I hate reading so much

This write up plenty o

Someone pls break down.

Op he must be good inda oza room business...that is the only rational conclusion I can draw from your continous stay in such toxuc relationship.

Someone that hasn't got a job or hussle to maintain himself or a relationship and you're asking us if you can marry him.

Good luck to you...don't comman disturb us here later on how he maltreats you after going through with any marriage arrangement.

I also wish not to read as one of the headlines in here "Nairalander who complained year back runs away from jobless husband's house due to il_treatment."


My 2 cent.

So many people with insomnia issues

Run for your life. That dude is bad news. He's an opportunist.

That dude is not ready yet you're already 25 please keep him on the side and look for a matured potential husband unless you enjoy wasting your time.

todaynewsreview:


The only sensible comment so far. She stylishly skipped those aspects you highlighted. The girl may be the guy's problem here. Thanks for this comment.

I c dis valid 100%

Before I say anything, I did like to ask. Was sex involved in the relationship ?

Please answer that, then I will give my advice

Localchampion:
.
I know, his happiness is the most annoying to me, when I cooked and all, as if I didn't wanna do it, as if he wasn't the one that was broke, since he gave me the money for the food, he has been complaining he has no money again. He wants his bread and cake same time.
Till now, he hasn't given me the money to make my hair and frowning that I'm asking him money when I know he doesn't, he said he would be more than happy to do them for me bla bla bla.

The problem with folks is seeing tell tale signs about their partner and thinking they can make their partner change. Sorry you can't. Whatever traits you see now will be magnified X 10 in marriage. Be advised.
Tomorrow you'll still be compared to his friend's wife that gave him twin boys when you gave him only a girl.
He is not even ready to marry you so stop wasting your time with him. It ran while it lasted but sometimes you need to let go before you set yourself up for a life of misery and anguish.

Localchampion:

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life

Say the truth, did you tell him this? It is unlikely that you explained this to him and he still continued ranting. If were the case, I'd say he's neither fit nor proper for a relationship. But deep down, I know you didn't explain this to him. Rather, you responded with attitude. I'm not blaming you my dear, I'm just analysing the situation...don't worry, I'll get to him shortly.

Localchampion:
He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

If this is the case, I think he's an entitled man child.

Localchampion:
Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally

Red flag. Run. He takes and takes and takes. He gives little or nothing in return. To him, you are there to serve him and make his ego swell while he sits home and does nothing.

Localchampion:
please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

I have a gut feeling you have some communication issues you have to work on. But we know you will still marry him irrespective of how bloody red the flags are. Goodluck!

You both have flaws as human..but trust me..this guy won't give u the peace that comes with marriage..pls don't let the fear of loneliness and physical attraction soil your future..sister.... there's a man out that who will give u the disired peace and value u...the fact that u toasted him gave birth to all these and u should know he will never respect u at all...just pretend u don't have any money to spend on him and bring up a very big false problems before him...see as he will run away from u without looking back..his association with u is called parasitic in biology

millionboi2:
hear 4rm both sides,all dat glitter is not gold

Very correct

leave him...

dingbang:
Can i see your picture please? Update it on your profile, I want to check something first

Set àwọn picture checker

Localchampion:

Why

Let me tell you the plain truth... You need to have at least 6 months living relationship with him to determine if this will work out. A man has several phases depending on the situation... You need to experience them to be sure you can cope.

the guy was almost right,he has studied you through and through..

From your profile,I was able to deduct the fact that this is not the first time you're complaining about your so called long distance relationship.I feel that if you're not happy with this relationship, end it....Nobody is worth stressing over.

Break up with that Cow! Cows are useful, but this one is useless.

My close friend's ex boyfriend is just like this your boyfriend. Now she's currently engaged with someone of better qualities than her ex.

Save yourself while you still have time.

