I did not originate this; but it got me thinking after reading the very long story . . . . . Some mature unmarried or divorced women in this forum try to paint ominous picture about marriage while discouraging the young women from going into it. Now this is a true life experience of an observant and realistic woman. . . . . Read on if you like a good and long story and make your comments after



How come there are so many unmarried girls everywhere? Thirty-five-year old beautiful and serious-minded girls single and the men have their backs turned against them? Well brought-up girls who work as hard as men, sometimes harder can no longer find husbands. The men have not relocated. In fact, they are single and available. To worsen my worries, there are weddings taking place, not just every Saturday but virtually on every day of the week. So why is the world full unmarried big girls?


I’m not so liberal or liberated (whatever that is supposed to mean) as to join those who say marriage is not the ultimate for a woman.
Marriage, of course, can be such a headache sometimes but it’s largely good. Trust me, I’ve been in it for 15 years and although once in a while I must confess I’d felt like running away, I like being married. I mean, just like the sun, what will I do without my husband?


Apart from all the nice things he does for me, whom will I quarrel with ever so regularly if not my husband? Who will I vent my anger on if I get a query in the office and who’d console me when I drive my car into a ditch once in a while?

A husband is ever so handy. Am I making husbands sound like some domestic hand? Well, if I’m the domestic ‘body’, why can’t my husband be the domestic ‘hand’. You know a hand and a body can do wonderful things together, non? Good.


I remember once when my husband was transferred to Abuja and the kids and I
had to live without him for first time. It was tough. It was then I realized I’d never until then had to go to the bank to pay school fees. I had never been to NEPA office to pay electricity bill. I didn’t know how to switch on the generator. I found I had to do more than buy fuel for my car for it to run. I had to deal with mechanics and plumbers. It wasn’t funny. Of course, the house was without electricity supply for two weeks.


As for the single motherhood thing, it’s attractive I think, if you consider the hassles of married life but it’s still a lonely life. You still need a constant warm body, somebody to poke fun at you and joke about your unwieldy waist. Not the occasional ‘husband’ you get as a single pregnant girl.

I hope this clears the air especially with those who have been sending me mails saying I’m misleading women.


Marriage is good, ordained by God and I believe it should be for keeps. I don’t believe in divorce either.

So back to where we started, why are there so many single girls above 35 when the men are still in town? Is it that the men are blind or the women don’t know where to look? Whatever, I’m going to talk to members of constituency and I’m not going to pull my punches.

Too many of my sisters growing old on the shelves made the wrong choices, took the wrong turns on the road and are today paying heavily for sins of their past.


Some of those choices may have sounded or felt right then but a right choice at the wrong time is still a wrong choice.

Let me share this with you. A female colleague of mine a few years ago
suddenly changed her wardrobe. She started wearing skimpy tops and trousers that left nothing to the imagination. She took to wearing waist beads and sometimes going bra-less. I called her as a concerned friend and asked what happened to decent dressing.


What did she hope to gain by flaunting her cleavage every day of the week. She said to me, ‘it’s what my fiancÈ wants.’ Not one for diplomatic lines on issues like that, I told her the guy had no plans for marriage or even one year with her beyond then.

I told her a man who wants a woman for a wife doesn’t tell her to bare her boobs for all to see. My poor friend didn’t know she wasn’t more than a intimacy gadget on display. She fell for her sick finance’s tricks. She was single then and is still single now.


I know girls must have fun but there is a time to draw the line and grow up. But not some of my sisters. They go into relationships that from day one are dumb stuff. What does a 25-year-old girl need flings for? A single woman is like an evening market, the time frame for searching is short, limited. If you know anything about village evening markets, you’d know that it does not last longer than three hours. Such is the ‘lifespan’ of a woman in search of marriage.

You make hay while the sun shines. A good girl with her head screwed on tight does not stay in or go into a relationship that’s not heading for the altar. Of what use is a man who can’t promise you forever? Why invest your precious years on a man who is not at the risk of that thing called menopause?


But not my sisters. They are into ‘aristos’ and married men
even at 37! It’s absolutely crazy. Some join harems of girlfriends and stay on the queue like idiots. Strike the iron while it’s hot and if you can’t heat up the iron, move on girl. A girl with marriage on her mind should date a man with marriage on his mind. If he wants a fling, let him go look elsewhere and parents, do tell your daughters that flings are for fools.

It is when a girl has misspent her youth that she begins to point accusing fingers in the direction of everybody but herself.


A woman who at 30 is in a relationship that can’t lead to marriage is an idiot. The one who at 32 is dating a married man is a bigger idot but the biggest idiot is the one dating an ‘aristo’ openly.

A male colleague told me of how he used to admire and pant after a female reporter who was a
great combination of brain and beauty. He told a few friends over a few bottles after production and they pulled his ears. "The beautiful brainy reporter belonged to the Managing Director and if you want to keep your job, leave the girl for the big boy upstairs," they told him. He was heart-broken but he took his friends’ advice.


