Best thread so far. My Dad is more of Osufia and the man sabi yab; I remember d day of my step-sis wedding my dad was panicking and wanted to tell the bridal train to enter the car the next thing we heard was: Oya where is the bright bread (bridal train) they should start entering the car Omo we laugh die

My dad is very good at saying that English is not our mother tongue whenever he made blunders so one day we just finished eating and my dad in his usual way tabored the next thing he said was dat English is a borrowed language it not up to five minutes and my kid brother made his own blunder my dad started calling him olodo and the next thing my kid brother said was (mimicking dad) "Oyibo bialu abia and oga ana (meaning English came and it must surely go)

Another one was the day I and my mum was watching T.V with my dad the next thing we heard was what sounded like a frog (ie dad farted) I and mumsy got scared and looked at dad my dad then asked o belu ka awo (meaning did it sound like a frog) me and mumsy laugh die that day

I remember the day I Cooked watery soup (but it was tastyoooooo) every body was complaining the next thing my dad told my brothers to do was to fold the hands of their shirt and be vigilant so dat the soup won't flow down
their legs

Finally i remember the day mumsy begged me to follow her to a family friends thanksgiving after searching for what to wear I went to her and said:
me: Mum pls I don't know what to wear
mum: Don't worry go naked that way you will be admired by all

denzel2009:

One of my oyinbo friend just told me about his parents' holiday to sunny climes. He said he had to give the mum his digital camera so that they can take cool pics. So, off they went for 2 weeks.

When they came back, he had to collect the cam from them so as to upload the pic from the memory card to his laptop for everyone to see how they both enjoyed their sunny holidays.

As soon as my friend uploaded the pic, he said he just discovered different sizes of eyeballs like 200 of them in various shapes. Apparently, the parents have been taking the pics from the lense unknowingly. Can you see how 2 weeks holidays gone with just set of eyeballs to show for it.

God bless the parents.

chei!!
you people should not kill me here oh

We loved to eat our mum's food more than our own. I still remember the wild goose chase my mum would send us. When we finished eating, we will wait till she wants to eat her own and we come crying (I was 4 then) she would send us to go outside the gate and call her 'omuru nwa eri nni' meaning (a mother who should not eat) and we innocently run out and will be shouting the phrase for minutes. Before we come back, she will finish the whole food.

You need to see where mum counts money, she will spit on her fingers to make it stick and thus count qiucker, one day my brother gave her a very big sum, I then went and fetched some water cause I don't want her to suffer dehydration.

I can't stop laughing. Very funny thread. Thanks to the poster.

ok

This thread is very funny!!!!!!!

My father sent us to evening lessons and we did a test me and my brother scored 50% and my Dad had earlier told us that any grade less that 90% is unacceptable was in his house so I and my brother went to the store and bought a new exercise book and red pen borrowed the best grade scorer during the test her book and re-copied everything then re-mark it with out hand with a large good. Reaching home we showed our father the test we did thinking that he will not find out. My Dad congratulated us and set another similar test but changed the figures this time I and my broda could not even solve half of the questions. That night hell was let loose he flogged the living dead out from us and made us to do toad jump which is (nwa awo jump). I still miss those old funny days.

My mother was spanking us and a visitor came to visit us she stopped and we were happy that the presence of the visitor will do something and when they left she will forget all the flogging do you know that that was the beginning of Armageddon immediately she saw then off and came back she continue from where she stopped. When I reminisce about the old days I can't stop laughing

waoh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bump! more stories please.

As for me, i cant really remember any of the funny things my dad do. All what i know is that each day my dad will just sit on the verandar playing POOL.

Every SUNDAY morning, he will tell whoever cares to listen that he is going to Buy a bag of RICE with his winnings when the result is out. Only to be dissapoint over and over again.

In the Evenings of such days he usually goes about murmoring the words "ONE NUMBER CUT" "IF NOT FOR THIS OR THAT NUMBER". This has made my Dad a poorer man to this day.

Right now, am just trying my best to give my life a meaning. The road has been rough for me, but with persistence i will surely achieve my goalssssssssssssss.