DirtyGold:

You admit that you don't give him money (you're not sponsoring him in anyway) but the once or twice you did spend your money on your relationship, you highlighted it and made your one-sided story all about it.
I take this your story with a big pinch of salt. Women are always the victim especially when the man starts struggling (even for a short while - all he has done and built prior becomes invalid).
When he gave you money to cook he was happy and showered you with accolades which was different when you were feeling like madam ordering him to buy your food from outside because you are paying for it. The money you were using to buy outside could have been used to stuff the house and make home meals since that is what you love and what makes him happy obviously. But, nah... his money is for both of you and yours is for you alone.
You didn't tell us how he was giving you and sustaining the relationship for the past five years o. But, because you have now and he doesn't, you feel you are too good for him (you're most likely not to admit this though).

Ofcourse, you will not tell us your attitude and likely disrespectfulness towards him that irks him because this is your story and you want a rich guy that'll be spoiling you. THERE IS NO WAY HE COULD HAVE RANTED OUT OF FRUSTRATION and not highlight some cold truths that in honesty puts the blame on you (which you conveniently left out of this story or - resorted to selective attention to ignore)

Sister, you already know what you will do. Please, do it quickly and let the young man find someone that can be truly supportive without making him feel inadequate about it.

What's tha business?

You have sense.

Honestly, sister please don't try to marry him, first thing ,you marry the man who respect you if he doesn't show you respect and keep on comparing you with other girls.. plss don't

Aabheaven:
why will u abuse the guy by hearing just one side of a story. Was wrong with guys on nairaland. Why will u abuse ur fellow man to pass a point. Or do u want to shoot ur own shot since u are the man. All ds white knights on nairaland are irritating

Seriously irritating

SIR0:
What a Tom & Jerry r/shp!

The fact is that most r/shps out there aren't better. Don't get deceived by favourable comments you read here. Everybody is facing one or more challenges,,, not only in r/shps but also marriages. I hope you both can talk this out

I wish she listen to the immature advice and seek another path. Wetin she dey find, she go kukuma see am

thorpido:
So if a guy(or girl) is wrong,I must say it because I'm a man?

You're the kid here.Men call a spade a spade.

No. Petty men listen to one side of the story and jump into conclusions like idiots.

NO. He needs to grow up, he needs to prove that he is in love with you and not his friends, and he needs to get to work. Financial stability is critical in modern day marriage.

freshkpomo:
Localchampion

This your story reminds me of someone I know. The truth of this whole thing is just play your cards right and you will not have a single issue with this guy. From the way you portray him, he is the emotional type who cannot hide the way he feels. Most of the words he said only came from his lips not his heart, trust me if you play your cards well you will enjoy your marriage, but be ready for once in a while teasing lol...

This is the simple truth.

SweetCunt97:
D guy bring money to buy foodstuff? From January to this month an adult complaining of no money! Not like he's married with kids o

Madam sabi sabi... Was she the one sending him food money before she added to his liability?

So if he had short notice and is coincidentally broke that period, he should go and steal?

Perhaps, a man should never go broke at any point in his life.

How is your sex life

you want nairalander whom might have problem in their relationship/marriages due to their naivety to validate your own decision?




naturally I hate long distance relationship, I'm surprise for more than a year of date you don't move with someone close, it seems you're still of age because @ 25years upward, I expect you to be in courtship not a distance relationship


you need to reason deep, have you even weigh his mental capacity? or na this he don't use to provide is your only consideration?


look at your age,

assess what you've benefitted in the relationship so far

then look at his lifestyle and bring those premises to your own final decision

Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

maybe you no dey give am wetin him want.

MiaBeer:
You stayed with him for a few days and wrote this lengthy 'article'
Please tell us how many pages your book will be after you marry him

You go fear. But then, she is the saint. Fish go don done by the time she type this thing finish. But no, she is in no mood to cook, but write stories.

