@ safo,my guy never believed cos he knows who I am

the best thing for you is to leave him tho it might be really hard for you cuz if you marry him you would never enjoy yourself cuz his family will do everything to make you miserable

anthoniaz:

@safo,if u have a sister dat is an ashawo am not like dat,who asked u 2 blieve me anyway?What is wrong with u,if am guilty,why wuld I brood over it?Pls pls pls,I neva asked 4 your comment,I have an issue on my hand dat is giving me headache here.Read d story very well,I never said my accused me of being guilty,he knows hw he met,he's only angry dat I didnt listen 2 him.Next time when u wnt 2 post your silly comment,take it elsewhere u fool.It's your generation dat is ashawo

Huh!!!! Now you are sure loosing it and don't tell me that's how you are.

@meanman404,imagine wot he wrote.It's not a must 2 comment on sm1's threadt,I've noticed sm pple only com 2 nairaland 2 mock n insult others just 2 boost their low self esteem.Y shuld he say 'maybe u are an ashawo'?If am guilty,I won't borther about it,I feel bad cos am innocent,yet a foolish guy is comin here 2 call me names

I feel your pain.

@OP, my only advice for you is to take a break from all this. Leave the scene for a while. Let your boyfriend come looking for you.

From what you have said, you have tried so hard to salvage your image, but iτ̅ seems to be meeting a strong resistance. So, just relax, things will straighten themselves out.

Like someone said, occupy your mind with other things. Be happy, go out, give yourself a treat, and I'm sure you'll be very fine.

I wish U̶̲̥̅̊ all the best.

Do you know what the word maybe means? If you'r not guilty then y are you getting upset. Even if you're not the loose kind you still want us to take you on just your word. This other guy what does he benefit from smearing your name? What part of the story are you not telling us?

@ safo,I knw what it means,but u shuldn't use such words 'ashawo' on me.What is going on is a case of mistaken identity according 2 what my guy has explained to me but nw d family is angry at me cos Sent my guy's brother text msg.Am upset wit your comment cos,u don't knw me,my guy does,he knws hw he met me bt u coming here to post 'maybe u are an ashawo' isn't right at all.Am only feeling bad cos som1 soiled my name yet u come here to say 'maybe u are ashawo'.What has happened to me could av happened to anyone,if u don't believe,am not forcing u to,God is my witness in all this.

@anthoniaz: eyah, sorry about this. don't mind the haters. you'll find a better guy, just ignore him for a while.

anthoniaz:

@meanman404,imagine wot he wrote.It's not a must 2 comment on sm1's threadt,I've noticed sm pple only com 2 nairaland 2 mock n insult others just 2 boost their low self esteem.Y shuld he say 'maybe u are an ashawo'?If am guilty,I won't borther about it,I feel bad cos am innocent,yet a foolish guy is comin here 2 call me names

I know how it feels but pls. silence can not be misquoted

my id is..

Seen it. Will chat u later.

Shaking my head sha

@andromida,ok
@otokx,Y are u shaking ur head?To b frank wit u,I dnt think I knw what am doing anymore bt I believe God is going to restore my happiness in a short while

if i were your guy, the guy, i'd be upset too.
I mean, cursing is such a turn-off.

@boboyekini,I knw it's bad,I was only frustrated at that time of being accused of such a thing.I av reversed it,I av 4given that person but my wish is that he goes back to make things right.The person doesn't even know me,he doesn't even know where my guy lives in Ph,my guy is very sure of that n 4rm what my guy is explaining to me,it's like there is a gal that has been doing that and the guy in question knows about it and after telling his sister,the sister went to my guy's parents place to report them.If u ask me,I don't even know hw to start explainin dis,at first,I thought it was even a friend of my guy or some1 I know that must have done it but from what my guy is saying,he feels it's a case of mistaken identity.All these wuld av been settled if my guy had been able 2 get d person's number

What is the latest?

Hope the issue is sorted out

lindabon:

@OP why break your head for someone who isn't worth the stress?  

I have a friend who hasn't talked to his family for 7 months just because they accused his gf of being a "bad girl" and "a bad influence to him". According to him, "no one has any right to yarn s.hit about his girlfriend except him". He knows what his gf is capable of and so doesn't listen to petty gossips.

If someone really loves you, why in the world will the person not trust you? Unless the person has caught you in the alleged act or has seen you misbehaving in ways that may point that the accusations are true. If not, stop living in denial and walk . . . . If he would choose his family over you, what if you guys should end up getting married, don't you think the situation is going to be worse then? Now he believes his family, tomorrow maybe he'll believe his friends, another day he might believe his gate man and yet another other day, he might believe a dog barking at you means something is up your sleeves and so and so fort.

