chaircover:
She does have a good general message though, which is that the “mother” of the home must keep an eagle eye on all areas, but she is going overboard by trying to perfect another woman’s husband to her own taste and for this I blame the husband for even letting another woman groom him. Whatever for? How did he become a baby that needs his nose wiped and “taken” to the salon like a 10 year old?

Many affairs start like this; whereby the man behaves as if he is helpless (which in many cases he isn’t) and an amazon woman comes to his rescue. It seems like he is enjoying all the attention, if not he should have been embarrassed the first time the poster mentioned his untidiness to him and he should have fixed himself up henceforth.

. . . This man is an affair on legs waiting to happen. It’s just a matter of time.

Trust you to bring a very good perspective to it. On the bolded, I completely agree with you. A man's grooming should not be left to a PA or colleague unless she is his stylist. They both have crossed boundaries and I am sure the man sef is looking for an opportunity to get something going on. Even if OP's intention are innocent, you cannot say categorically that the boss isn't just playing along hoping this whole fashion adviser thing will lead to more. Small time, he will start complaining to her that his wife doesn't love him she doesn't care and that he wishes he married someone like OP. Na so e dey start.

OP, leave the man's grooming to his wife, it is not your business ok. You are engaged to your own boyfriend. Focus on your boyfriend and let him look the way you want, and let your boss' wife worry about the way he looks.

Every male should have his drycleaner on speed-dial.

We've been working 2geda 4d past 4yrs even b4 he got married so if he dint make passes at me while single he would now as a married man, it's not every1 dat will engage in dirty games..i am not out 2 destroy any ones marriage, and he appreciates it cos he knows me too well I am not trying to lure him .....i don't even know why most of it is like u feel I am centered Ard my boss I extend dis 2 every1 Ard me. D last time I was in Nigeria, I noticed my pastor's shoe sole was abt removing and gush dunno if his wife saw dat,immediately after d service I rushed 2 my boutique picked 2 nice pair of shoes and presented it to him as a seed... I am just d type dat likes tins neatly done... some saying fashionista av not even talked abt dressing to kill or impress any1, just taking care of urself and ur environment....shekana every1 can't afford expensive tins but costs nothing to look tidy and keep ur environment clean

Nashville:

Trust you to bring a very good perspective to it. On the bolded, I completely agree with you. A man's grooming should not be left to a PA or colleague unless she is his stylist. They both have crossed boundaries and I am sure the man sef is looking for an opportunity to get something going on. Even if OP's intention are innocent, you cannot say categorically that the boss isn't just playing along hoping this whole fashion adviser thing will lead to more. Small time, he will start complaining to her that his wife doesn't love him she doesn't care and that he wishes he married someone like OP. Na so e dey start.

OP, leave the man's grooming to his wife, it is not your business ok. You are engaged to your own boyfriend. Focus on your boyfriend and let him look the way you want, and let your boss' wife worry about the way he looks.

Bootylicious: We've been working 2geda 4d past 4yrs even b4 he got married so if he dint make passes at me while single he would now as a married man, it's not every1 dat will engage in dirty games..i am not out 2 destroy any ones marriage, and he appreciates it cos he knows me too well I am not trying to lure him .....

It does not change anything, you are beginning to care for him more than his wife, and that is scary. You have made a good point that women should take note of their husband's looks. I agree with that and any wise woman would. But you are implementing this thought the wrong way. He belongs to someone else, leave his wife to worry about his looks. You may not be intentionally trying to destroy his marriage, but you may be unintentionally destroying his marriage. Do you know if your kind gestures begin to make him compare you to his wife? He may even begin to see unnecessary short-comings inhis wife now that you are his personal fashion designer, a role that even you agree that is meant for his wife. It's little things like this that may make his wife think that he is cheating, when he completely changes his wardrobe based on some young chic's advice, what would the woman at home think?

We are not blaming or castigating you, we are only advising you that you thread cautiously. When you are older, you would understand better. But please, you may be causing unintended problems. A word is enough for the wise.

However, what u don't do as a wife some1 else would... his wife may b on nairaland and oda wives shld also not leave d gap for some1 else to take their roles,dats why I aired it here as a piece of advise d wise will grab my point..... let's see married men and know they are married, ure ur husband's fragrance. ....................... te author=Nashville]

It does not change anything, you are beginning to care for him more than his wife, and that is scary. You have made a good point that women should take note of their husband's looks. I agree with that and any wise woman would. But you are implementing this thought the wrong way. He belongs to someone else, leave his wife to worry about his looks. You may not be intentionally trying to destroy his marriage, but you may be unintentionally destroying his marriage. Do you know if your kind gestures begin to make him compare you to his wife? He may even begin to see unnecessary short-comings inhis wife now that you are his personal fashion designer, a role that even you agree that is meant for his wife. It's little things like this that may make his wife think that he is cheating, when he completely changes his wardrobe based on some young chic's advice, what would the woman at home think?

