Flashaldrin:
title asks one thing, the op asks another. I chose to reply the op, got any prob with that??

tpia1:

too prickly.

any reason why?

i didnt see your name in the thread title and so far, nobody has taken offence at either the topic or the poster.

so, why are you up in arms?

Flashaldrin:
ummm, i asked two questions. . .

candieangel12: To me "love is color blind"
I think african american men have amazing sex appeal. I dont mind dating or marrying an African american man, white man, italian man, etc but my main preference are white men mainly because they're more romantic and know how to treat a woman good.
I've told my parents right from time that I wont marry an African man because I am not attracted to African men, I told them I will likely end up marrying a white man. My parents hate this idea because they want me to marry an igbo man lol but like I told them, they have no decision when it comes to matters of my heart.

Mrs.Chima:


Traditional parents want their children to marry what they are aware of. Some people want to maintain traditional mentality even if it will destroy the clan out of fear and ignorance.

candieangel12: To me "love is color blind"
I think african american men have amazing sex appeal. I dont mind dating or marrying an African american man, white man, italian man, etc but my main preference are white men mainly because they're more romantic and know how to treat a woman good.
I've told my parents right from time that I likely wont marry an African man because I am not attracted to African men, I told them I will likely end up marrying a white man. My parents hate this idea because they want me to marry an igbo man lol but like I told them, they have no decision when it comes to matters of my heart.

carefreewannabe:

Listen to your heart girl!

candieangel12:

Yeah true that. My parents steady talk down on their friends that allow their children to marry outside of the Nigerian race but they will be shocked when I marry outside of the African race lol. My mom keeps tellin me how non Nigerian men are no good and how they believe in divorce. She says she will have a heart attack if I dont marry an igbo man and that I will bring disgrace to her n my father...but I think they are over oreacting. I won't sacrifice my heart just to save face and please them. I tell her all the time, that she is just gonna have to learn to live with the fact. No specific race gaurantees a happy marriage.

FlowerPower: I know the questions is for Nigerians, but I'm African American. I would date a Nigerian, but I just don't think I could marry one. The ones who did not grow up in the US or UK, are far different, even when they have been educated abroad. Sometimes I just blink and stare at the things my Nigerian friends say. Also the way women are treated is apalling (to me). There are a few other things, but I don't want to say, because I don't want to make anyone feel insulted.

KINGwax: we undstnd. Nigerian men won't stand their wife having a boyfriend and talking to her friends abt their escapades. You knw? We will see it as immoral if u break wit us and consider it normal marryin his friend. Nigerian men won't allow u go all your way and claim rights of a woman. And hey i forgot...divorce! Most popular trend in the US!

KINGwax: we undstnd. Nigerian men won't stand their wife having a boyfriend and talking to her friends abt their escapades. You knw? We will see it as immoral if u break wit us and consider it normal marryin his friend. Nigerian men won't allow u go all your way and claim rights of a woman. And hey i forgot...divorce! Most popular trend in the US!

KINGwax: we undstnd. Nigerian men won't stand their wife having a boyfriend and talking to her friends abt their escapades. You knw? We will see it as immoral if u break wit us and consider it normal marryin his friend. Nigerian men won't allow u go all your way and claim rights of a woman. And hey i forgot...divorce! Most popular trend in the US!

SniperInADiaper:

Arent you the one who supposedly has 2 children by two different women out of wedlock and about to marry a third? Did I read this right?

"I got two kids with different moms! Both sexes!
One mom is married, the other abt to!
And kingwax is plannin on marrying the 3rd next yr. I'm definately gonna be having a 3rd kid with a 3rd mama!"

Kindly tell me how THAT is better than divorce?!

FlowerPower:

I see I have rubbed a sore spot. So let me poke around in that wound a little more.
1. Wife having a boyfriend?
Sir that is adultery and not accepted here. Women here also do not accept men having 2nd wives (unless you are with a specific religious group).

2. Breaking up and marrying a friend?
Sounds very familiar. In fact, I just saw this on a Nollywood movie.

3. "Nigerian men won't allow u go all your way and claim rights of a woman."
I will not comment on how you have mastered the English language. However, I agree with you 100%. Many (not all) Nigerian men will not allow ladies to claim their rights as a woman or simply a fellow human being. Thank you for agreeing with me.

4. Divorce.
Hmm. Since adultery is taken more seriously here, you are probably right. If you cheat on your spouse, you are likely to find yourself in the middle of a divorce. If you beat your wife, you WILL find yourself locked up and divorced. I have many Nigerian associates here, and divorce is quite popular amongst them.
COMMON Scenario:The husband has usually lied to his community about being a rich man in the US. When his wife comes over, she realizes that she was hoodwinked and bamboozled. However she wises up quickly, becomes a nurse, and drops the liar who is always telling her how worthless she is.

