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Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? - Romance (9) - Nairaland

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Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by 360command: 2:28am On Aug 27, 2020
After reading the OP, I thought about an ivorian song where he stated in the introduction; permit me if I may translate to English as he said it in French. He said " who says there are no good girls in Abidjan"

Now I am saying it to the people, who says there are no good girls in Nigeria.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Godtemi: 2:30am On Aug 27, 2020
Eventually, if people advice you to leave him for another man, you will still come again for another advice, then God willing you marry. You will still come online to seek for advice.

You better learn to fight your battle alone with God in prayer and work with your attitude too

Let me analys this

Like 30% of people advicing you here are single and don't have a perfect relationship

30% are married with their own marital issue
20% are in relationship for relationship sake
20% are married or single and God had been faithful with there relationship and life.

To recapitulate my point, try to avoid online or friends advice when it's come to relationship or marriage, must of them have worst relationship than you, but they will only hide it and keep giving you advice to destroy your own life.

Imagine a single young lady counseling people of 3-20 years in marriage.
During question section, I ask her. Are you married? She said no. Then I walked out.

Is just someone with opay CEO counseling Dangote. Which business he won counsel Dangote for? Wey Dangote never do before he ever dreamt of doing business.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by vickydevoka(m): 2:31am On Aug 27, 2020
favour32:
Long distance relationship na waste of time for Nigeria.
E go end in tears.
No be our thing na oyibo people thing

1 Like

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Nobody: 2:33am On Aug 27, 2020
Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

If he's treating you that way now imagine when you're married. He shouldn't compare U to other girls U are U, not them. N he should love you for you. You sound like you're smarter than those kinda girls he compares you too and independent. If I was U I'd imagine how Ur marriage to him would be and if that's the life U want and make Ur decision on that.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Nobody: 2:36am On Aug 27, 2020
Pegi23:
My ex was like that...do not marry that grown up brat
Hmmm..Haba, you harsh tho. I just hope she finds a silver lining , or leaves him for good and finds true happiness. She sounds like a nice kid. This is why i guard my heart well... all these nonsense is what i don't want. Sex ruins things, that is why it is better to deny him sex till you see a compatibility, or after the wedding ceremony. So u both path ways with no heartbreaks if it doesn't work out well. Now those emotions might hunt her longer than it will hunt the man in the picture...Anyways, she should be strong. We hope for da best for her. Abeg, lemme go to sleep. Nigh night everyone.Sweet dreams.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Pegi23(f): 2:38am On Aug 27, 2020
KevUnique:
Hmmm..Haba, you harsh tho. I just hope she finds a silver lining , or leaves him for good and finds true happiness. She sounds like a nice kid. This is why i guard my heart well... all these nonsense is what i don't want. Sex ruins things, that is hy it is better to deny him sex till you see a compatibility, or after the wedding ceremony. So u both path ways with no heart breaks if it doesn't work out well. Now those emotions mught hunt her longer than it will hunt the man in he picture...Anyways, she shoulb be strong. We hope for da best for her. Abeg, lemme go to sleep. Nigh night everyone.Sweet dreams.
. Sweet dreams ND interesting write up
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Ghostmode2two(m): 2:47am On Aug 27, 2020
Super story, we are watching
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by friendl: 2:48am On Aug 27, 2020
Don't marry him

1 Like

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Pipefitter: 2:56am On Aug 27, 2020
dukeprince50:
every relationship has its problem, there is no guarantee that the one u will marry won't give u problems.
u think happily married couples don't have misunderstandings? my friend work on ur relationship and stop asking questions, u will throw a relationship of 5yrs cos of this minor issue? I even thought he slapped and beat u up.
whenever something like this comes up again, u too should say some hurtful words to him as u seem fit.
No relationship is like what u see on movies, u have to build it. u haven't seen him for a year, there is a high chance the love has reduced, u have to pour more fuel again, stop doing delaytionship

Dear, if a man has an entitlement mentality or expects you to provide for him, then it's a clear sign he isn't the one for you. It's understandable If he doesn't have, but expecting you to provide for him is a big No... My opinion tho

1 Like

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by cococandy(f): 2:56am On Aug 27, 2020
He can’t provide yet he wants you to be his homely wife material who also provides for him while pampering him.