We are not blaming or castigating you, we are only advising you that you thread cautiously. When you are older, you would understand better. But please, you may be causing unintended problems. A word is enough for the wise.[/quote]

Take care of your man or someone else will happily do the job for you. See now, Miss Bootyliciious has happily stepped in and is manicuring, hair cutting husband for owner o.

First and foremost, are you sure that he is not resisting the help of the wife? I don't see why a wife in her right senses will allow her husband leave the house looking like a riff-raff unless the woman herself is a dirty woman.

Might not be the popular opinion and we may not all necessary be happy about it but the overall responsibility of the appearance of each member of the family lies squarely on the woman.

If your daughter/son looks like a beggar in Sunday school with unkempt hair etc, as a woman it is your fault. In fact they will start questioning how you are managing your home sef in church o. Never mind that your husband is a grown man but he is still your "baby" so him looking messy reflect badly on you as the wife.

In fact we ladies might frown on it but the silently accepted notion is if your husband looks dirty it is your fault, if you look dirty, it is also your fault! Ain't life grind!

I hope this thread wont make front page. What a ridiculous question to ask!

^ ^ ^ This op sef is a lil bit stubborn.
98% of the posters here have made one single point: "YES, YOU MAKE SENSE BY SAYING WOMEN SHOULD TAKE CARE OF THEIR HUSBANDS BUT YOU'RE GOING TOO FAR WITH YOUR BOSS!"

Sincerely speaking, you do have a good point, if you hadn't even given the example of your boss, people might have applauded you and this topic might grace front-page but that story you told doesn't speak well of you!

It won't be wise of you if after this thread, you still continue this 'ish' that is going on. Did you go through bellong, nashville, CC, and other people's advices? This isn't a way of bashing you, they're just trying to help you out.

I think what you're supposed to do is thank them just like i'm about thanking you for your advice and make ammends. Whether you accept it or not, like it or not, embrace it or not, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you would be doing yourself a lot of favour to stop now before it goes out of hand. God forbid, you might just be an acid victim waiting to happen!



Now, op, thanks for the advice, When I marry, I would inspect my husband with hand lens every morning before he goes out!

@ nashville,
I million likes!

Poster, u can extend ur grooming technique to the interior,abi no be from inside person dey fine come outside?
Keep us updated.
We want to learn from u.

Stubborn, those who made valid point and corrected my action politely I acknowledged them..doesnt speak well of me, I don't care what Eva impression any1 has cos I know myself lot better ... wonderful contribution doe u've been noticed

alutacontinua: ^ ^ ^ This op sef is a lil bit stubborn.
98% of the posters here have made one single point: "YES, YOU MAKE SENSE BY SAYING WOMEN SHOULD TAKE CARE OF THEIR HUSBANDS BUT YOU'RE GOING TOO FAR WITH YOUR BOSS!"

Sincerely speaking, you do have a good point, if you hadn't even given the example of your boss, people might have applauded you and this topic might grace front-page but that story you told doesn't speak well of you!

It won't be wise of you if after this thread, you still continue this 'ish' that is going on. Did you go through bellong, nashville, CC, and other people's advices? This isn't a way of bashing you, they're just trying to help you out.

I think what you're supposed to do is thank them just like i'm about thanking you for your advice and make ammends. Whether you accept it or not, like it or not, embrace it or not, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you would be doing yourself a lot of favour to stop now before it goes out of hand. God forbid, you might just be an acid victim waiting to happen!



Now, op, thanks for the advice, When I marry, I would inspect my husband with hand lens every morning before he goes out!

Bootylicious: However, what u don't do as a wife some1 else would... his wife may b on nairaland and oda wives shld also not leave d gap for some1 else to take their roles,dats why I aired it here as a piece of advise d wise will grab my point..... let's see married men and know they are married, ure ur husband's fragrance. .......................

Good point. But try not to be the one taking the role of wife for other married men! Some other woman may attack you. Fairly or unjustly!

chaircover: If God forbid, my husband goes to work in a dirty shirt and another woman has to put him in a clean one, then the following people have failed at some point or the other.