Dis post av been really funny can't help laughing thumbs up guys

Still remember my grand mum of blessed memory miss her direly during the tyme she was staying with us one day we had a guest and as they were about to go said we should pray with the TV still on but the volume reduced be4 d prayer we were watching wrestling, but during the prayer my grand mum exclaimed iru adura wo len gba yi, se eni wa la won ki won to no ra won pa ni, meaning (which kind of prayer are u guys praying won't you seperate dis people be4 dey beat dem selves to death) men dat day we 1 laugh die

Still remember wat we did during prayer back then in our house each individual is alloted a day to lead the family devotion, den wen we were still small we do use winners devotional book (maybe our daily bread can't remember d name) men big big grammar full the book den oooooo remember dat we were still small and my dad must not hear you make any error in ur pronunciation of words he tinks u shuld know which were almost all words back den so we do get scolded greatly dat is dat wat u can't pronounce , men it was bad till I discovered dat my elder bro do av less/no prob when leadin i asked him how he did it and he told me any paragraph he sees that contains big word he jst skipped it and because it was only 1 copy we av and it was only d person that leads that carry his/her bible men come see skippin wen idey lead sometimes 4rm verse one i fit jump to verse four wen readind d bible daily devotion book nko men dat 1 no get equal skippin paragraphs na understatement 2 wetin i do, gud news was dat we were neva caught sha, maybe dey taught our english pronunciation had improved

D-source:

Dis post av been really funny can't help laughing thumbs up guys

Still remember my grand mum of blessed memory miss her direly during the tyme she was staying with us one day we had a guest and as they were about to go said we should pray with the TV still on but the volume reduced be4 d prayer we were watching wrestling, but during the prayer my grand mum exclaimed iru adura wo len gba yi, se eni wa la won ki won to no ra won pa ni, meaning (which kind of prayer are u guys praying won't you seperate dis people be4 dey beat dem selves to death) men dat day we 1 laugh die
Still remember wat we did during prayer back then in our house each individual is alloted a day to lead the family devotion, den wen we were still small we do use winners devotional book (maybe our daily bread can't remember d name) men big big grammar full the book den oooooo remember dat we were still small and my dad must not hear you make any error in your pronunciation of words he tinks u shuld know which were almost all words back den so we do get scolded greatly dat is dat wat u can't pronounce , men it was bad till I discovered dat my elder bro do av less/no prob when leadin i asked him how he did it and he told me any paragraph he sees that contains big word he jst skipped it and because it was only 1 copy we av and it was only d person that leads that carry his/her bible men come see skippin wen idey lead sometimes 4rm verse one i fit jump to verse four wen readind d bible daily devotion book nko men dat 1 no get equal skippin paragraphs na understatement 2 wetin i do, gud news was dat we were neva caught sha, maybe dey taught our english pronunciation had improved

Guy the highlighted almost cracked my ribs with laughter. Abeg I dey office o, Did you finally separate Hulk Hogan and Undertaker?

@ Akuviv , tanx guy

still remember the pranks we children at home play anytime we want to talk about my grandmother in her presence we do say it in English becos she was an english illiterate but she got us 1 day while talkin about her someone said mama (dats wat we call her) and she replied ki ni mama seoo meaning (what did mama do) : now she understands English to some extent I am thinking of we children learning french so we will be able to apply the formula 4 my parents too, abi

« #6 on: March 05, 2010, 04:55 PM » 
My own family drama can write a book. Am a thorough Daddys girl. But me and daddy dont agree on a lot of things. E.G he supports Arse- Anal, I support Man u, we belong to different political parties, so more times than not, we are always arguing. Anyway, When i was in schoo, Man U defeated Arsenal 4.2 I watched the match at home and i celebrated so much and made his day hell. When it was time for me to go back to school, i went to ask him to give me my allowance for the week, he told me to go and meet Sir Alex Ferguson to give me money because he has disowned me. Me too i was so silly i got angry and walked all the way to school, he called and called i refused to answer, it was a major issue oh until my elder sister called boh of us and scolded us that we both realised the stupidity of our actions.

@Aisha
I can't finish the laughter for you and your popsie today, the man said that Ferguson should give you the allowance since you rejoiced for him. Fathers are just something else.

Another one was the day I and my mum was watching T.V with my dad the next thing we heard was what sounded like a frog (ie dad farted) I and mumsy got scared and looked at dad my dad then asked o belu ka awo (meaning did it sound like a frog) me and mumsy laugh die that day     

@Skybeauty
OMG -----did he really say that, I no fit die for laughter. Only fathers can make one laugh like that, they can be sweetly mischievous when they want to be.