Our brainy reporter stayed with the Managing Director for years. Everybody knew she was ‘spoken for’. All the eligible guys stayed clear of her. She warmed Oga’s bed. Oga kept his wife happy, made babies who today are all studying abroad. Our reporter has grown old. The eligibles have all gotten married. The M.D can’t marry her. She’s alone, single at 39 because she has been a fool for so long it’s almost too late to try wisdom. Whose fault is it that she’s not married?


And
there are things a single girl who intends to marry should not do or be caught doing. Why do some of my sisters think men with whom they drink beer with or smoke joints with will take them to the altar? Drinking alcohol in public or smoking joint openly is not really becoming of a ‘good girl’. Cocktail, yes. A glass of wine is classy but matching your male friends beer bottle for beer bottle & passing on joint is stupid. Trust guys, they will hail you for being a ‘hard girl’ but when they are drawing up the list of girls they can take home to ‘mama’, you are not a contender.


If you drink alcohol or do hard or soft drugs, you must not advertise it, girl. It’s top secret. Don’t be confused by men’s oh-so-sophisticated attitude, they know wife materials and girls who drink or smoke aren’t what they want.

What do you think
friends? My sisters need to have a rethink especially those who can still make amends. And guys, you can complete this piece by letting us know all those other things that you know have increased the population of single but successful girls.

I think this is just the idea of people wanting different things. A woman (ususally young ones who haven't learnt much) like to hope and believe that she can change and mold a man according to the way she wants, when it finally hits her and she realises that she had been wasting her time it usally creates a big yawning hole in her life the way to fill that hole becomes her problem.
some search for a better career and find themselves young boys to feel better about themselves
some never learn a thing
and others have people who advice them on what to do
This process usually takes a while causing for time to run, these women then realise the mistakes they have make. But picking up the pieces is easiser said than done.

Though i don't believe that everyone has to get hitched at some point in life, this is what keeps pushing women to believe that they have to have that family life that everyone is having. I must admit it's facinating i've seen my aunt and uncle but for some people married life is more of a burden.

Men dis ur story long.


Me i feel its cos they are nt ready or havent found da right man yet.

Well i hear you all-we all want to be properly married and have kids,thats the dream of any
girl but you must know that life is an irony and most things that happened are beyond human.I have a very good christian upbringing and when most of my mates were jumping around with the happening guys and aristos-i was hooked up to me books and my mummy moral standards and with their advice that men will come when you have achieve all your dreams and potentials.Today i have a very good credentials and  good job with manners and pedigree but what do i get,please just thank God for blessing you and dont assume its your own doing.

Check my Diary bog @

//sisibaby..com

Cheers

sisibaby:

Well i hear you all-we all want to be properly married and have kids,thats the dream of any
girl but you must know that life is an irony and most things that happened are beyond human.I have a very good christian upbringing and when most of my mates were jumping around with the happening guys and aristos-i was hooked up to me books and my mummy moral standards and with their advice that men will come when you have achieve all your dreams and potentials.Today i have a very good credentials and  good job with manners and pedigree but what do i get,please just thank God for blessing you and don't assume its your own doing.

Check my Diary bog @

//sisibaby..com

Cheers   

As you make your bed you lie. . . if you choose to change those standards you should also be ready for the pay off.

The story said it all.

Girl should learn from that.

You see a girl that you are older than and she will tell you that you are not her mate. Your class mate will be dating society men in your very presence. Then after they want you to marry them. You can not eat your cake & have it.

Those big girls are paying the prize since they refuse to date men within their level. A lady that is dating a married man either want to remain single or be second wife.

Am yet to understand why some women like married men to single men. I can't imagine myself sharing a woman with someone, no mater her position.

honestly, its as if the person that worte those stories was speaking to me directly or givving me an advice.

I really hope some gurls would read it and learn from it. very well spoken!

Busta:


I really hope some girls would read it and learn from it. very well spoken!

Thats my Hope too.

As you lay your bed, someone once said that if he wants to get married, it has to be to a gal from a home not a house, and certainly not on a sunday! Need i say more?

As you lay your bed, someone once said that if he wants to get married, it has to be to a gal from a home not a house, and certainly not on a sunday! Need i say more?

As you lay your bed, someone once said that if he wants to get married, it has to be to a gal from a home not a house, and certainly not on a sunday! Need i say more?

As you lay your bed, someone once said that if he wants to get married, it has to be to a gal from a home not a house, and certainly not on a sunday! Need i say more?

As you lay your bed, someone once said that if he wants to get married, it has to be to a gal from a home not a house, and certainly not on a sunday! Need i say more?

As you lay your bed, someone once said that if he wants to get married, it has to be to a gal from a home not a house, and certainly not on a sunday! Need i say more?

As you lay your bed, someone once said that if he wants to get married, it has to be to a gal from a home not a house, and certainly not on a sunday! Need i say more?

