I was listening to the night shift radio programme on Nigeria Info PH anchored by Denise and sipping red wine with my room beautifully lighted colour red.

“How I go marry this girl by next two weeks” I was thinking.

“Should I comit murder and kill this Coretha?” No I can’t.

“Should I report her father to the police for forceful marriage” How I go report Army man to police?

“Should I kill Coretha’s father?” With what?

“Should I kill myself?” For what kwanu?

“Should I run away?” Yes I will.

I will run away to a far away land and stay there for months, maybe years.

“I will run away to Owerri!” I told myself.



Two months of staying with my younger sister in Owerri and a lot had changed in the hood indeed.

Coretha’s father had been posted to serve in Abuja leaving with his family.

Fishbone had fully recovered from madness.

1759 viewing centre was on the verge of packing up.

042 never changed.

Baba had two cars now.

Baba Seventy was out of the police cell.

Suliyat my crush married an Imam.

Nas looked fresher with beards.

What about Eze?


“What of Eze?” I asked Nas as we sat at 042 eating.

“Eze don go buy cloth for Cotonuo, na the business him dey do now!”

The business that landed him in trouble later; landed both us in trouble I mean to say.

Flow nwanne i go dey follow u dey go

Dathypebruv:
Flow nwanne i go dey follow u dey go

Still we flow together

West of Lagos lies the border called Seme to Benin Republic.

“Flow you go shine your eyes well ooh, we don dey reach the border” Eze began was we walked to the clearance point, “Hope say you carry your passport!”

“Yes na, I carry am!”

Nostalgia for my dear Pitakwa was growing in me as we walked closer to the point where we would be cleared. I missed Boley and Fish head.


Soon we were in the land of Benin Republic.

“Am abroad bro!” I was so full of joy stepping my foot in another man’s land for the first time in my life.

“Flow so you never leave Nigeria all your life?” Eze asked.

“Who tell you, me I don leave Nigeria plenty times” But in my dreams.

“Are you sure?”

“Oga I am sure jor” The only thing i was sure of at that point was that I was abroad. Thats all that matters.

“Okay ooh, I believe you” Eze affirmed, “make we take bike from here go the market wey we go buy the cloth”

Eze had flagged down two bikes and I wondered why two and not one. Was he scared of what my fart could do to him if he sat behind me in the bike?

“Bonjur elle’afrik mon deu baeubeau” I was shocked Eze spoke French.

He spoke French to the bike rider that was suppose to carry me and the rider gestured that I sat for the ride.

Ride of my life. Or rather, My life on a ride.

“Eze you no tell me say you dey speak French ooh” I sat on the bike.

“My Mama na French woman na” He kept that as a secret for a long time.

The bike I sat on zoomed off and I kept my eyes on Eze’s bike in front on us.

“Dey follow their bike ooh, you know say I no know the place wey we dey go” Like the bike rider understood what I said.

I carefully brought out my phone from my pocket to see if there was MTN network in Benin Republic taking my eyes off the road when...…”

“where them Eze bike?” I asked my rider.

Fear had gripped me like the speed of light.

“You know where we dey go abi?” I tapped our bike man.

“belle efeulle!” He answered me.

“who dey talk about belle full here? I dey asked you weda you know the road, you dey talk about bellefull, na Indomie belle full we dey chop here?” I was so scared.

“eba eb’belle efeulle” He was about to stop and I sensed he was confused.

“which one me Eba belle full!” I was going crazy, “we dey talk about food here?”

He stopped the bike and I tried calling our man Eze, his number was not going through at all.

“Celle Eba la belle full!” The bike man signaled that I looked at the persons heading towards us.

“Bonjour!” One of the policemen greeted.

Knowing what Bonjour meant, I responded “Bonjour!”

“How may we help you?” One of the Policemen said.

“Thank God you can speak English” I almost yelled.

I was explaining to the policemen how Eze’s bike had left mine behind and how “our” Indomie Bellefull bike man had missed his turn when gloriously Eze’sbike return to us.

“Guy you no try ooh!” I shouted, “why you do me so!” I almost peed on myself.

“why you do me so” I cried.

But there was more tears. Premium tears.

We finished purchasing and packaging the cloths we bought at about 7pm and there was no way we could return to Nigeria that late.

“So where we go lodge?” I was tired and hungry.

