Sekoni003:
I have a rule; regardless of the bond or memories we used to share as friends of the opposite sex, once you get married, I tone down communication between us to the barest minimum. It's a hard choice but I'd rather not see myself as the man who ruined another man's home.

About about being close friends with already married women, that's another big NO for me. We are humans with feelings and emotions, not pre-programmed robots. Women especially tend to fall for someone who's always there to listen and be a shoulder to lean on and all that stuff. I've had several instances where I've had to subtly and politely decline a close friendship with married women. Your husband's shoulders should be more than enough for you to lean on. If you have problems, get a therapist. Muchísimas gracias

My gang

I don't make friends with a married woman.

Even the ones I knew before marriage, I keep all at arm's length.

MansoryMX:



You are mad but you have no one to tell you

It is you and your entire generations up to the 10th generation yet unborn that are mad!!!

princeeze1:
Where married couples are involved, there should be boundaries! I used to have a bestie who was like a sister from work place when we were both unmarried. After I got married, she continued to be free around my place and with my family, and this caused huge tensions between myself and wifey. Mind you, there was never a thing between us, no feelings, no lust. God so kind, she found someone and got married and I consciously tried to tone down and avoid her altogether. When she enquiries why, I was blunt and told her that she was married and I did not want her hubby to feel awkward and she understood.
bestie is a sign of absolute disrespect to your spouse!!![/b]

Can never be with let alone marry a man who has a female bestie. That kind of man isn't for me.

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

First, It's nice that you've learnt from your story.
But, let us be sincere here.
You actually started this from the moment you felt conversations outside your marriage will be good for you.
That's, you wanted this new friendship. And I believe that most married men would wait till they see that green light of yours before they strike and present their real intentions since you're married, which he actually saw and took advantage.
From your writeup, it didn't look like you've actually repented from this thoughts.
First, you decided to keep away from him because the conversation and your desires started getting cold. His actions made you feel rejected at some point, and you didn't like it.
So you decided to stay away.
You said part of you became happy it ended but another part wanted him, coupled with with the fact that you still communicate once in a while and you know it's not healthy because it was the same COMMUNICATION that started this whole drama.
That's why I said it's not clear if you have actually repented.
DID YOU CHANGE BECAUSE YOU REALIZED YOUR DESIRE FROM THE BEGINNING ISN'T GOOD FOR YOU OR YOU STOPPED THE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE REDUCED THE KIND OF ATTENTION HE GAVE INITIALLY AND TO WHAT YOU WANTED?
Answer this question in your heart and heal completely.

Hahahahaha! See sermons and emotional maturity and plenty of ADVICE and critical thinking because a married woman said she had feelings for one man outside marriage.
If a married man made this thread, it would have been business as usual with many nairaland men telling him to "chop and clean mouth since he isn't in the same base with his family". But now scriptures and quotes are flying everywhere on top OP's head.

So nairaland men all of a sudden believe married couples should be faithful and not hurt each other,
talmabout "how would you feel if your hubby felt something for another woman wether or not he acted on it"! So una get conscience like this?! Wonders!

Solatium:



You aren't a Man so you can't understand

Well, I have a man who doesn't use 'marriage responsibilities' to stop investing in the friendship we have built for almost twenty years.

angelfallz:
The bolded,
Thank God you said growing up. Now, it is anything goes. Smh.

It is well

edogu:


If Jesus didn't condemn the adulterous woman then who am I to condemn you. Even though you didn't go physical with him, it's still wrong. We are human. I'm glad you realised on time to set boundary. Otherwise, you would've destroyed your marriage. Your husband should be your best friend and not the other way round.

She went physical but she can't admit it

Any chat or call between married man and woman who are not related that last more than 3 minutes if probed can never be pure

postmann:
Now, I had to do a cursory glance at your previous posts to determine your gender, given that there's no gender indicator attached to your sobriquet. It wasn't a coincidence the lack thereof. It reflects your views and general outlook.

You epicene, analphabetic degenerate.

You obviously don't know what hypocrite means, do you?

bukatyne:


Well, I have a man who doesn't use 'marriage responsibilities' to stop investing in the friendship we have built for almost twenty years.

