Please sir wat do u mean by deliberately take in, I don't understand

You mean u didn't notice her bad english during courtship, you didn't notice her bad dress sense, u just realised her unwillingness to learn after being married for ten years? Hmmm.. Tell us the truth op, u are currently seeing another woman who seems better than your wife and as long as this continues, u can never see anything good abt ur wife. Before having a divorce, pls consider your kids and make sure u don't run back to nairaland to tell us abt the new devil u just married

Jus passing by

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

.

goodluck jonathan"!!! lol

What we have here is the problem with a lot of young men.

They accept crap until it eats them up. Your life as been upside down because you couldn't say NO.

IF you are not comfortable with the marriage. Don't kill yourself. Leave the house and move on with your life.

Your kids is the only issue, and you'll have to find a way to manage that effectively.

If you cannot tolerate the living standards of your wife. And you know it'll haunt you for the rest of your life. Move on. Else, you'll keep dyng every single day.

Bros, u won hear true talk, na chameleon u marry ooo. She just dey change like nigeria dey go sha. She need deliverance quick quick before it gets out of hand ooo. Alaafia ni fun eni ti a wifun ti o gbo.

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

lmao....

You didn't know all this before you married her? You want to upgrade abi? You are a stoopid man, your problem is you now think you are better than your wife. If you want to leave your wife, leave your wife but please stop making excuses and blaming your wife.


My Advice to you is this: Nigerian women are useless, the one you met when things were rough and stuck by you while you became what you are today is the one you should stick to. If you need side chick, find side chick but remember Karma is a bit*h!!!

cococandy:
Your wife is the perfect woman for all those traditional men who believe in 100% division of gender roles. Sorry

Nne, what kind wickedness is this. Is this all you can say? Hahahahahaha.

OP, go get a vasectomy, abi no be you dey deposit sperm?

You're just looking for trophy wife.
Uncle, stay with your wife, we know your type. Once you guys make money, you start looking for cover girls.

Martinez19:
I sense great foolishness and carelessness in the nature of the op. How could he not have seen any of these signs before marriage?

Either this story is a lie or the OP is a mumu of the first rank.

And you have to insult him? can't you drop your comment without insults? Who knows? this poster might be an undergraduate still trying to find his feet yet have guts to call a married man with 3 kids, someone's father a ' mumu'. Nairaland!!!

Freiden:


Baba...You too dey vex ooo.

But wetin u expect ? Who fly go support if not shit.

Op don enta one chance. If not for the kids ...i for advise divorce...

lol, as na my first thread as I dey wake up. Truth also, he can't think of divorce for the kids. Butnawa for that woman sha. When even market women take to selling tomatoes to be self sufficient, some are still thinking of being housewives with nothing productive. Anyway, na d man one chance be that.

maxti:
i confuse pass u bro.

lol bro, you are not serious o

maxti:
i confuse pass u bro.

lolzzz, u no well.

good news op, u just dey play in that marriage, u re d head it is time for u to build ur home else ur children will be the ones to suffer most, divorce or not.

A brother of mine is also involved in dis type of ur situation, but in his case the lady only has ssce cert. they ve 3 girls as children n she intend to ve more kids unless she ve a boy, if not she will not stop ving children, ( remember no income RM her side oo) family planning stuff she refuses to go for it, the husband want to divorce her his family said no, so now the battle is still on.

so dear op, u ve to build ur home with both physical n spiritual methods, n I wish u luck.

pls share ur success stories in the future o, so we can learn. tnx

This story weak me ......that woman is either from osun,ondo or ekiti!!!! You just need to fast naked for 40nights to make her change! This is what Jesus saw and said"it's finished "

that lady is illiterate,signs are pretty glaring.....go to the school she supposedly graduated,and find out. having a third class degree doesnt always spell "DUMB".... from all indications she cant read or write.then you should also check her for post-natal stress,apparantely,it seems to affect a lot of women,and makes them neurotic. dont give up on your marriage just yet,be patient and try to find out what the problem is.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

I am tired of seeing marriages trying to break or at the verge of breaking. This story Is not encouraging to young singles trying to build a serious relationship and probably get married soon. This is the third story if I am not mistaking I have read in 3days now; does it mean this year 2017 will be a year of surprises( divorce and home breaking) like one of the man of God had prophesied? Godforbid!