“No worry I get one friend him go carry us go him village, for him family house na there we go sleep” Eze said gibberish.

“Oboy you no get sense ooh!” You come another country and you wan go person village go sleep” I cautioned.

“I get sense, the guy village make sense, na Nigerian guy be the guy be” Eze assured me.

“Your mumu na grade one ooh, how person from Nigeria go get village for Benin Republic, that thing dey possible?” Was I stupid?

“Yes na, e dey possible! na half Nigerian him be”


In the village there were more semi-wooden houses than brick houses, jalopy park at stone throw in the dusty road. The peppery wind was hurting my eyes. The streets was cold, Then I noticed there were more cats than humans along the road.

“Why cat plenty for this village?” I asked Eze’s friend James.

“The cats na king for this village ooh!” James told us, “Them no dey kill them”

“If you kill them wetin go happen!” I asked.

“If you kill any of them, them go stone you to death”


For dinner, James took us to some fine Boley joint. That night I ate Boley that schooled in Harvard. The ones in Port Harcourt was “Learning work” like a Pitakwa pikin would say.

James told us some funny facts about the village. Facts like there is a particular tribe that entertained their visitors offering their female daughters to the visitors for sex. Facts like you don’t wear white shoes in a particular village.

We reached James home and I was wishing James would offer me his beautiful daughter just like people of the tribe he made mention.

If wishes were horses.

I slept and dream brought James daughter to my arms kissing and c’aressing. Dreamland was taking me to a destination when I felt something crawled passed my waist.

I jerked to reality realizing the “King” had trampled on me.

“Mewwww!” I heard.

“Flow you don die be this ooh! See as cat dey stand ontop your body” My heart had skipped five times and I was on the pool of my urine.

“If I give this cat blow now, I fit kill am!” I told myself.

“If you kill any of them, them go stone you to death” I flashed back to James’ words.

Now, two cats were partying on my body when I suddenly became asthmatic and rheumatic; all of a sudden.

Then I was about to sneeze.

“Flow if you sneeze now them this Cat fit bite you” I concluded.

Thank God I didn’t sneeze.

If I had sneezed?

“Flow no sneeze ooh!” Eze said as we packed, “As we go pack cloth by your side so, make you no sneeze, make the smell of the cloth no make you dey sneeze anyhow ooh, this Okrika smell fit make you sick”

Legend has it that smelling the fragrance from fairly used cloths called Okrika for up to 5 hours could make one sick. Don't ask me where i got the information from.

Well, if you care to know, I had worn one Okrika cloth without first washing it sometime in 2005, it was barely 3 hours after wearing it before my eyes were swollen, then another 1 hour i was convulsing.

The idea of me sitting at the back of the vehicle packed with cloth was one I never bought from the onset.

“Oboy we don dey reach those Customs their side, no too speed!” Eze told the driver.


“Eeeeh wetin una carry for back seat!” One custom officer said, “wetin dey back seat?”

“Na cloth with my friend dey back” Eze was thinking from the wrong side of his brain, “him name na Flow!”

“Flow abi na crack?” The custom officer returned, “na your friend dey carry crack from Benin enter Nigeria abi?”

I thought I heard the officer said Cat; I was used to the animal already.

“Cat? No be me dey carry Cat ooh” I confessed.

“Come down make I search you! You resemble person wey dey carry crack” Another Officer was in the scene.

“I no dey carry cat ooh!” I had lost my mind.

The two customs officers had finished searching me when I realized it was actually c’ocaine that they searched for.

“Una sure say una no dey hide crack for inside this una cloth?” The fat custom officer said.

“No ooh, this is Okrika cloth, we no dey deal on crack!” Eze said.

“Since una sure say una no dey deal on crack, we go search all the cloth one by one!”

I saw from the corner of my eyes that Eze was relaxed while they searched, so I was relax too knowing we were no drugs dealers.

“we no dey deal on drugs” So I thought.

Few minutes of both officers searching about 20 trousers pockets, then the fat custom officer grabbed one Navy Blue trouser.

“Officer come see this substance ooh” The fat officer shouted, “e be like say na crack!”

I moved closer to see the white substance the rapped paper contained.

“No be crack, e fit be dustin powder!” I was sure. But as the fat Officer tasted the substance I instantly realized I and Eze will soon be in prison with dust as our powder.

“Na crack ooh!”

