When Tony the traveler moved out of the compound because Baba the self acclaimed caretaker developed this hatred for him since he bought a more beautiful car than his, the Landlord of the compound moved in.

Okechukwu Landlord moved in after his betting shop in his village closed down and he was idle in the village waiting for political appointment from the new dispensation.

Young, vibrant and funny Okechukwu Landlord.

The man Okechukwu is almost my age mate but was a landlord already; a landlord of not just one but two distant buildings. A landlord that adopted “Landlord” as a surname.

I was trying to catch some more sleep one early morning when I heard a knock on my door, I opened and lo and behold it was Landlord. I was sure i wasn't owing rent.

“Landlord Good morning” I yawned.

“Good morning, abeg come outside first” He said to me.

“Come outside to do wetin this kin early morning?”

I reluctantly came out to meet other tenants including Morley and Fishbone.

“Eheen now wey una don come out, I wan tell una say una know wetin be today?” Landlord said to us.

“wetin be today?” Nas who just came out of Morley’s living room asked.

“Today na Laughing Laughing, make una just dey laugh!” I was shocked.

“Make we just dey laugh?” Morley was as confused as I was, “wey be say we no dey mad?”

“I say make una just dey laugh!”

“Why we go laugh? Abi your wife don born?” Fishbone asked.

"She never born"

“Landlord me I never sleep well you dey tell me about laugh”

“Make una ask me why I say make una dey laugh na!”

“why?”

“Eheen, na now una come?” He responded, “I go tell una”

“Tell us na Landlord, tell us!”

“I just win 51 thousand Naira for game wey I play online” he said.

“Wow!” Fishbone and I said that at the same time.

“And I wan give all of una 2k each from the money”

“Thank you Landlord for this money wey you wan give us, it will go a long way to change our lives and avail us the opportunity to be transformed” Nas began speaking English.

“Mumu Nas, na 2k go change and transform your life? So naso your life no get value?”

“Oga if to say 2k easy to get dash me your own 2k”

That weekend, the 2k coming from Landlord was notable to save me from dying from hunger especially after I lost 20k to sport betting, the money was more of a life changer like Nas said.

“But before I go give una the money, una must do something for me?”

“wetin? We are ready to do anything?” I was quick to say.

“Today na laughing laughing, make una just dey laugh”

My laugh was last and best.

chaiii I don laff join oooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Abeg where my own 2k

“Morley see as this Happiness girl dey buy you cloth” Nas and I were seated at Morley’s, “you get luck ooh”

“I know say I get luck”

“Guy you dey try sha, you dey do things with married woman” I was forced to say.

“How many times I go tell you say she no marry that guy” Morley returned, “she just born for the guy”

“But guy I like this cloth, shey you go give me?” Nas pleaded.

“When I dey knack the girl with all my strength, shey you give me small strength?”

"You no ask me for small strength na" Nas returned, "You know i have enough strength to go round"

True talk, Morley was losing strength and weight as a result of having sex with two Riverine girls back to back; sometimes front-to-front too. I could see his neck bone, a giraffe structure wasn’t farfetched. Need i say more?



I and Nas was returning from 042 one Sunday evening when I heard from a corner “Flow! Flow!”

“Who dey call me?” I turned.

“Come!” It was Solomon, Happiness’s husband; or rather her acting husband.

“How far?” We shock hands before I realized he smelled weed, “Na you be Flow abi?”

“Yes na me be Flow!” I answered “Any issue?"

“No issue ooh!” He swiftly replied.

“Okay”

With a rather morbid smile he said “So na you dey knack my wife? Na you be the Flow?”

Shivers running down my spine I replied “Me? Flow, No ooh!”

“No be you be Flow again?” He needed to be sure.

“Hmmmmm na me na, na me be Flow but but but no be me dey knack your wife”

“If no be you, na who na, na that guy wey stand there?” He pointed at Nas who stood afar.

“No ooh, no be that one sef, I no know who dey knack your wife”

“You sure say no be you?”

“I swear I sure pass shola” I wanted to sound funny.

“Because if I find out say na you hmmmm!” He revealed the gun he carried.

“No be me, you fit find out”

“The guy wey dey knack your wife, him name na Morley” I almost said.

“Okay na, you fit dey go!”


“Guy wetin the guy tell you?” Nas asked me as I walked to him.

“Oboy Morley dey for hot soup!”

More of like hot Yoruba pepper soup.

I don laugh... Tire ooo

“Oboy Miracle get belle for me, wetin I go do?” Morley was worried as we sat outside the office.

“Guy I no know for you ooh, carry your cross, when you dey do the thing, e dey sweet you, you no know?” I almost said.

“Wetin the girl dey talk about am?” I asked him.

“She say she wan abort the pikin”

“Hmmmn give her money make she go abort am na?” As simple as it sounded. Or so I thought.

“Abi? Yes, na wetin I go do be that!” Like he was just realizing he wasn’t ready for a child.

“Yes, that is the best thing to do” I was sure.

“Oboy I dey hungry, make I reach 042” The great relief emptied his stomach.

“Go na, me I never dey hungry” I entered the office.


It was not 20 minutes after Morley left when Happiness came; I could see she was very furious.

“Where is Morley?” She asked.

“Morley! Morley!...........” I stuttered.

“I say where is He?” She stood close to me eyeballing.