You have a man But you aren't a Man

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

I understand you perfectly well..
As I speak with you, I'm in the same shoes you were in.
I've tried everything I can to stop this feeling but the harder I try ,the more difficult it is for me to stop...
I recently started growing fond of my pastor, he expects me to have attained a level of spirituality which I'm not interested in, so whenever he sees me in church he would remind me to come for activities that would aid my spiritual life but I ain't interested in all that shit, seeing that I didn't bulge, each time I'm in church , whether I'm close or far away from him, he always ensure he calls my name or greets me, I could be having conversations with two of my friends,he will call only my name and pass to show he's greeting me ..Sometimes I feel embarrassed for my friends cos I believe he's supposed to greet all of us and not just me...
So because of these actions I began to grow fond of him...I won't lie sometimes I steal glances at him in church and our eyes meet, but I always shrug it off..

I don't really discuss anything confidential with him, and our talks have always been in the front of others...there's nothing more to all of that asides the unusual feeling I'm having...

Recently ,my child was heal and I took her to him for prayers, he was very welcoming and prayed for her...
Now the issue is I'm still fond of him and having butterflies in my Tommy for him....
We don't chat often but each time we see in church, we just must connect some kind of way.

Fiscus105:
Madam soldiers go , soldiers come Barack remains, friend comes friend goes, ur family remain intact till death, our fore father buttressed it that 20 kids cannot be friends for 20 years, why you want to keep ur friend of kindergarten/ other friends strong as ever?

Don't you you have work than to having different friends?

Madam, thre are some friends which are useful at certain times but harmful wen one advancing in age, even same gender.

Meanwhile, nobody ask u not to be friend with anybody, but it shouldn't be close friends, ur husband is supposed to be ur best friend , you can also have other same gender friend.

Let me tell u raw fact, friendship do more harm than good o, most especially wen one is advancing in age, 30 upward, I pray you will never remember my chat with you and I say hard I know in future.

You are still saying entirely different things. Please consult the excerpt(and blog) below for what what a layman's idea of what mental discipline really is.

Mental discipline refers to how disciplined you are to consistently engage in the kind of mental practices that get you what you want. If you want to become a more relaxed person, you need to train yourself to do so. Once you have become a more relaxed person, you have to continue to practice the same rituals or techniques. It is the equivalent of physical exercise. The difference between the two is that often we can put the blame for us not being in a good state down to our circumstances whereas with our physical health, fitness or shape, we pretty much understand that it is dependent on how we eat and how much we exercise.

Just like physical exercise, we can look at two aspects of our mental discipline: what we put in and what we do (or think). If you read the news and watch countless television shows of how people are evil and dangerous then it’s reasonable that you will start to feel less trusting of others. If you read positive thinking books and listen to motivational podcasts, it’s reasonable that you will have a positive, ‘can-do’ mentality....
Mental discipline isn’t about motivating yourself excitedly once a month about what you hope to do. It is about making a daily, committed decision as to what you are going to pay attention to and how you are going to think. It is a committed effort to keep using what you learn to maintain a healthy attitude and build the kind of emotions that serve you well.

https://owenfitzpatrick.com/blog/key-mental-discipline/#:~:text=Mental%20discipline%20refers%20to%20how,train%20yourself%20to%20do%20so

Okay. On with life. This is Nairaland so I can’t trust anyone to post the truth in entirety.

drlateef:
No matter the level of mental maturity, the emotional vulnerability is the most important. That aspect has some spiritual component to it which is intangible. The most brilliant people with emotional intelligence fall prey to this game. Best is to avoid it.

Spiritual what now? Have you ever considered how the 10s of millions of Buddhists out there are able to maneuver the very same world you live in yet able to resist the same temptations many of you have come to accept as your fate?

Below is a layman's take on mental discipline to maybe help you see that that problem isn't of spiritual bullsheet but because you fail to discipline yourself into making the right decisions.

Mental discipline refers to how disciplined you are to consistently engage in the kind of mental practices that get you what you want. If you want to become a more relaxed person, you need to train yourself to do so. Once you have become a more relaxed person, you have to continue to practice the same rituals or techniques. It is the equivalent of physical exercise. The difference between the two is that often we can put the blame for us not being in a good state down to our circumstances whereas with our physical health, fitness or shape, we pretty much understand that it is dependent on how we eat and how much we exercise.