You go suffer tire. He should choose a role and stick with it. Otherwise you will be stuck doing everything in the marriage and his ungrateful behind will never thank you for it.

He’s comparing you to his friends girlfriends. Try compare him to other people boyfriends and see how he measures up to them.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Inukwa: 3:02am On Aug 27, 2020
You should have gone to the market with your money the second day you came and prepared good meal instead of giving him 1k everyday. Using your money to cook would have been the best thing to do since he is broke, not that he was pretending to be broke.
Comparing you with others is a mind set. Whether you are better or worst than others, he must compare you for appraisal. Be nice so that you will be at the better side.
Life is all about understanding: try and make him understand your mood so that he will not hurt you. If you let him know that you lost your money which both of you have been feeding from for about 3days. I don't think he wouldn't have sympathized with you, unless you had told him that you were not having money before you got it lost.
Don't leave him because he is broke now unless you are tired of the relationship, he might get rich tomorrow so that you don't regret your decision. Let him know that you love in this hard time so that when the money comes, he will still remember the love you showed him.
I pray you recover the money you lost and even make more.

1 Like

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by madjune(m): 3:02am On Aug 27, 2020
My sister, don't go there o.

Your man na the kind we call Ejebalom.
Never marry a man who picks at every little thing like a woman or calls you useless.

It's excusable if he calls you that on top another man.
That's different.

This guy will give you blood pressure and wrinkles in no time.
You both should work hand in hand in providing for upkeeps knowing una levels at the moment.
And if he's broke and can't play his part, he should have a very long d.ck ( Long enough to fetch an Abuja deal)

By that i mean, he should be streetwise to give you assurance for a better tomorrow knowing the Naija terrain.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by lekonso: 3:06am On Aug 27, 2020
Run fast, these are signs that you cannot be agreeable couples. The signs are always there, but most people fail to see. You are not married yet, you are already fighting, that is enough to tell you that the two of you cannot live together happily.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Perhaps2020: 3:10am On Aug 27, 2020
Localchampion:

I don't offer him money o, but giving him money is the easiest, not like I'm the one giving him money.

Then I guess he wants a wife not a carrier woman, I think you can still work things out just a little bit change.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by cutieme(m): 3:31am On Aug 27, 2020
Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.
That's a red flag honey,you had better be wise now to avoid future regrets, nowadays we love with our heads and not our hearts again..

1 Like

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by yuawekd: 3:34am On Aug 27, 2020
According to the latest report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), when the Donald Trump administration imposed travel restrictions from Europe to the United States at the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, the virus had spread widely in New York City.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by niceguy555: 3:37am On Aug 27, 2020
But why don't you request for money when he has, because with this, you can tell if he is generous or stingy
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by grandstar(m): 3:46am On Aug 27, 2020
Localchampion

There was this joke in former communist countries.

In communist countries, everyone works for the government and are paid poor salaries. The workers anyway, have very little work to do. You know how little work civil servants do.

So the joke was, "We pretend to work, they pretend to pay us". Basically, both parties were deceiving themselves.

In the same vein, both of you are deceiving yourselves. Be honest with yoursrlf, is this a relationship? Both of you aren't married yet can't stand each other, what will happen if you now get married? (Read Proverbs 27:12)

What is even more worrying is that both of you rarely see each other, so it is expected that when of do, you would not want to leave each other for such short visits but that's not the case.

During the present lockdown, there was an increase in divorce rates, why? Both couples were forced to stay all day with each other and it turned many could not tolerate each other. It was a daily work routine that had been keeping Marriages intact.

In Japan, divorces spike after retirement due to the fact spouses have to stay together all day long. You never marry, your relationship is like this?