The Navy trouser that contained the cat; I mean crack was one I could remember.

I instantly flashed back to James saying to Eze the previous day: “Help me keep this Navy Blue Trouser, I don buy am, No sell am, I go collect am from you when I come Nigeria next tomorrow” at the background while I was recording a video of farewell to Benin Republic.



“Officer we no dey sell crack, we be Okrika dealers” Eze cried.

“Officer! Officer! I get evidence say no be us put that crack inside the trouser!” I cried with a loud voice as we were escorted to the cell.

“which evidence?” The officer paused.

“My phone! The evidence dey my phone!” I was shouting, “I video am for my phone.

After showing the Officers the video in my phone where I was saying farewell to Benin and Eze and James talked about the Navy Blue trousers at the background, the officers devised a means for us to capture James the drugs kingpin.

Then we were free.

But not for too long.

Thank you Nairaland for releasing me from ban.

More updates coming soon

“You say you dey Nkpor?” I asked Morley the caller “where be Nkpor?”

I was really happy Morley was in town finally.

Finally we would start a cool money making business in Port Harcourt. Two heads are better one; or rather One small head and One big head are better than just One big head.

Soon I was at Nkpor close to Rumuolumeni Port Harcourt looking for Morley’s shadow.

“Where you dey na, I dey Nkpor now?” I called him on phone.

“Okay, shey you dey see one fast food like that Chicken Hill!” He replied.

That was when I realized our man Morley never meant Nkpor by Nkpolu.

“Guy you don f’uck me up ooh!” I cried, “Na Nkpolu you com dey tell me Nkpor”

Now I was to trek about 2000 metres to Nkpolu Rumuigbo all because I wasn’t with enough money for transport.


“Excuse me………. Excuse me……….” I thought of what to say to the stranger.

“…..please can you help me with like 500 Naira, I am short of cash and I am headed towards Rumuigbo” I asked a man about to open his car door.

“Rumuigbo? I am actually heading towards that direction, enter the car let me drop you” He offered.

“Sir I don’t need to border you, you can just offer me cash let me enter public transport” I said.

“Funny enough I don’t even have cash on me” He smiled, “You are lucky I am heading to that direction, enter the car and lets move”

I was seated in the car cooling-off from the long walk to St. John’s bus stop where I met the good Samaritan and the air conditioning was waving from one of my ear to the other.

Then something cold scrolled down my left ear.

It was wet, like a towel.

Then I heard a click and them some sort of deep breathe.

I swiftly turned to see the huge creature with mouth ajar. I jerked intensely and almost flew out of my seat but was saved by the seat belt I was on.

“Jesos! Jesos! Ayakaaaaaaaa!” I exclaimed in Spanish.

A dog! A big black dog.

“Sorry I didn’t introduce you to my pet Jimmy!” The man said turning to the dog.

"Na your papa you go introduce to dog"

The Dog was a Pitbull, its canine were blood-like brown and sharp at two edges. Its ears were like my scr’otum; fallen.

“So you are a Man United Fan?” The Man noticed I was putting on a Manchester United Jersey.

I was jittery, I could feel my liver shrinking.

“Yes sir I am a Man United Fan!”

I prayed so hard in my heart for the journey to end and I alighted but Ada George traffic said No.

“Port Harcourt is really a fine city, you know so?” The man wanted a conversation by all means.

“Stop!! Stop!!” I yelled as the Dog was tongue-washing towards my head.

“You want me to stop you here?” The man said.

“Yes, No, Yes, No, I mean Yes I want you to stop here, I want to ease myself” I said.

I stepped down from the car swiftly and ran towards a fence and began to rain it on the fence.

“Flow why you no run leave this man and him dog?” I told myself.

“But if you run, na trekking you go trek reach house ooh!” I assured myself.

I was still lost in my thought when a hand tapped me at my shoulder.

“Oboy piss finish make you pay the fine ooh!”

“which fine?” I turned to him.

“See am there!” He pointed at what was written on the fence “Do not urinate here, fine 5000 Naira”

“Seniorman!” I hailed.

“I no be your senior man, just pay your fine!” He had grabbed me by the trouser.

“But I not see this thing wey dem write here when I start to piss ooh!” Truthfully, I never saw anything written on the wall. How do this people do this magic?

“Now you don see am na, e don clear for your eye!” Two other huge men joined him.

