WELL WE WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE WONT WE? IN THE MEANTIME I WILL HAVE MY OWN MODUS OPERANDI. FUNNY ENOUGH WE STAYED IN ABUJA THEN WE TRAVELLED TO ENUGU (THATS FAR OBVIOUSLY) I DIDNT WANT TO FLY. HE COULD HAVE EASILY PUT IT OFF AND SAID THERE WAS NO NEED FOR US TO TRAVEL ALL THE WAY UP THERE BUT HE ACTUALLY BROUGHT ME TO MEET THEM ALL. THATS NOT TO SAY OF COURSE ITS NOT A GREEN CARD GAME.

Hmm, Leilah, tread with caution.

I oh I tread with caution all right and i have been called terrible things as a result. I am simply putting my points forward. I try my best to learn more and more and for the marriage to work smoothly. I am inclined to pick up on things quite easily which of course has its good and bad points. Well hope my quickie registry hotel dinner wedding will last forever and ever and ever because without my darling i would have no purpose in life.

How and ever the bottom line is if a nigerian man marries a westerner in a registry office that means its only for paper by the way yes he is an igbo. I am obviously vulnerable still to believe in my heart that that wedding was genuine. But then again I have seen doctors that had their paper over here marry jamaicans in the registry office

My Nigerian love and I did have a blow up about the possiblility of him asking me to marry him just for a piece of paper. He said haven't I proved my love for you. I have stood by you in good and bad. He is a good man. He has retained a lawyer and the lawyer told him he was concerned about our age difference. He told the lawyer I love her and her age makes no difference to me, I gave him the option to leave it I wasn't the one for him. He has chosen to stay, I do adore him, he is not like anyman I have ever been involved with. You Nigerian woman should be proud of the boys you have raised into men. Thank you. I have spoken to both his Mom and a few of his siblings. They are wonderful people. I can't wait to meet them in person. I feel he is being genuine. I feel it in my soul. If I am wrong, than my heart and soul shall shatter. I will then pick up the pieces and pray they will slowly mend back together.

Well good luck. We know how the cookie crumbles. As they say in nigeiran terms 'its the condition that makes the crayfish bend'

simbalove:

My Nigerian love and I did have a blow up about the possiblility of him asking me to marry him just for a piece of paper. He said haven't I proved my love for you. I have stood by you in good and bad. He is a good man. He has retained a lawyer and the lawyer told him he was concerned about our age difference. He told the lawyer I love her and her age makes no difference to me, I gave him the option to leave it I wasn't the one for him. He has chosen to stay, I do adore him, he is not like anyman I have ever been involved with. You Nigerian woman should be proud of the boys you have raised into men. Thank you. I have spoken to both his Mom and a few of his siblings. They are wonderful people. I can't wait to meet them in person. I feel he is being genuine. I feel it in my soul. If I am wrong, than my heart and soul shall shatter. I will then pick up the pieces and pray they will slowly mend back together.

Let's hope he's for real.
Introducing you to his parents is a good step.
Most green card wives never know the man's family.
They may be "dead" and he's an only child.

Leilah:

Well good luck. We know how the cookie crumbles. As they say in nigerian terms 'its the condition that makes the crayfish bend'

Now that is a sister right there!  Have not heard that saying in a long while. I see the Nigerian is rubbing off on you!   I love that!

I like that saying. We all have to bend sometimes. I have a lot to learn about Nigerian customs and ways, Although my man is very Americanized, values are taught as children. What are some of the most important things to your culture in regards to a marriage and relationships? I would appreciate any help in understanding where he is coming from sometimes. I know his parents mean alot to him as mine do. Also, I read that Nigerian men tend to be very selfish in the Bed, I have noticed this. Is this something that is taught? I hope I can change this. Can a leopard change his spots?

him being selfish in bed is the least thing you have to worry about!!

It's funny. After I wrote that yesterday he was a different lover in bed. HE is very intuative. I think he needs to know everyday that I love him. He is good and kind, Thanks for the response.

simbalove:

It's funny. After I wrote that yesterday he was a different lover in bed. HE is very[b] intuative.[/b] I think he needs to know everyday that I love him. He is good and kind, Thanks for the response.

Hmmm!

Nigerian men,in my opinion are great lovers.
But our culture has a great hold on them.

