I am new to this site and this is my first post. I am a 41 year old black American female and have dated a few Nigerians in the past. I have enjoyed the posts up to now and felt compelled to comment on the little I know of Nigerian friends. Many of the posters on this topic have discussed meeting Nigerians online and have professed their undying love for these persons. I too have an email friendship with a Nigerian man. As I stated before, I have dated Nigerian men in the past, this is my first online friend. I would advise any woman or man seeking an online friendship to exercise a little common sense and caution with online dating of any kind. Please, check out and verify as much about the person as possible online. If they say they are at a certain university or in a certain city, check the 'net and see if you can find anything that ties them to that place. If they claim to be in a country, have them send you a personal email from their personal account. Check the IP address of the email and see if they are located in that particular place. Love is wonderful, loneliness is terrible, but your safety and protection should be your first concern.

Take online dating of a man in any country as what it is. IT IS ONLINE DATING. Until you meet in real time, give the relationship all the consideration due an ONLINE RELATIONSHIP. There is only so much of your heart that you should give to a man or woman that you have not met. I am well educated with an advanced degree and a professional job. My online friend asked if we could meet in Europe where he currently resides. I agreed on the condition that he paid for the meeting. I have one experience that transcends all racial and cultural lines with men. If they love and want to be with you, they will do what it takes to be with you. Why should a woman foot the expense and go trotting around the globe for a man who is "convinced" that she is the one for him. Exercise common sense.

Now Naija men are different from black American men, but not so much. Most black men want to be the head of the home and want respect and honor. Most men will listen to and respect a woman who will honor, respect and submit herself to him. It is not a sign of weakness on the part of the woman, but it is a recognition of his role as a man. Now, most Naija men I have met are impatient and want what they want when they want it. It is cultural but not meant to be offensive. I told one man that I recognize this as a trait of Naija men, he apologized profusely and said he did not mean to offend him. I told him I was not offended and knew it was just a part of his upbringing and I recognized he was Nigerian; but, I told him I was American. Sometimes I would indulge him and respond to him; but, when he crossed the line, I would just ignore him.

Diplomacy can solve a multitude of matters.

To All,
I have been reading these threads for a while now and there are some things that I would like to comment on( African men & division among blacks). I am an African "American" female( I prefer the term American-born African) married to African African-born man(non-americanized). I am a product of the African diaspora and the Transatlantic slave trade.
First of all, in any dating/marriage situation one should seriously consider the background of their partner especially if there are cultural differences. Not that the differences are insurmountable, but in order for the relationship to grow continually they must be addressed. By addressed I mean that they must be considered and respected. I have to admit that there is no other man for me than my husband. I don't think that it has anything to do with him being African or not. However, I am thrilled that my husband is a black man; and I know it's rather biased but to me they are the best men around. Even after there is careful consideration of one another's culture it takes love, patience, and a firm foundation in Christ to have a truly lasting relationship.

Secondly, I have always been troubled by the division among Blacks as a whole. We are certain that our race did not originate in Europe, Asia, or any other place but in Africa. Yet, we ridicule and insult each other being that we are brothers and sisters. We may not all share the same culture but we are of the same people. There are enough people and forces in this world trying to pull us down and discourage us; we need not destroy one another. I am fascinated with my black skin, the way we say what we say from the heart(whether right or wrong), the drive and strength we have when things seem hopeless, and many other things positive and negative that describe us as a black people. We should all be trying to learn from each other and pour our knowledge, wealth, and efforts into our beloved continent that has been repeatedly violated by those that have invaded us and divided us. There are some differences, such as the roles of women, family ties, etc. I have had the privilege to live in both USA(Houston,Texas) and Africa(Equatorial Guinea) and I see the good and bad of both sides. It is natural to stick with what you are familiar with, but if we venture just a little further we can learn something about each other and in the process understand ourselves. It wasn't until I moved to Africa that I truly appreciated being Black. Now, I know this may sound controversial, but growing up in the states there are so many things that a person of color must do to fit in that sometimes causes self-loathing. I had always wanted to know about my roots and one day travel to Africa just to experience my homeland, but I had no idea that my soulmate would be from Africa. I figured early on that I probably wouldn't marry a fellow American because of different viewpoints, but I was still unaware of where the person would come from. The best days of my life have been spent with my husband, we've been through the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you ask me there is no better man living or dead, African or otherwise than my Corazón (sweetheart). He is not perfect and neither am I, but there is a love that binds us that reaches far beyond our cultural differences.