These issues can be managed:

1. If she does not want to stop giving birth maybe because she wants more children, you can do vasectomy, maybe not a permanent one.

2. You can teach her to dress how you want her to. You cannot be doing it with force or whatnot. Don't try to do it by imposition like she MUST; you can do it through reorientation. Remind her how she used to look like when you first saw her. Get her the cloths you would like her to put on.

3.You can teach her how to read and speak good english. Convince me that you didn't observe that she cannot speak well; how did you ask her out then? Or na arrangement marriage. Teach her with love. Take it as another job role till you observe she has improved. You can do it for yourself and for the children you love.

4. As for her not wanting to lay her hands so as to be productive and help you; I know this is the bone of contention as your bills keep increasing daily and your employer does not send you to increase your salary because them no send you..... hmm, you have to cope with the present situation while you try to figure out other modalities to help her lay her hands on something to do. Give her reasons while she needs to find something and do asap. The children are growing fast so your bills will increase more.

Lastly, divorce will be a disaster to those innocent children. It will affect them phycologically and educationally. It will change their perspective of a happy family. Try also and put all issues in prayers. God will guide you through all these.

damola1:
What we have here is the problem with a lot of young men.

They accept crap until it eats them up. Your life as been upside down because you couldn't say NO.

IF you are not comfortable with the marriage. Don't kill yourself. Leave the house and move on with your life.

Your kids is the only issue, and you'll have to find a way to manage that effectively.

If you cannot tolerate the living standards of your wife. And you know it'll haunt you for the rest of your life. Move on. Else, you'll keep dyng every single day.

If a woman had made the complain OP made, would you ask her to leave?

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

Wicked

@OP
If your wife refuses to change, do something drastic.
Nothing significant happens unless a pattern is broken.
Divorce should also be on the table.

This is a clear case of 2 people who struggled together. If your wife can not write then she is not a graduate, except you were in the school with her, if not, she has been lying to you all along. If her aural English is okay then I am convinced she went to School, if not, I conclude the woman is just an academic illliterate. Sorry for using the word, but what are you thinking ? A woman that can not write can not pass PGD and Masters. DOnt you understand that she is becoming pregnant just to avoid the embarrasement of going to school ?

Listen, this woman got your back while you guys struggled and things are going good and you deserve a better life and your wife is not catching up and she doesnt meet up with the class you so desire. Your own don be. This is not about you, when kids are involved you must evaluate your actions. DO NOT DIVORCE! If you want to live that glamorous life you want, then you need alter your thinking process and morality to enjoy the life you deserve.

Since your wife as decided she is okay the way she is, there is nothing you can do than to enjoy that life while remaining in that marriage for the kids.

You were planning divorce right ? Well, that is a sin in Christianity especially since your wife has not cheated on you. So let me offer you an alternative sinful idea that will save your marriage. This plan will save your marriage while giving you the life you want.

I believe you financially okay. You need to get that shop for your wife, stock it up and handover the keys to her then you need to rent a nice flat somewhere and you got to be smart to tell her that you have been transferred to another branch, then since you got her a shop she will be very busy and excited, engaged in the business and the life of the kids to monitor you. It is in this new flat of yours, that you will get a beautiful damsel, exactly the specs that you want and enjoy your life and visit wife and family at weekends..

Thank me later.

People just come here to dump rubbish and silly stories... your wife deliberately got pregnant? The holy spirit slept with her?

You didn't know she had 3rd class while you were dating before you married her, you didn't notice the bad grammar after the 1st and 2nd child? Someone who finished with 3rd class and is not computer literate should do ICAN/PGD? Or you are just willing to waste your money?

Omo guy talk wetin worry abegiiii...you no sleep with your wife for 3 months but she deliberately get belle... na Bluetooth or wireless una use Phuck? Park well make you tell us another story.

the story was quite touching until u wrote this.