“So wetin we go do now wey i don see am?” I asked a stupid question.

“wetin we do be say you go pay the fine, 5k” One smelly mouth guy said, “If you pay we go give you receipt”

“Wetin be your name?” He brought out his receipt book.

I just wished at that point that the voice of the Lord could save me.

“I will pay for him!” I heard a voice and I looked up thinking it was God paying 5k for his dear son.

“I will pay for him!” The man that drove me offered.

He gave the id’iots 5k, entered the car and zoomed off.

The car was 300metres away when I realized Jimmy was still around.

This time our dear Jimmy was on my laps. The same me that just peed and was fined 5k had peed on myself all thanks to Jimmy.

“Why is your trouser wet?” The Man asked as Jimmy return to the back seat.

“Is it not those I’diots that caused it!”



It was 200 years before we reached Nkpolu Junction; my beards were almost gray, or so I thought.

“Morley!” I rushed to hug my dear friend.

Flow1759....
My main G, we meet again....
Let the party start


Chai.. Flow1759, you scatter NL that year with your funny nd interesting stories.
What of man wey dey reason, snow, brainbox, snoop and others🤣🤣

4kizo:
Flow1759....
My main G, we meet again....
Let the party start


Chai.. Flow1759, you scatter NL that year with your funny nd interesting stories.
What of man wey dey reason, snow, brainbox, snoop and others🤣🤣

My brother 4kizo from day one. You be correct Nigga.

Man wey dey reason dey Owerri he is running his pharmaceutical business, Snow dey act film for Nollywood now, Brianbox dey Aba, i no know wetin him dey do now, Snoop dey serve for jail, everyone dey sha.

flow1759:



My brother 4kizo from day one. You be correct Nigga.

Man wey dey reason dey Owerri he is running his pharmaceutical business, Snow dey act film for Nollywood now, Brianbox dey Aba, i no know wetin him dey do now, Snoop dey serve for jail, everyone dey sha.

Thank God for life...


Wetin carry snoop enter jail naw...
I pray for his freedom 🙏

I am available for any sort of writing jobs. You can can reach my management on 08032607611.

Meanwhile if you are an entrepreneur please check my signature.

No update yet?
Flow1759!!!!!!

Come give us some flow, abi 1759 no dey area?

4kizo:
No update yet?
Flow1759!!!!!!

Come give us some flow, abi 1759 no dey area?

Coming right away

“Oboy so naso you take leave Nigerian Breweries work!” I chatted with Morley in my living room over a bottle of red wine.

I and Morley worked a bit in Lagos in Two neighbouring establishments – He worked at Nigerian Breweries Iganmu for almost two years, while I worked in First Registrars in same Iganmu for 6 months before quitting my job and headed to Port Harcourt in a quest for an Oil job having studied Industrial Physics in school.

While working in Lagos, we would stop for a little chat some mornings while he returned from night shift and I was on my way to resume my Eight to Five duties at the Registrars.

Guess what?

He worked as a security man, opening gates for other graduates like himself.

Nigeria!! A country where Kings eat crumbs.He had no choice but to accept the job when it came as there was no better job forthcoming.


“What of that your babe Grace na!” I cared to know.

“she dey jor” He returned.

“hahahahahahaha!” I laughed.

“why you dey laugh?” Morley asked.

I laughed because I remembered what happened in Igueben Edo state while Morley was a corps member wooing Grace a virgin.

I was yet to be called up to serve Nigeria so I thought it wise to visit my friend Morley who was serving in Igueben save frustration killed me in Owerri.

We were in Igueben market one sunny afternoon when one beautiful damsel walk pass us as we bought Fufu.

“Flow abeg hold these things I dey come!” Morley handed over the item we bought to me while he chase after the damsel.

“Hello! Grace!” He called out.

“Mumu boy, we dey hungry you dey pursue woman” I cursed and my stomach rumbled in affirmation.

I thought he wanted to have just a two minutes chat with Grace. Two minutes turned two hours. My eyes were spinning, my tongue, bitter.

I ate some of the smoked fish we bought, yet the hunger increased.

“This mumu boy no go come make we dey go house” I cried, “If no be say na you hold the house key, i for don go leave you”


I sat in the corner of one generator house gladly inhaling the fumes from the generator waiting for my s'tupid friend. Then in another 30 minutes I seemed drunk.

