joyandfaith:


Woman and man cannot just be casual friends. Eventually, sexual feelings would develop.

I have mature christian ladies as friends and we don't have feelings for ourselves. When deep and lengthy communications sets in, then problem sets in

postmann:
In pure undiluted scriptural standard, you've committed adultery with him already. Just so you know that.

But rather more important is your very last paragraph of advice to other women who might be going through similar temptation as you. Here, let me quote you:

"Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings"

Now, here's the irony buried in the paragraph before last:

"Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine"

While you still keep the door ajar for prospective adultery with this same idiot, (most likely when you and hubby have a fight) you are advising other women going through similar challenge to cut off chats totally. You know the intention of this iniquitous pig and your own abominable longings and vulnerability towards him yet you still entertain his obviously probing "how are you's." You're still an unrepentant adulterer and you need counseling and deliverance before entertaining the idea of climbing that virtual pulpit you just did by preaching this sermon. And may GOD help your husband who's ignorant enough to permit that stupid work of yours that has no respect for matrimony to post you outside his location.

A Christian won't have a fight with their spouse. It's highly hypocritical of you to put her so down for one sin and yet make an allowance for her to commit another.
Secondly, you must really understand that crushing isn't a sin by any standard of scripture. To crush isn't the same thing as to lust: here is the mind that has wisdom.

Solatium:



Well,i thank God for you that you were able to call it back,you would have found out that he's the same as your husband or even worse than him when it comes to conversation.
Naturally a married man will not go into certain topic at a point in his marital life,not because he's not interested in them,but because the task ahead is much more important when compare to those topics and sweet words your casual friends says to you just to get into your pants.
The moment he sleeps with you,he will switch to your husband's mode of conversation.

Wrong.

Marriage responsibilities is not an excuse not to converse and relate as friends.

It is just see finish.

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

lies u bleeped him come the calm child of God here abeg go jor!

chioma134:


Well, I suppose you're a Christian too. You should be conversant with Jesus' words when he told the crowd that came to stone the adulterous woman that "he that is without sin should cast the first stone." I'm no angel, I admit my faults. However, those lustful feelings I talked about are much more common than you think. You cannot prevent a bird from perching, but you can prevent it from building a nest on your head. Even you are not exempted if you are honest enough to admit it, except you're a eunuch.

Also, I have received forgiveness and there is now no condemnation for me in Christ Jesus. Therefore, I refuse to allow your "stone" to hit me. And I hope you have removed the log in your own eyes before coming to remove the speck in mine.

All the same, I kept his contact because we still work for the same organisation, and communication lines should be kept open.

Shalom

Hmmmmmn. Sis!!! I salute the courage you have shown in penning this confession.
This is your truth and I respect it. All married people should learn a couple of things from your story.
But I'm going to rip the bandage off and tell you what I am sure that you subconsciously want to be told.
The only reason why you are telling us this story is because you were lucky to have been spared the ignominy of being laid by your colleague and you don't get any credit for that. The only thing that stopped you from going all the way with your colleague was that he had a change of heart and couldn't follow through with it. You passed the point of no return and if he was a person that didn't care about sleeping with a married woman, you guys would have slept with each other and who knows how it would have played out. You could have lost your husband and family because it would have been obvious to him that you have fallen out of love with him. You wouldn't have been able to hide that relationship because you fell in love with your colleague. Sleeping with him would have tipped you over the edge.
That being said, if you don't deal with the issues in your marriage,it's just a matter of time,you would find yourself in another situationship. You may not be so lucky this time.
Fix your marriage. Talk to your husband about how your feel with the fact that you guys don't have similar interests.
There just have been something that attracted you to him before marriage. Work on your attraction. You guys should find ways to reignite the spark.

Your advice to other people in relationships especially to the married women would not work if the conditions that gives rise to your situation still exists in their marriage.
Shallom

Benny6944:





This is where we find you guys.. why don't patiently wait for more condemnation before your baseless attack.. Feminist is always feminist

I don’t understand sir, this quote can’t definitely be for me o!

DoctorOlasDesk:



I have mature christian ladies as friends and we don't have feelings for ourselves. When deep and lengthy communications sets in, then problem sets in

You don't have feelings for them does not mean they don't have for you. It happens gradually.
Bolded- very correct. No friendship without deep communication.

In pure undiluted scriptural standard, she committed adultery yet she got helped by the Holy Spirit and her home is preserved. If the sanctimonious and religious you have this same Spirit, you wouldn't have written this piece but since you embrace the pure undiluted scriptural standard, you are free to address her the way you have. Religion is indeed demonic

postmann:
In pure undiluted scriptural standard, you've committed adultery with him already. Just so you know that.