Just like physical exercise, we can look at two aspects of our mental discipline: what we put in and what we do (or think). If you read the news and watch countless television shows of how people are evil and dangerous then it’s reasonable that you will start to feel less trusting of others. If you read positive thinking books and listen to motivational podcasts, it’s reasonable that you will have a positive, ‘can-do’ mentality....
Mental discipline isn’t about motivating yourself excitedly once a month about what you hope to do. It is about making a daily, committed decision as to what you are going to pay attention to and how you are going to think. It is a committed effort to keep using what you learn to maintain a healthy attitude and build the kind of emotions that serve you well.

https://owenfitzpatrick.com/blog/key-mental-discipline/#:~:text=Mental%20discipline%20refers%20to%20how,train%20yourself%20to%20do%20so

philosophie:
Mental maturity, just like psychosanity and other form of aptitudinal elements are subject to absolute psychological rationality,

... you lost me at absolute.

Below is a layman's explanation of mental discipline, and why it is your fault it you lack it, not someone else's.

Mental discipline refers to how disciplined you are to consistently engage in the kind of mental practices that get you what you want. If you want to become a more relaxed person, you need to train yourself to do so. Once you have become a more relaxed person, you have to continue to practice the same rituals or techniques. It is the equivalent of physical exercise. The difference between the two is that often we can put the blame for us not being in a good state down to our circumstances whereas with our physical health, fitness or shape, we pretty much understand that it is dependent on how we eat and how much we exercise.

Just like physical exercise, we can look at two aspects of our mental discipline: what we put in and what we do (or think). If you read the news and watch countless television shows of how people are evil and dangerous then it’s reasonable that you will start to feel less trusting of others. If you read positive thinking books and listen to motivational podcasts, it’s reasonable that you will have a positive, ‘can-do’ mentality....
Mental discipline isn’t about motivating yourself excitedly once a month about what you hope to do. It is about making a daily, committed decision as to what you are going to pay attention to and how you are going to think. It is a committed effort to keep using what you learn to maintain a healthy attitude and build the kind of emotions that serve you well.

https://owenfitzpatrick.com/blog/key-mental-discipline/#:~:text=Mental%20discipline%20refers%20to%20how,train%20yourself%20to%20do%20so

Mariangeles:
Friendship with the opposite sex from childhood is different.
They grow up to have siblings kind of affection for one another.

Even people who met only minutes ago can grow to have a brotherly bond between them. It's been known to happen.... look at those in the army or cults for instance.

Ishilove:

Poco dem go still waylay you for road drag your wig

If wishes were horses, Ishi…

Kobojunkie:
You are still saying entirely different things. Please consult the excerpt(and blog) below for what what a layman's idea of what mental discipline really is.

What's correlation of this with lady choose man as bestie and she falls for that as a result of friendship?

What's mental discpline has to do with such relationship?


U have nothing to say pls.

Bye

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

This is very helpful for singles too.

anonimi:


You obviously don't know what hypocrite means, do you?

Of course I do. For liberals like you, it means don't call out evil by its name and hide behind the "no one is perfect" cliché to evade being responsible for your actions.

Bloody wimp!

Fiscus105:
What's correlation of this with lady choose man as bestie and she falls for that as a result of friendship?

What's mental discpline has to do with such relationship?
U have nothing to say pls.
Bye

If she had mental discipline, she can befriend anyone without being tempted in the way she described. That's the correlation between this and mental discipline. Those who have mental discipline are able to place the relationship above their emotions..

When two opposite sex are too close, feelings for each other will rise born again or not, married or not. One needs to be careful if you don't want to regret. You can have sexual feelings, we wrongly term love, with 1000000 people at different times.

Rapture4real:
When two opposite sex are too close, feelings for each other will rise born again or not, married or not. One needs to be careful if you don't want to regret. You can have sexual feelings, we wrongly term love, with 1000000 people at different times.

Stop lying to yourselves and choose to develop mental discipline about these things instead.

Mental discipline refers to how disciplined you are to consistently engage in the kind of mental practices that get you what you want. If you want to become a more relaxed person, you need to train yourself to do so. Once you have become a more relaxed person, you have to continue to practice the same rituals or techniques. It is the equivalent of physical exercise. The difference between the two is that often we can put the blame for us not being in a good state down to our circumstances whereas with our physical health, fitness or shape, we pretty much understand that it is dependent on how we eat and how much we exercise.