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.


y na... this is uncalled for.
am guessing levels don change and something outside don de shook ur eye.
it's obvious ur wife is among those that went to school because everybody de go school. she has traits of a full time house wife.

my opinion.

since u are d bread winner, influence how she dress by getting her erotic wears for the bedroom. hehehe. and also nice attires to wear out.

she needs a business to do. she should be skilled. ask her what she likes doing or something she is passionate about and build on it.
cuz no matter how dull one seems there is a star in everyone of us... d task should be discovering hers.

wish u luck.

Hello sir, from your write-up I can easily deduce your age and that of your wife's. Believe me you obviously saw her before marrying her, why complaining now after 10 years of marriage?

You went for a lady with 3rd class, terrible in constructing good sentence and also a poor dress sense, please tell me what do you expect?..... Hmmm what do you want us to tell u??

Look if you have your two ears intact, don't try any mess with that woman putting up divorce because you saw her qualities before locking up with her. Marrying another woman will do nothing than destroy your home & unity among children

The fact is that some female folks think that entering marriage is the goal in a relationship, as a result finds it difficult to imbibe continious personal development.

There is a saying that goes thus: if you want to win a man to your course, first prove to him that you are his best friend. Sir take your wife out, make her happy and have a chat with her. You will be suprised that there are grudges she hołd against that you might call nothing. She will only bring you into some things when you have touched her "Soft Spot". If you are able to get her lay her heart bare before you, reassure her of your love, make adjustments where necessary, you will be able to have her.

Part of the reasons she doesnt interest you anymore are as follows; Łąck of personal development and emotional disconnect. Sir, i can boldly tell you that your attention/emotion is divided. Here is what the bible have to say; James 1:8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. Disengage from any form of extramarital relationship, its a setup for your downfall.
Galatians 5:9 A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump. Do you know your marriage could be under attack or manipulation. Sir, once they are able to get your wife to be bitter towards you, or make you loose interest on her and get attached to another woman, you are in trouble and might not survive it. Humble yourself and come back home sir, you can only win Her through LOVE.

Please go through the scriptures below:

James 4:1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?

4:2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not.

4:3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

4:4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.

4:5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?

4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

4:8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

May God bless and guide you!

OP.....Say no to divorce because u will create more problems for everyone than u plan to solve. Learn to manage with her, no one is perfect including u! Thank me later

Don't mind him, maybe he thought he could enforce change on his wife in his own way and time but now that nothing is working he is not happy with the marriage. The op must be very foolish. undecided
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wonukwuru:
I have taken time to read all

firstly bro, I'm not d type dat love to insult, so i want u 2 take d time to read over my advise. For Goodness sake, delete divorce from ur mind, it won't help, nd you av to think of ur litu kids too. What i wil love u to do is dat, try to findout what she love doin probably when shes stil very young b4 marriage (her skills), from her or her relatives, then get a very good location for her to equip her with necessary facilities. ( note that ds is what she love doin when she is young, i believe she wil stil av passion for it). When you re goin to work, carry her along and drop her in d shop daily, while you lockup d house, to prevent her from returning bck to d house when ur off to work. Arrange for ur kids on how dey wil join deir mummy afta sch hours, mayb tru deir sch bus or bike man. Come nd pick them all when u close from work daily. Do that for @least 3 months, she wil adapt to it. Concerning d dress code, that can easily b solved, since she wil b goin to shop daily, just get her nice clothes u love to be seeing on her, then pack all dose rags she do wears and burn it. she wil get use wit dem, cox dose clothes wil be on her @least for 14 hrs evryday. About her poor grammer, engage her in watchin interestin English films, when she back from shop, like season films and so on. Nd lastly about her habit of getting pregnant or refusing to use condom, dere are lots of methods available u can choose from, find any means to introduce contraceptive into her body, evn without letting her kno, with d help of ur family doctor, u can as well make use of withdraw method temporary b4 d contraceptive stuff works out, dat one also works, @least she won't hold u back if u pull out ur dick from her tin, immediately u notice d sperm is about to come. I believe with ds litu orientation, good tinx will work out as soon as possible with prayer

Billyonaire:
This is a clear case of 2 people who struggled together. If your wife can not write then she is not a graduate, except you were in the school with her, if not, she has been lying to you all along. If her aural English is okay then I am convinced she went to School, if not, I conclude the woman is just an academic illliterate. Sorry for using the word, but what are you thinking ? A woman that can not write can not pass PGD and Masters. DOnt you understand that she is becoming pregnant just to avoid the embarrasement of going to school ?