Best adavice, break up instantly. Long distance relationships are bad. Both parties are deceiving themselves. Most men in such relationships commit adultery and the women as well. On this forum recently a Nairalsnder posted that his neighbor, who is working overseas, has a wife that has been pestering him for a sexual relationship.

Break up and enter into a relationship that isn't long distance. Make sure that both of you have mutual respect for each other and not one where one party will tear down the other regularly.

Your ex (that is what he should be) does not feel you're doing enough for him. Deep down, I sense he feels you could have changed his lot for the better. He feels if you're really there for him, things would be better for him. Support does not always mean money.

Also, I suspect he does not feel you're a wife material as he feels you're not welcoming enough. This is usually shown by tasty dishes presented with a smile to guests when they visit, especially those close to his heart. Meditate on it and if true, perhaps work on it for future relationships but i pray only one relationship which will see you tying the knot.

Visit www.jw.org and download the book, "The Secret Of Family Happiness"
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by nelsonose: 3:46am On Aug 27, 2020
Baby girl, I have read you story very carefully.
Please note that there is never a perfect relationship and therefore don't be deceived by ill counsel.
For you to have nursed a relationship for 5years, it's obvious that you love your man because you may have been exposed to other "toasters" along the line. I can assure you that these ugly behaviour of your man would stop soon.
To sustain your happiness and build a home with you man, try not to expect too much from him financially so that you get disappointed. Know that whatever he makes is certainly for the interest of the home whether given to you directly or indirectly.
Please make peace with him because he will outgrown his present behaviour. Remember too that, the grass is not always and necessarily greener on the other side as it may seem.

1 Like

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by lonlytroy(m): 4:09am On Aug 27, 2020
It's fockup when ur mind is playing tricks on you
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by LadySarah: 4:12am On Aug 27, 2020
splashbaby:
Let me tell you the plain truth... You need to have at least 6 months living relationship with him to determine if this will work out. A man has several phases depending on the situation... You need to experience them to be sure you can cope.

Who will fund the living together since one week togetherness is ready causing kasala?
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Maliqcious: 4:13am On Aug 27, 2020
Localchamp don't be deceive. People act strange when strange things hit them. Yes i have a reason or 2 why you should take your time to observe this youngman. What is he upto? is it an anger issue or a mindgame player. Don't use arguement as a criteria for disrespect that's wrong. Tell him you don't like the way he talks to You if he's agree. Always try to make bygones be bygone. The problem with your relationship is distance. He's the blunt type of guy.. But if you want the deal cancelled which i think you not ready for fine. Lifè is all about progression

1 Like

Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by faithyguy: 4:30am On Aug 27, 2020
After Reading This Post. You are work in progress wife material. Even if u date another guy u will probably have more issues. But I know the guy loves you. If only u can be more submissive. Make sure u guys see more often. Help the guy grow by give him peace and few advice also inspire in to hustle and work more.

And stop acting like a kid.


Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by trumpcoat(m): 4:34am On Aug 27, 2020
It's good you let him know his role as a man even though it's coming late,if you marry him he's going to be your first born, because he's yet to know his role as a man, make him know that he has not been playing his role as a husband and father to be,pour out your heart to him, don't have self pity that he doesn't have money,do you know what he does behind you,do you trust him that much,yes no relationship is perfect,but the man must be perfect so that the wife will emulate from him,where there's imperfection especially from the man there will be big trouble,your guy is still a boy friend and not a fiancee
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by nedekid: 4:50am On Aug 27, 2020
othermen:
Have you asked God?
Tell her how to ask God.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by zoogy2007: 4:50am On Aug 27, 2020
Verbal abuse is a ticking time bomb. Its a sign you should not ignore.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by deltateam: 5:01am On Aug 27, 2020
Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.



Op you cleverly skipped what your man does for a living.

That non withstanding I will tell you that you are in a toxic relationship.