Just like physical exercise, we can look at two aspects of our mental discipline: what we put in and what we do (or think). If you read the news and watch countless television shows of how people are evil and dangerous then it’s reasonable that you will start to feel less trusting of others. If you read positive thinking books and listen to motivational podcasts, it’s reasonable that you will have a positive, ‘can-do’ mentality....
Mental discipline isn’t about motivating yourself excitedly once a month about what you hope to do. It is about making a daily, committed decision as to what you are going to pay attention to and how you are going to think. It is a committed effort to keep using what you learn to maintain a healthy attitude and build the kind of emotions that serve you well.

https://owenfitzpatrick.com/blog/key-mental-discipline/#:~:text=Mental%20discipline%20refers%20to%20how,train%20yourself%20to%20do%20so

Kobojunkie:
Spiritual what now? Have you ever considered how the 10s of millions of Buddhists out there are able to maneuver the very same world you live in yet able to resist the same temptations many of you have come to accept as your fate?

Below is a layman's take on mental discipline to maybe help you see that that problem isn't of spiritual bullsheet but because you fail to discipline yourself into making the right decisions.

What exactly do you mean by mental discipline? Is it any mental discipline to talk at length everyday to a married lady? You mentioned Buddhist monks, do you see them talking all the time? Do you realise that part of mental discipline is to be brief and direct and not talk all the time? If you do that, would you develop emotional attachment to a lady?

Dammmm, you just gave this adulterous lady a real fatality,

She even had the effrontery to mount the pulpit and release this shameful message, such a disgraceful married woman.

oldienavie:

This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise.

I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

Kobojunkie:
Even people who met only minutes ago can grow to have a brotherly bond between them. It's been known to happen.... look at those in the army or cults for instance.

Yes, that can only happen with people of same sex.
Let's not kid ourselves.

oldienavie:

This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise.

I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

Wait until you are married before you join this conversation "Mr Judge".

drlateef:
1. What exactly do you mean by mental discipline?
2. Is it any mental discipline to talk at length everyday to a married lady?
3. You mentioned Buddhist monks, do you see them talking all the time?
4. Do you realise that part of mental discipline is to be brief and direct and not talk all the time? If you do that, would you develop emotional attachment to a lady?

1. As explained in the excerpt there is commitment of the mental kind.

2. There are no known natural laws barring a human from engaging in lengthy conversation with a fellow human on basis of marital status.

3. I said Buddhists, not monks. Obviously, there aren't 10s of millions of Buddhists monks out there. Buddhists believe in mental discipline which many of them adhere to - nothing spiritual to their ideas or beliefs.

4. That isn't a part of mental discipline at all. What you described is instead a habit that can be formed through mental discipline.

Some people are loquacious while others are the opposite. That has little or nothing to do with their emotional discipline.

Mariangeles:
Yes, that can only happen with people of same sex.
Let's not kid ourselves.

There are also women in the same army and cults as well.

Look, one man's weakness is not every man's or woman's weakness. We kid ourselves as a people when we subscribe to such tales.

chioma134:


Well, I suppose you're a Christian too. You should be conversant with Jesus' words when he told the crowd that came to stone the adulterous woman that "he that is without sin should cast the first stone." I'm no angel, I admit my faults. However, those lustful feelings I talked about are much more common than you think. You cannot prevent a bird from perching, but you can prevent it from building a nest on your head. Even you are not exempted if you are honest enough to admit it, except you're a eunuch.

Also, I have received forgiveness and there is now no condemnation for me in Christ Jesus. Therefore, I refuse to allow your "stone" to hit me. And I hope you have removed the log in your own eyes before coming to remove the speck in mine.

All the same, I kept his contact because we still work for the same organisation, and communication lines should be kept open.

Shalom

The correct expression should be "You cannot keep birds from flying over you head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair".
I think what he's trying to say is that you've not fully shut that door. A part of you still craves his attention and companionship so you've left the door slightly ajar. If he can get a foot in the door, possible he can let himself in.

Also, I think you made a joke of your husband by telling your colleague how he felt about the frequency of the calls and still making a decision to continue after your return. The whole romance only turned sour by happenstance (or God's grace, if you could call it that) because you had no plan of pumping the brakes.