abidoye2b

Please if he is not here and a citizen already listen to your friends. There are many men within our borders for you, from many different cultures. You do not need to bring him here. Run while you can, the hair has gone up on the back of my neck. I dated a Naija man for a couple of years, the truth does not roll off of their tongues. Run girl!! Run!!

Njean

Ok ladies lets talk about taxes.

it is tax season and this is the first year hubby and I will file together. tell me how you filed the first year and the pros and cons of filing that way vs another way.

Please help me. I am a 29 yr old Afro American woman who has been dating a Nigerian man for the past 2 years. The problem is, I do not believe he wants to marry me. He has been trying o get me pregnant for the past 6 months, but I told him that in order for us to have a child together we must first get married. He agreed to those terms, but he said that we can not just jump up and get married. He told me that he has to call his mother who lives in Africa and we have to prepare for marriage. It took him 6 months to get in contact with his mother. He told me month after month that he can not get a hold of her, until I finally told him that if we do not get married I will leave him and I did. So after 6 months of trying to contact his mom, 2 days after I broke up with him he informed me that he spoke to his mother and she has one request, that she is present for our wedding. I respect and understand her wishes, however, now we will have to wait another 6 months for his mother to get a Visa.
I must include that he bought me a very expensive diamond engagement ring, as a show of good faith. All of his family and friends know me, and we attend all of the local Nigerian weddings, baby showers, and ceremonies together. I even attend his Nigerian church with him, but I can not shake the gut feeling that makes me believe that he does not want to marry me.

His older sister has not made any effort to try to get close to me as a sister in law would, and he lied to me about his age. He told me that he is only 35, however, as I was cleaning his room I came across a work document which he transcribed that stated that he was 43, and I found evidence that he is still communicating with a woman from his homeland who he promised to marry 8 years ago. I confronted him about it and he lied to me and said that it was a woman who wanted to marry him for a green card, but he declined. I suggested that we live together, but he has made every excuse to continue to live with his room mate. I feel like I am living a lie and I don't know what to believe. I asked his auntie (whom I am very close to) why he has not married me, and she told me as she rubbed my belly that he is waiting for me to have a baby for him. Is this really true? As prerequisite to an African man marrying an American woman you must first have a child for them?

P.S- He is a U.S citizen



I would greatly appreciate any input you have, as I have learned that dating an African man is very complex full of customs, mysteries, and traditions.

redgalusa:


I have learned that dating an African man is very complex full of customs, mysteries, and traditions.

you may have a point there.

Nigeria men are just like any other man from anywhere so are good headed why some have bad mindset.
some marry for true love while some marry for the sake of green card.
but you said hes got green card already and he came back after six month, well i see a man who has seeing some thing in you. But want to be sure if you are firtile to bear children.

Am Walter am glard to know that there americans that truely desire Nigeria men.
good luck to all of you and God bless you relationship
am cool gentle Nigeria man 28yrs old, who desires an american lady for true and serious relationship

Walter

walter9ja@gmail.com walteranyaoha@ymail.com

redgalusa:

Please help me. I am a 29 yr old Afro American woman who has been dating a Nigerian man for the past 2 years. The problem is, I do not believe he wants to marry me. He has been trying o get me pregnant for the past 6 months, but I told him that in order for us to have a child together we must first get married. He agreed to those terms, but he said that we can not just jump up and get married. He told me that he has to call his mother who lives in Africa and we have to prepare for marriage. It took him 6 months to get in contact with his mother. He told me month after month that he can not get a hold of her, until I finally told him that if we do not get married I will leave him and I did. So after 6 months of trying to contact his mom, 2 days after I broke up with him he informed me that he spoke to his mother and she has one request, that she is present for our wedding. I respect and understand her wishes, however, now we will have to wait another 6 months for his mother to get a Visa.
I must include that he bought me a very expensive diamond engagement ring, as a show of good faith. All of his family and friends know me, and we attend all of the local Nigerian weddings, baby showers, and ceremonies together. I even attend his Nigerian church with him, but I can not shake the gut feeling that makes me believe that he does not want to marry me.