Stopped at you giving him money to buy you food when you visit. Maka why

My ex was like that...do not marry that grown up brat

OK. Hmmmn, everyone has spoken and let me speak mine aswell. I read every word you typed out and i have seen several "red flags" already which are an indication that THE BOTH OF YOU WILL NOT WORK OUT FINE.
I know when a woman is bitter(you have the right to be in this case) and this bitter feeling will most likely cause her to resent her man to a certain extent, if not entirely. Several peeps have said that your boyfriend is a child, acting like a kid, needs to grow up and so on. I tend to partly disagree with that assertion, because i strongly feel that your boyfriend KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING to you! He is taking advantage of your persona and gentle nature(deducing this based in your account of things) He is riding your head, so-to-speak. By that i mean, he is just passing time with you, while gaining whatever he can from you while it lasts- sex, hospitality, cash. Now, I am not saying that it bad of him to share in your money(you both are a pair) but he should also do it with consideration and humility knowing that times are hard during this post COVID-19 era even for you too.
He should not verbally put you down, and make derogatory remarks at you as a result of transfered aggression/frustration. He is human and so, prone to tempermental outburts as a result of his insecurity not being able to foot the bills during your visit. It is a "men" thing to feel lesser of a man in such a situation and consequently lash out at his lady maybe unintentionally/ by impulse(though I don't agree with that behaviour). But notwithstanding, he should have kept it in-check. This is what will show YOU that he loves you, cherishes you despite the trying times, respects you and is a "ride or die" type of guy. He has now exposed his ugly side to you owing to the pressures of the moment and you have now seen his ugly side. Ask your self the following, because you know him more than any of us here does: When he was insulting you, did you still feel love in your heart for him or were you afraid for your safety?
Is this the very first time in your few visits to him that he has acted that way? How is communication, thus far? Do you just listen to him without speaking too, even when you want to defend yourself?(albeit, politely) These should be vital signs to tell you if you want to spend the remaining years of your life with the man in the picture. Remember the saying which goes; "If he will not change when you have not yet married him, then he will not change after the wedding" You have heard stories about other women and their experiences while dating a percieved potential husband who was violent(physically, or verbally) before the wedding and who later hurt, or killed his wife after they tied the knot. You should understand my point here. Be wise. See the signs and heed to them if you feel you are not free to express your own views to your boyfriend even when you feel bashed and humiliated. A lady is supposed to be free to do things like defending herself in a convo, have the type of relationship were she can play with the man, even slap his shoulder playfully without him getting angry and switching over to "macho-man mode" From your story it seems you are not very free with that guy. Pls, no lady should let desperation for marriage pressure her into SETTLING with a man she doesn't feel free and super comfortable with. You both are meant to be one (not talking about sexual union oh. It isn't even time) and you are meant to be smiling, blushing hard(or softly, whichever), feeling butterflies in your tummy-kinda effect whenever you think about him, talk to him on the phone and are far apart from each other. That is the foundation of a healthy, sweet-loving relationship and a recipe for marital bliss and success. If you don't feel those affore mentioned things then pls wait till you find that man who you feel those things for. It is not fairytales. It happens and is supposed to happen that way. Already I see the both of you playing ROLES when you are meant to be a TEAM. There is no how either of you(or both) won't start cheating with someone else as a result of looking for closure and a distraction from the toxity of your relationship. Pls sit him and talk to him openly one last time and share your fears about him(respectfully) And stop trying to get even with him by asking for money to make hair and the rest when u know he is not bouyant at the moment. It only shows that u are testing, or teasing him, and I hope you know that he knows this is what you are doing indirectly or otherwise. Learn to be vocal pls, and communicate together as a pair about all things. Do not be nagging(not saying you do this, but..) Be more matured than him this period. It will shock him. I like that you choose to smile(tho not easy) during the times when he was verbally abusing you. It showed restraint on your part(fear on no fear, you had self-control) You sound like a nice, cheerful girl and I know love can be binding, but pls be cautious too and take your brain along with you as you follow your heart. Won't be good if you get seriously hurt. I too, won't be happy to hear you got hurt after all the warning signs. I know none of you is perfect, and you have your own flaws too. And pls, limit how you tell your friends(if you do) about him in a not too good light. Cover his unclothedness too, sometimes. People talk alot outside. Best of luck dear and equally pray about it all. LOVE IS A BEAUTIFUL THING! Sorry that it is lengthy....I was caught up in the moment cuz I pity your situatuon. Try to read, u hear. It is well darling.