Lasunray01:
Good day nairalanders. My first time post in 5yrs.

Will try to summarize the issues and seek sincere advise please.

I’ve been married before but got divorced within a year due to genotype issues(it’s a long story). So I remarried 2yrs after and with a child now, and that’s where my issues started from.

I know I have some bad sides too which I’m trying to change, which is flirting with single ladies, and this has caused multiple fight with my wife.

Whenever we have this fights, not physical, just verbal, but in her anger she breaks virtually anything around, cups, laptop, speakers etc. she can be madly angry. I’ve warned, petted her severally to desist from this act especially infront of our kid...but she won’t. It’s getting worse by the day. Now she reports me with blackmail to her parents and friends making me feel I’m the worst husband in the universe, calling me unprintable names. Calling me weak cos I don’t beat.

Now the advice I seek, we are planning to relocate as a family abroad this year, but I’m really scared. I can actually go alone, but would prefer we all go together since I have the means. But I’m scared if I won’t regret my actions to take her along with this her character. What if I get jailed or lose custody of our child abroad, because she’s a master in blackmail. She can turn simple issue overboard.


Sorry for the long epistle. Just had to pour out my mind. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you

na jail she go tru u out collect ur money n child

Lasunray01:
Good day nairalanders. My first time post in 5yrs.

Will try to summarize the issues and seek sincere advise please.

I’ve been married before but got divorced within a year due to genotype issues(it’s a long story). So I remarried 2yrs after and with a child now, and that’s where my issues started from.

I know I have some bad sides too which I’m trying to change, which is flirting with single ladies, and this has caused multiple fight with my wife.

Whenever we have this fights, not physical, just verbal, but in her anger she breaks virtually anything around, cups, laptop, speakers etc. she can be madly angry. I’ve warned, petted her severally to desist from this act especially infront of our kid...but she won’t. It’s getting worse by the day. Now she reports me with blackmail to her parents and friends making me feel I’m the worst husband in the universe, calling me unprintable names. Calling me weak cos I don’t beat.

Now the advice I seek, we are planning to relocate as a family abroad this year, but I’m really scared. I can actually go alone, but would prefer we all go together since I have the means. But I’m scared if I won’t regret my actions to take her along with this her character. What if I get jailed or lose custody of our child abroad, because she’s a master in blackmail. She can turn simple issue overboard.


Sorry for the long epistle. Just had to pour out my mind. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you

you are at fault brother.... But dont ever belive turning a new leave would make her change. she have anger issues and manipulative and that wont change over night... Its even worst when you move abroud with such attitude. You will REGRET it.

Ps_ This point is invalid... If the only thing that triggers her madness is cheating

[quote author=Astoria post=110058391][/quote]

Flirting only

There is no problems any where,,,STOP FLIRTING AND SHE WILL STOP BREAKING THINGS AT HOME PERIOD!!!!!

Na man wey wan quick die or wey no wan rest of mind na dey behave like op. If u no no how to do hide n seek? Then remain faithful to ur wife. If u sleep with oyibo woman and she catch u, sorry go be ur name. Na b wahala goes to aboard. I rest my mind

Lasunray01:
Good day nairalanders. My first time post in 5yrs.

Will try to summarize the issues and seek sincere advise please.

I’ve been married before but got divorced within a year due to genotype issues(it’s a long story). So I remarried 2yrs after and with a child now, and that’s where my issues started from.

I know I have some bad sides too which I’m trying to change, which is flirting with single ladies, and this has caused multiple fight with my wife.

Whenever we have this fights, not physical, just verbal, but in her anger she breaks virtually anything around, cups, laptop, speakers etc. she can be madly angry. I’ve warned, petted her severally to desist from this act especially infront of our kid...but she won’t. It’s getting worse by the day. Now she reports me with blackmail to her parents and friends making me feel I’m the worst husband in the universe, calling me unprintable names. Calling me weak cos I don’t beat.

Now the advice I seek, we are planning to relocate as a family abroad this year, but I’m really scared. I can actually go alone, but would prefer we all go together since I have the means. But I’m scared if I won’t regret my actions to take her along with this her character. What if I get jailed or lose custody of our child abroad, because she’s a master in blackmail. She can turn simple issue overboard.


Sorry for the long epistle. Just had to pour out my mind. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you

Don't ever listen to all these small unmarried boys and their female cohorts on nairaland, they are misleading you.