Still remember my grand mum of blessed memory miss her direly during the tyme she was staying with us one day we had a guest and as they were about to go said we should pray with the TV still on but the volume reduced be4 d prayer we were watching wrestling, but during the prayer my grand mum exclaimed iru adura wo len gba yi, se eni wa la won ki won to no ra won pa ni, meaning (which kind of prayer are u guys praying won't you seperate dis people be4 dey beat dem selves to death) men dat day we 1 laugh die

@D-source
Your granny wan kill me with laughter.

I also remember once when we gave dad eba with a lot of seed (koko) the man opened the bowl and screamed who gave me this food? Momsie said what is wrong with the food? he replied it has too much eyes its doing ALL EYES ON ME. We laff tire that day wondering who taught him tupac all eyes on me

@Hannydarl
Your dad sure is the hippiest dad in town--------I no fit die for laughter

Ok Dad and mum eating Eba from thesame plate is a recipe for disaster. Mum was brought up to eat the available meat after finishing the eba, our dear dad wasn't brought up that way. . . you know the rest!
Then, you will hear mum saying baba T,  ki le leyi (what is this?)  dad will say Egungun ni (Bone)

@Denzel
Oh my God, did he finish all the meat? Poor your mummy!

Mumsy was a wedding freak, she loved attending weddings, big and samll, she will even attend the loca Fulani Herdsmen wedding in Ruga ( Traditional Fulani homes). Every saturday she had a wedding to attend, One day as usual she got all dressed up and went out, suprisingly she returned early, I was stunned, I asked her what hapeend, she said can you believe there is no wedding today? i was beyound shocked, I said Ah Mama so you drive around on saturdays looking for weddings? The thing pass me oh. My family was worse than bill Cosby show. Crazy people

@Aisha
There's really no dull moment with your pop and mum---Can you really believe that there's no wedding today?

back when i was in nigeria
it's a usual thing 4 us all to sit @ d balcony in d evenings
so dis fateful evening we were all there as usual
so suddenly we just heard a very tiny sound
which came along wiv a nasty smell
who polluted d air-lo and behold it was dad
so we all couldn't laugh but my kid brother couldn't hold it
so he busted out just like dat,dad felt so embarrassed
do you know d reply he gave my bro,
dad:i messed u're laughing in those when our fathers do
something like this u greet them,so what about u do i laugh @
u when u're going 2 spread your wet bed every morning,at polluting is better
than dat

@Lexzy Baba
Do we have the same father? When he farts then my father will say that we tell him "Nnoo"( meaning "welcome", this according to him is because he just removed some diseases from his body.

While watching his pm news at the end of a day's work, he will ask you to go and get his bathing stuffs ready for him, the bathing stuffs will stay for some hours there. He will finish dinner and watch his television into the night with us all. When he starts feeling sleepy, he will suddenly get on his feet and on his way dashing to his bed, dare to ask him "Dad, Are you not taking your bath again"? His reply in defense of his not having the energy to go for his bath is this question "Adalu m nsi?" (Meaning "Did I fall inside s-h-i-t?"


Oh my God, how come I am just stumbling into this thread now, it's very enriched with true laughter of true family love and it made my evening.

OMG,i cracked my ribs already lol ,i enjoyed every bit of the thread

totally had a blast on this thread,wow

So enjoying this thread. My own case is that when we were younger (still very much in practise anyways), Mum had this habit of using past misdeeds in xplaining Bible topics during devotions. As far ure nt the one under discussion, u go laff tire. And prayer nko? It goes lyk this
God in heaven, IK haz sinned again. (narrates wth dtail, the sin in question). He's trying me O. Help him repent or ife m ga-eme ya enh (what I'll do 2 him). Even our pets r nt spared. "Pego is misbehaving. She poos everywhere, tears clothes & does not eat. I'm tired of beating her. I will dispose her O." We go chuckle till prayr end.

Your mum is dam funny o lol.

lol @ all.


My uncle usually makes us laugh when we were much younger. He will ask you to prepare garri (eba) for him, maybe by 9am. He can ask you for that eba more than 10 times even when you have reported to him that his eba is ready and set on the dining table.

It doesn't surprise us again (, we realized this much later) to see the eba he asked you to prepare by 9am on the dining table by 6pm untouched! , He is a hardworking printer.

Graphical:

lol @ all.