So, in conclusion I just want to say that we should find common ground in order to get along with one another, and let our differences complement each other. I would like to see more Blacks( those displaced outside of Africa) traveling to see their homeland and acceptance and recognition from Africans as our brothers and sisters. Together as a people we have so much to offer, but divided we destroy ourselves.

Just felt the urge to chip in my own two cents as a responsible nigerian man

I have always been against stereotyping. Whether it be on the basis of race, nationality or sex and my view point on dating Nigerian men is no different. I won't bother to go into details to explain that there are just as many good nigerian men as there are bad ones as some of the previous posters have done justice to this already.
What I would like to say however, is that any foreigner interested in dating a nigerian man or any other african for that matter should do away with all stereotypical thoughts and use their innate wisdom to judge the situation. Each person's situation is unique and i'm rather afraid that some posts that have been made by americans who have had bitter experiences with nigerian men might be sowing seeds of doubts in other women who might be in genuine relationships with nigerian men.
I would advise women to use their heads and not give in to their emotions when entering any relationship whether it be online or otherwise.
Some salient points that I think should be considered when dating Nigerian men.

AGE DIFFERENCE
If you are more than 2 or 3 years older than your Nigerian partner then this is almost a clear signal that he is in the relationship for reasons other than love. It is foreign to our culture for men to marry ladies older than them

MONETARY DEMANDS
Making incessant monetary demands is a clear sign that he is in it for economic gains and nothing more.

SECRECY
Keeping your relationship secret is a clear sign that he doesnt want his friends and family to be aware of the union because he is not fully committed to it.

SINGLE NIGERIAN MAN / FOREIGNER with kids from a previous relationship
This should also be a no go area for you. It is foreign to our culture for a single man to marry a woman who has kids from a previous relationship.

If you can identify one or more of the listed scenarios in your relationship then you need to slow things down a bit and observe.

On the flip side, if these signs are not evident in your relationship then you might have a genuine man for all you care.

Hello to all I am new to this site, I am sending this today because almost 9 years ago I was involved with a man born in Nigeria grew up for the most part in London, anyway we dated and had a relationship for 4 years then he made a decision to return back to Nigeria We just saw one another for the first time in 9 years and I realized there is still something there alot of feelings emotions etc. He wanted to be intimate but I couldn't because I no I love him but I am not in love with him and he is just going away again back to London Then Nigeria and I don't no how long it will be before we see one another again, he asked me to have a baby with him? any input from that? I have been re: married and DIVORCED AND HAD ANOTHER CHILD ALL IN THESE last 9 years but he doesn't care, I didn't even ask if he was married or involved with anyone and he did not offer any information. Does the Nigerian culture even accept not only interracial couple/relationships but I am American and Californian he is well educated well traveled successful and well to do, I am just a boring stay at home mommy with a vocational training education that lives pay check to pay check, is he really still interested or is he just trying to relive a moment in time and then fly away again?

unsure:

Hello to all I am new to this site, I am sending this today because almost 9 years ago I was involved with a man born in Nigeria grew up for the most part in London, anyway we dated and had a relationship for 4 years then he made a decision to return back to Nigeria We just saw one another for the first time in 9 years and I realized there is still something there alot of feelings emotions etc. He wanted to be intimate but I couldn't because I no I love him but I am not in love with him and he is just going away again back to London Then Nigeria and I don't no how long it will be before we see one another again, he asked me to have a baby with him? any input from that? I have been re: married and DIVORCED AND HAD ANOTHER CHILD ALL IN THESE last 9 years but he doesn't care, I didn't even ask if he was married or involved with anyone and he did not offer any information. Does the Nigerian culture even accept not only interracial couple/relationships but I am American and Californian he is well educated well traveled successful and well to do, I am just a boring stay at home mommy with a vocational training education that lives pay check to pay check, is he really still interested or is he just trying to relive a moment in time and then fly away again?

@you sure are unsure

Seeing as he asked you no detail the whole thing sounds crazy as hell. What he has propositioned to you is not in the Nigerian culture but in the culture of a triffling fellow. Nasty ass man you might love him till thine kingdom comes but you already have kids therefore you should act like a responsible person and not have random childmaking sex with a man you might not know his whereabouts for probably another 9 yrs. I have not experienced love maybe cause I think to much in scientific terms but there is no logic behind all this mess.

