@uche

I do read all posts, and the ones that are critical have all stated why they think that it might be difficult for my parents to accept, and I do understand this as well.

To be honest, apart from my parents issue, I see no problems at all for both of us personally and with his family, That's why I only raised the issue of my parents. If thats being taken care of, then there will be no more issue, 

Sasha009:

@uche

I do read all posts, and the ones that are critical have all stated why they think that it might be difficult for my parents to accept, and I do understand this as well.

To be honest, apart from my parents issue, I see no problems at all for both of us personally and with his family, That's why I only raised the issue of my parents. If thats being taken care of, then there will be no more issue, 

In hope U are right and I wish U dont witness a marital version of the Bradley effect.

On a personal note, I dont have a problem with interracial dating . I have a couple of friends that date white girls and most times, I forget that they are actually white.

Sasha009:

@nene,
In regards to your questions,
Yes I did ask my parents, but they just insisted they would feel more comfortable seeing me married to a Nigerian Yoruba guy. They have tried unsuccessfully to hook me up with lots of family friends, potential black yoruba guys who re ding really well, but I always turn down their offer politely. This upsets my dad a lot, and he is even more strict and more inclined to making sure I still end up with a black guy.

But I always counter his words, and try to say good things about white guys too. My dad uses an old example which probably due to what they hear and watch in the media.

One day he said " If you upset a white guy, one day he could just shoot you in the head, and then you re gone" Like that . They seem to believe white men have temper or a case of slight mentality, lol that they tend to do bad things if you upset them, which is soooooooooo not true.

Also, he thinks once i get married to a white guy, then he will keep me away from Africa, and not allow me to visit them anymore. But again i tried to make them understand this is also not true (in my case), because my bf is very interested in africa

Besides the one about shooting you in the head, I must admit your dad made some very valid points. It would be easier to connect to your culture with a naija guy. He would be more eager to go to africa with you than a white guy no matter how much the white guy is into africa. besides, like davidlyan said, the white guy could just be interested know in order to get you but it might not last long. But a naija guy would always be interested in his homeland.

But out of curiosity, why did you refuse the yoruba guys, especially since they are successful and share the same culture with you? Well at least your parents are not forcing you to marry a yoruba guy. At least they are not making it into an arranged marriage situation. Also, be careful b/c you do not want to keep rejecting these guys until it's too late. It's hard finding a spouse so at least you have many men willing to marry you. Do you want to marry a white man and hurt the bond between you and your family or do you want to marry a guy from your culture who is successful as well and be at peace with your family? Do you think it's worth it? What if you marry a white guy and it doesn't last, but it would be after you already upset your family. I'm not saying that marrying into the same culture is pure bliss easier, but I do feel you do understand each other better. Also, if you marry a white guy, how easy would it be to teach your kids yoruba? You would have to speak english at home b/c that is the only language your husband will know. It is easier to teach your children your culture when you and your husband have the same culture.

Is it b/c you don't find naija men physically attractive? Why do you feel like you relate to white men better than men from your culture? Sorry for asking so many questions, but I just think you should really think about it. Don't get carried away by dating. Marriage is not all about just romance.

@ nene

you have made a great point. Thanks for the input,
but you left a one valid point which is the most important and basis of my topic,

You didn't ask me to choose what will make me happy, (other posters did). In the long run, being with him makes me happier than anything, this is where everything is confusing
I appreciate my parents effort in trying to fix me up with potential men but what if the feelings is not there? You cant force love

Sasha009:

@ nene

you have made a great point. Thanks for the input,
but you left a one valid point which is the most important and basis of my topic,

You didn't ask me to choose what will make me happy, (other posters did). In the long run, being with him makes me happier than anything, this is where everything is confusing
I appreciate my parents effort in trying to fix me up with potential men but what if the feelings is not there? You cant force love

Yeah I feel like there is one person out there for everyone. So maybe no matter what great qualities those yoruba guys have, i guess none of them are your soulmates since you don't feel a connection with them. There are many guys with great attributes, but that doesn't mean every girl would be happy with them. Yes you can't help who you fall in love with and you shouldn't. Besides, it's not like you don't like your culture or yoruba guys, I guess your soulmate probably isn't a yoruba. The best I can give is my opinion, which could be biased since I connect more with african guys. But good look with choosing a husband and I hope you will make the right choice. Pray about it as well, since God knows more than the rest of us anyway lol, He already knows who your soulmate is. So pray to him to guide you to make the right choice.