My uncle usually makes us laugh when we were much younger. He will ask you to prepare garri (eba) for him, maybe by 9am. He can ask you for that eba more than 10 times even when you have reported to him that his eba is ready and set on the dining table.

It doesn't surprise us again (, we realized this much later) to see the eba he asked you to prepare by 9am on the dining table by 6pm untouched! , He is a hardworking printer.

lol

Somatic:

So enjoying this thread. My own case is that when we were younger (still very much in practise anyways), Mum had this habit of using past misdeeds in xplaining Bible topics during devotions. As far ure nt the one under discussion, u go laff tire. And prayer nko? It goes lyk this
God in heaven, IK haz sinned again. (narrates wth dtail, the sin in question). He's trying me O. Help him repent or ife m ga-eme ya enh (what I'll do 2 him). Even our pets r nt spared. "Pego is misbehaving. She poos everywhere, tears clothes & does not eat. I'm tired of beating her. I will dispose her O." We go chuckle till prayr end.

Our mothers are soul mates My mum till date uses devotion time to settle scores. On a particular day she vex commot o na so devotion take end. Good thing is that her constant reporting us to God helped straighten us

denzel2009: One of my oyinbo friend just told me about his parents' holiday to sunny climes. He said he had to give the mum his digital camera so that they can take cool pics. So, off they went for 2 weeks.

When they came back, he had to collect the cam from them so as to upload the pic from the memory card to his laptop for everyone to see how they both enjoyed their sunny holidays.

As soon as my friend uploaded the pic, he said he just discovered different sizes of eyeballs like 200 of them in various shapes. Apparently, the parents have been taking the pics from the lense unknowingly. Can you see how 2 weeks holidays gone with just set of eyeballs to show for it.

God bless the parents.

lwkmd, lmao,hahahahahahahahah

denzel2009: I knew someone in Ibadan then that could use a teabag like 5 times. After each use, he hangs the teabag on a nail behind his kitchen door.

lmaoooooooo...

scoro99: had no childhood memories,

came into the world at the age of 26,

my younger bro just said i was a mad man on the street b4 26.

somebody will die today!

men! What kinda human being you be? Am really enjoying myself.. I think this thread should be moved to joke section.. Lwkmd

This happened only recently.My mum wanted to send a picture to someone's phone via multimedia messaging..the intended recipient was in London while we're in Manchester.All effort to send the picture by this means proved abortive. While still trying to figure how the picture would get to the person, mum shouted excitedly 'we could send it via bluetooth'..on hearing that I burst into laughter,thinking my laughter was outta amazement..she blurted 'You think I don't know about bluetooth and the likes..I'm very advanced in technology o,don't think you're the only one that knows all' at this point I started laughing hysterically..after a few mins,I calmed down and explained that bluetooth could only be used if the intended recipient is very close by to which she replied 'oh ok'..

It was very funny though

FL Gators:
rotflmao

Usually I get:

Me: Mommy, ebi n pa mi [Mommy, hunger is killing me]

Mom: O de lo mu igi ko fi pa ebi na [Go and get your own stick and kill hunger too]

i love this tread it made me remember my mum too then, when we just had a delicious meal i will be like "mummy mio yo" she will reply saying lo gbe drum to wa leyinkule mi.. Translation (Mummy am not filled.. Her reply will always be go and swallow the drum at the backyard)

Thanx 2 ds thread, evrybody in my office thinks i am goin crazy.

I remember when mum used to cook stew and she tastes it and i also beg to taste, she will put the spoon in the stew and pretend she didnt notice me, later she remove the spoon and tell me to come and take, "foolish me" i will spread my hand and she will press the hot spoon on my hand. Serious training then, miss her a lot

Akuviv: My dad speaks too much grammer infact he does not spare our God even when praying. His prayers are so lengthy hence must times I end up sleeping before he rounds up his prayers! My mum preaches for over 30 minutes and my dad picks offence. We rejoice at this development thinking my dad will offer a short prayer to no avail! On numerous occassions they wake me up at the end of the devotion but on this particular day they left me on my knees till about 2am! Gosh I could not stand properly cos my whole body ached and mosquitoes dealt with me seriously (the mosquitoes actually woke me up). This did not stop me from sleeping during devotions until one day my dad asked me to kneel down, he asked everyone to stretch their hands towards me and pray to cast out every demon in me. WO, It was not a small prayer that day o. My father speak grammer say e dey cast out demon for over 20 minutes because I dey sleep during devotion! I did not find it funny but my elder brothers struggled without success not to laugh. Boy my knees ached! I don't know the most annoying, the lengthy prayer, my aching knee and embarrasment or my siblings laughing at me!  Thank God I can laugh at those times now

I had issues with procastination and would always want to do things at my own timing. I wonder how they keep tabs of my favorite programmes cos that is when they will want to send you on errand! When my dad comes in to see me still watching the tv he will yell at me to "go and do whatever I asked you to do now! And when I say now, I mean N-O-W (Spells it out) NOW!