“Abeg I dey go shout for this I’diot, which kin rough play be this one” I moved towards them but from the rare away from their view.

“See two of them head!” I stood by a wooden board beside them, “If I stone them this fufu now them go I wicked”

“stone them na!” The devil told me.

Nice Idea.

I took out one rap of fufu, threw it forcefully at Morley.

“stone the girl na” The devil told me while Morley's hand was on his head crying and searching for who threw the fufu at him.

Another nice idea.

This time I threw two balls of fufu on our virgin.

“Flow you don kill person pekin ooh!” I ran on seeing Grace on the floor almost epileptic.



“You for kill Grace with Fufu that day!”

“Me? kill? Fine girls no dey die na” I stated a law by Flow.

“Eheen, what of that your babe wey you been dey tell me about for phone? Coretha?” Morley asked.

“Coretha? She don die!” How I wished.

"You mean am?"

"Eyaaah!" wetin kill am?" He believed.

"Na fufu" I answered.

"Hahahahahahahahaha!" We both laughed.

“But shebi na you talk now now say fine girls no dey die” He reminded me.

“Coretha no be fine girl na! she wor wor, she be like man”

I and Morley opened the computer centre we had in mind within four months of his arrival.

We started by massively advertising free computer training for the first five person to register to be trained; a promise we never kept. I guessed offer valid while stock lasted, and stock finished the moment offer started.

I was in the office with my laptop improving on my graphics skill when one black goddess walk in.

“I want to register for computer training” She sat down even before I offered her seat.

“Okay, let me show you our prospectus!” I offered.

While she glanced through our prospectus, the tattoo by her right b’reast caught my e’rection, attention I mean to say.

“Okay so I will pay for the three months training” She said, “who is going to be trainer? Is it you?”

“Yes it is me!” Who else?.

“So I will do a transfer to your account, then we start right away”

“That will be fine” I smiled.

“Sorry my bad, I didn’t introduce myself, my name is Eucharia, you can call me UK for short” She offered a handshake.

“My name is Peter, you can call be PT for short” We both laughed.

My volcano that was erupted was still erupt for more than 30 minutes into the lectures.

“Are you sure you are okay!” She asked pointing towards the volcano.

“I am very okay” I whispered, “is just that my thing is always happy seeing a beautiful girl”

“Really, am I beautiful?”

“Yes na, you are very beautiful, and I like you”

“Thank you!” She blushed.

My volcano was still erupt and I noticed she glanced at it from time to time licking her lips.

“This your thing is big ooh!” She said, “Can I touch it?”

“No,Yes, No, Yes, No, I mean Yes you can”

For 45 minutes of my lectures her left hand was on my gbola until I poured milik like Gambo my maishai friend will say.

Blame me not; After Coretha left, its been 200 years since i poured milik.

Ride on bro, keep the flow


Seems your fans never get to know about this story.
How can we let them know?

Bravo Flowey

4kizo:
Ride on bro, keep the flow


Seems your fans never get to know about this story.
How can we let them know?

Na why we get people like you na, help us inform them. Or so i thought.

flow1759:

Na why we get people like you na, help us inform them. Or so i thought.

I dey here ooo,
ah see your convo with 4kizo about man wey dey reason,
buh what about old soldier

“You don pour milik?” I, Morley and Nas were at Gambo’s.

“Yes I don puttam por enoup milik?” Gambo affirmed.

I had barely taken two spoons of the custard in front of me when one fine fat girl walked towards us; to Morley’s side of the table.

“So Morley you don’t want take my number abi?” She said.

“Shooo! Na by force to take your number?” I almost said.

“Okay let me have your number?” Morley was reluctant about giving out his number to her.


“This Miracle girl dey disturb me ooh!” Morley said.

“Na your spec na” I reminded him.

“You like them big” Skinny Morley so loved the Big.

“You are a Lion not a Dog, Lions eat flesh and Dogs eat bones” Nas stated Morley’s rule of selective womanizing.

“Hmm I know say I be Lion, but this kin girl be like winch” Morley said, “she fit kill me for night”

“Talking of killing person I remember that your fat babe Nene when we dey school” I reminded Morley, “You for die by axe that day ooh”

Morley had just one babe back in school. Nene – the dreaded Nene.

