If you love yourself don't bring your issues to Nairaland, you will only get more confused.

pansophist:
Good advice from your fiancee, but the execution is where I have an issue with.

Firstly, If you'll build a house, then build it when you can afford it. On your own timeline, not on someone else timeline.

Secondly, If she can afford to build the house, clap for her and support her. If both of you will build it together, then make the contributions equal or close to equal.

Than for my wife to add 250k to my building project, I'll just build it alone. But that's just me sha. Just in case marriage go south, division will be equal.

I will never support building together.
Let the man build alone and put me in it as his woman

Lols.. I swear.. Almost everybody is talking different thing... Reason i don't bring my stories here.. The forum is occupied with all set of people..

Jayzx:
If you love yourself don't bring your issues to Nairaland, you will only get more confused.

Greattestman:
Run if you are wise... she's there to covet your money. She will deceive and when you begin the project she will leave you alone in it saying she has no money. And after you build the house, she will bring her ex to your matrimonial bed.
Be wise!!!

Lol like how did your mind come up this, this is funny I swear

Stop listening to all these nairaland boys that have been damaged, and their heart broken, they are all out to destroy good relationships.

Nataliace:
If I were you I would build first.
It's hard to find reasonable women like this nowadays.

No lies about it.

Man have found a comet, they don't come easily.

LewisHamilton15:
That's just for a start. She promise to contribute much in the process as she also has a well paying job.

she has a well paying job and she's contributing 250k !

Build a house at your convenience.
Not under pressure.
First thing,
you guys should marry and try to live as a couple.
Then,other beautiful things of life will align naturally.
No rule book to create a happy home.
Happiness is created by both parties if both interests intercept.

Dem nor dey run go front go old.

LewisHamilton15:
Last week I proposed to my long time girlfriend and fiancee and she accepted me.

We discussed a whole range of topics and we are convenienced that we can live our lives together. But one thing we disagree on is the issue of house: she said we must build a house together before settling down but I suggested we tie the knot and live in a rented apartment before planning to build our personal house but she insisted we must build.

She said we will contribute money to build together, she won't leave me alone in the project. She even suggested withdrawing her savings of #250, 000 so we can buy land. I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally.

I want to settle down as soon as possible but she cited the problems that comes along with living in a rented apartment. I really wish to settle down but this lady won't agree.

I don't want to cause problem between us so how do I go about convincing her?

Build house before marriage and she wants to contribute N250k for land.

Are you guys acting African Magic where everyone is a millionaire and lives in a big house two years after graduation?

Where exactly do you stay that N250k can buy a land?

I am wondering if she is ready to get married because the condition with the kind of money you are calling get as him be.

Let me tell you a little story --a friend of mine just gave his elder brother ( 66yr old man with 3 children) 700k to rent a room and parlor somewhere in ijesha. So this elderly gentleman is going to share 2 rooms with his 3 children and his wife. The question I asked is -why does not own his own house ,why can't he pay his own rent and who is going to pay the rent next year. My friend didn't give me any answers -because he has no answers.

I think she knows what she is talking about and I am sure you can find half a plot somewhere near lagos for a reasonable amount -maybe you wouldn't be able to finish the construction in 10ys -but at least buying the land would show commitment and also serve as a drive to make you aim for something higher.

Sometimes we need a target to motivate us -don't feel bad about her request just take it as a motivating factor or an impetus to achieve more in life.

Trojan8:
The fact some Nigerians are saying she's smart shows how poor most are when it comes to finance.

How's starting a building project without any credible source of income that can generate steady cash flow a good idea? The only thing she cares about is being called a landlady and that's it. Her 250k won't even be enough to take care of her own expenses if you were to plan a wedding today. Same lady is forcing you to build a house and somehow you think it's a good decision.

You tie let's say 20m on a house when if you invest such at 20% per annum, you get 4m. How much is rent again?

You need financial wisdom and not marriage, bozo.

Well said.

LewisHamilton15:
Last week I proposed to my long time girlfriend and fiancee and she accepted me.