Listen, this woman got your back while you guys struggled and things are going good and you deserve a better life and your wife is not catching up and she doesnt meet up with the class you so desire. Your own don be. This is not about you, when kids are involved you must evaluate your actions. DO NOT DIVORCE! If you want to live that glamorous life you want, then you need alter your thinking process and morality to enjoy the life you deserve.

Since your wife as decided she is okay the way she is, there is nothing you can do than to enjoy that life while remaining in that marriage for the kids.

You were planning divorce right ? Well, that is a sin in Christianity especially since your wife has not cheated on you. So let me offer you an alternative sinful idea that will save your marriage. This plan will save your marriage while giving you the life you want.

I believe you financially okay. You need to get that shop for your wife, stock it up and handover the keys to her then you need to rent a nice flat somewhere and you got to be smart to tell her that you have been transferred to another branch, then since you got her a shop she will be very busy and excited, engaged in the business and the life of the kids to monitor you. It is in this new flat of yours, that you will get a beautiful damsel, exactly the specs that you want and enjoy your life and visit wife and family at weekends..

Thank me later.

I like your reasoning but there is a slight flaw. The new woman will make him hate his wife more. But i think this is the only alternative he has for now.

@Wonukwuru:

What made you marry her? What was/is her unique selling point?

What are her current strenghts?

wonukwuru:
I have taken time to read all your wonderful comments, even though some are very insulting. For crying out loud, why will come online to discuss my family if I don't need a solution? I said in my post that my wife deliberately takes in anytime I remind her of what to do to assist in the family. Some of you are asking if I'm not the person doing it and why don't I use condom. For your information, my wife is the type that does not like her husband using condom on her. In fact, the day she saw condom in the house, she went to our pastor to report me that I'm using it outside. Her reasoning is that anybody with a condom is an "ashawo". On the other issue, it's not as if I never noticed her academic backwardness during our courtshithough my thought was that she will improve beside, she had over 2years extra for a course of 4years and by then we are already married. So, how could I have known that she will graduate with 3rd class? Believe me guys, I cannot lie against her on this platform. All I have said is nothing but the truth. Ok, tell me, will I stop sleeping with my wife? I have even complained to the sisters. I did not initiate this post to be rediculed, all I need is matured advice on how to handle the situation. Agreed, I made a mistake by marrying her in the first place, but it has already happened, what do I do? I'm not foolish or careless as somebody commented above.

I feel your pains bro, but as a Christian which you profess...

The scriptures says: "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." You can read all over from verse 13.



Why does God hate divorce?

1. God clearly explains His reasons for esteeming marriage so highly. He says it was He who "made them one" (Malachi 2:15). Marriage was God's idea. If He designed it, then He gets to define it. Any deviation from His design is abhorrent to Him. Marriage is not a contract; it is a covenant. Divorce destroys the whole concept of covenant that is so important to God.


2. When God instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden, He created it as a picture of the greatest unity human beings can know (Genesis 2:24). He wanted us to understand the unity we can have with Him through redemption (1 Corinthians 6:17). When a husband or wife chooses to violate that covenant of marriage, it mars the picture of God’s covenant with us.

3. Malachi 2:15 gives us another reason that God hates divorce. He says He is "seeking godly offspring." God's design for the family was that one man and one woman commit themselves to each other for life and rear children to understand the concept of covenant as well. Children reared in a healthy, two-parent home have a far greater likelihood of establishing successful marriages themselves.

4. When Jesus was asked why the Law permitted divorce, He responded that God had only allowed it "because of the hardness of your hearts, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19: . God never intended divorce to be a part of human experience, and it grieves Him when we harden our hearts and break a covenant that He created.

I pray that God will heal your marriage. Amen!

Shalom!

https://www.gotquestions.org/God-hates-divorce.html

You are mad! Thought she cheated on you. Na simple English you dey complain about. Let her speak her dialect when communicating.