Nene was not just the point woman of black Bra confraternity in campus, she was all ritualist sure plug for human parts. I was so sure she had Kanayo .O. Kanayo’s number in her phone.

Morley was lucky having such a woman to himself; she never cheated on him, works hard but drinks harder, the type that loves clubbing more than eating Pringles.

One sunny Sunday afternoon, Morley and I was at home watching Tv in our cubicle back in school when a knock was heard on the door.

“Yes!” I thought it was the woman that sold provision down the street I owed 10k.

“Good afternoon, we are here to share the word of life with you” One dark-lipped goddess said.

“Okay you can come in” I said to her and the guy with her followed.

“We are here to preach the Gospel of Christ to this household!” The lady said.

“We are from Jehovah’s witness!” The guy with torn trouser said.

“Wow!” Morley’s mouth was ajar admiring the lady, “If you are here to preach the Gospel of Christ, then come nearer na!”

“Nearer kill you there!” I almost said.

“Didn’t the holy book say nearer to me ooh Lord!” Morley always upgrading his wooing version.

Two minutes of the lady sharing the word and Morley was so so close to her while the guy served me red hot mouth odour.

“Sir you are coming too close to me!” She was sinking in the chair.

"Sir your you are bathing me with saliva!" I almost said to our Jehovah witness brother.

"Sir i don't like this, you are coming too close to me" The lady was almost sitting on air.

“The Holy book says Draw me nearer, nearer unto thee!” Blasphemous Morley.


From nowhere, someone pushed the door open without knocking.

“Good evening ma” I greeted Nene the Gaint.

“You!! You are sleeping with another girl!!” I noticed our Nene was with a small axe.

“No ooh, she is a pastor; she came to to to preach to me!” Morley stammered, “She is a Jehovah witness”

“She is a Jehovah witness abi?” Nene nodded, “Don’t worry she is going to witness as I will pieces your head with this axe”

“Thank God I am not part of this” I was about leaving.

“Come here!!! You will be an eye witness to this” Nene ordered.

“Eye witness? My eye is not good ooh!” I cried, “I have eye problem”

From nowhere like thunder, I heard “tetaraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” my head was the orbit where the moon and stars revolved around.

“Your eye don good now abi?” Nene asked.

“Yesoooo my eye dey see clear now!” I saw men like trees and angels ascending to heaven.

Just when I said I should look up to confirm it was judgment day and Morley had left me on earth ascending up to heaven, I saw an axe descending from heaven towards Morley’s head.

“Morley!! Your head!”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Feed us more

do4luv14:
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Feed us more

Like Mama put

flow1759:

Like Mama put

Am telling you

That "goodevening ma" got me rolling on bed🤣🤣

How we get this story to the front page

“Obuisi this your Beans don dey small ooh” Fishbone said while we had a good time at Obuisi’s 042.

“Fishbone, Flow, Nas….. all of una dey hear me?” Eze called our attention.

“wetin be that?” We asked at the same time.

“Una see wetin Morley dey do me so?” He continued.

“Wetin him dey do you?”

“Miracle my babe, him wan collect her from me” He said.

“How na? How him wan take collect her from you” Fishbone asked.

“The girl no dey pick my call again, the girl no dey come my shop again!”

Eze had two months before this conversation opened a supermarket. His was Operation Feed the Nation as every Tom, D’ick and Harry that was hungry at any point in time came to take food items for free; Not Tom D’ick and Harry every Miracle, Vicky and Roseline I mean to say. Miracle was sucking him dry like Bee to Nectar.

“Eze you no get shame ooh!” I said, “You wey that girl don dey close down your business nahim you come here dey say another person wan collect her from you, shey you no happy say Morley wan help you comot her for your life?”

“See I love that girl and nothing go change am!”

“You love the girl? Tell us true here, you don knack her” Nas asked.

“Knack? Na small thing na, if to say I wan knack her, I for don knack her since!” He spoke.

“Na lie abeg, the girl no gree you knack her abeg” Fishbone said.

“Okay, even if I never knack her, Morley don knack her?” He asked.

“Yes na, Morley don knack Miracle na!” I announced.

“Na lie abeg! That girl wey be virgin, I confirm am myself the day wey I try to knack her” Thermometer for virginity.

“Oboy dey deceive yourself there, Morley don knack the girl wotowoto” Nas added.