We discussed a whole range of topics and we are convenienced that we can live our lives together. But one thing we disagree on is the issue of house: she said we must build a house together before settling down but I suggested we tie the knot and live in a rented apartment before planning to build our personal house but she insisted we must build.

She said we will contribute money to build together, she won't leave me alone in the project. She even suggested withdrawing her savings of #250, 000 so we can buy land. I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally.

I want to settle down as soon as possible but she cited the problems that comes along with living in a rented apartment. I really wish to settle down but this lady won't agree.

I don't want to cause problem between us so how do I go about convincing her?

The 250k is it for Eba? This is funny. It costs average of 8 to 18 million to build a bungalow depending on your taste and size. Don't allow woman pressure you.

Nataliace:
If I were you I would build first.
It's hard to find reasonable women like this nowadays.

The one that wants to buy land and build house with 250k?
Where went you girls brains?
Truth is she doesn't want to marry that man and wants to send him on a wild goose chase till she perfect her plans of marrying another person she's dating low-key.

Do NOT try it. Whatever you want to do together can wait till marriage. Moreover, there are better things you can do together at the right time.

LewisHamilton15:
Last week I proposed to my long time girlfriend and fiancee and she accepted me.

We discussed a whole range of topics and we are convenienced that we can live our lives together. But one thing we disagree on is the issue of house: she said we must build a house together before settling down but I suggested we tie the knot and live in a rented apartment before planning to build our personal house but she insisted we must build.

She said we will contribute money to build together, she won't leave me alone in the project. She even suggested withdrawing her savings of #250, 000 so we can buy land. I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally.

I want to settle down as soon as possible but she cited the problems that comes along with living in a rented apartment. I really wish to settle down but this lady won't agree.

I don't want to cause problem between us so how do I go about convincing her?

Truth is she doesn't want to marry you, so she's using that one to post you till she perfect her plans.
Surely you are just a friend zoned guy.
Can't you smell the coffee?

LewisHamilton15:
Last week I proposed to my long time girlfriend and fiancee and she accepted me.

We discussed a whole range of topics and we are convenienced that we can live our lives together. But one thing we disagree on is the issue of house: she said we must build a house together before settling down but I suggested we tie the knot and live in a rented apartment before planning to build our personal house but she insisted we must build.

She said we will contribute money to build together, she won't leave me alone in the project. She even suggested withdrawing her savings of #250, 000 so we can buy land. I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally.

I want to settle down as soon as possible but she cited the problems that comes along with living in a rented apartment. I really wish to settle down but this lady won't agree.

I don't want to cause problem between us so how do I go about convincing her?

wetin 250 wan buy....she must be a joke

Forget about savings, except you guys are planning to build a hut, you need bulk money to erect a structure

My brother, please listen. In the multitude of counsel it's hard to miss one's way. I suggest you read everything here with an open heart, and let God speak to your heart. "My girl is not like that", isn't a sound factual statement. What your lady is asking of you is probably one of the most reasonable things a lady can ask pre-marriage. Owning a house is a great achievement, to be honest. However, here are some concerns I have:

1) As narrated by you, she's vehemently insisting on building a house as a precondition for marrying you, even to the point where you require means to convince her otherwise. THIS IS EXTREMELY VERY BAD. Why? Owning a house is only one decision out of a gazillion both of you will make in a potential marriage. What else would her demand be? And if you think this is trouble enough, just wait till you tie the knot. There's a great risk attached to someone you would need great means to convince on key matters. Have you seen men controlled by their wives and vice-versa? This is exactly how it starts out. Like a joke. You need a partner in marriage, one who can be reasoned with, not a wall that's unyielding regardless of sound counter-opinion. She must see your point of view in every matter, even in this one.

2) Her proposal to contribute to the building project indicates a bit of financial constraint on your part. Are you sure you can afford a building project now? If no, consult with other people to change her mind, because her motivation may be fear from past experiences. Too many variables in this to ignore. If you are certain momentum can be sustained from start to finish within the shortest possible time, then go right ahead. Preferably with your money. Accept hers only after a real commitment has been made in a marriage setup. Do not go into that project with a dime of her money pre-marriage no matter how much she insists. If she acts funny along the way regarding this, then you know you're in trouble. Stop and re-evaluate that relationship. Let that be your own pre-condition.