His older sister has not made any effort to try to get close to me as a sister in law would, and he lied to me about his age. He told me that he is only 35, however, as I was cleaning his room I came across a work document which he transcribed that stated that he was 43, and I found evidence that he is still communicating with a woman from his homeland who he promised to marry 8 years ago. I confronted him about it and he lied to me and said that it was a woman who wanted to marry him for a green card, but he declined. I suggested that we live together, but he has made every excuse to continue to live with his room mate. I feel like I am living a lie and I don't know what to believe. I asked his auntie (whom I am very close to) why he has not married me, and she told me as she rubbed my belly that he is waiting for me to have a baby for him. Is this really true? As prerequisite to an African man marrying an American woman you must first have a child for them?

P.S- He is a U.S citizen

I would greatly appreciate any input you have, as I have learned that dating an African man is very complex full of customs, mysteries, and traditions.

If you are so desperate to get married to him, go ahead and get pregnant. This is something for you both to work out. Nobody can understand what's going through another man's mind in this kind of circumstance except himself and God.

His desire to have a child before marriage could be a result of his background. However, you also need to consider that the guy could decide he doesn't want you again even after getting married. You know him and you alone can decide the best thing to do for yourself.

"If you are so desperate to get married to him, go ahead and get pregnant."

I think you misinterpreted my question. I am not desperate for a man to marry me.

I am stable, come from a very good family, well mannered, and I am educated. I do not have a problem with men, however, I am in love with this particular man from a different culture.

I am strictly seeking insight regarding the Nigerian marriage customs.

I believe it is a natural desire for a woman to yearn to marry a man that she loves. Consequently, it is God's master plan for a man and woman to unite as one.

redgalusa:

Please help me. I am a 29 yr old Afro American woman who has been dating a Nigerian man for the past 2 years. The problem is, I do not believe he wants to marry me. He has been trying o get me pregnant for the past 6 months, but I told him that in order for us to have a child together we must first get married. He agreed to those terms, but he said that we can not just jump up and get married. He told me that he has to call his mother who lives in Africa and we have to prepare for marriage. It took him 6 months to get in contact with his mother. He told me month after month that he can not get a hold of her, until I finally told him that if we do not get married I will leave him and I did. So after 6 months of trying to contact his mom, 2 days after I broke up with him he informed me that he spoke to his mother and she has one request,  that she is present for our wedding. I respect and understand her wishes, however, now we will have to wait another 6 months for his mother to get a Visa.
I must include that he bought me a very expensive diamond engagement ring, as a show of good faith.  All of his family and friends know me, and we attend all of the local Nigerian weddings, baby showers, and ceremonies together. I even attend his Nigerian church with him, but I can not shake the gut feeling that makes me believe that he does not want to marry me.

His older sister has not made any effort to try to get close to me as a sister in law would, and he lied to me about his age. He told me that he is only 35, however, as I was cleaning  his room I came across a work document which he transcribed that stated that he was 43, and I found evidence that he is still communicating with a woman from his homeland who he promised to marry 8 years ago. I confronted him about it and he lied to me and said that it was a woman who wanted to marry him for a green card, but he declined.  I suggested that we live together, but he has made every excuse to continue to live with his room mate.  I feel like I am living a lie and I don't know what to believe. I asked his auntie (whom I am very close to) why he has not married me, and she told me as she rubbed my belly that he is waiting for me to have a baby for him. Is this really true? As prerequisite to an African man marrying an American woman you must first have a child for them?

P.S- He is a U.S citizen

I would greatly appreciate any input you have, as I have learned that dating an African man is very complex full of customs, mysteries, and traditions.

I am a white American man and what I think about your situation transcends nationality. It would be a mistake to have a child before marriage. It would not be fair to the child and if your relationship does not last, it would be a bad situation for you and him as well. As far as I am concerned, if it is important for you to be the mother of his child, then it should be just as important to him for you to be his wife. But most of all, you clearly indicated that you really do not trust him. You already determined that he lied to you. There can be no real relationship without trust. Follow your gut feeling, because it is usually correct! I hope it all works out for you.