Morley had not had sex with Miracle "wotowoto" like Nas said he had had sex with her just once, which I am aware of. He narrated how it happened to me 30 minutes after Miracle left his newly rented house next door to mine.



“Oboy I fall hand ooh!” He was sweating profusely.

“How na, she no gree you knack?” I needed to know.

“I knack but when we wan start, my thing first no gree stand ooh”

“wetin happen? Why?” My mouth was ajar.

“I no know why ooh, and the girl say she be virgin”

“Ooboy! See gobe ooh!” I exclaimed.

“So after my thing com stand wey I say make I fire down naso I com discover say she no be virgin as she talk” Morley said, “that place wide, e wide like Blackboard”

“You mean am?” Real matters.

“Yes na, she com tell me say she dey her second virgin now” Morley said what I found hard to understand.

“which one be second virgin na? dem dey be virgin two times” I was confused.

“I wonder for her ooh!”

“She dey lie for you abeg!” I was sure “Person wey that place like blackboard dey tell you say she be virgin”

“Guy I taya ooh”

“Wait ooh, You sef how you go say person thing wide like blackboard?” What a way to talk about a part of the body that is as sweet as honey.



“Blackboard! Na wetin Morley call her thing that day” I told the rest.

Just as we stood up to leave 042 we saw Morley walking down the road with a Lady, Billboard I suppose.

.. Blackboard 😂😂😂😂

4kizo:
That "goodevening ma" got me rolling on bed🤣🤣

Hahahahaha, you never see anything.

“Billboard say they will pay workers 200k per month, why are you still in doubt?” I said to Fishbone as he carried I and Nas in his Keke to the supposed interview location.

“I am not in doubt, just be say them no tell una the work wey una go dey do to get that kin salary” I sensed Fishbone was envious.

“That one no concern me, my one be say make we get the work”

We bid Fishbone fare well hoping to return in the afternoon with the good news of us getting the job.


“You can fill this form while you wait for your session” One fine receptionist told us.

“What do we fill in this session of amount to subscribe to?” I was on the second page of the form.

“Okay just leave that place, when you get inside you will be instructed on how much to fill” She replied.

“Flow which one be amount to subscribe to again?” Nas asked.

“Maybe na the money wey dem go dey pay us as wardrobe allowance every month” Rubbish talk.


“E no go better for that Company ooh!” Nas said as we walked towards our street, “Them say we go register with 50k com collect their product dey sell”

“But why them com deceive us say na 200k job we go get?” I cried out.

“Na rubbish people na, them com keep us dey train us for more than 4 hours” I yawned, “and hungry don dey catch me now”

“You hold small money there make we enter 042” Nas asked.

“Why you dey ask me that kin question, you no see say I use my last 500 naira pay for the registration form wey those nonsense people give us? Make we reach house first, e fit be say Morley cook”

We got home to meet Morley who was about stepping out.

“Oboy you never go office since morning?” I needed to know why he left our business to UD our new employee.

“Oboy no mind me jor, I just dey lazy to go to office” He replied, “although me and my new babe Happiness dey since morning”

Happiness the billboard.

“Oboy food dey your house?” Nas asked.

“Food dey na, the one wey Happiness bring from her house”

“Guy nawa for you ooh, this Happiness girl wey you dey do things with, I hear say she don marry” I inquired, “No be so?”

“Eeeehn, she don marry, but no be main marriage, na Gbarangida marriage”

If a woman stays with a man under the same roof, eats the man’s food, spends his money, washes his cloths, get free knocking and yet is not married to him, that is Gbarangida marriage according to Morley.

“But I hear say the guy don buy drink go give the girl papa” I heard so.

“Buy drink meaning what? Buy drink na marriage?” Morley returned.

“Buy drink mean say the parents dey aware say the girl stay with the guy” Nas sat down for Morley to serve us, “and remember say the girl don born two children for the guy”

“Abeg make una forget story and make una chop this delicious food wey the girl bring for me jor” Morley offered us a meal I had not eaten all my life.

In the meal I saw Periwinkle twisting Crabs, Yam as a mountain and vegetable as a valley, Tilapia swimming here and there from the mold of porridge and aroma of Chicken filled the room.

“which kin food be this?” I asked, “e sweet ooh, very sweet”

“Na Riverine people food” Morley answered.

Riverine delicacy brought "delicious tears" later. And I still weep as i write this.

Keep flowing, Flow