3) If you can afford it, before embarking on the project, let her understand for a fact that you're doing it for the soundness of reason. Let her not nurse the idea that this is how things are going to be in the marriage - her always having her way. Sit her down and tell her to her face.

4) If you certainly cannot afford it at the moment, seek to know why she's insisting. Get to the bottom of the matter.

5) My brother, investment in assets beats liabilities. A house is an asset or liability depending on several factors. If your financial source gets affected today you'd be a hungry man in a house. Your house cannot put clothes on your back or food on our table unless you sell it off. The only difference between you and the guy sleeping in the streets would be the roof over your head. You'd still be hungry and desperate regardless. I have seen this with my own eyes. If your finances are intact you could invest and draw up a plan to build at a pace that doesn't put any pressure on you.

I AM NOT PARTICULARLY HAPPY THAT SHE HAS A CONDITION IN PLACE TO MARRY YOU. TO DRAW AN ULTIMATUM ON SOMETHING AS THIS LEAVES A BAD TATSE IN THE MOUTH, NO MATTER HOW NOBLE THEY SEEM.

LewisHamilton15:
My girlfriend isn't that type.

girlfriends are good until you marry them so be wise in taking your decisions .settle down and make plans exclusively like its you alone and if its convenient for you then forge ahead else abort the idea so you don't start a project you can't finish

Her intention is good, but don't bother collecting her 250k if you can afford to build a house but if you can't, invest in your businesses and grow it to a level where you afford to buy one or build one. Building materials are so expensive that you will need to be 110 percent prepared.

She might be a good person, but this is not a good idea,,
love is shaking you guys now, I understand, but This will breed big problems in future and it will favor her big time for her 250k,, but you will lose out big time with regrets..

Building is a good idea and a necessity, but it's Best is to carry on with the project alone if you are capable,and if you ain't, man-up and abort

If u know what is good for u,make sure u buy the land urself and the documents have ur name on it before co building it with her

LewisHamilton15:
Last week I proposed to my long time girlfriend and fiancee and she accepted me.

We discussed a whole range of topics and we are convenienced that we can live our lives together. But one thing we disagree on is the issue of house: she said we must build a house together before settling down but I suggested we tie the knot and live in a rented apartment before planning to build our personal house but she insisted we must build.

She said we will contribute money to build together, she won't leave me alone in the project. She even suggested withdrawing her savings of #250, 000 so we can buy land. I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally.

I want to settle down as soon as possible but she cited the problems that comes along with living in a rented apartment. I really wish to settle down but this lady won't agree.

I don't want to cause problem between us so how do I go about convincing her?

wahala. Bro I have a "loyal" gf too. She doesn't cheat but she drags her "male friends" to take her out and spend time together. U get my drift. Use ur head. Humans will always be humans at a certain point. Thread carefully and watchfully especially when it has gottent o that statement "my gf isn't that kind of girl"

LewisHamilton15:
My girlfriend isn't that type.

My candid advice is this;

If you want to build, ensure you use only your fund... And make sure the land and the documents are in your name... Don't ever include her name to it...

So that tomorrow, she doesn't have the right to claim ownership of the house and land....


She is not ready to settle down yet...

IconicR:
I will never support building together.
Let the man build alone and put me in it as his woman

You think say you smart abi?

To pursue you comot from his life no go hard be that. Since you think being leechy is being smart. Keep it up.

If you refuse to contribute materially in your relationship, you just weaken your position in that union. You're replacable easily.

The friends or partners that are easily dumped are the one that always collect. They hardly give. They think being at the receiving end makes them smart, but it makes them weak.

It makes them useless, disrespected, dishonourable, unvirtous, and quite frankly, to be beaten once in a while.

As this life hard reach, you no want to upgrade and build with your man. See him as a human in this sad world and both of you work together.