@poster: I believe you already know what to do in your situation. You should just follow your heart! we could write pages on how better a Yoruba guy may be for you as per culture wise, etc but all that will be a total waste if you are not in love with the person. So if a white guy rocks ya boat, then go ahead and I believe your family will come around as time goes on. good luck!

@ poster

the only reason u fall for white men is bcuz u havent met special black guys like me. if u meet me, u go repent 

I think it might make a difference   if your parents live abroad or in Nigeria. it would make a difference if you ve led them to believe that you would marry a Nigerian.It might also make a difference if your parents put you through  school overseas or might have helped you immensely in  your journey . Naija parents dont like to be used and dumped cos some of them will tell   you dont marry anyone you see  on the way. Marry from home and all that. Then you  are in this new relationship and you dont want to let them know that there is a new guy on the block and  all of a sudden this blossoms into a roller coaste ride and you are stuck by not telling them that  you had something going on.Some time in order not to offend the source of  our help we tend  not to be upfront about issues like these. Its better  you cut off their assistance on time and be on your own so that you can make a better decision. It happened to a friend of mine, his parents didnt like his fiancee and it led to him cutting any form of assistance from his parents and they saw he was willing to go lenghts to prove that he loved his woman, they caved in. Parents dont like to be used . Let's tell them that we may not keep up to those promises from the outset. i think it may change a lot of things.

Well, i dont like inter tribal,interacial,interthnic,intercountry marriages.Why u may ask?It is because if u imagine that 2 of u finally gets married,and the guy wants both of u to live in his country/village.Can u imagine how lonely the lady will feel in that kind of place especially if it is very far from home and the guy's people are not friendly at all?At a point , she may not be able to bear it and she may do something desperate.I have always seen myself as a complete gentleman and i dont think i can subject my wife to that kind of torture just because of the so-called love.That is why i will try to keep away from such relationships, but like they say,u dont know where love will take u.Hola at ordinaryman3000@yahoo.Com

@ na2day

you re very funny
I have met amazing black men. I see them a lot. That's not the issue. black Nigerian men re great men, but my heart is somewhere else.

@adconline,

you re right,
But in my case, I have always stressed the fact that I like white men to my parents, since I was very young if you ask me, so I havent hidden anything from them at all. They just choose to prefer me being with African man

@okotie, each to their own, I'd never criticize your choice at all, because i believe we all are different and the choices we make differ. However thanks

nene1:

Besides the one about shooting you in the head, I must admit your dad made some very valid points. It would be easier to connect to your culture with a naija guy. He would be more eager to go to africa with you than a white guy no matter how much the white guy is into africa. besides, like davidlyan said, the white guy could just be interested know in order to get you but it might not last long. But a naija guy would always be interested in his homeland.

What if you marry a white guy and it doesn't last, but it would be after you already upset your family. I'm not saying that marrying into the same culture is pure bliss easier, [b]but I do feel you do understand each other better. [/b]Also, if you marry a white guy, how easy would it be to teach your kids yoruba? You would have to speak english at home b/c that is the only language your husband will know. It is easier to teach your children your culture when you and your husband have the same culture.

Is it b/c you don't find naija men physically attractive? Why do you feel like you relate to white men better than men from your culture? Sorry for asking so many questions, but I just think you should really think about it. Don't get carried away by dating. Marriage is not all about just romance.

arguments, arguments and more arguments, who said marrying a nigerian would make you happier?
if marrying your ethnic group makes a difference why do we have the miserable failed marriages and relationships in naija like we have? i feel it is always better to leave sentiments and bias out of these matters. ability to speak yoruba is never a licence to kids growing up well there are many non ethnic language speaking kids doing perfectly well.

@JJYUO.

