When I see kids of nowadays being punished by their parents I laugh. The punishment goes like sit down there and dont ever get up or face the wall or even go to your room and dont come out until you are told otherwise. My own parents, if they cant be bothered to beat you anymore, then the punishment galore takes effect like stool down - I dont know if people remember this. It is when you're touching the floor with just your index finger and raising one leg up or the other one where you sit on the floor with both legs and arms up. You dare not let your feet touch the ground cos the cane beside my mum will easily get to you without her getting up from her seat. By the time you finished serving your punishment,your blood flow is confused.

Mum:Gracie ta lo gbe cream mi kuro nibi yi.( who took the cream i put on the dresser)
Me.Mami,mi o mo (mum I dont know)
Mum: E hen, o mo a bi, (oduoduku) lo gbe niyen ( so you dont know,<oduoduku> whatever that means must have carry it.
Mum. Ma je ko mo wipe omo iya pupa ni mi loni. Ti n ba gba e mu, omo inu a ke hen. ( i will let you know i was born by a light complexion mother,and by the time i deal with you the child in you womb will scream.

ayettymama:

LOL @ BALANCED DIET!!!!kaiiiii

i think your from ekiti!

Wrong thread chika

@Gators
Thanks jare.

To think that I already bought a ticket to go and watch some comedians today,
What kind of comedy would be better than this?

I grew up knowing my parents to have been ever first position in class. At least that is what they always told me (and which motivated me by the way) and my siblings.
Imagine my surprise when i came across my dad's report sheet. Enough said there. Mum on the other hand was smart enough not too leave any traces of her reports.

Then my grandmum(who is ageing gracefully. God bless her) when she first moved to our house (mid '80s). She was given a maltina bottle. I dont know if it's because the bottle was short (not up to coca cola size) but she treated it like she will treat a cough syrup. Imagine the surprise in the whole house when a week later, the matina was still under her bed just half empty. Apparently, she had been using a spoon to take one dose everyday.

chinesedoll:

@Gators
Thanks jare.

To think that I already bought a ticket to go and watch some comedians today,
What kind of comedy would  be better than this?

LOL Nothing like NL . . . .  sha take e easy

@Chinesedoll, When I meant torture, she would run the oil through the length of the hot blade and drop it around the wound to disinfect it, @Denzel2009, Those were the days when punishments were in vogue, Stool down, Aeroplane, Frog jump, Angle 90, I also remembered when my dad lashed me for an offence and my mum just gave birth to my younger sister, My mum quarelled with him for months, She said just because she have birth to one means she has to lose another one, I still have the marks on my body,

.

edited

denzel2009:

When I see kids of nowadays being punished by their parents I laugh. The punishment goes like sit down there and dont ever get up or face the wall or even go to your room and dont come out until you are told otherwise. My own parents, if they cant be bothered to beat you anymore, then the punishment galore takes effect like stool down - I dont know if people remember this. It is when you're touching the floor with just your index finger and raising one leg up or the other one where you sit on the floor with both legs and arms up. You dare not let your feet touch the ground cos the cane beside my mum will easily get to you without her getting up from her seat. By the time you finished serving your punishment,your blood flow is confused.

'Stool down' was the punishment back then. . . . . .one would gladly take his strokes than 'stool down'       

Especially if the 'stooling down' is backed up by your dad holding a cane waiting for your leg to drop or somethng hot at the bottom of the hanging leg 

Kai ,person don suffer !

I think the general political/economic situation affected parents back in the days. . . I recall one paticular 'stolling-down' when I was 8 or 9 !  Na wa !

.

denzel2009:

By the time you finished serving your punishment,your blood flow is confused.

I am at work oh you people should please have mercy! My eyes are red from crying with laughter. I have been down to two patients who have asked me if I am sick, my eyes are so red!

Growing up I was really precocious and quite troublesome, and was always the chief culprit in all sorts of escapades; we were 8 kids, so imagine! I was also usually the scapegoat. If something went wrong I always got blamed for it, both at home and at school, like having my name on the 'Names of Noisemakers' even when i was absent from school, see me oh!

Each time I got up to something my grandma would say "eh heh! Mbe a ko n'inu" which is the tortoise must be in every story. The funniest one she used to say was " Ike ge sisi maka otaro atu" roughly translated meaning --- the Yansh must smell because yansh no dey chop chewing stick! (No crudeness intended).

Thanks for this thread everyone; I can't stop laughing.

ahhhh
precious punishments
even thou i didnt learn them from my parents
sec skool no treat us well

stool down,
wait for you lover
eye- fly like a bird
motorcycle

lool soo many!

my dad always used to tell us not to go outside, but then when you hear your friends arguing passionately and shouting 'goal'emphatically over a game of football. We just couldnt resist. So my and my younger bro devised 'a not entirely foolproof method' - chose different sets and whoever was not playing would have to stay at home to man the gates as he always liked the gates being opened 'automatically' when he arrived. At the sight of his car,the other would call out 'Dad is coming!!! at which in the ensuing chaos we'll try to pat down every drop of sweat with our shirts and quickly carry a bottle of coke already bought to duly show him we just gone to buy a bottle of cake for our aunt or something. Never always worked everytime as he'll sometimes ask why you were sweating at which before words come out of your mouth,you'll get a resounding slap to your face, but then we were always willing to pay that price just for the joy of having fun.