Because if a man have a choice to pick a woman that will be useful/industrious and the one with your mentality, the useful woman will always win.

If you like, hide under tradition that a man is a provider, the head, bla bla bla, it doesn't erode your role of being a supporter, and that's includes material support.

So many girls wey dey find husband get this dirty behaviour. But introspection is not the feature of the weak. They will never change, but wants a good man.

So it's easier to say that there are no good men, meanwhile, good men full everywhere, but they have observed from far and see say the woman no worth am. Her juice aint worth the squeeze

Nataliace:
If I were you I would build first.
It's hard to find reasonable women like this nowadays.

Nothing reasonable about that idea..
After building it together, you know what next.

cococandy:
Some of you just say anything that comes into your head.
If anyone should be wary in this situation, it’s the girl. Married Nigerian women who contributed to their family wealth aren’t even assured of an even split in the case of a divorce much less a girlfriend/fiancé.

Who’s to say he won’t discard her after they’ve completed the house? And if that happens in what scenario in Nigeria do you see her getting a fair share of the proceeds of that house? When she has no legal connection to him and they are not business partners?

Just open mouth talk senselessly.

In fact that girl herself has some growing up to do so I don’t blame y’all for unleashing your ill thought out responses on her.

The babe is a perfectionist
She is yet to live outside utopia


If she is my sister, I will send her to where she will get strong deliverance.

If you have the money bro, build ooo, that woman get sense, and I tell you, you will avoid a lot of problem.

Funny , that means the man has to wait for like 3 to 4 years or more . Depend on how much he is earning . I dont think thats a good condition to give. What happens if the lady sees a man that has all those things intact already , coming for her hand in marriage , whats now the faith of the Man in question ? Its good we analyze this properly .

talented321:
Madam'' How much is she contributing?... to build a three bedroom flat needs like 15 to 30m... Did this man know when this woman is going to change..

When your eyes go clear , my brother they no the tell person. For some people applauding her , it shows how some people dont know whats actually happening out side there. How much does the man have in his account to start with , she assist you with 250,000 how much does it cost to bulf 3 bedroom flat to start with. She has a good plan in a wrong way . She is earning well but only save 250,000 . How many years did she use in saving that money. As a man , you take ownership, look at your plans , dont allow any body to push you to start what you cant finish in due time . For her to give it as a condition , is an aberration , the man has to sit tight. Its a good advise , if the man has the capacity , but I will not advise him to join money with a lady to build house.

DEBJOCH1:
LOL, SHE WANT TO SUPPORT YOU WITH N250K TO BUY LAND AND BUILD HOUSE?, WOMEN ARE THE SAME ALL OVER THE WORLD, I WILL SUPPORT YOU, I WILL SUPPORT YOU THAT THE WAY THEY PRESS MEN MUMU BOTTON AND BY THE TIME YOU PUT HEAD, THE SUPPORT WILL NOW BE LIKE DROPPING A DROP OF WATER INSIDE AN OCEAN, AT THE END FRONT YOU WONT BE ABLE TO GO, BACK NO WAY.

UNLESS YOU ALREADY HAVE ABOUT N8 - N10M SAVED IN YOUR ACCOUNT DEPENDING ON YOUR LOCATION, YOU CAN TAKE THE BOLD AND RISKY STEP OF BUILDING FIRST BEFORE MARRIAGE, OTHER BROSS, GBAGBE OSHI. THE LADY JUST WANT TO PULL YOUR LEG, EVEN THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN TRYING TO BUILD THEIR HOUSE WITH N200K MONTHLY INCOME FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS ARE STILL BATTLING TO COMPLETE IT, TALK MORE OF A LADY WHO PROBABLY HAS USED OVER 5 YEARS OF MY LIFE TO SAVE N250K.

GUY RUN, OBIRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN, THEY CAN DRAG MEN OUT CHAAAA. ANY WAYS FOR ME, IT WORKED FOR ME, MARRIAGE FIRST, I GOT LAND, AND STARTED BUILDING AND MOVED IN WITH MY FAMILY, THE NEXT THING IS CAR.