Why will you want to stay with someone who both himself and the rest of his family are bound to connive against you at any time and then in the end, they leave you bitter, shattered and heart broken or do you enjoy living in dismay? One thing I've learnt in life is never to kill oneself over someone who isn't worth it as You will only make yourself look petty, needy and pathetic at the end of it all. . . . .  

Couldn't have said it better. Lot's of understanding and maturity in your post.

You should't have sent the text and when he told you not to go, u should have listened. The problem with non physical communication is that the person has to imagine your tone of voice and facial expression when reading the message even when u may not mean it d way you sent it. Next time no matter how angry you are with anybody ,never send a text message to that person. In case you don't know d text message sounds insultive. How will you feel if someone comes to tell you that your own brother is not doing her a favour to marry her.Won't you tell your whole family, statement like that is what you can make where your friends are or family not the guys family. You should really learn how to control your tongue for next time. If you really want to be with him i suggest you apologise to his brother. If you are close the anybody in his family go and talk with them.

Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words.I thought when I will be coming here to reply at this time of the year,it would be something positive but for now,we are just there.I have tried leaving him but it was all drama cos it's not been easy given the fact he's my first love.Anyway,am beginning to feel I should leave cos to me he's willing to let his people control him,he told them we are no more together and sometimes when I call him,he rejects my calls and switch off his phones only to call me back later that he was with one of his family member blah blah blah.I don't trust him considering we are in a long distance r/ship.He could be cheating and using family as an excuse,in fact I don't even know what to think anymore.

i am nt desperate 2 get married 2 dhr brother.dat comment means alot of things.nobody dat wuld c dat comment dat wuld nt read a meanin 2 it because it is like u are telin ur guy and his family dat u dnt nid dhr son and he is nuthin 2 u.2rndly ur guy told u nt 2 go but u went ahead goin agains is wish.may b dat is d reason y he is angri wit u and nt because of u havin sex.sha try and talk 2 him in person

@gunners160
Thanks 4 the comment but I don't understand the 'sex' part.

Am waiting gunners160.I need to know what you mean by 'having sex',did I say anything like that or are you one of those who think every girl in Nigeria is loose?If that is what you mean,I think you should have a rethink cos am not one of those.I can't tell u how my guy met me,am proud,he's proud too just that the issue at hand is damaging the relationship.Before you post anything here,please make sure you read and understand.Thanks

op u were accused of datin other men and nt only ur bf.definetly d person who cooked up dis stori or 1 of the family member wuld also add is own salt and pepper by sayin u were even intimate wit d guy.we all know rumors na d well prepared d stori is d higher it gets attention.dat is wat i meant by ur guy nt being annonyed wit d sex part.or wuld u tel me dat 1 of ur accusers did nt kal u ashy?

my lady, you dont have to kill your self, i no is hard to see some one spoil your name. I belive if you guilty of this, you would not have come here. But dont 4get the crokodie story. Some pple may comite the act and still claim innocent, but i want to belive you. As for me i will want you pray over this matter and ask God to take control over the situation. You only have two eyes and the family and friends of your guy are multitude, if you innocent as claim then allow nature to take it's course. You need not work your self, can i ask you this, are you a christain then let faith speak for you.

@gunners160:No one called me dat,unless u are so eager to use such words in your post.May I also add that,it was all a cooked up story just to make their son marry from their tribe which he has objected to.Am just worried he might be using this situation to do other things you know.And what really makes me angry is the way some pple comment here thinking I'm guilty of what they said when I have been faithful to a guy who has cheated on me once,begged me and I forgave him and we have been doing well before this whole scenerio.Yet,some want to judge me?

@Mayor@kome:Thanks,truth is I was praying and at some point I just got tired which I know is wrong.Yes am a christian,a worker in the church but have not been strong for some time.May God forgive me,will pick up from where I stopped.I appreciate the encouraging words

tellwisdom: anthoniaz, can you marry me??, I dont take lies even if i see you yanshing my neighbour, I will GBOJU

case study

dey dnt want him 2 marry a gal dat is nt dhr tribe.whoa dat is 2 bad but ur guy shuld hv tried doing sumthing abt it na.parents and tribe issue wuld neva stop.sha just 4get d guy.because d truth is dat if u end up marryin d guy.is parents wuld fustrate u because u are nt only married 2 d guy u are also married 2 his family.gud luck

@op

Rule 101 in any relationship especially from the angle of the female is never to assume or act the role of a wife in any relationship,and this will include being un healthily being close to your boyfriends family.

Before you had problems with him your position was that of a girlfriend which you hoped might culminate into something else and until it gets to that point and from which you can have a say in his family matters i.e what they said or did not say about you,a mature lady would have simplied ignored them and your texting his family was a bad move.

Being a wife encompasses many things aside beauty,intelligence and brains. It includes maturity and the ability to comport oneselves especially when dealing with inlaws,and for this you need wisdom as sometimes even if you are right the way you go about sorting out issues might put you in the wrong.

I have been married for 10 years now and can authoritatively tell you that in the African context the day a woman goes into a battle with the inlaws or even if the inlaws have a reason to gang up against her then that is the beginning of the end of her marriage,and in your case its even easier to end since you are not even his wife.

Wives comes and go but family stay together through thick and thin.

Somebody said he saw you doing something bad and whispered it to your boyfriend and family?your conversation in trying to put that rumour to rest would have entirely being with your boyfriend who would have been in a better position to convey your innocence to his family and the rumour mongers. He would have been in a better position to clear you considering the fact that he knows you best.
Him saying you should not come to an occasion and you showing up still does not prove any point aside proving to him,his family and even some of us that you are stubborn.

Remember this guy is still not yet married to you and if he says please because of the way things are now don't come to this occassion but you showed up anyway thinking its your right does not only show immaturity on your part but also someone fighting a losing battle,plus the fact that if as a girlfriend you can't listen to what he says then what will happen when you become a wife?a sensible girl should choose her battles wisely.


We don't know you but your boyfriend knows you better and if he feels or thinks yo are not that kind of girl to mess around then he would come back to you.

Years ago I was dating one girl at Uniport. Born again and everytime I called she was always in class,church or her room reading. My female cousin in her school then use to tell me she was doing runs and I told her off. she went as far as telling my brother but I told my family I trusted her and so my family let me be. I flew into the country for the introductions with her family,one of my friends working in an oil sector in PH came to the hotel to see me and Behold i noticed tension and cold feelings between them but I thought nothing about it. Next day my friend called me and told me he has slept with my wife to be and also passed her to two of his friends. That was the end. Till today I distrust born again people,so if there are rumours of you doing stuff why did such rumours start at the first place?. If you are innocent then your karma will fight your battles.

@Sapele_Don:Thanks,I know I was a bit stubborn and the excuse was just because he cheated once so I thought he was just telling me that to keep me off the wedding venue.I believe one day everything will be ok.I was angry and still feel bad because I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER CHEAT ON HIM.I'd prefer to end it than cheat on him.I know gals are bad but am an exception when it comes to cheating cos I wouldn't want my man doing that to me.Thanks for commenting,I appreciate,I was really immature and stubborn then,but you should know also that the family was only using such allegations to make me look bad before their son and when he vehemently refused to believe them,they started complaining about tribe.We are from the same state but from diff local govt

@op There are some battles worth fighing and some not worth fighting.

I must confess I did not look at the initial date you posted your comments until moments ago which tells me it was last year. And to be fair to you. You have put up a good battle to save what i am assuming to be a good relationship and a good man,but just like the biblical saying that there is time for everything,there is also a time to let go of the past.

A man might have maturity in age and in the worldly ways but not all men are matured when it comes to the matters of the heart or emotions.

It is easier for women to commit to a relationship than men and if a man is not ready to commit,try hard as a woman would the man would walk away with any excuse,and in your case there was an excuse for him to walk away. Not considering the fact if the rumour was true or not.

Its okay for a man to stray and in most cases most men realize that the girl they left was a jewel and usually retrace their steps back.

Most times they meet the girl single still waiting for them but most times those girls have been snatched up by others that realize their worth.

In my own case after my very pretty uniport girl broke my heart,two months later I called the girl I dropped for the Uniport girl and to my surprise she had remained single for 2 years and according to her knew I would come back.

It was then I realized that this girl I left for the 4 years I dated her I never bought her chinchin,gifts or ever gave her a penny and she never complained,as compared to the Uniport girl I was spending money on both in her private hostel bill and school fees and general maintenance.

Quickly I flew to her location,funny as it may sound I prostrated while she was laughing and asked her to forgive me.

10 years and 4 children later I am still thanking my God.

I am telling you this story so you should know that sooner or later he will realize that he is letting go of a good woman and will retrace his step.

But I have to tell you this,put a time frame and if he does not come back within that time frame then its time for you to move on with not just your life but also commit to another relationship.

Its difficult letting go of your first love but trust me it is only %1 of women worldwide who eventually get married to their first love or even those that took their virginity.

I remember when I was serving one of the female corps member relocated to PH to be with her Medical Doctor fiancee and on the passing out day I remember asking her why and her reply was(YOU DON GO PORT-HARCOURT BEFORE?WHEN I GO THERE AND SEE GIRLS AND HOW THEM CHEAP I GET TO PROTECT MY MAN BEFORE THEM SNATCH AM)

Its difficult to be an eligible bachelor in PH without falling into temptations.

My prayers are with you and I hope everything works out well for you. Just as good men are difficult to see that is how good women are difficult to see and from your post,aside the little stubbornness you are a good woman and I wish you luck.