Tell me which married man hasn't flirt with another lady before? Even some of the big Church GOs used to be womanizers who later changed and got born again, maybe if they married this type of your wife, they would have been dead before they repented.



Your wife is mentally unstable and have the traits of women that kill their husband in his sleep, so be very careful.



I hope you read the news of the lady that killed her husband because he impregnated another lady, a rich husband that has been taken very good care of her, someones son, someones labour, she didn't think of walking away.


If a man or woman is not happy with his or her spouse behaviour or infidelity, the most honorable thing to do is seek for divorce if you cant take it.



Going violent against ones partner is a big NO.



Your life is at risk.



I wonder where you guys meet all these mad women una de marry self.



Infidelity is bad, work on stopping it, but your being unfaithful is never enough reason for your wife to destroy things or go violent, its a big turn off. Its a bad sign you ended up with someone that have anger issue and such ladies can kill their partners easily only to regret later.


Taking her abroad is a big NO.


In fact remaining married to such a violent lady is a greater risk to your continued existence on this earth, be careful make we no read your breaking news on this Nairaland ohx hmmm

Why not stop the things she gets upset about and try to win her back the way things were before you married her. Let her know through yours actions you are a changed man and that she is the only one for you. Love is a beautiful thing.

Come and testify later!

OP work on yourself, flirting with single ladies is bad especially when you are married. Your wife hates it and you must respect her. you are the one creating the problems in your marriage. Your wife seems a peaceful woman as you are the one provoking her

DownChelsea:
The marriage seems to have broken down irretrievably due to you two having divergent ideals. Proceed to court for an arrangement that will save what's left of your marriage. Contact a Lawyer OR I can help you contact one if you wish.

No, thanks. I'm not seeking for a divorce. Just a way to make the marriage works that matters now

Idaytesj29:


How Christians tries to deny this fact still amaze me. Thanks for telling it to them plainly. Also, coming from a woman. You have made my day.

This is why christians deny this fact. The bible says a man with more than one wife should not be a leader. 1 Timothy 3:2. Even a leader of a house fellowship should have one wife.
Why would a man want to know the Lord for 40 years and decide that because of "lust of the flesh"/ second wife you decide not to be a leader? At least departmental leader.
That is living below the plans God has for you.
No true believer should limit his walk with God by marrying a second wife. But if one has already married a second wife and became a believer then he can maintain the wives equally but he is barred from leadership roles.

you brought in the ant infested firewood dont complain about the lizards

I support no one, i disagree, that's not a peaceful wife, she has anger issues.

If you love your wife, why not try and show that you still love her.

FireUpNow:
OP work on yourself, flirting with single ladies is bad especially when you are married. Your wife hates it and you must respect her. you are the one creating the problems in your marriage. [s]Your wife seems a peaceful woman as you are the one provoking her[/s]

Mickykarim:
Stick to your partner try to recall and remember whatever brought you together in the first instance. The initial infatuations that enhanced and nurtured the union to this current stage. Side talks and advise might not help better than both sitting together and talk things over. Wish you well.

no free woman for abroad so your problem is half solved,i suggest you travel with her since there's no time to free-style abroad

lol You are causing the problem and asking for help at the same time.

Lasunray01:


No, thanks. I'm not seeking for a divorce. Just a way to make the marriage works that matters now

That statement you quoted never mentioned anything like Divorce. Have you heard of "judicial separation" for instance? Which is different entirely from Divorce.

Anyway, the only way to make your marriage work without any form of judicial separation. Is to put up with your wife's violence.

Your wife's attitude is dangerous tho.

Like dangerous.

I mean dangerous.


As in..... DANGEROUS

Be warm you will definitely regret this I assure you

Shokoloko:

This is why christians deny this fact. The bible says a man with more than one wife should not be a leader. 1 Timothy 3:2. Even a leader of a house fellowship should have one wife.
Why would a man want to know the Lord for 40 years and decide that because of "lust of the flesh"/ second wife you decide not to be a leader? At least departmental leader.
That is living below the plans God has for you.
No true believer should limit his walk with God by marrying a second wife. But if one has already married a second wife and became a believer then he can maintain the wives equally but he is barred from leadership roles.

I have seen church elders with more than one wife. Women who had children with more than one man are playing different roles in places if worship too.

The no of women you LEGALLY have should not in my opinion determine the strength of your faith in God.
Just saying

Will you just shot your mouth if you have nothing serious to say. I believe in God and i know He is supreme. However this is reality. If they don't divorce after knowing the genotype status and things go south I don't think even God will be happy with then. That is why he gave is the little wisdom that we have.