You will be drained completely, loosing your self worth, all for what?

This is no relationship.

You are still lucky he hasn't started punching you yet.
The signs are there. A man who feels entitled, gives you no money but expect you to always do magic.

If you marry him, are you prepared to carter for your children alone?

I have seen this type of man before.

My advice: Run!

You wasted 5 years of your life, but you should move nevertheless.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by Kinikini: 5:01am On Aug 27, 2020
I think both of you have issues and seem unprepared for marriage.

On your part, learn not to use your emotions to blackmail your partner. Do your part and not stop second guessing your partner. By doing your part, your partner may open up and you both can evolve a common purpose and goal. The other issues like hurtful words has to stop, and your boyfriend economic power has to improve to a level it can sustain a marriage. Finally, I think you need to get together more closely to form a reasonable opinion on whether you can marry him or not. No one can give you the advise really because you have got to lay your bed to make it comfortable for yourself, and no one can do that for you.


Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by larryking540: 5:09am On Aug 27, 2020
Localchampion:
I'm really confused about my boyfriend if hes worthy of getting married to.
We are in a long distant relationship, we hardly see, sometimes thrice in a year, but I believe the reason we are still together is because its a distant relationship, as each time I go to Enugu to greet him and stay for 2weeks, my love for him is always reduced.
So much this time around, we haven't seen for a year, and I had something important to do in Enugu, so I decided to stay in his place and use the opportunity to greet him. The first 4days, we were totally fine with each other, as I was busy with doing the stuff I came to do. Meanwhile, I didn't spend his money, as I came with my money and give him money to buy me food, so for the first 3days he was the one buying the cooked foods we ate, but I would give him 1k. Naturally, I don't eat outside, nor do I eat junks, but because he said he doesn't have money, I just pitied him and did not mention the fact that he should get foodstuffs, I don't want him to start feeling bad that he has no money plus I was even busy, remember I came for a purpose. And I don't use it as attitudes for him, I'm a very happy enduring lady.

Now after the fourth day that I finished the program I originally came for, I lost my money, about 150,000, truth is when I'm sad, im usually harsher, and would not talk much, would become exessively quiet, because if I talk, I may start to cry, this is when problem started between us, he acted unconcerned about my predicament, I just ignored him, trying to see how I can get back my money. And the truth is, if I get the money, I will surely give him part of the money, there's no time I will make money and not give him. So for like two days, I was in depression due to my money, I didnt sweep, I was just sighning, and not cheerful to him, the next day afterwards, was when he bursted, and started talking
1. He said I'm useless to him
2. He compared me with other people's girlfriend, how they take care of their boyfriend, how they cook for them, cook extremely homey food for them.
3. He said his friends couldn't visit him because I'm in his house, and thus hes missing because the fact that I'm in his house I'm useless, not doing anything for him, and yet his friends couldn't come.
4. He said his cousins girl did this and that.
5. He said I'm talking of marriage, he said what is he marrying, he said when I'm not even showing any readiness bla bla bla
6. He said I should look at his house, does it look like a girl is there, he said his friend told him that since I'm around now, his cheeks would become bigger, and in his mind, he knew he would only grow thinner.
7. He said I should leave his house first thing tomorrow morning, since I'm not useful.
8. He said at this point, hes confused, if i want to break up, I should just let him know, because what is the point of our stay together
He said just too many hurtful things and those are the ones I could remember.
I was able to record some of those things, so I can relisten to them later. But he collected my phone and deleted all I recorded.

All through, I was just quiet and smiling because I don't even know where to start replying him and he was very serious, his face was in a fight mood, I don't wanna talk because I really don't like problems or fight. Then later, he said I must say something, he seized my phone, and almost made me loose a deal.

I just kept quiet, later when I started talking, he denied having said USELESS, something he mentioned more than twice and apologized swiftly.