1. Me
2. Him
3. His parents

In an ideal world, an adult should know when to change his/her clothes and be well kempt & no one needs to teach an adult how to do that either male or female.

I definitely won’t like it but If there is no gap in the wall, then no lizard can get in and if another woman is helping to do "touch my husband up", then I only have myself to blame. A wife should be sensitive to her family’s different requirements and should do everything within her power to ensure that her family is first-class in everything.

@poster all said and done, some things are not appropriate. If you want to be of help, try to encourage your boss, to take better care of his appearance, but keep a respectable distance. For example instead of taking him to the salon, convince him to book for a mobile beautician/nail artist to come to the office to have his manicure or pedicure or haircut or whatever he needs doing in the office at lunch time or at the end of the day.

As per the dirty shirt issue, you can ask him to bring in a couple of clean shirts to the office that he can keep in the office and change into when he has important meetings. Let him find a drycleaner close to the office and let him be taking his dirty shirts there.

He is your boss at the end of the day and not a close friend or relative and you are not employed as his personal stylist and unless his dirty appearance is stopping your company from winning contracts or his body odour is disturbing the rest of the staff, you shouldnt get involved.

You may have meant well, but not all your actions will be seen that way. I can’t imagine your boss wife being happy with the situation if she finds out about things and it may even put more pressure on what could be an already pressurized marriage. I am sure you don’t want to be the cause of another person’s marriage breakup, especially if you didnt have ay ulterior motive, so be wise.

1000likes.... My thoughts exactly

Bootylicious: Stubborn, those who made valid point and corrected my action politely I acknowledged them..doesnt speak well of me, I don't care what Eva impression any1 has cos I know myself lot better ... wonderful contribution doe u've been noticed

Thanks for noticing me

I helped from a pure heart, d idea of dating my boss has neva struck me till some peeps mentioned it today... for what na, God has blessed me wit a lovely man and I wwont jeopardise my relationship cos I wanna covet anoda woman's husband...I am a very plain and transparent person, my fiance am sure is reading tru all dis cos hez on Nairaland........ I did it wit Gud intentions anoda lady can step in and do it wit bad intentions and d woman completely lose her husband , dre are lotta vampires out dre willing to,dont create d room 4 some1 else to groom ur husband.................... ote author=vanitty]Take care of your man or someone else will happily do the job for you. See now, Miss Bootyliciious has happily stepped in and is manicuring, hair cutting husband for owner o.

First and foremost, are you sure that he is not resisting the help of the wife? I don't see why a wife in her right senses will allow her husband leave the house looking like a riff-raff unless the woman herself is a dirty woman.

Might not be the popular opinion and we may not all necessary be happy about it but the overall responsibility of the appearance of each member of the family lies squarely on the woman.

If your daughter/son looks like a beggar in Sunday school with unkempt hair etc, as a woman it is your fault. In fact they will start questioning how you are managing your home sef in church o. Never mind that your husband is a grown man but he is still your "baby" so him looking messy reflect badly on you as the wife.

In fact we ladies might frown on it but the silently accepted notion is if your husband looks dirty it is your fault, if you look dirty, it is also your fault! Ain't life grind!
[/quote]

Thank you,noted b4 they bath me wit acid

Nashville:

Good point. But try not to be the one taking the role of wife for other married men! Some other woman may attack you. Fairly or unjustly!

OP
Don't mind those that judge you
they think you are like them
especially the warped minds that commented earlier
we know your intentions were innocent

just pick up the good advice and forget the others

don't get too concerned

that's all

Bootylicious: We've been working 2geda 4d past 4yrs even b4 he got married so if he dint make passes at me while single he would now as a married man, it's not every1 dat will engage in dirty games..i am not out 2 destroy any ones marriage, and he appreciates it cos he knows me too well I am not trying to lure him .....i don't even know why most of it is like u feel I am centered Ard my boss I extend dis 2 every1 Ard me. D last time I was in Nigeria, I noticed my pastor's shoe sole was abt removing and gush dunno if his wife saw dat,immediately after d service I rushed 2 my boutique picked 2 nice pair of shoes and presented it to him as a seed... I am just d type dat likes tins neatly done... some saying fashionista av not even talked abt dressing to kill or impress any1, just taking care of urself and ur environment....shekana every1 can't afford expensive tins but costs nothing to look tidy and keep ur environment clean

Woman please for the sake of peace stop trying to groom someone else's husband regardless of how you feel about how they look or dress, be it your boss or even your pastor. Its not your place.