Righteousness2:
The Permanent cure to Bad and Sinful habits is in JESUS Christ.

But I must tell you the truth! The woman you are living with now is not your wife.

Your original wife is the woman u said you Divorced because of Genotype.
Listen! Genotype is not a reason to Divorce. As long as you two got married, she is your wife. You need to go back to your wife. Except you did not marry her. If you two got married, then she is your wife and you need to rectify that.

GOD ALMIGHTY, the GOD of Chosen Has healed many couples and changed their Genotype.

From Sorrow to Joy Happening this weekend 12th and 13th February is another opportunity.

That's the irony, in most cases, we cause our problems, its in human nature. Some people need problems to solve, so they create problems, its just part of how they grow and challenge the norms or dissatisfaction.

qtguru:
lol You are causing the problem and asking for help at the same time.

Looking at it from this angle no matter the cause of the altercation if she doesn't know how to control her anger the man's life and the whole marriage is in danger, so while addressing the guy to stop fornicating let's tell the lady to learn how to subjugate any squabble that happens in their home because they will still have other issues apart from the husband's fornication

Mrkumareze:


You fear she may cheat , oga travel first, relocation is another wahala of its own. When you settle, study the wellbeing of your self and family there before bringing them along (if u think it ll be ok).. meanwhile, na dog wey we see sh*t for him mouth we dey accuse of eating sh*t, that no means say others no dey chop sh*t.. be careful, chop n clean mouth well.

chop clean mouth?
Cheating is evil,
Don't support it..
Don't encourage it..

Exactly, its wise not to do anything from anger. She may even be killing the remaining love he has for her.

Its not a new thing that a man flirts around.

But for the man, i will advise if he really loves this woman and his children, he should not flirt too much that it leads to sex, it can save a family from breaking up, or other issues, he should try to not have fun outside the home until his children are adults.

Also if he really loves his wife and children. He will want to keep them safe, from various factors.

Wisdom and self-control and timing are very important.

wonderr:
Looking at it from this angle no matter the cause of the altercation if she doesn't know how to control her anger the man's life and the whole marriage is in danger, so while addressing the guy to stop fornicating let's tell the lady to learn how to subjugate any squabble that happens in their home because they will still have other issues apart from the husband's fornication

You have 3 options here to put an end that attitude.
1. divorce her
2. get a second wife
3. stop flirting with others
anyone you choose will work well but choose wisely

Lasunray01:
Good day nairalanders. My first time post in 5yrs.

Will try to summarize the issues and seek sincere advise please.

I’ve been married before but got divorced within a year due to genotype issues(it’s a long story). So I remarried 2yrs after and with a child now, and that’s where my issues started from.

I know I have some bad sides too which I’m trying to change, which is flirting with single ladies, and this has caused multiple fight with my wife.

Whenever we have this fights, not physical, just verbal, but in her anger she breaks virtually anything around, cups, laptop, speakers etc. she can be madly angry. I’ve warned, petted her severally to desist from this act especially infront of our kid...but she won’t. It’s getting worse by the day. Now she reports me with blackmail to her parents and friends making me feel I’m the worst husband in the universe, calling me unprintable names. Calling me weak cos I don’t beat.

Now the advice I seek, we are planning to relocate as a family abroad this year, but I’m really scared. I can actually go alone, but would prefer we all go together since I have the means. But I’m scared if I won’t regret my actions to take her along with this her character. What if I get jailed or lose custody of our child abroad, because she’s a master in blackmail. She can turn simple issue overboard.


Sorry for the long epistle. Just had to pour out my mind. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you

Ndidi2:
repent from ur cheating habit.
Is painful to find out that the only man u love and can take a bullet for is disrespecting u .
I honestly hate cheating pigs..

Take a bullet for? Women like that still exist in Nigeria?

baby124:
How about you control yourself and face your marriage? You know the beast in her comes out when she catches you cheating.

women are poor relationship advisers...we are talking about a woman with anger issues here, not just because her husband cheats.
@Op,please, endeavor to thoroughly run a mental/brain scan on your wife,she really needs help asap.

Gokoyer0:
Sir, can you say that something else can't trigger her apart from the bolded in the future?

...I said MAJOR,I DIDN'T SAY ITS THE ONLY TRIGGER...try to understand well...and from the story most of their fights are caused by the flirting issue

Lasunray01:
Good day nairalanders. My first time post in 5yrs.