He needs to be taught and they are indeed fast learners.   Treat him like a king and he'll be eating off the palm of your hands.

I will take your advice. Thank you. He is my king and I his queen, I respect that, When you say your culture holds men back. What do you mean? I want to learn about what his world was like before he came to the States. I will be his teacher yes, and be a patient one at that. A pupil is only as good as his teacher.

We come from a culture where a man never cries or shows emotions.
He is not expected to say his true feelings since he may be called a weakling.

Even in marriage,men who show affection openly are seen as weak men dancing to the tune of a mere woman.
He'll rather have a root canal than say the words "I love you".
He loves you alright,but may not say it.
Probably he never ever saw his parents kiss or look at each other affectionately because "those things are just not done in public" in Nigeria.

Women don't even announce their pregnancy,you just see a bulge growing and make your deductions.
that is how conservative our society can be.
But our men are loving.
They'll do anything for their women and children.
including give their lives
so please bear with my brother.


_{there are some bad apples though}

the lady speaketh

Thank you for your insight. It means alot to me to know what is inside. Culture is so very important. I was raised in a very vocal Italian home, We showed our emotions. We kiss and hug without abandon, We say I love you so often, I know we are different in alot of ways but that's what makes us human, Yes, the first time he said I love you, was like pullling teeth, I know in my heart it was hard for him, I have learned that for him those words come not so easily, But, he shows his devotion in so many other ways, You truly have some great men from Nigeria, As well as women, I would love to know more about your culture, If it would help in my relationship than I will learn and heed your words of wisdom, to know is to love, to love is to know,

I love Naija men man

hahaha, you are one good lady ojare .

Simb

African men only marry older women for papers and financial reasons. He is with you for his papers. Don't get it confused. He needs his papers.

Simb

African men only marry older women for papers and financial reasons.  He is with you for his papers.  Don't get it confused.  He needs his papers.

nwando:

I love Naija men man

Hmmm!

nwando:

Nigerian men,in my opinion are great lovers.
But our culture has a great hold on them.

He needs to be taught and they are indeed fast learners.   Treat him like a king and he'll be eating off the palm of your hands.

"nwado de nwando"---------Hmmm!

BigSis:

Simb

African men only marry older women for papers and financial reasons. He is with you for his papers. Don't get it confused. He needs his papers.

Hmmm!

simbalove:

It's funny. After I wrote that yesterday[b] he was a different lover in bed.[/b] HE is very intuative. I think he needs to know everyday that I love him. He is good and kind, Thanks for the response.

Hmmm!

how you just dey hmm

No need for long long talk. Just listening for a change.

African men only marry older women for papers. Hmmmm. I'll have to think about that one. Well, I'm new here, and I'm not sure what you mean by "older". I'm only a few (3) years older, and I attribute this to the fact that most African men are a lot more mature than their American counterparts. I have been reading and researching a lot about Nigerian culture, and I have become very intrigued by everything I've read. I decided to join this forum in hopes I would learn more, and in turn, can make an educated decision about whether I should continue in this relationship. When I met my mate it was only for friendship, as I was not interested in being in a serious relationship at the time. The truth of the matter is, I was afraid because of past hurts and disappointments. Nevertheless, that was a year ago and today we are doing pretty good. Sure, we have our issues, every relationship does. I have read the posts, and I see so many of these things in my mate. He's very caring, romantic, sensual, intelligent, etc. However, he has moments where he is very self-absorbed and not very attentive. He is Igbo, and I haven't encountered any of the selfishness discussed here as far as sex is concerned. The sex is amazing for us. I make sure he's satisfied, and he does the same, consistently. I have not introduced him to my family, and I have not met his friends and family up to this point. He has met a few of my friends and my aunt, though these meetings were not planned. We have discussed this several times, and this was something we agreed on. My concern is that I wanted to make sure this was a relationship that was viable before introducing him to my family. I'm sure he has similar concerns. He has asked me if I want to meet his family, and I plan to do so this Christmas. I was wondering if anyone can help me with what I should expect when I meet his parents and his family. Also, we have discussed my inability to have children and we are okay with it. However, I was reading something last night that said sterile women are not highly regarded in Nigeria, ? I have really educated myself, and I made sure he understands I am willing to embrace his culture. I prepare various African dishes (Egusi Soup, Okra Soup, Hen Stew, jelloff rice, etc), and we love each other. He's told me many times he loves me and he explained he does not take those words lightly. I'm hoping I will learn more about the relationship and our chances by the end of the year.

JazzyRed:

African men only marry older women for papers. Hmmmm. I'll have to think about that one. Well, I'm new here, and I'm not sure what you mean by "older". I'm only a few (3) years older, and I attribute this to the fact that most African men are a lot more mature than their American counterparts. I have been reading and researching a lot about Nigerian culture, and I have become very intrigued by everything I've read. I decided to join this forum in hopes I would learn more, and in turn, can make an educated decision about whether I should continue in this relationship.

When I met my mate it was only for friendship, as I was not interested in being in a serious relationship at the time. The truth of the matter is, I was afraid because of past hurts and disappointments. Nevertheless, that was a year ago and today we are doing pretty good. Sure, we have our issues, every relationship does. I have read the posts, and I see so many of these things in my mate.

He is Igbo, and I haven't encountered any of the selfishness discussed here as far as sex is concerned. The sex is amazing for us. I make sure he's satisfied, and he does the same, consistently. I have not introduced him to my family, and I have not met his friends and family up to this point. He has met a few of my friends and my aunt, though these meetings were not planned. We have discussed this several times, and this was something we agreed on.

My concern is that I wanted to make sure this was a relationship that was viable before introducing him to my family. I'm sure he has similar concerns. He has asked me if I want to meet his family, and I plan to do so this Christmas. I was wondering if anyone can help me with what I should expect when I meet his parents and his family. Also, we have discussed my inability to have children and we are okay with it. However,

I was reading something last night that said sterile women are not highly regarded in Nigeria, ? I have really educated myself, and I made sure he understands I am willing to embrace his culture. I prepare various African dishes (Egusi Soup, Okra Soup, Hen Stew, jelloff rice, etc), and we love each other. He's told me many times he loves me and he explained he does not take those words lightly. I'm hoping I will learn more about the relationship and our chances by the end of the year.

Just 2 questions for you for starters.

1. Are you "sterile"?
2. Who needs papers?  You or the guy--assuming you live outside Nigeria?

Every relationship is a learning process and you cannot find out everything about a "mate" sometimes after you have long been married.  Besides people change you know, and feelings grow and change for the better or for the worse.  It is just a chance you must take.  No pandora's box can let you know what the future holds.  You just have to take that risk if you want a shot at happiness or success in anything in life.  Goodluck!

Thanks "Almondjoy"

I live in the US (Atlanta), and I cannot have children. He doesn't need papers, as he has been here in the US for quite some time. He even has family here, and he has been employed for 9 years with his current company. We talk a lot, and I feel we know each other very well. It is a relationship like no other relationship I have ever been involved in. He really makes me feel like a Queen and I try to make sure he understands he is my King. I'm open to the challenge of the relationship and getting to know his family. I guess I'm just a little nervous about the initial meeting and wanted to know what to expect. Life is a gamble, and I know you must take chances in life and I'm willing to do that. I guess we'll just have to see what happens!

Does he know you cannot have children?

Yes he does. We have discussed it several times. He knows I am open to adoption or other means of having children. I just don't know how "accepted" these methods are in the Nigerian culture. The issue definitely causes some insecurities on my part, even though he has said it is not an issue.

JazzyRed:

Yes he does. We have discussed it several times. He knows I am open to adoption or other means of having children. I just don't know how "accepted" these methods are in the Nigerian culture. The issue definitely causes some insecurities on my part, even though he has said it is not an issue.

Once again, only time will tell if all can stand the test.  I am glad you guys are open with eachother and I hope it continues.  Just take one day at a time and do your best to be happy. Happiness is where you find it and does not matter from which race or country.  As long as he stands by you, it really does not matter what the Nigerian culture says.  I have a lot of friends married in your situation. 

The family members dare not interfere in their lives because the couples do not allow that type of confusion.  So, if you stick together with minimal interference from "culturally concerned parties" , you know your problems are yours at least.  Once again goodluck and stay happy.

awwww, Thank you! One of my good friends is also married to a Nigerian man, and they are extremely happy. I hope things work out between us as well. He's a great guy!