d new cook resumed work
dad, wat are goin to speak today hausa or english
cook, we r goin to speak hausa today
dad, ok if u speak english to me we wld enter the same trouser,


dad walks in and sees mum and children gisting concluded we r conspiring on how to steal his money

mum, ur daddy is disturbin wanting to ride okada evrytime ha me am tired oh daddy follows her and says come back oh lets finish lololol

I think we taking it too personal we are supposed to contribute to a particular topic and not criticize others idea thats just by the way. I never grow to know my dad but i can tell about my grand dad he would always leave the house before us but give a warning that he must not get to church before us. Believe me it not a threat

ma dad never agrees dat he is getin old ,one day ma younger brother wanted to on d gen but the gen was give him problem.ma dad came from nowhere and said dat ma younger bro did not pull d gen well.as he pulled once and had serious back pain immediately.since den he agrees he is getin old.

hilarious thread. Denzel you must have had a very funny childhood.

One day in 1990 my mum hit me with a pot cover, i must have cried so hard i lost my voice for 24 hrs. I threatened to report her to my dad and she begged and begged. I've never seen her so frightened before. I felt so on top of the world for weeks. Well my excitement ended when mum turned the tactic against me, each time i got into trouble she'd simply say "just let your father come back" . . . cue endless rounds of begging from me.

davidylan:

hilarious thread. Denzel you must have had a very funny childhood.

Yes oh, everyday is loaded with jokes in my family.

Just trying to remember more funny ones!

long list even till now still hilarous

mum; ur father is tiger woods

Scenario - NEPA takes light (as usual at night), dad requests 2 mats spread outside where we sit together and eat dinner.

Later . . .

Dad: Son take a look at the sky, what do you see?
Me: The moon eh, is that where all angels are?
Dad: Yeah, America is there too.
Me: Really? So aunty lives in the sky?
Dad: Sure, someday you will go there too.

I spend the next few weeks packing my stuff for the trip to the sky.

davidylan:

Scenario - NEPA takes light (as usual at night), dad requests 2 mats spread outside where we sit together and eat dinner.

Later . . .

Dad: Son take a look at the sky, what do you see?
Me: The moon eh, is that where all angels are?
Dad: Yeah, America is there too.
Me: Really? So aunty lives in the sky?
Dad: Sure, someday you will go there too

I spend the next few weeks packing my stuff for the trip to the sky.

lwkmd lawd packin ur stuff to go to d moon lmao lololol

lmao

If my siblings and I ever ask my mama what is there to eat or say there is nothing to eat in the house she respond come and eat my toes or my leg,

kieryn:

If my siblings and I ever ask my mama what is there to eat or say there is nothing to eat in the house she respond come and eat my toes or my leg,

rotflmao

Usually I get:

Me: Mommy, ebi n pa mi [Mommy, hunger is killing me]

Mom: O de lo mu igi ko fi pa ebi na [Go and get your own stick and kill hunger too]

Mummy ki la ma je ni ale yi? (Mother, what are we having for dinner?)
Ounje (Food)

Buhahahahahaha

Laff Go Kill Me Die 2Day For Hia OOOOOO

denzel2009:

When I see kids of nowadays being punished by their parents I laugh. The punishment goes like sit down there and dont ever get up or face the wall or even go to your room and dont come out until you are told otherwise. My own parents, if they cant be bothered to beat you anymore, then the punishment galore takes effect like stool down - I dont know if people remember this. It is when you're touching the floor with just your index finger and raising one leg up or the other one where you sit on the floor with both legs and arms up. You dare not let your feet touch the ground cos the cane beside my mum will easily get to you without her getting up from her seat. By the time you finished serving your punishment,your blood flow is confused.

Hehehehe.
Nah for skool dem dey give me those kind of punishment. Bloody Teachers & Seniors!!!!

n-guage:

Mummy ki la ma je ni ale yi? (Mother, what are we having for dinner?)
Ounje (Food)

chic2pimp:

Me : I Am Hungry oooooo

Dad : Why Don't You Eat Me

see all this lazy hungry mouth

after playin in da sand all my mum wld come out and say we should all bath outside b4 entering d house
i used to be so shy been d only girl with 3boys but nufin do me wld bath outside and run into d house

wen i used to be so naughty myself and my mum wld be running round the house. and she wld chase me with kobobo

Every environmental sanitation saturday mornings, My dad always disappear from the house for like 3hrs with one of his stingy area friends.  They always go to sit at a junction on the high way reading free news paper from a vendor and discussing politics.

When we accused him of stooping so low and that his stingy friend was influencing him, he said since we had already accused him, he was going to start adopting his friends tactics on us one of which is to put his signature on garri so that nobody would be able to do eba /drink without his consent.

denzel2009:

Every environmental sanitation saturday mornings, My dad always disappear from the house for like 3hrs with one of his stingy area friends.  They always go to sit at a junction on the high way reading free news paper from a vendor and discussing politics.

When we accused him of stooping so low and that his stingy friend was influencing him, he said since we had already accused him, he was going to start adopting his friends tactics on us one of which is to put his signature on garri so that nobody would be able to do eba /drink without his consent.

funniest so far!!!

You know what it means to have a military officer as a father, always strict

But mum was the comic relief, usually making uncommon raw fun of people 24/7, she capable of making you crawl out of deep laughter