Will try to summarize the issues and seek sincere advise please.

I’ve been married before but got divorced within a year due to genotype issues(it’s a long story). So I remarried 2yrs after and with a child now, and that’s where my issues started from.

I know I have some bad sides too which I’m trying to change, which is flirting with single ladies, and this has caused multiple fight with my wife.

Whenever we have this fights, not physical, just verbal, but in her anger she breaks virtually anything around, cups, laptop, speakers etc. she can be madly angry. I’ve warned, petted her severally to desist from this act especially infront of our kid...but she won’t. It’s getting worse by the day. Now she reports me with blackmail to her parents and friends making me feel I’m the worst husband in the universe, calling me unprintable names. Calling me weak cos I don’t beat.

Now the advice I seek, we are planning to relocate as a family abroad this year, but I’m really scared. I can actually go alone, but would prefer we all go together since I have the means. But I’m scared if I won’t regret my actions to take her along with this her character. What if I get jailed or lose custody of our child abroad, because she’s a master in blackmail. She can turn simple issue overboard.


Sorry for the long epistle. Just had to pour out my mind. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Thank you

/
I think you are making a good decision. What better way to teach a philanderer a lesson than taking away everything he worked for and tying him down with child support and alimony.
I feel like you are one of those that can only learn the hard way. Once she cleans you out, poverty will imbibe the wisdom you need in you. Keep flirting.
/

seguntravels009:
@op watch this YouTube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3QF4p1KG14

Thank you. Will watch it

I am also afraid for you going abroad. There are more beautiful and available singles ladies there. Can you cope?

Idaytesj29:


I have seen church elders with more than one wife. Women who had children with more than one man are playing different roles in places if worship too.

The no of women you LEGALLY have should not in my opinion determine the strength of your faith in God.
Just saying

Nobody can change the bible. We are 2000 years too late. These churches are in gross disobedience to God.
As per faith in God - Imagine that one has so much faith in God and originally God called him to a teaching ministry, but because of second wife, you can never exercise the ministry God called you to as a child
1 Timothy 3:2 No elder should have more than one wife 1 Timothy 5:9 For a woman to be put in a church register for assistance, she must have been married only once, not twice.
The bible does not state that an unmarried man or woman with kids from several people must be treated like this. This is because marriage is a sacred covenant to God

[b]So those churches having elders with multiple husbands/ wives are committing grievous sin. A church or department in church is never to be headed by a person with multiple spouses.[/b]

You and I have no opinion here. We either follow the New testament as believers or we depart from the Christian faith.
The yoke of Christianity is very hard. Christianity is not an easy religion. A lot of people (perhaps including me) are on the wide path that leads to hell, and on that day many people will be confused saying "Lord, Lord..." and Jesus will say " Depart from me ...." Because we were living the Christian life according to our opinions and not what the bible says

Thank God this one even admitted that he's the cause of his marital problems.

Ogbeni stop flirting with single girls

CaveAdullam:
1. Depending on the agreement both of you had before marriage, if you both choose to be exclusively monogamous and she's still keeping to that oath, maintaining fidelity, I think you should just reduce your flirting tendency.

A. Though you flirt, but women love men that other women want to be with. This is the dread game. It improves her desire towards you and make her invest better so that the relationship can last. (Know this: no investment from a woman can surpass that of a man in a sexual relationship whether long or short or filled with manipulations. By the way, he is still the one that losses more regardless of his high investments).

She's mateguarding you, but her jealousy is over the roof. There are better ways to handle this matter from her angle rather than going haywire.

B. Your flirting tendency can also make her break her oath of fidelity in order to counter her jealousy and come back on you. However, infidelity from both sexes are different and will be weighed differently because both sexes are different. (Simply can't go into that details now).

But if she's true to her oath of fidelity, that is, you know very well that she's not cheating behind but come open to disagree with you, then, forget flirting and concentrate on your family.

2. Stop engaging with women and other people in verbal attacks. Besides, women are good at it and will always beat you hands down. So, just avoid any verbal altercation.

A woman must learn how to control her tongue though. Because men's power are tired to their ego and once that ego is insulted or threatened it is an attack on their power, hence, will always retaliate with physical force.

Your wife always abusing you indicates a high level of disrespect! And that disrespect is as a result of you always engaging with her in her emotional tantrums. You must start learning to punish her psychologically, because I'm not in support of domestic violence. Start from here: Become dominant. Withdraw attention. Withdraw resources.

3. