Tamaratonye1:

Religion does have its repulsive elements. Over the years, however, my fascination with religion has exceeded my disgust with it. I've had few relationships, but the one I recall most was enriched by the added dimension the other's spiritual life added to our experience together.

Epositive:
Hello all, this question is borne out of a thread I read some days back about a girl who break with the op due to his atheistic position.

As a secular humanist myself, who is family-oriented and intend to raise kids in the near future. I believe I could get useful tips from your knowledge and experiences.

Kindly share, how do you guys cope with religious partners, long-term ones (wife or husband/ fiance or fiancee) in particular?
Do you get discouraged about their religious leanings, and, perhaps, de-convert them in the long run considering the low population irreligious persons in the dating pool?

LordReed:


So far my wife's faith in god or practice of religion has not been a problem to me nor has it been a real problem in our relationship. I respect her right to believe and she respects my right to not believe. We don't try to convert the other. And in all the things that matter religion is not even a factor.

Epositive:


Interesting. Thanks for your inputs. I am seeing a girl who ticks all the boxes but religious. I'm thinking about the possible long term effects especially on the children.

Epositive:

It seems most atheists gets to this point, eventually.

I get you. However "the other's spiritual life" might not matter in short-term relationship. I'm quite particular about long-term romance, say marriage, with a religious or spiritual partner. I would like to know if their belief turns out to be a stumbling block, going forward.

hahn
hopefullandlord
budaatum

budaatum:

I think most people conflate religion with belief, and then go on to confuse themselves.

LordReed:


I don't burden my children with trying to decide that right now. When they are older and can examine things for themselves they will get to make that choice. Right now I treat it like treat any of their cartoons, a fun little distraction.

aisha1314:
Recently converted from Christianity to being an atheist though I haven't told anyone yet. When I resume university hopefully in a matter of weeks now that ASUU strike will soon be over, I may leave a note somewhere for my mom to find about my conversion.
I feel religion is just too controlling and restrictive for me. Besides I can't even remember the last time I prayed or read the Bible so I just thought, what's the point of calling myself a Christian when I have clearly lost all my faith in God?

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aisha1314:
Recently converted from Christianity to being an atheist though I haven't told anyone yet. When I resume university hopefully in a matter of weeks now that ASUU strike will soon be over, I may leave a note somewhere for my mom to find about my conversion.
I feel religion is just too controlling and restrictive for me. Besides I can't even remember the last time I prayed or read the Bible so I just thought, what's the point of calling myself a Christian when I have clearly lost all my faith in God?

ninety5:


Glad you made a choice you think is best for you. For me, it wasn't a sudden move though, I was, first, a deist, even though I have never been a devoted Christian. And I was a deist cause I thought god cared less about us, but along the line, I started learning about the origin of religion and society, only then did I start believing that god does not actually exist and my disbelief in god was not based on emotion rather than logic. Also then did I learn to have meaningful conversations with informed religious people (that is those I perceived as smart and willing to have a meaningful convo). If a friend has an occasion in the church and I am invited, I would gladly go to support them because to me, it did not mean shit. Another reason I don't even tell people I am an atheist, it does not mean shit to me. You might need to think it through if this is the right time to make it known to anyone who might perceive it differently.

Could you tell me why you converted?

budaatum:


I think most people conflate religion with belief, and then go on to confuse themselves.

I am religious in the sense that I constantly discuss religion and read religious books and have even at a time religiously gone to church. I am however not a believer, and nothing on this earth can make me one, as believing involves the acceptance of things as so without actually doing the work in order to understand and know if what is believed is true or not.

To make it worse, many adopt the beliefs of those around them instead of studying the books for themselves in order to gain an understanding. It's why you'd see atheists, especially those who've converted from a religion, claim not to believe in gods or the god books. Why don't you believe in gods and their books, I often wonder? Should you believe in gods and their books? Would you believe a Physics book or Things Fall Apart, and would you not be doing harm to yourself if you did?

My atheism is not a lack of belief in gods. I after all know that gods are made up, so why believe in made up things when I don't even believe in physical things that I see in front of me? I don't believe in my phone, after all, despite the fact that I pick it up and use it like 100 times a day. I don't believe in my car, nor my telly nor even in the food I put in my mouth, so why would I believe in things that only exist in people's imagination?

If people seek to understand instead, I think they'd appreciate the religious books and see Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed as humanists, as in, those who cared about the welfare of those around them. Unfortunately, that aspect of religions are not what most are taught nor do they see that aspect for themselves, so instead of learning the freeing aspect of the books they read, they enslave themselves with them. That's why I don't date, I guess, though there are other reasons too, I admit. Most people I meet believe one thing or the other, which to me is rigid, and I can't make home with rigid people as I'm constantly learning and evolving. We may date, but it never takes long for me to evolve past them and leave them far behind.

