expenses. I pay 80% of the rent. Other major expenses are shared in varying degrees, We have no hard and fast rules.

At the end of the day, it is understanding. But the man should be the financial driver. It is the natural law set by God. Her money is her money, and good women will occasionally bring it out without asking if PHCN takes light on the guy's finances temporarily.

Women generally know how to manage money and keep it aside. men are bad savers, myself included. Give a man extra cash and he is looking for the latest toy to acquire to compete or to keep up with the Joneses.

In our house, we do everything together. I'm not being forced to do it. I just do

I don't think there is a general sharing formular when it comes to marriage. Because all marriages are not the same. While some families have the husband doing all the spending, some share the finacial burden equally if they are both working.
I'm not married, but using my parents as a case study, my mum provides 80% of the family's finance because she earns more.
An outsider can never know because she respects and loves my dad like he's her dad and they just met yesterday meanwhile they have been married for 30yrs.
So, it depends on individuals. Whatever works for both of you. Because marriage is partnership.
Its both of you against the world for ever.

@Poster,

Which of her own 'traditional' roles are you sharing 70/20 or 80/20?