As a follow up, I spoke to the man's wife in Nigeria. She informed me that she has been married to the man for the past six years. She stated that they were married through a traditional wedding in Nigeria.
I guess that is why he did not want to marry me, because he is already married.

But I am not sure why he has not brought his wife to the states.

Wow, I it is so sad to hear all that negative talk about Nigerian men. There is way to much stereotyping going on in this world already. Plus there are pros and cons to everything in life. I really like what prittigrl had to say in her posts.
Yes it is true that some people marry for greencard status but that does not mean that there maybe sincere feelings involved on both sides. Anyways one could say that I married for greencard then as well. I am a German national with a green card from a previous marriage. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don't.
I always feel that a person needs to try things to be sure. So if you love someone and bring them here and the feeling is mutual then all will be well. Also, it will help if both sides make efforts to understand each others culture and values that go with it.
Interracial relationships can be tough but if there is a sincere love and need to be with each other because of this love then it can be done. The woman needs to understand the African man and what he expects from his woman. If she knows she will not be able to deal with that then there is a problem from the beginning.
So know what you want and what he expects of you and then make it work or forget about it.

Touche Europegirl!!!! Well said

@tiffcisco

Thank you! I just really don't like stereotyping. And any realtionship is work and takes understanding no matter who the two people are or where they are from. Some cultures just have a stronger system and a couple needs to work on that and support each other or not even get together!

very true!!

i am a 29 year old white female from us and i having been seeing a 30 year old man from Nigeria.  he has been talking about mmarriagefrom the start and is very romantic, i noticed a lot of people on here talk about men like him trying to get citizenship, but he wants me to come to Nigeriaso we can marry there.  my friend warned me not to go because she thinks that if i do and marry him there that he will never let me leave.  i am not sure if she is right and what i should do.

Have you known him long enough to trust him? If you then only you know the answer to that. I know my boyfriend has emphatically stated that we cannot live in the states after we are married. This is because of his business. He has said he'd like us to live in Nigeria, but there are other options. Just bring up to him the conversation of where he would like the two of you to settle. I think him wanting to get married in Nigeria shows that he wants you to meet his family and do the honorable thing!! Just my thoughts. My boyfriend and I plan to marry in Nigeria. I have no problem with this. In fact I'm very happy about it!!! And my family is in support of it!! One good this is that you know according to our culture the brides family covers the costs of the wedding. By going away, lol!! TAlso, you dont have to cut ur guest list so intensely. Everyone can be invited! There are some good points!!!

tales by moonlight.

You should come back in a few years and tell us what has developed

redgalusa:

As a follow up, I spoke to the man's wife in Nigeria. She informed me that she has been married to the man for the past six years. She stated that they were married through a traditional wedding in Nigeria.
I guess that is why he did not want to marry me, because he is already married.

But I am not sure why he has not brought his wife to the states.

Revelation!!!

You are lucky you've not gone too far yet. Some will not be so lucky and they will jump in the name of their infatuation which they call love.

Thats nice Tiffany! at least he wants to take you down to Nigeria! thats something. very best of luck!

babyboo 79, I think some rather get married in Nigeria as its quicker. Others don't want to make themselves known to the authorities in the west for various reasons ie visa expiration, there is always a method in their madness!

I dont think you need to be afraid of him keeping you in Nigeria, thats prolly the last thing on earth he would do.

@tiffany, you need to be careful aswell. As much as we are human and how much as love can grow, the shit will hit the fan, Nigerian men need women who they can relate to. Totally different cultures with totally different mentalities. As much as I research this matter I am always willing to compromise, but sorry, I can never change the person who I am nor can I pretend I am something I'm not.

Redgal, if they are traditionally married, forget it, they will never seperate especially if there is children.  his wife could be fuly all knowing his game and playing along with it. Not sure what the legislation says in the USA, but certianly if he had a child with you and was supporting it that would help his stay and help his freedom of movement. he may not want to marry you as he could have already promised his naija wife he would marry her in the US when he is fully sorted out.

