Kobojunkie:
1. As explained in the excerpt there is commitment of the mental kind.

2. There are no known natural laws barring a human from engaging in lengthy conversation with a fellow human on basis of marital status.

3. I said Buddhists, not monks. Obviously, there aren't 10s of millions of Buddhists monks out there. Buddhists believe in mental discipline which many of them adhere to - nothing spiritual to their ideas or beliefs.

4. That isn't a part of mental discipline at all. What you described is instead a habit that can be formed through mental discipline.

Some people are loquacious while others are the opposite. That has little or nothing to do with their emotional discipline.

drlateef:
That’s your own idea of mental discipline. Ask any psychologist or philosopher near you. They will confirm what I say. A garrulous person cannot be said to possess mental discipline. Because you talk every rubbish before your brain kicks in to stop you. If you talk in brief you will be fine with everyone including women, married or not married.

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

luckydion:
All glory to God you were able to quite the first step by grace of God........................
Now.. 2Tim2:22..(Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.)
If you don't stop total chat with him and delete his contacts from your reach sooner or late, in fact soon you will fall under him.....
(Mat 12:43 "When an evil spirit goes out of a person, it travels over dry country looking for a place to rest. If it can't find one,
Mat 12:44 it says to itself, 'I will go back to my house.' So it goes back and finds the house empty, clean, and all fixed up.
Mat 12:45 Then it goes out and brings along seven other spirits even worse than itself, and they come and live there. So when it is all over, that person is in worse shape than at the beginning. This is what will happen to the evil people of this day." )
.. this I have seen.... Be wise
I pray that the God that has started good thing in you finish it in Jesus name....
Heb13:4 (Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.)

Kobojunkie:
If she had mental discipline, she can befriend anyone without being tempted in the way she described. That's the correlation between this and mental discipline. Those who have mental discipline are able to place the relationship above their emotions..

oldienavie:

This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise.

I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

Fiscus105:
1. And mental discpline will also solve fight that may arise as a result of married woman befriending other man?
2. You guy should stop reason like toddler, doing something that you quite sure you put you in problem for Christ sake.
3. What stop you married man that can convinently not only be ur husband, adviser but also ur bestie.
I think Mercy Aigbe current man is enough for you guys to learn lesson, the more they post it, the more you remain adamant, but prefer to come on nairaland to lament on daily basis.
4. Why people prefer to learn from their own ugly experience rather than advice

LordReed:


I hope people learn from this. Being religious doesn't make you any less or more human. You are still human and don't have any special power that will make you less susceptible to the vagaries of life.

oldienavie:

This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise.

I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

Kobojunkie:
Like I said on another thread, not everyone has what I refer to as mental maturity to engage in these kinds of relationships for real.

Kobojunkie:
1. Quit ascribing mental discipline to the wrong ideas, and try to learn what it is and how it too can help you instead..

The same husbandss/wives you speak of works daily in close proximity with men she has overtime had to form a close bond with in order to succeed in her work place. Do they completely cut off or limit communication with the world for fear that they will break their marriage too?

2. I am afraid you are the one reasoning like a toddler here.

3. I have no clue who mercy aigbe is and have no desire to know abeg. As I said, understand what mental discipline is and how it works, apply it and see how you can live without meaningless shackles for it.

4. If all you learn from your past experience is how to put more chains around yourself as an individual, have you truly learnt anything from that experience or do you instead confuse fearful Avoidance with wisdom??

Kobojunkie:
1. Quit ascribing mental discipline to the wrong ideas, and try to learn what it is and how it too can help you instead..

The same husbandss/wives you speak of works daily in close proximity with men she has overtime had to form a close bond with in order to succeed in her work place. Do they completely cut off or limit communication with the world for fear that they will break their marriage too?

2. I am afraid you are the one reasoning like a toddler here.

3. I have no clue who mercy aigbe is and have no desire to know abeg. As I said, understand what mental discipline is and how it works, apply it and see how you can live without meaningless shackles for it.

4. If all you learn from your past experience is how to put more chains around yourself as an individual, have you truly learnt anything from that experience or do you instead confuse fearful Avoidance with wisdom??

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

Ishilove:

She has broken it off. What else do you want her to do again? Abi you did not read that part?

oldienavie:

This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise.
I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

princeeze1:
1. Stop trying to spin things around using English language. There is a big difference between an acquaintance, a work colleague, neighbor as the case maybe and a bestie.
2. Do you chat with your married colleague for hours non stop at home after work hours?