As for me, I have a very good friend who is well educated, 'God fearing', and liked by my family. We talk about work, life, family, etc. He even cooks for me at least 3 to 4 times a week (yes A Nigerian Man). However, I know him like the bottom of my foot. The moment I say "I do" is the moment I become a walking garbage collector. Oh it may take a few years, but all his sweet talk and friendship would slowly vanish and the closer to retirement he gets, the more, he would revert to his "roots". I am quite sure that his frustrations with life, would eventually end up as a slap to my face in order to compensate for his shortcomings. Of course not every Nigerian man is like this, but many things are culturally accepted in their mind and not seen as wrong. How many times have I heard one say that he is going to "deal with" some woman? That is not to say that men in the US do not abuse women, however you won't find other American people supporting them in their decision to do so. The fact is that I prefer spending my life with a black male who has been born and bred in the US. They understand the cultural innuendos and consequences of trying to oppress other people. I don't have to train them on hygiene related matters. I don't have to worry about if they secretly have a second wife waiting in the shadows. I respect Nigerian men as I respect other people from every walk of life, however I'm not fool enough to marry one. I'm sorry sir if you are now profusely bleeding. I'll try to give you some stitches when I'm finished sopping up my soup with this fufu- yes the one your Nigerian brother made for me.

Mrs.Chima:


Awhhh shatap!

Mrs.Chima:


Divorce is better than being in a loveless marriage with no mutual respect and faithfulness.....popular trend in Nigeria!

sandra_hot: I'm sorry but your post seems so misandrist (especially the part about your Nigerian friend ). Well, to each his own. I just hope he knows/guesses what his "friend" thinks of him afterall he is feeling accepted even by your family. If you treat your men as beneath you/to be used, why then do you wonder that they find it difficult to love long-term? If he is well educated as you say, its only a matter of time that he'll wise up to you. I can't shout

FlowerPower:

I'm smiling like a Cheshire cat right now, but let me respond.

1. your post seems so misandrist
"Hunty I loves me some men" . I wonder if only Americans get what I just said. See that is part of that cultural innuendo I was talking about earlier.

2. I just hope he knows/guesses what his "friend" thinks of him
Yes he does. He knows that he is a FRIEND. I'm no hater. Give me your contact information and I will pass it along to him.

3. If you treat your men as beneath you/to be used, why then do you wonder that they find it difficult to love long-term?
I do not feel in any way that he is beneath me, nor am I beneath him. When I say I know him like the bottom of my foot, that is because I know the good and the bad, the clean and the dirty. He is a wonderful friend, but a man who would slap his own sister, would surely rattle my skull one day. I have no desire to battle him about sending my children back to Nigeria with family that I don't know. His mother and father did a good job raising him, but I don't want their beliefs and customs to be the only thing my kids know. In addition, I would enter a marriage with a dental bill. His entire mouth needs an overhaul due to years of neglect. Would I send my children away on the hope that they return with all 32 teeth . I'm being a little facetious, but the truth is that there are many cultural differences that I know I wouldn't be able to handle. Knowing this means that I am wise enough to keep our friendship intact, and not let it be ruined by a doomed marriage. The fact is that I am happy and satisfied with my life. I've been through some things, learned a bit more, and at the present time I have no desire to add anyone to the mix. When I am ready to add someone, trust and believe it will be a black American man.

4. its only a matter of time that he'll wise up to you
I should hope so, since I've told him that he needs to find a Nigerian wife. He is the one slow poking around, but I have my suspicions as to why... I won't say what I think, because as Mrs.Chima has already noted, I need to get a head start .

Joliecoco: Are you willing to marry an African Ameircan man or woman and what will your African parents say if you decide to marry and AA person?

candieangel12: To me "love is color blind"
I think african american men have amazing sex appeal. I dont mind dating or marrying an African american man, white man, italian man, etc but my main preference are white men mainly because they're more romantic and know how to treat a woman good.
I've told my parents right from time that I likely wont marry an African man because I am not attracted to African men, I told them I will likely end up marrying a white man. My parents hate this idea because they want me to marry an igbo man lol but like I told them, they have no decision when it comes to matters of my heart.

sandra_hot: Give me your contact information and I will pass it along to him.

Thanks, but I'll pass

There are cultural differences quite all right.

I do not know his circumstances growing up or any plans you guys have discussed about sending your kids away for a while but you have to realize that there is a world outside the US, and that world is increasingly affluent. Being raised American is all well and good but there are several people globally who don't care for that and a lot of them live in Nigeria. Simply because they can be affluent with the opportunities here. There are lots of Nigerians heading back home for those opportunities.
That is the very reason I'd pass on someone like him. I only date people (not necessarily Nigerians) who love themselves first and are resourceful enough to see opportunities where others don't.
Btw, I understood what you meant about knowing him like the bottom of your foot. I just pick up a lot of condescending vibes about how American ladies refer to their men in general and any discerning person will pick it up here too.
Cheers,
I'm out of this thread. *pattering footsteps as walks away*