My mother could throw a pot at you when angry! When a neighbour comes to report to our parents for mischief done, my mother talks to no end until my dad and everyone gets irritated. Infact, the neighbour will be the one begging her that it is okay. Imagine. Those days we prefered having issues with my dad cos it ends in well loaded grammer and scowl but not mumsy! My mum will accuse my dad of politiking!

When my older ones cannot account for a missing item at home, (I was too little to account for such amount/item then) my parents lock every1 in the room and flogs hell. Of course my dad does the flogging amidst grammer while my mum sits on the bed and adds salt and pepper. To tell you the truth, my siblings confessed that my mother's tongue was more painful than the whip.

When we were taken for immunization or injection, my dad will tease us for been fearful. He would encourage you to be a man and bragged about his days as a child! He fell ill one day and the family nurse came to treat him at home. He asked my mum to shoo everyone out and that got us very curious! We climbed the balcony and peeped through the curtains only to see our dad running round the centre table (in the living ) in a bid not to receive the injection. The nurse kept begging him to stay still and promised it won't hurt! Yet this my maco dad kept fleeing as soon as the nurse approached with the injection. My mum at a point could not contain her laughter.

I love this... i don laugh tire for office

Akuviv: My dad speaks too much grammer infact he does not spare our God even when praying. His prayers are so lengthy hence must times I end up sleeping before he rounds up his prayers! My mum preaches for over 30 minutes and my dad picks offence. We rejoice at this development thinking my dad will offer a short prayer to no avail! On numerous occassions they wake me up at the end of the devotion but on this particular day they left me on my knees till about 2am! Gosh I could not stand properly cos my whole body ached and mosquitoes dealt with me seriously (the mosquitoes actually woke me up). This did not stop me from sleeping during devotions until one day my dad asked me to kneel down, he asked everyone to stretch their hands towards me and pray to cast out every demon in me. WO, It was not a small prayer that day o. My father speak grammer say e dey cast out demon for over 20 minutes because I dey sleep during devotion! I did not find it funny but my elder brothers struggled without success not to laugh. Boy my knees ached! I don't know the most annoying, the lengthy prayer, my aching knee and embarrasment or my siblings laughing at me!  Thank God I can laugh at those times now

I had issues with procastination and would always want to do things at my own timing. I wonder how they keep tabs of my favorite programmes cos that is when they will want to send you on errand! When my dad comes in to see me still watching the tv he will yell at me to "go and do whatever I asked you to do now! And when I say now, I mean N-O-W (Spells it out) NOW!

My mother could throw a pot at you when angry! When a neighbour comes to report to our parents for mischief done, my mother talks to no end until my dad and everyone gets irritated. Infact, the neighbour will be the one begging her that it is okay. Imagine. Those days we prefered having issues with my dad cos it ends in well loaded grammer and scowl but not mumsy! My mum will accuse my dad of politiking!

When my older ones cannot account for a missing item at home, (I was too little to account for such amount/item then) my parents lock every1 in the room and flogs hell. Of course my dad does the flogging amidst grammer while my mum sits on the bed and adds salt and pepper. To tell you the truth, my siblings confessed that my mother's tongue was more painful than the whip.

When we were taken for immunization or injection, my dad will tease us for been fearful. He would encourage you to be a man and bragged about his days as a child! He fell ill one day and the family nurse came to treat him at home. He asked my mum to shoo everyone out and that got us very curious! We climbed the balcony and peeped through the curtains only to see our dad running round the centre table (in the living ) in a bid not to receive the injection. The nurse kept begging him to stay still and promised it won't hurt! Yet this my maco dad kept fleeing as soon as the nurse approached with the injection. My mum at a point could not contain her laughter.

I love this... i don laugh tire for office