All his accusations were wrong because the reason I didn't cook is because he has no single food at home and hes the one always complaining he has no money, so I just taught that, I wouldn't make my stay to disrupt his life, he knew I hate eating outside, and the fact that we buy food is something I am enduring, because the foods makes me nauseated each time I eat them. He knows how much i cook for him when he comes visiting me, I will cook several things, what I can't even eat myself due to financial problems, I am the one always fighting him to cook that Junks are unhealthy. But just because I was pitying him, I didn't bring up the idea of cooking, he accused me of being useless, he said I'm the one to bring up the idea as a girlfriend, bla bla bla.

Later that day, I brought the idea and he gave me 5k to the market, I cooked and did everything. I didn't buy a single food I could eat (I don't eat pasters), because the money isn't enough, so I just bought foods he likes and made a nice sauce. His friend came visiting, I packed foods for her and did normal. His friend called him to relate how I treated her, this is when my boyfriend started filling extremely happy, and thanking God for meeting me, saying nice things.

Since then, he has been saying stuffs of how much he's been gifted to have me bla bla bla, to me, whatever I have for him has greatly reduced, because I don't know the Essence of the relationship, because to him, its a roleship, where I must do my roles and if I miss, he won't even think why could I have missed it, if its intentionally, was it because I'm sad, the next thing he would be saying is if we should break up or not. Now, this is someone I never compared with anyone, I don't even compare people, I just do normal to him, like I will do to a brother, plan for him, etc, yet he compares me all the time and wants me to live like the other average girls that are using iphones.

I told him yesterday that since he wants a roleship, he would also man up, and for the first time in our 5years relationship, I started behaving like the normal girls, I asked him for money to make my hair, he doesn't have, I asked him for money for cream, he doesn't have and he has been angry because I told him I don't care whether he has money or not, since I must do my roles, he should also do his roles, and for the first time I also compared him and told him what men are doing for their girls.

He has been frowning and sad since I said those words to him, because they are deep, I just served him exactly what he did to me. I'm not happy, I'm doing that to him, I'm even sad I'm telling him all these because this is not me. I'm still going to make him realize how useless he is in my life, absolutely useless, and that is the truth, since he sees our relationship as a role one, then hes useless.

I can't marry him like this, God forbids, someone who can't endure due to the situation of things and understand, and he wants me to understand his own and endure for him, its not just possible for me, and he's good at talking, abusing, bullying, etc. Hes the one that will tell me to snap pictures for him, I will tell him I don't have clothes, he will say ''Go and Buy now'', He will bully me with my hair and compare it with that of other girls. He wasn't broke before the lockdown, but I didn't collect money from him because I want him to achieve and grow with the money, so that by the time we get married, he would be financially very okay.

Please should I marry this kind of Man? I really don't know why I should because it seems his happiness towards me, his affection and romance is dependent on fulfilling ROLES in his head.

babe ,truth be told ,you don't like this dude again ,
girls like you are had to come by ,
a lady that doesn't care about her cloths ,hair and still moves on with life ,ahhh u try ,..
your boyfriend just day buy problem and trouble for himself ,....this is how guys end up losing their correct girlfriend and end up marrying olosho
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by jacoik(m): 5:11am On Aug 27, 2020
Mood11:
Dial x606# to borrow airtime or dial x901# to buy from your account
is that the topic of the day? to slap u now dey hungry me
Re: Should I Marry My Boyfriend With This Behaviour? by EsosonH: 5:20am On Aug 27, 2020
U sounded like a lady with a golden heart. Ur type is rare and u sounded so pragmatic also. As for the guy, is he economically engaged? What is the nature of his job? Why does he not have money always? The truth remains that he loves u, but, seems being distracted by things eating him up. Either the chase for money or he has a regular girl, hence the plenty insults. If u still have time to be single, age wise, try see if u can help him plan his spendings on his income for few months to help him save. Try n be part of his daily living (not necessarily being with him, but knowing how he spent his day n what his plan is for the next day) that will help u know better whether to marry him or not. Good luck n God see u thru.

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