Thanks, of course you nailed it. what will be will be regardless of where you re from

Sasha, U are sooo right about everyone are originally from Africa. Have been telling people that and they claim me to be crazy! 

na2day?:

@ poster

the only reason u fall for white men is bcuz u havent met special black guys like me. if u meet me, u go repent

See this yeye guy come out from nowhere

Do u want to know what i think right now?I think that u make sure that u counter every reason we contribute.Well,i dont know about u guys but am done talking.I believe she can go ahead and date em.Sasha,i sincerely hope u are not just temporarily happy.Cuz in the long run , i really dont want u to be unhappy or to regret ur act 4 the rest of ur life.Just cocerned thats all.

okotie800:

Do u want to know what i think right now?I think that u make sure that u counter every reason we contribute.Well,i dont know about u guys but am done talking.I believe she can go ahead and date em.Sasha,i sincerely hope u are not just temporarily happy.Cuz in the long run , i really dont want u to be unhappy or to regret ur act 4 the rest of ur life.Just cocerned thats all.

Your point is?

There is no difference. Even if na him village man she marry, if they are nt compatible, she will not be happy.

And about her countering everything said, have you forgotten she is biased? This is an agelong desire and cannot be easily changed. So be sure she will be biased towards those post that seem to encourage her.

For a lady it might be ok provided you know you will never relocate to nigeria with your hubby in tow, but for a guy i cant, i know one day i will be back in nigeria and it is very unlikely that i white gal will want to come and stay in nigeria with all the bad news and bad govtment in place. So i dont date white gals because nothing good can come out of it

Gabry:

Sasha, U are sooo right about everyone are originally from Africa. Have been telling people that and they claim me to be crazy! 

See this yeye guy come out from nowhere

ovularia, mind ya sef ooo, wetin u mean say i comot from nowhere, i dey hia tey tey, no bi 2day

Your point is?

There is no difference. Even if na him village man she marry, if they are nt compatible, she will not be happy.

And about her countering everything said, have you forgotten she is biased? This is an agelong desire and cannot be easily changed. So be sure she will be biased towards those post that seem to encourage her.

@agaba123,
Thank you very much!!! Couldnt have said it better myself!
I wonder why people dont understand one single fact. No matter whom you marry or be with, be it black, yellow, african or white, if it will be, it will be, if not, there will be heartache. There's millions of unhappy couples in Nigeria, cheating partners, lieing, fighting, etc. Does it matter what color?
okotie, if you marry a nigerian woman from your tribe, and you re not happy in the long run or you re not very compatible, it will end in disaster, so I believe that one's happiness matters most.

na2day?:

ovularia, mind ya sef ooo, wetin u mean say i comot from nowhere, i dey hia tey tey, no bi 2day

I think it has been proven that u just wont leave me alone

@ seyenko,
I'm not sure about that. I don't know if it matters that its better for a black girl to date a white guy than the other way round, but I see a lot of black guys with white women some even get married, though very few.
In saying that, No one can stop me from visiting home or going whenever i like, that's something one has to talk about and be clear about with each other before getting married. we have gone way past that anyway, and I believe that we have mutual respect and understanding for each other and the relationship

@gabry, Im surprised you are asian (malaysian). I have a few friends from malaysia here. I have visited there before as weell. They re really nice people. How come you speak good pidgin english and also some yoruba? Your partner must have taught you a lot huh? Do you live in Nigeria and are you guys married?
To your comment about everyone coming from AFRICA, YES ITS 100% TRUE! if anyone counters/argues that fact, refer them to me, and I will guide them to the right sources

Ovularia!!

@ poster

Why you asking? Nigerian men gladly marry fat white women.

merge:

@ poster

Why you asking? Nigerian men gladly marry fat white women.

lol, i guess it's either for paper or they really love the fair complexion.

sasha,
the reason why i highlighted those obscure points was to let you know that you should really think it through. On a hypothetical scenario, you were being sponsored by your parents and this lucky guy came into picture and u made it known to your parents that you must marry him and they asked you to choose between losing any form of assistance and your boyfriend. you would be tested by this hard decision. What would be your choice? This is what marriage is all about. It would aslo be worth of note if you told your parents that you have found a white man so they should stop looking for Naija men for you or you led them to believe that they should go and start searching for eligible bachelors while at the back of you mind you knew that it aint gonna happen. At what point in this husband search process did white man creep up? This is what differentiates from oyibos. They start telling anybody who cares to know about their new love while we wait for the right time to tell -which might be too late. Ask your siblings to intervene and then plan a vacation to Nigeria with your man, but your parents must be seen to be soft pedaling before you take him with you. Good luck.