Thanks a million......

Imanuelle: OP
Don't mind those that judge you
they think you are like them
especially the warped minds that commented earlier
we know your intentions were innocent

just pick up the good advice and forget the others

don't get too concerned

that's all

There is peace in their home doe.... I don't understand how my thread has brought sadness into d home of many on Nairaland [color=#000099][/color]

prixx:



Woman please for the sake of peace stop trying to groom someone else's husband regardless of how you feel about how they look or dress, be it your boss or even your pastor. Its not your place.

Bootylicious: There is peace in their home doe.... I don't understand how my thread has brought sadness into d home of many on Nairaland [color=#000099][/color]

If your bosses wife should find out that you have been grooming her husband for one reason or the other, I very much believe that there is going to be trouble in that house hold. So my advice for you will be for you to leave them to it, but if you cant help caring, CC gave really good advice on how to help. You need to know your boundaries and not cross it

Unless a grown arse man is mentally challenged to the point that he can't perform his activities of daily living, his wife bears zero responsibility for how he looks when he walks out the door.
Even if there is a master slave agreement, it's still the responsibility of the master to make sure his slave does his bidding.


Any thing outside of that is doing a favor, and it still is not the person doing the favor's responsibility.

Typical nlders,you give them ten good points,they will decide to pick on just 1 or 2 that they feel is wrong out of your 10 points ;just like the main point the op is trying to pass across is couples keeping their partner's hygiene in check but the so called nl warriors started accusing her of a fling with her boss.Is that the only thing you all could gather from her write up

I was once in this position few years back. A man who was married btw walked into my office and i offered him a seat. We got talking business and he placed his hands on my desk and very untidy claws in the name of nails were starring at me. TBH, i was irritated and distracted, when we were done with business, i told him to hang on, opened my drawer, got a scissors and got ride of them. He was just looking at me, speechless.

Maybe he didn't get that kinda attention at home, i didn't care. It didn't even occur to me and I didn't even do that for him, i did it for me cos i don't want him to irritate me when next he comes to my desk.

I would have done what the op did and honestly I don't whether its right or wrong, I just can't have a dirty person around me. If s/he is someone I can avoid i'd do that, but if s/ he is someone i can't avoid s/he would have to get cleaned by force, even if it means dragging s/he to the salon.

The op is right on women should take care of their husbands. He is a grown man, yes! But he is your grown man.

I say couple should take care of each other! We are not babies but we are each other's babies.

Thank you darling.... d only reason the fling came 2 dre mind is cos that's what they actually do in real life and married women cheating on dre husbands so why won't they av d canal picture of my point and kudos to those dat gave better ways I could ggo around it next time............

Thorgan: Typical nlders,you give them ten good points,they will decide to pick on just 1 or 2 that they feel is wrong out of your 10 points ;just like the main point the op is trying to pass across is couples keeping their partner's hygiene in check but the so called nl warriors started accusing her of a fling with her boss.Is that the only thing you all could gather from her write up

I really dont know why people are trashing the poster so.

She is right to an extent. Married couples owe it to themselves to look out for each other. If i wear nonsence my husband would ask me 'and where do you think youre going with that nonsncence' and vice versa. Especialy in matching clothes and the like. We even do it for our parents, i remember telling my dad once to go take of a shirt he wore that looked like a rag, he refused, we hid the shirt when he came home and bought him another, simple intervention.

Where i dont agree with her is that i have come to realise in a marriage, that only the two people inside really know what is going on. She is seeing from the outside and blaming and judging the wife not kowing the full side of the story. A dirty man is a dirty man. What his mother couldnt accomplish in his formative years, when she even had utmost authourity is what you want the wife to change in his formed years...where HE is the authourity. The woman might have tried over the years and peharps for even the sake of peace and acceptance she has given up. As for food, the reasons for his eating outside can be numerous.......

Million applaud exact reason why I helped most cases, it's freaking irritating ,some of us can't just stand untidy people.

vivianc: I was once in this position few years back. A man who was married btw walked into my office and i offered him a seat. We got talking business and he placed his hands on my desk and very untidy claws in the name of nails were starring at me. TBH, i was irritated and distracted, when we were done with business, i told him to hang on, opened my drawer, got a scissors and got ride of them. He was just looking at me, speechless.

Maybe he didn't get that kinda attention at home, i didn't care. It didn't even occur to me and I didn't even do that for him, i did it for me cos i don't want him to irritate me when next he comes to my desk.