Yeah, we all must be very careful with our choices and decisions. A wrong decision or choice you make can affect you for a life time.

Some of our men are very intimidated by successful girls, how come no one is saying that.
I live here in the states,many of the men would rather go home and marry little girls than the sisters already here making a good living perhaps because their jobs as cab drivers (not that anything is wrong with that at all) does not compare with her flashier job.
Abeg make una no ask for my head,I would marry a good hearted,loving cab driver anyday,just used it for an illustration.

No girl would go with an insecure,timid man.
And who says 35 is too old to get married?
Some people are better off single anyway,marriage is not compulsory.
There's a Naija woman that was recently hacked to death in Dallas TX by her own husband,if she had to do it again,she may have preferred to be single and alive.

people, it's a free world.marry, don't marry, as long as you are happy.

The article made no sense. It rambled all over the place like a tumbleweed. Plus, the author NEVER answered or even ADDRESSED the question she asked at the beginning of the article -- which was supposed to be the thesis/premise of the whole thing. I'm mad I read it, but since I did, I had to leave my comment to at least make my time worthwhile, LOL.

@Geek gurl


better u read all over again and try to put tots into it while doing so. Makes a whole lotta sense!

@babyosisi
Some of our men are very intimidated by successful girls[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

Men are not intimidated by success of some girls. Rather successful girls find it difficult to associate with some men. What girls have enter their head that they find it difficult to listen and accomodate man as the head of the family. She can afford it. She can do that, she can do this. So why live under a man.

Men in the under hand do not want to marry a woman that will be an autonomous community or indepenent state.

@ Busta -- The only way this article would maybe make any sense is if the term "big girls" means something different than what I think it means. Where I'm from, "big girls" is a slang term for larger-sized women.

And completely off topic, LOL, I really, really (really) don't like it when grown WOMEN are referred to as "girls". Grrr.

" "

am learning everyday.

@ Topic:

Cant really blame them, sometimes, its by condition, not by choice

maybe they havent found mr. right yet. the world is not only full of unmarried big girls it is also full of unmarried petite girls

To the poster
Its your fault that you cannot look left or right without your husband.
Even when i was married i was doing everything on my own.
If i wnted something done today and my husband tomorrow i went a head and did it today.
Once i wanted a cupboard built up Now . He said later.
B4 he came back from work i had with a baby strapped on my back built up that cupboard.
He only had to fix the doors.
I was paying all the bills.
A woman has to be strong enough to run the house alone
What if the husband falls sick or something.
You punish your self your husband and your kids because you cannot turn a key to put on the generator or because you cannot find the hole for the fule

mamaput,you did make a lot of sense in your last posting.

A woman whether married or unmarried must be strong enough to survive come what may.
Besides divorce,a woman can also be widowed and if she was a jellyfish in the marriage,God help her and those innocent children in her care.

I totally agree with mamaput. But I also don't want to get married. I have never liked the idea of being tied to one person forever, and having to ask that person whether it's ok if I can go somewhere alone etc. I like to do what I want by myself. I like making my own money. I like doing a lot of things on my own. I also like the fact that I have morals, and boundaries I do not cross. I love and respect myself, so the crap you were talking about would never be an issue for me. I was raised better than that. And not every woman is dying to get married, and pop out babies left and right. There are some who are very happy single. I am one of them.

Mamput made some valid points. Even in marriage you cannot depend on a man to do everything. If your husband were to die tomorrow [hopefully he won't], then where does that leave you? To me, you sounded more like a woman who can't even get keys made if you lost yours. A woman very dependent on a man, and who also seems to despise women who dont want the same as you. Women are all different. We have different tastes. If marriage was to where everyone had to get married, I'm pretty sure some single women would rather commit suicide.

I hope i did not sound too hash.

When i was 18 my dad thought me how to drive. But before that the showed me how to change a tyer , to check the oil gage were water comes , were oil comes, and the names of the different parts in the car. Not that i had to know how to fix the car ,but at least if someone says a part i know what they are talking about.
It is very important to teach our kids this too.
When ever i do online banking i ask one of the kids to do it for me .
When ever i want ot write a letter of what ever to who ever I let one of the kids type it for me. or send them to the DR on their own . Small things like that makes them independent.

Nadine20 you sound very morbid.
lighten up,this is just a fun discussion,no need to come armed to the teeth.

Marriage is a choice,if you choose to remain unmarried and date several men,not a good choice but you are certainly free to do that and take the consequences.
Marriage is beautiful with the right guy and there are plenty of them out there if you are looking in the right places.

Just a thought from a concerned sista.
Just drink a nice cold bottle of coke with a slice of cheese cake,give thanks and relax.

no mamaput you are in order.
We need to teach kids especially young girls the value of independence.
Not in the sense of being above authority but knowing that they are not limited today by their gender.
What ever a man can do,there are plenty of women already doing it.