Now in saying that, i could be wrong given that he IS a US citizen, but if he is a US citizen why is he wife in Nigeria?

Thanks Leilah
I confronted him with this issue and he denied being married, of course.

I have keys to his house and access to his personal e-mail account. I've read the past messages that the lady has sent him.
From the tone of her letters he has promised her mother (six years ago) that he would marry her and has never fulfilled his promise. I believe that he wants to have his cake and eat it too.


He has spent over $20,000 U.S $ on me during the duration of our relationship, so if he is indeed married he has wasted a large sum of money on his foolish games.
Nonetheless, I am not upset by this and will continue to play the role of his naive girlfriend. If he wants to have two wives that's fine, let's see if he can afford to maintain both wives.

After reading all the comments on this thread I just want to chip in somethings

I don't know why Nigerian women love writing hate posts that may not necessarily be true about their men-- just to piss foreign women off their men. Na by force, you know fit marry white man? . As for me, I love white girls to a considerably good extent. The problem we have in Nigeria is the green paper madness that drives very pathetic men to claim they love women they don't. I must say, I don't want to be an American citizen, in fact, if am offered to be a citizen at the go, I will decline. This doesn't mean I hate the American people, I love American women and go on dates with some of them. But when man truly loves them, and the parents tend to be opposed to it am angry. My mum is always wary of such relationships, and Nigerian girls frown at it whenever they see this. Why? . It's not all Nigerian men that are unethical as many girls say it in this forum, it's not all Nigerian men that are really hungry or craving for a woman's money (terrible losers, that yield no good for my nation). You need to meet people that are beyond this, so just learn to leave people with whomever they get married too, period! I get sick when I meet someone and starts to say, "the culture is different it can't work", but why not?

However, my advise to foreign women dating Nigerian guys is to avoid online dating, be practical, if you love a Nigerian man my best bet for you is to meet him in person. There lots of Nigerians out there living in the U.K and U.S. Don't go for those Nigerians living in Nigeria, most lover mails are just scams. They're heartless inhumane people that I hope to take vengeance on soon. This does not mean Nigerians living in Nigeria are bad altogether, but 95% of those who say they love women they haven't seen are untruthful in the country, and dent the image of this nation at home and abroad. Ladies you never can tell if the Nigerian you meet would spend on you rather than asking you for money.

Like my friend Rapheal says: "Naija woman too get drama"

Trends like this is so controversial in the sense that there is nothing you say to someone who is in love or infatuation.You are more like a sounding trumpet but anyway the bottom line is how would you think that because you have access to the internet you can just go to Harmony to get a man and to top it all a Niaja men wey alarm dey blow(Excuse my language to those of you who don't understand niaja English)to be honset with you the only reason why a Nigerian would go to a dating site is because he or she wants to escape from poverty it's just the plane fact it does not matter if you agree or disagree those of us who have spent some years down there know the way things are done.
If you have met the Nigerian(he/she) at-least once then you can judge the person on a one on one level.The internet is a great invention of our time but all these foreign nationals forget one thing that Nigerians will do anything to escape poverty.Now it's not about brandishing Niaja bad but simply saying the truth.I hate the fact that foreign men and women always have bad experiences with their niaja lover it's not a good thing.There are some good men and women in Nigeria but trust me they are not the ones who go to dating sites to get a foreign lover for someone who is not from Nigeria you May find this hard to believe but time will tell.I have read so many blog of women who met they men online travelled to naija only to regret years later that their assume lover only want to come to America.
Now don't get me wrong their is nothing wrong in comming to the America but when you have to prey on peoples naivety it is now a bad thing that's why the government is hard on this issue because this is just stupid and disgracing.
I know some guilty smart Ass will have something negative to say, but ladies and gents just know what you are getting yourself involved in when you travel to naija to get married to that naija that online lover of yours.Even with all the comment so far some dumbo will still go ahead and then come back here to say negative things about Nigeria.