3. In our everyday life, we meet and interrelate with the opposite sex, but no mental maturity should make the persons involved a bestie when you are married, that you spend lots of emotional hours with because you have some mental discipline. There should be boundaries.

Prettypearl021:


First, It's nice that you've learnt from your story.
But, let us be sincere here.
You actually started this from the moment you felt conversations outside your marriage will be good for you.
That's, you wanted this new friendship. And I believe that most married men would wait till they see that green light of yours before they strike and present their real intentions since you're married, which he actually saw and took advantage.
From your writeup, it didn't look like you've actually repented from this thoughts.
First, you decided to keep away from him because the conversation and your desires started getting cold. His actions made you feel rejected at some point, and you didn't like it.
So you decided to stay away.
You said part of you became happy it ended but another part wanted him, coupled with with the fact that you still communicate once in a while and you know it's not healthy because it was the same COMMUNICATION that started this whole drama.
That's why I said it's not clear if you have actually repented.
DID YOU CHANGE BECAUSE YOU REALIZED YOUR DESIRE FROM THE BEGINNING ISN'T GOOD FOR YOU OR YOU STOPPED THE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE REDUCED THE KIND OF ATTENTION HE GAVE INITIALLY AND TO WHAT YOU WANTED?
Answer this question in your heart and heal completely.

bukatyne:
@chioma134:

Thank God for His grace and your willingness to do the right thing.

@discussion generally: how do opposite sex become 'best friends' married or not?

Then you make it worse by having a opposite sex 'bestie' as a married person.

Growing up, there was a consciousness of conduct between men & women.

Non-lovers did not cross certain boundaries not to send the wrong signals or put themselves in compromising positions.

Today, anything goes and we have thrown caution to the wind.

I pray we return to the ancient path.

kaymart:

She went physical but she can't admit it

Xilsbridalhouse:

If you need to work on your grammar and how to become a better writer, biko keep following this moniker’s posts.


Modified ; To the topic above and to those condemning the op, just pray and pray hard and pray never to loose guard because no one, not even a man of God is above temptations.

I had similar experience many many years back while serving, though I was not married but then the temptation of falling for another guy with me being a Christian and having a serious relationship with my ex, was so strong! But i prayed my way out of it an God answered my prayers and turned I and the new guy to enemies.

Note, I wasn’t going to fornicate with him or anything but emotionally I was attached to him but God broke that connection and it ended.

Whenever you find yourself in complicated situations like this, especially ones that seems difficult to avoid if you worked together or live close to each other, better go to God in prayers and avoid that person at all costs. You will regret it and might pay dearly for it if you don’t do the needful.

Fiscus105:
1. Why will u want to know what's going no around you? Trying to hidden under a finger, one day ur mental discpline will fail, you also run to nairaland to tell the world how men are bad. Keep on.

2. A potential if not confirmed adulterer will find it convinently dwelling among opposite gender and will be saying rubbish that it's mere friendship, friend ko, enemy ni.

DNA failing everyday yet you guy keep rocking concubine at will.

obontami:


Look at this otondo. You think you write better or can correct postmann? The audacity though.

Image123:


Are you kidding me? Does the Bible not tell you to FLEE from fornication and to cut off whatever makes you to sin and abstain from all appearances of evil? Did anyone deceive you that being born again makes you not susceptible to temptation. Have you ever heard that the flesh is weak? Or what rubbish are you saying trying to downplay being spiritual?

Xilsbridalhouse:

I guess you read my comment too fast.

He writes so well, I got impressed and recommended him to intending writers. I have gone through his posts, he seems to be one of the best writers here.

He is very very very good, that’s what I meant.

unscripted:
I want to belive you did not read her story ..

Emaprince:
The man is actually the one that saved the day.

She is here getting praises as if she was strong enough to zipp up..when it was the man that ignored her first which allowed the burning feelings to wane.

The women we have today are extra cheap to lay. Its just in the hands of the men. Once the man decides not to Bleep...she is saved. But if the man wants it, its ABC.

The man in the story would have slept with the OP severally if he wanted to. The OP is just like other women - weak and cheap. The man freed her..and she dey form born again. No true born again nurtures fornication in her mind talk less adultery. She is probably one of these christ embassy members or new generation churches that throws "born again" about thinking its by mouth. Meanwhile they dress scantily to church.