But rather more important is your very last paragraph of advice to other women who might be going through similar temptation as you. Here, let me quote you:

"Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings"

Now, here's the irony buried in the paragraph before last:

"Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine"

While you still keep the door ajar for prospective adultery with this same idiot, (most likely when you and hubby have a fight) you are advising other women going through similar challenge to cut off chats totally. You know the intention of this iniquitous pig and your own abominable longings and vulnerability towards him yet you still entertain his obviously probing "how are you's." You're still an unrepentant adulterer and you need counseling and deliverance before entertaining the idea of climbing that virtual pulpit you just did by preaching this sermon. And may GOD help your husband who's ignorant enough to permit that stupid work of yours that has no respect for matrimony to post you outside his location.

angelfallz:
Please ask your company to post you to your husband's place of residence.
Honestly, this should actually be a law in Nigeria. Married men and women can not and should not be posted away from their spouse.

Lol, the ones that leave their spouse and go abroad nko?

joyandfaith:


You don't have feelings for them does not mean they don't have for you. It happens gradually.
Bolded- very correct. No friendship without deep communication.

We don't. Funny enough. Yes, I've had noticed some in relationships had feelings of lust for me and I would have been in their pant,I helped them where they fell.

But I have a special unit of female friends and we both have nothing for ourselves. Nothing at all. I'm called brother. I call them my sisters


There are exceptions. The maturity of the parties involved, motives and intentions is what matters

BrashMan:


The summary of it all is that, you would have slept with the guy if he didn't develop that attitude towards you.
You didn't listen to any holy spirit. Don't lie. Your feelings for him was so strong that if u were in courtship or he wasn't married, you would have eloped with him to satisfy your devilish desires.

You are making it seem it's your husbands fault u two don't have the same interest.

You gave unholy access to married man into your life as a married woman and turn around to blame your innocent husband.

Madam, you have not healed. It's just a matter of time. If u meet that guy again and he presses the right button, believe me, u will Bleep him.

You had no shame to be having long conversations with a married man under your husband's roof and u dare come here to advice people.

You are just cheap just like many other married hoes out there who have no business being in any marriage.

The only person that stopped you from fucking that guy is the guy himself but you twist the story to make it seem like u restrained yourself.

I pray never to meet your type because una plenty.

I wish your husband will be wise enough to see what he calls a wife.

If Rafiu the truck pusher is able to have good conversation with you, madam you will Bleep that his uncircumcised dick.

You claim to have the holy spirit, but u lack self control. You don't know when to draw the line.
Everything is about u. You wanted him to have conversations that interests you. Did u care to know what interests him?

This is the kind of selfishness we see among all these useless woke girls of today.
That's why we have that one they call Iyaebe or whatever always vomiting rubbish here.

I only pray for your husband. And I advice him to do a DNA test on those kids.

OP Na mumu ashawoh, the guy don fhuck her tire. The guy is tired of fvckin her that is why he started giving her attitude if you understand it very well she said the guy acted indifferent one occasion she expected him to intervene, what that means? Obviously my nigga has fhucked satisfactorily the ashawoh and moved on but the slut can't move on, she is disturbed by her mind and how cheap and shameless she is. From her story she said she has been in another location away from her husband while in thesame place with the guy she loves, Na crazy shameless ashawoh post be this, Nigeria girls, scums as usual. I'm out

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

God will bless you for sharing this.

Radical amputation is the key to any emotional distraction.
Thank God for your life.

Acidosis:
I don't have a problem with keeping friends of the opposite sex as a married man or woman. The distance between you and your spouse and the excuse of incompatibility are the main issues here and not your friendship with the opposite sex. I see this a lot and wonder why people just love to deceive themselves.

Cheating is a deliberate act. Friendship or no friendship, you're never always going to be with people of the same sex. You will meet fine men and women, you will meet good public speakers, great writers, excellent political analysts. Okay fine, they speak better than your spouse, so what next?? Open your pyant??

You cannot tell people to cut off communication with the opposite sex because you're now married, please. That's a sign of irresponsibility, evidence of total lack of self-control and a red flag.

The excuses you sort of gave yourself are the issues. Establish the kind of communication you have with those friends with your spouse and you'll be fine. If you don't have sensible things in common to talk about, simply gossip and make stup!d jokes. Life is not that serious.

Here's my award winning comments. You touched every part that needs to be filled. Nice one.

DoctorOlasDesk:




We don't. Funny enough. Yes, I've had noticed some in relationships had feelings of lust for me and I would have been in their pant,I helped them where they fell.

But I have a special unit of female friends and we both have nothing for ourselves. Nothing at all. I'm called brother. I call them my sisters


There are exceptions. The maturity of the parties involved, motives and intentions is what matters

It is only God that knows the heart.

makavell7:
The only saving grace in this your story was that you guys didnt see physically cause i dont see you resisting a hot nacking with him. People should stop sacrificing their marriages for a feel good moment. You dont play with molten rock and expect not to get burnt!

How did you know that they didn't see physically?

I feel there are missing parts of this story that wasn't told.

One thing we guys should understand is this: no woman, I repeat, no woman is exempted from what I call "moment of madness".

It is a timeframe or period where every woman has done something foolish in a lifetime. Be it physical or emotional cheating, they are all guilty of that, no matter her level of spirituality or not.

postmann:
In pure undiluted scriptural standard, you've committed adultery with him already. Just so you know that.