Ditto. Why would a man who cares for you want to saddle you with a huge responsibility and no accountability to you on his part? Sounds like he is playing on your emotions and race and culture have nothing to do with it.

abeg forget that matter. You should ask what kindda woman she is if she can be seeking advice on such a thing. The deed's probably already done anyway.

lol LOL ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS OF THIS WOULDN'T WORK AND ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT OLD BAGGAGE, AND ALL YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT OLD PUSSY, MAKES ME LAUGH,
YES I'M YRS OLDER THAN MY HUSBAND, YES I SAID IT MY HUSBAND NOW!!!!!!! IT IS WONDERFUL AND IT DOES WORK, THERE IS SUCH A THING AS TRUE LOVE AND FRANKLY. AGE MADE NO DIFFERENCE,
SO SORRY YOU SO CALLED YOUNG WOMEN ARE JEALOUS OF THIS MARRIAGE, MAYBE IF YOU GREW UP AND ACTED LIKE AN OLD HAG AS YOU PUT IT, THEY WOULDN'T RUN FROM YOUR ASSES,

SO Bleep OFF,,,,,, I HAVE A YOUNG NIGERIAN FACE TO SIT ON,

Njean, you shouldn't worry about the kind of welcome you'll receive in nigeria. I am assuring you that you'll be treated like American president once you're there. You will only have problem if your man is the type that's easily influenced by others view. Once your man accepts you with all his heart, his parents and relatives will equally do the same. Be sure that you will never like to return to US again once you visit nigeria. You will be ever be grateful to God for giving you a nigerian. In fact, you' ll be treated like a celebrity.

unsure:

Hello to all I am new to this site, I am sending this today because almost 9 years ago I was involved with a man born in Nigeria grew up for the most part in London, anyway we dated and had a relationship for 4 years then he made a decision to return back to Nigeria We just saw one another for the first time in 9 years and I realized there is still something there alot of feelings emotions etc. He wanted to be intimate but I couldn't because I no I love him but I am not in love with him and he is just going away again back to London Then Nigeria and I don't no how long it will be before we see one another again, he asked me to have a baby with him? any input from that? I[b] have been re: married and DIVORCED AND HAD ANOTHER CHILD ALL IN THESE last 9 years but he doesn't care[/b], I didn't even ask if he was married or involved with anyone and he did not offer any information. Does the Nigerian culture even accept not only interracial couple/relationships but I am American and Californian he is well educated well traveled successful and well to do, I am just a boring stay at home mommy with a vocational training education that lives pay check to pay check, is he really still interested or is he just trying to relive a moment in time and then fly away again?

the clues are a dead giveaway. it has nothing to do with his nigerian origin. the guy wan do 'chop and clean mouth' cos it appears you're really gullible.

I have been married to my Nigerian husband for almost 3 years. We do nothing but fight. When he received his Green Card the next day he moved to Texas to look for work, I would go there to visit but he wouldnt drive here. He didnt find the type of job he wanted so he up and moved to NY. I have gone there to visit him. I feel like its me trying to make our marriage work. He has been talking with other women all through out our marriage.
I love him but he has not shown me love we had gone to 3 different marriage counselors they all said go our seperate ways.
He will move back with me in Jan and we goto immugrations for removal of conditions in march I feel like its a set up. We lived under the same roof only 4 months in our marriage. I love him but do feel like im being used for status.

Hey, I don't mind marrying a nigerians, for a price of course. I have never been married, so send me a picture of you and your you know what to me, and we could work something out.

@rdsey,

If you feel you are being used, go with your feelings. Love yourself first and dont feel you have to help him do anything. You dont want to live in regret. Cut your ties and move on. If he is treating you this way now, he will only get worse.

NIGERIAN MEN THAT I DATED ARE ALL YORUBA THEY ARE KOOL APART FROM BEING VERY CONTROLING AND JEALOUS AT TIMES, THE GOOD THING ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY ARENT AFFRAID TO DROP A MINIMUM OF £100 WHENEVER WE GO SHOPPING PLUS THEY LOVE TO SHOP IN NAME BRAND STORE

JamaicanQT:

NIGERIAN MEN THAT I DATED ARE ALL YORUBA THEY ARE KOOL APART FROM BEING VERY CONTROLING AND JEALOUS AT TIMES, THE GOOD THING ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY ARENT AFFRAID TO DROP A MINIMUM OF £100 WHENEVER WE GO SHOPPING PLUS THEY LOVE TO SHOP IN NAME BRAND STORE

you sure you aint tricking?? anyway i'm feeling the profile picture. less cloth next time

no i aint there is no need to, just talk about what i experienced, my frist gift was a Dior watch that we went a bought cost £230,

JamaicanQT:

no i aint there is no need to, just talk about what i experienced, my frist gift was a Dior watch that we went a bought cost £230,

damn QT, i see you hang with the high rollers. why were they controlling and jealous _{hope not too personal}

basically want me to do what they say, when they, say and how they say, its too much, most of all i never really feel as if i fit in because i dont speak the lingo so i feel left out at times