TALK TO HER, YOU GUYS CAN BUY THE LAND, GET IT SECURED, GET MARRIED, STAY IN A RENTED APARTMENT, HAVE IN MIND THAT YOU HAVE A PROJECT, EVERY MONTH BE HAVING A MONTHLY COMMITMENT ON THE PROJECT, GRADUALLY WHILE YOU ARE STILL ON A RENTED APARTMENT YOU CAN BE WORKING ON YOUR BUILDING PROJECT, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, WITH SERIOUS COMMITMENT, YOU WILL SEE THAT YOU HAVE BUILT YOUR HOUSE TO THE LEVEL OF MOVING IN. BROSSS, DEM NO DE BUILD HOUSE FINISH, EXPECIALLY WITH THIS OUR CURRENT CONDITION IN NIGERIA WHEN A BAG OF CEMENT GOES FOR N5,500, 9 INCHES BLOCK N350 - N400 IRON N5K - N7K DEPENDING. THINGS WE GOT N2,500K EACH 1-2 YEARS BACK.

THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT.

Women are being appoach by both the rich and poor, a woman who love's you will stay with you while the faint hearted will leave, that is why marriages this days don't last because many women will have a second thought when being approached by someone who is doing well more than u, or there might be changes in attitude and character from her because there is comparision in the marriage..
A woman who love's u and want to settle down will not give u such condition...
She will advice but not in this manner...

jattopeter:
Funny , that means the man has to wait for like 3 to 4 years or more . Depend on how much he is earning . I dont think thats a good condition to give. What happens if the lady sees a man that has all those things intact already , coming for her hand in marriage , whats now the faith of the Man in question ? Its good we analyze this properly .

LewisHamilton15:
Last week I proposed to my long time girlfriend and fiancee and she accepted me.

We discussed a whole range of topics and we are convenienced that we can live our lives together. But one thing we disagree on is the issue of house: she said we must build a house together before settling down but I suggested we tie the knot and live in a rented apartment before planning to build our personal house but she insisted we must build.

She said we will contribute money to build together, she won't leave me alone in the project. She even suggested withdrawing her savings of #250, 000 so we can buy land. I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally.

I want to settle down as soon as possible but she cited the problems that comes along with living in a rented apartment. I really wish to settle down but this lady won't agree.

I don't want to cause problem between us so how do I go about convincing her?

. O boy! I could deduct that most people commenting didn't read your post thoroughly and digest the contents. I quoted you by your words "I have the money and apart from my daily hustle I have other side businesses that springs me money occasionally".
That means you don't rely on the lady 's money to build house. From my own view, the lady want to support you to build house together. Nothing bad in doing that if truly you know and confirmed that the lady truly love you. Some people talking never had numerous experiences here. My point is that you make sure that you be the one to buy the land by yourself. The lady needs security. I am talking from experience. Lady who don't love a man will never make decision of contributing a kobo join to build house with any man. We have them besides us. And she is the type that know herself. To make it fast and achieve your goal in time, you can build 2 rooms self contained instead of flat. You also need to consider the cost of renting befitting apartment for both of you not less than 250k upward. And immediately, you start bearing children if you are not financially stable both of you will struggle to make ends meet. You need to plan ahead. Some people talking here are still living under their parents so don't understand what the life entails. A fake lover will never plan to part her kobo with any man. And from your post, you said she will not leave you alone along the line. So, don't be afraid! Braze up to face the challenge. This scenario has happened to person close to me before. I can tell you the lady happened to be the material wife so proud of.

Don't you think that if you go ahead with the marriage and you start living in rented apartment , what about problems that do emanate in rented apartment? If this start to happen, you won't like it . Everyone can't be the same

LewisHamilton15:
That's just for a start. She promise to contribute much in the process as she also has a well paying job.

How long will it take to start and complete a building project? How old is she? How old are you too? Doesn't it make more sense even for her to be married to you first before partnering on a building project with you? What if you guys decide to break up for whatever reasons, who owns the said property or the construction in progress? Typically, 9ja women dey pressure man to hurry up and get married but this looks quite different.