Gabry:

I think it has been proven that u just wont leave me alone       

********sighs*********

merge:

@ poster

Why you asking? Nigerian men gladly marry fat white women.

eya, e dey pain am  as dem fine pass u wetin u want us to do?

I believe that true love knows no colour and respects no ethnic boundaries. Some would try to explain the attraction based on the supposed reasoning that an opposite attracts. In the real world though, like attracts like, birds of a feather do indeed flock together, and eagles don't get invited to the hen house for tea. Many would argue that humans operate on a higher thought process than do eagles and chickens. That would depend on who you ask. As to the naturalness of it all, let us not confuse what is natural with what is normal. Natural is what you would do left to your own devices. Normal has more to do with orientation and societal mores of the day. Society as a whole has still not embraced the idea of bi-racial dating, but there are pockets of acceptance as well as bastions of resistance. The attraction exists on several different levels in the minds of many. Some will openly admit their love for the prohibited of it all and then there are those folks who are truly colour-blind to the whole race concept and feel free and independent enough to fall in love with whoever they damn well please. No matter the motivation for dating outside of one's ethnic group, there are perils. This could be feelings of being rejected by both sides of your family, not to mention the larger society. However Sasha009 my advice to you is that you marry the man of your choice, the reason for this is because you know your self more than anyone else, you know what you want and how much your are worth therefore you should not let any body dispute with you. At the end of the day if you get with a “black” Yoruba guy and you are still not happy then what is the point. God forbid if anything happens to your parent tomorrow you would be left with this same guy that was by all means your husband due to the fact that your parent loved him. It’s a good idea that you considered your parent in this matter of yours but girl I tell you this, Once you can decide that you are in the right place, you should marry him. Otherwise, life may be full of bitterness, regrets, dissatisfaction and It will not be a happy marriage but a marriage that has to be carried through. That will give no pleasure. Hope this helps sasha009

@ origina9ja

God bless your soul dear
Thanks for the amazing input. You are awesome
I agree wholeheartedly with your points, and Choosing one's happiness matters most.
cheers

@merge.

I have heard several times from many people that black guys love fat white women. Im not sure if this is true. You gotta ask the boys this,
I think it may be based on the fact that a lot of african women re curvy and very voluptous, and they always say more cushion for the pushing, maybe this is why the black men go for the fat white women who have big butts, wide hips and large front. I have no idea why

But ive seen a few african guys with slim/attractive white girls.
each to their own i guess

This topic is always going to be a sensitive and contentious for many people, because of the perceived innate subconscious prejudices that many people believe is inherent in inter-racial dating.

Yes, a lot of black men date shapeless overweight white women. You can safely say physical appearance was not a factor for them. Usually, its because of papers, but also because white women, generally due to their temperament, and also racial stereotypes, pander to a black mans ego much better than black women do (they do not do this with their white men). This is turn makes the black men feel more secure, and in control, enabling them to be themselves, express more affection, without the fear of being judged on success and achievement alone.

Also, inter-racial couples tend to show more affection toward each other in public, and are more at ease with each other's emotions, than black on black couples on average.

This is because all the judgemental barriers inherent in black on black relationships based on culture, upbringing, tradition, etc are removed.

Lets assume the white girl you are talking about here is one of those beauty we see in the movie. one of those gorgeous looking music star. Just imagine its a young 23 year old chic what wil you say then.
abeg leave that thing a good girl that you will love all your life is all that counts after all, those folks that married blacks then end up cheating on their wife? so marry a girl you will still love 30 years from now

Sasha pls understand what i am talking about here.I just want u to be happy not just now but 4 the rest of ur life.That is why u should think deep.Can u actually live with this guy 4 the rest of ur life?Can u endure his shortcommings 4 the rest of ur life?Dont just be blinded by love,u should also use ur head cuz it is a life time affair we are talking about here.Just think all the highschool teenagers who think they have fallen in love with themselves and how many of those relationships actually last 4 more than a year.What am saying in effect is that even in love, u should also use ur head cuz u may actually get tired of ur so called lover in the long run.