But rather more important is your very last paragraph of advice to other women who might be going through similar temptation as you. Here, let me quote you:

"Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings"

Now, here's the irony buried in the paragraph before last:

"Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine"

While you still keep the door ajar for prospective adultery with this same idiot, (most likely when you and hubby have a fight) you are advising other women going through similar challenge to cut off chats totally. You know the intention of this iniquitous pig and your own abominable longings and vulnerability towards him yet you still entertain his obviously probing "how are you's." You're still an unrepentant adulterer and you need counseling and deliverance before entertaining the idea of climbing that virtual pulpit you just did by preaching this sermon. And may GOD help your husband who's ignorant enough to permit that stupid work of yours that has no respect for matrimony to post you outside his location.

I have been following and reading your topics and posts here on Nairaland and I mist confess even though sometimes you're wrong, and you're also imperfect and prone to mistakes, I would like to learn from you and even be like you too if possible. Your diction is simple, clear, straight forward and appropriately used in all of your sentences, your mastery of the English language isimd blowing and they say if you want to be or think like a millionaire, keep yourself around millionaires and hang around, I would love to have an intelligence as yours so I'd love to be friends with you...... I'm 23, dark skinned and tall. I'm from Delta..... Please don't worry about the age sir......this is my WhatsApp sit, please write to me or better still give me your number and it'll be an honour to text you..... 09034326692. Or your Facebook and Instagram name would be okay sir.

joyandfaith:


It is only God that knows the heart.

I swear. I'm not a whimp o Joy. If I like a lady I always make it known o immediately.

Keep deceiving yourself and glamourising adultery. You've disrespected your spouse, and still disrespecting him by still being in contact with the guy. But continue, you'll run back to the Holy Spirit right?

Nonsense, you're emotionally cheating but it's acceptable? You're keeping his number so that, may be one day it won't work out on both ends and you two can finally be together, that's your plan stop involving God in your shenanigans. Hopefully your husband is doing the same thing with another woman too and the man's wife also finds out about you. It's only a matter of time, don't block him, keep the lines of communication open.

Have you told your husband how you cheated emotionally?

oldienavie:

This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise.

I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

People like you give Christianity a bad name.
Always quick to judge and condemn.
If men were God...

bukatyne:


Wrong.

Marriage responsibilities is not an excuse not to converse and relate as friends.

It is just see finish.

You aren't a Man so you can't understand

mpire:
Keep deceiving yourself and glamourising adultery. You've disrespected your spouse, and still disrespecting him by still being in contact with the guy. But continue, you'll run back to the Holy Spirit right?

Nonsense, you're emotionally cheating but it's acceptable? You're keeping his number so that, may be one day it won't work out on both ends and you two can finally be together, that's your plan stop involving God in your shenanigans. Hopefully your husband is doing the same thing with another woman too and the man's wife also finds out about you. It's only a matter of time, don't block him, keep the lines of communication open.

How do you know all this?


Is it only your partner you've been attracted to in life? If not, did you fvxk all of them?


Judge less my dear. Let your words be salted with grace and inspire repentance, not judgement

Once you stop the communication, the feelings will leave. It is only normal. What fuels feelings is communication.

Feelings has no place when there is no communication.

That is why I cut constant communication with all my male friend when they get married. If we are constantly communicating, just know that the phone is on speaker and his wife is mostly in the conversation.

I’m glad you overcame

When married couples stop communicating, just know that divorce is on the way.

DoctorOlasDesk:



I swear. I'm not a whimp o Joy. If I like a lady I always make it known o immediately.

It is not about you. It is about feelings of female friends. You will never know. You are not God.

On a thread like this, it's not surprising to see the abusive, unwell postman claiming to be a born-again Christian. Nothing he can't do to push an evil agenda forward whilst playing God. These born to hell again kinds are amusingly stupid.

Only on this same thread will you see bastards claim to be sons, and pretend to be what they will never be.

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

The bolded alone should have made you feel disdain for him. I don't know why women don't get it. These men are only nice when they need something from you and in your case, it's your company. See how he ignored you when he got to his real family? And you couldn't do the same when you got to yours. This is why men always win. They do things with their brain intact. If I were you, I won't even answer his hi's and how are you's. Rubbish!

joyandfaith:

It is not about you. It is about feelings of female friends. You will never know. You are not God.

Joy joy. Well, I've actually caught a few lusting. What I do when females I have casual friendships begin to ooze " come let's have sex vibes " with me is I immediately disconnect and pull away. This is for the one I notice this trend in o. For the ones I don't, I don't know cause I'm not God


A few of them have asked me directly how I manage being friends and all with our clique and almost never exhibited sexual vibes. Yes, two have walked up to me and asked me this sha

DoctorOlasDesk:



Joy joy. Well, I've actually caught a few lusting. What I do when females I have casual friendships begin to ooze " come let's have sex vibes " with me is I immediately disconnect and pull away. This is for the one I notice this trend in o. For the ones I don't, I don't know cause I'm not God


A few of them have asked me directly how I manage being friends and all with our clique and almost never exhibited sexual vibes.

That is what i am trying to say. Woman and man cannot just be casual friends. Eventually, sexual feelings would develop from one or both parties.

.