My story similar but in some ways different~
I was born here (US) with both Igbo parents, I visited my tru home often when I was a child, but last December I came to 9ja it was entirely different.
I was older ( and single) so I had to have fun on my own!!~
My Cuzin hooked me up with this kind dude from my neighboring village.
He's totally sweet, although not rich(thats not what i look for) but is rich with ambitions and dreamz.
He's highly intelligent and heartthrobbingly handsome,
We went out a cpl of times in owerri and he came to spend time with me in my fathers house in nigeria~
And ever since I came back to the states, we've been commincating every day.
He's met my family in nigeria (my mom, my grandmothers, my aunt and uncles on both sides)
And I love him oh so dearly,
But I get that nagging voice at me sometimes,
Everyone says oh "Nigerians are tricky, "
And even my mom is like don't involve urself until you two are married,
I want to help him oh soo bad, it just that Im afraid, of everyone saying ""I told u so"
But if i was a guy I wouldn't say no to me
I'm work hard and I'm pretty cute (lol im not trying to toot my horn)
And I had offers of marriage before,
Its just that I wanna make sure that I'm doing the right thing; you know?
I hope everything goes ok for u europegirl, there are scammers on both sides of the borders~
I remember at work one of my co-workers telling me she had met a nigerian man online and she fell in love with him and bought a plane ticket to see him, only to find that the whole thing was a sham, a lie. But good thing she had the police arrest him, but I feel for the girl, she was so hoping on him being the one~
Even though I have far far more experience with Nigeria than my coworker, I really dont want the same thing to happen to me, it would shame my whole family

redgalusa:


He has spent over $20,000 U.S $ on me during the duration of our relationship, so if he is indeed married he has wasted a large sum of money on his foolish games.
Nonetheless, I am not upset by this and will continue to play the role of his naive girlfriend. If he wants to have two wives that's fine, let's see if he can afford to maintain both wives.

Behold the key to the way your mind works.

I can see where the relationship is headed already. Please dont come and tell us how bad the men are when the thing has gone pear shaped.

The word has always been caution.ppl should nt be blinded by emotions.
Online or real life relationships,we should all thread carefully.

Please do not judge me JustGood

My situation is very unfortunate, however, I refuse to be a victim.
I assumed that I would receive negative feed back related to my blunt honesty, however, you can never understand what a person is going through until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

The naija lady involved and I are making the best out of a situation that we did not forsee.
I am positive that he sends her money, just as he provides for me.
Do you think that she will stop accepting his money because she is aware of our relationship?

well let him marry you then and make it official. Don't just be his 'girlfriend' and don't settle for that.

Well it sucks to be d victim but d realization dat one is a victim is a good way to start by dat u have learnt a life long lesson.You see when we try to alert dis people of d dangers of long distance relationship especially with Nigerians is not really a good idea knowing that you have not met this person before like for instance there is this friend of mine he has this naija girl whom he has not met but they've been talking for awhile .This dude is crazy about this lady but the way he has been spending money on this young lady is just not it things like this is a hint if the person you claim is in love with your person or your gains e.g you send money to your lover on a regular bases,you buy him stuff(it's uncommon for women to buy men gifts in Nigeria),the lady is always requesting for gifts and money.they are so many signs which could give one a hint but still they are some honest and trust worthy Nigerians out there.Just be careful and if you become a victim lesson learnt (life is a gamble).
Goodluck

redgalusa:

He has spent over $20,000 U.S $ on me during the duration of our relationship, so if he is indeed married he has wasted a large sum of money on his foolish games.
Nonetheless, I am not upset by this and will continue to play the role of his naive girlfriend. If he wants to have two wives that's fine, let's see if he can afford to maintain both wives.

redgalusa:

Please do not judge me JustGood
The naija lady involved and I are making the best out of a situation that we did not forsee.
I am positive that he sends her money, just as he provides for me.
Do you think that she will stop accepting his money because she is aware of our relationship?

Far be it from me to judge you.

You have clearly made a decision to milk the guy as long as he is willing to keep providing you with financial benefits, even while keeping the other woman.

Is that not enough revelation on its own?

.