“Hee? Hee?” Who is Hee?” I had lost my mind remembering how shiny her husband’s gun was the other evening and imagining a bullet from it piercing into my heart.

“Morley! Where is He?” She shouted.

“Hee? Okay Hee! Hee is not pregnant ooh!” I saw myself in the pool of my blood crying for help after the bullet pierced.

“Pregnant? Who is pregnant?” Her voice was suddenly down.

“Pregnant? Nobody ooh!” I realized I had messed up.

“Then what are you talking about?”

“I…….. I……….. I…….. I…..” Ice-cream.

“I what?” She shouted.

Our dear Happiness threatening was tossing my brain westward and eastward; I wasn’t myself.

“I am talking about…………… I am just trying to be funny, I wanted to say Morley is not the like The pregnantist” I found the appropriate lie.

“Who is the pregnantist?” She asked.

“The pregnantist na, don’t you watch American movies?” I tapped her my the shoulder.

“Which movie is that?”

“The pregnantist is one American movie, Will Smith, He impregnated two women from the same town” I cooked my lie with great culinary expertise.

“Then how is that related to the fact that I need to see Morley?”

“Its related na! I am trying to tell you that Morley is not like the pregnantist” Lies upon lies, “He is a good man”

“Good man indeed! Which good man will withdraw money from a woman’s account without her permission?”

“A Bad Good man!” I commented, “That kind of man is a bad good man”

“That is who your friend is” She replied, “Is it because I gave him my ATM card?” She was seated revealing her black p’ant and instant erection occurred.

“Yes!” Confusion on seeing her “inner light”

“Yes? You say Yes?” She raised her voice again.

“I mean No”

She dilly dallied for a while as I continued viewing her inner light HD, then she said “You better warn that your friend!”

“I will warned him” A person high on weed will speak more reasonably than myself.

“Warn him ooh!” She was about standing up.

“Please don’t stand up!” I was not done watching the movie.

“I will go now but warn him and tell him to return my money, 70k!” She stood.

My movie was cut short.

WAACUT:
I don laugh... Tire ooo

Read this last update and laugh out your small intestine

Tomorrow na my birthday, make my fans show me love.

Una say make I drop account number? 1k na big money ooh.

Nairaland Moderators tomorrow is the best day for this story to hit front page.

Happy birthday oga flow

The war between Happiness and Miracle was really gain momentum.

It was a war I was sure would end in bloodshed and tears.

“Is Morley in your house?” My door was ajar.

“No he is not”

“You liar!” Miracle was furious and was walking swiftly out of the compound.

“I am not lying!” I said, “I am truthing”

“Young girl come!” Landlord was playing draft with Nas by the gate.

As Miracle approached Landlord, I was sure he was about to serve her a two-course meal from his platter of quotes.

“You know wetin Frog talk?” He asked Miracle.

“Wetin Frog talk?” Nas helped Miracle inquired.

“Frog say as him jump enter water, him body dey hot nahim make!” Landlord finished, “So why your body dey hot like frog?”

Miracle paused for while before she said, “Morley can’t be eating my Kpomo and be eating another person’s own too, he has to chose one!”

“If na me I no go chose you” Just then I noticed that our Miracle had gone from bleaching to burning her skin.

“Or am I not beautiful enough for him?” She spun like a big wheel.

“Beautiful? You are far from being beautiful, you are ugly, you are fat” I almost said, “and I tell you truth, you need to go s’hit”

Just at that point I remembered when I and Nas met Miracle for the first time when she came to visit Morley and met us in his house "weed-getabling".



“Who are you?” Nas asked, “Is sh’t catching you?”

Indeed s’hit was “catching” her from the way she walked. Or so i thought.

Whoever told me to eat vegetable soup with Nas?

Vegetable soup with so much weed.

“Your people are mad! you are really mad!” Miracle fired.

“We are not mad, we are telling you to go and s’hit, or have you already gone to s’hit and refused to use tissue paper?”

Miracle’s walking step was innovative; s’hitovative I mean to say. Who remember a movie in Nollywood that children sang for an actor “Papa Ibi!! Give us he ball?”

We continued eating our Weed-getable soup when Miracle left angrily and all of a sudden Nas began to jump up and down. At first i thought madness had called.

“Oboy you dey jump, you wan go Olympic?”

“Me? I no wan go Olmpic ooh!” I dey jump so I go create space”

“Create space for wetin?”

“Create space for the Eba wey I don chop so far make e go down so another one go enter”.

That innovative eating strategy invented by Nas I tried one day when I traveled home and was eating with my friendly Uncle.

Friendly Uncle gave me an unfriendly slap.

Phlimsyjay:
Happy birthday oga flow

God bless you

Manchu flow1759, na my very first comment on nairaland be dis. Sure I don read all ur stories and I'm here again.

flow1759:
“

“But why me na?” I have heard so many not-too-good stories about Ogoni land.

To the above, I know you're only joking but your fans fit take am say na true info be dat. Ogoni land is a very good place known for their hospitality

Ogoni land; a land with milk, honey, roses, and cultism. The land with the highest local government area in the state and with the highest content of oil as well.

There is a secret cult called Debam and there is another called Dewell. Both are headquartered in Ogoni land. The rate of cultism in that land was more of a concern to me than to Rivers state government.
and what will you say about okrika?

And abeg come and update

Good

Where is flow?

Flow... where are you