JamaicanQT:

basically want me to do what they say, when they, say and how they say, its too much, most of all i never really feel as if i fit in because i don't speak the lingo so i feel left out at times

shh what do you expect after a shopping trip to name brand stores . lingo like yoruba and pidgin. you better learn fast o

JamaicanQT:

basically want me to do what they say, when they, say and how they say, its too much, most of all i never really feel as if i fit in because i don't speak the lingo so i feel left out at times

LOLLLLL.

bawomolo:

shh what do you expect after a shopping trip to name brand stores . lingo like yoruba and pidgin. you better learn fast o

LOL

@ bawomolo

i understand a bit of the language, so i can make out what he was saying, he was suprised when i told he what he was saying,

JamaicanQT:

@ bawomolo

i understand a bit of the language, so i can make out what he was saying, he was suprised when i told he what he was saying,

lol what kind of stuff what he saying. anyway don't just date guys soley based on their pockets. give the broke bobos a chance

@ bawomolo

Sadly i must say that I dont date a guy because of his pocket, I never once approach a guy they always approach me

JamaicanQT:

NIGERIAN MEN THAT I DATED ARE ALL YORUBA THEY ARE KOOL APART FROM BEING VERY CONTROLING AND JEALOUS AT TIMES, THE GOOD THING ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY ARENT AFFRAID TO DROP A MINIMUM OF £100 WHENEVER WE GO SHOPPING PLUS THEY LOVE TO SHOP IN NAME BRAND STORE

How many of them have you really dated?

Why do u want to know? its not important, DATED 6 NOT SLEEP WITH THEM. 1 was my boyfriend name was oluwaseun

JamaicanQT:

Why do u want to know? its not important, DATED 6 NOT SLEEP WITH THEM. 1 was my boyfriend name was oluwaseun

he he he he

Recently I was in a discussion with a few American women and the topic was "Marrying Nigerian Men". The women claimed that Nigerian men wee demanding, boring, had no romantic nature, and only thought of themselves when having sex. They said Nigerian men were very hard to please. They mentioned that their relaionships with the Nigerian men were fine until the men got citizenship. They claimed once the Nigerian men got USA Citizenship their personalities changed completely. I found this very hard to believe since I am married to a Naija man. I was yold 95% of the Nigerian men that marry American women want citizenship/green card status. I find this hard to believe since I am an American woman that marrried a Nigerian man. All men are hard to please if there is a lack of understanding.

Since visiting this messageboard, this is my first time hearing of this. I think it really depends on the kind of Nigerian man a woman marries. I also think it depends on how long a particular Nigerian man has been in the states. I suggest dating one who already has American citizenship or has been living in the states. That way you won't take a chance at being used for a greencard.

JamaicanQT:

Why do u want to know? its not important, DATED 6 NOT SLEEP WITH THEM. 1 was my boyfriend name was oluwaseun

I expected that kind of answer.

Anyway, that ya pic na waya.

Nothing wey eye no go see for nairaland

Hi! I'm an American white woman who is very much in love with a Nigerian man, i've dated white, american blacks, but this is my first African man, he treats me like i've never been treated. He's not just sexy, he's very intelligent, my friends keep telling me its a scam for him to come to the US, but he never mentioned it, i was the one that asked if he would like to come visit, as i plan to visit Lagos, Men are going to be men no matter where they are from, i've been reading alot of articles about Nigeria & trying to learn basic Yoruba for now, my boys are very found of him and can't wait to meet him, i believe love is love no matter what your nationality, and if you get stuck out with a bad man, whether he's from Nigeria, American or China, did you ever stop to think maybe you had a little to do with the issues at hand?

i love him!!!!!

abidoye2b:

Hi! I'm an American white woman who is very much in love with a Nigerian man, i've dated white, american blacks, but this is my first African man, he treats me like i've never been treated. He's not just sexy, he's very intelligent, my friends keep telling me its a scam for him to come to the US, but he never mentioned it, i was the one that asked if he would like to come visit, as i plan to visit Lagos, Men are going to be men no matter where they are from, i've been reading alot of articles about Nigeria & trying to learn basic Yoruba for now, my boys are very found of him and can't wait to meet him, i believe love is love no matter what your nationality, and if you get stuck out with a bad man, whether he's from Nigeria, American or China, did you ever stop to think maybe you had a little to do with the issues at hand?

i love him!!!!!

You're an American white woman. Yeah right!!!

ok, since all these women already know that naija men are marrying them just to make up their papers, Why are they still going for Naija men?


*****because we treat them good*********we are inevitable*****************