I would have done what the op did and honestly I don't whether its right or wrong, I just can't have a dirty person around me. If s/he is someone I can avoid i'd do that, but if s/ he is someone i can't avoid s/he would have to get cleaned by force, even if it means dragging s/he to the salon.

The op is right on women should take care of their husbands. He is a grown man, yes! But he is your grown man.

I say couple should take care of each other! We are not babies but we are each other's babies.

@OP,
Keep doing what you are good at doing as long as there are no ulterior motives.
You also sound like a good and caring person.God bless your heart.

For the other people criticizing the OP,can we for once keep an open mind and think outside the
box?
It's not every gesture between the opposite sex that leads to affairs.
They were about to have a meeting and the shirt wasn't good,do you know there are a lot of companies out there
that their selling point is their image?
She went with the man to the salon,what is the big deal?they already have a level that if the man is not
comfortable with should have let her know is not cool with him.
Not every married man is out there looking for an excuse to cheat on his wife.
Please cut the OP some slacks and also do away with the sarcasm 'cos some of the posters opinions'
are dripping with it.

Thanks Dayleke God bless u...

dayleke: @OP,
Keep doing what you are good at doing as long as there are no ulterior motives.
You also sound like a good and caring person.God bless your heart.

For the other people criticizing the OP,can we for once keep an open mind and think outside the
box?
It's not every gesture between the opposite sex that leads to affairs.
They were about to have a meeting and the shirt wasn't good,do you know there are a lot of companies out there
that their selling point is their image?
She went with the man to the salon,what is the big deal?they already have a level that if the man is not
comfortable with should have let her know is not cool with him.
Not every married man is out there looking for an excuse to cheat on his wife.
Please cut the OP some slacks and also do away with the sarcasm 'cos some of the posters opinions'
are dripping with it.

vivianc: I was once in this position few years back. A man who was married btw walked into my office and i offered him a seat. We got talking business and he placed his hands on my desk and very untidy claws in the name of nails were starring at me. TBH, i was irritated and distracted, when we were done with business, i told him to hang on, opened my drawer, got a scissors and got ride of them. He was just looking at me, speechless.

Maybe he didn't get that kinda attention at home, i didn't care. It didn't even occur to me and I didn't even do that for him, i did it for me cos i don't want him to irritate me when next he comes to my desk.

I would have done what the op did and honestly I don't whether its right or wrong, I just can't have a dirty person around me. If s/he is someone I can avoid i'd do that, but if s/ he is someone i can't avoid s/he would have to get cleaned by force, even if it means dragging s/he to the salon.

The op is right on women should take care of their husbands. He is a grown man, yes! But he is your grown man.

I say couple should take care of each other! We are not babies but we are each other's babies.

Not trying to pick on you and as I told you earlier, your signature is one of my favourite songs. However, to help you in future professional life, do not repeat what you just wrote here. It is highly unprofessional and rude, it might cost you a job in future. You can get away doing that for some random guy or in a small one man business, but please dont try that in an established organisation.

I cannot imagine a top executive comes to visit me and while waiting my PA offers him clippers or scissors to cut his nails. She will leave the job that minute. You should all learn to separate personal and professional life. You are not supposed to discriminate on the basis of looks, religion or se*xual orientation. We all have our personal likes and dislikes but it is not in your place to give a visiting business partner clippers to cut his nails just because it "irritates" you. This is just one for the future, no effense meant.

First of all,i find the op's description of her boss a bit of an exaggeration..i have the feeling she is having an affair with him and is trying to make excuses why he is cheating on his wife..i can picture the man complaining to the op how 'bad' his wife is,how she is not taking care of him and how much more worthy of a wife the op is...na today?...

...i mean think about it ,which decent lady would go around criticizing her boss's dress sense to his face(a married man in this case), accompanying him to the SALON to shave or whatever!!,buying shirts for him and God knows what else?..how does the way he looks affect her job for crying out loud?..whatever happened to office decorum bikonu?...she even knows he eats to his satisfaction in some place before going home..and y'all want to tell me the relationship is platonic?..yeah right tell me about it!! ...

...@op if you know whats good for you,better leave that man alone and face your job and your fiance!!...some posters are here giving you the props and you are feeling good and justified, but they wont share the physical attack that will be your portion if you dont leave that poor woman's husband alone..good samaritan!!

Why cant people learn to mind their business in that country? I dont know why people like to add other people's headaches to their list of headaches.

@op Why is it so difficult for you to do your 9-5 and call it a day? It really is not your business.