I know there are no gods, and that all we read about the so called gods are the thoughts and ideas of those who wrote the books. And once one realises that fact, one can use what one has learnt to write one's own book and create one's own gods. After all, they really are just ideas and philosophies by which we choose to live our lifes, so why not make the best gods (philosophy) for oneself and worship (live by) it?

As for the spirit of things, which simply means the deeper understanding of things, as opposed to the literal surface meaning, it's the best way to look at things, I'd say, or a phone would just be a phone instead of the communicative tool it is, and food would be for hunger instead of that which nutrifies, and gods become things one bows down and worships instead of things that portray ideas to be understood and that may enhance one's own living.

Try it. Read Genesis 1-5 and tell me if it enslaves you in a Garden of Ignorance, or frees you to be fruitful and multiply and subdue and rule over such that when you say "let there be light", the response is not NEPA!

P.s. The intent of this is to provoke thought. You must not ever believe buda! If atheists understand their religious books, Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and Einstein and Fela etc will become gods, and atheists will steal them from those who ignorantly believe in them. I tell you, greater things than they did, excluding the literal fictional walking on water that is, shall we also do.

LordReed:


It'll take a while for me to reach this point. I think I was too steeped in the religion to easily acquire the notion that these are nothing but metaphorical and philosophical musings designed to teach ways of living even though I accept the concept. Also religious people don't make that transition easy since when discussing with them they take my stance as proof of their own beliefs which is kind of frustrating. Anyway I hope I can one day leave that baggage behind cos as you say my dear buda, it is freeing to learn from books.

budaatum:


Religious people tend to believe what they are told, and hardly become as children, abandoning what they've been told to believe and read the book with their own eyes. You'd see this in my Garden of Eden posts where believers believe the creation they read was created in God's image is the same as Adam and Eve, even though the dates given for their creation is different, and the tasks they were given are different, and the reward/pay is different. They'd even claim Adam and Eve whom they read lived for some 800 years after eating the fruit they were told would kill them, died when they ate the fruit. And that, despite the amazing things - becoming free from slavery and populating the earth - they read they went on to accomplish.

What amuses me is, Christians desire to believe they descended from Adam who was created from mud instead of being descendants of creations in God's image. No wonder they can't say "let there be light" without crying NEPA. Now, if they but eat the fruits of knowledge they'd rule over the earth and subdue it and etc, and when they say "let there be light", there would indeed be light, but they believe instead and tremble in the dark like demons.

As for making the transition, it's almost as impossible as camels entering through the needle's eye, though not completely impossible. One just need let Jesus spit on mud and rub it in one's eyes then go bath in the Pool of Siloam. Then shall eyes indeed be opened and you'd see the Bible and other religious books for the wonderful books they truly are, as in good for food and for opening eyes and good for gaining wisdom.

That day will indeed come however. It's hard to continue believing what does not produce the desired result, though many think it's paradise in heaven after they die, and not a state of paradise right here on the earth that they currently live on. And atheists will realise this when 'Christ' does finally open their eyes so that they may see. After all, to become an atheist, one must first ask and knock and seek with one's own heart and soul and mind and being, and when they do find, they will be dismayed, and when they are dismayed, they will be astonished, and will become king over the All.

It's an evolutionary process, my Lord, and you are evolving.

aisha1314:
Please someone on this Non Christian chat box give me some tips on how I can tell people (my friends and family) about my decision to be an atheist. How do I do this and ignore (or not care about) any negative opinions or reactions people have?

LordReed:


Are you deconverting from the Muslim faith?

aisha1314:


No actually my family are Christians even though I have a Muslim name.

LordReed:


That's OK. I wanted to know cos the dynamics are different in a Muslim family with regards to deconverting. In your case I advise you achieve independence anyway. Religious people can get vicious with those they support financially if they perceive 'rebellion' against their religious faith. I put rebellion in quote because even though you are just choosing for yourself they would see it as an affront.

If however you believe your family is not the type to react overtly then you can ease them into it by first discussing your doubts and asking questions, eventually declaring that you no longer believe. Also don't make big changes to your lifestyle immediately, make any changes gradually or after you are no longer attached to their apron strings. They might see as "it's because you want to sin" that's why you say you no longer believe. While this is inevitable its better when you aren't under them because they can use it as an excuse to restrict your liberties.

Wish you good luck in whatever you choose.

aisha1314:


Thanks. I'm actually going away to university for the first time next week so I'll be on my own. Therefore, I can completely drop religion and be an atheist like I'd like to. Luckily, the course I chose is not one that I'll be coming home much during.

LordReed:


Sounds good. Hope your folks are not the kind that'll have spies keeping an eye on you.

aisha1314:


No. I don't even have any family where I'm going to school.

aisha1314:


Thanks. I'm actually going away to university for the first time next week so I'll be on my own. Therefore, I can completely drop religion and be an atheist like I'd like to. Luckily, the course I chose is not one that I'll be coming home much during.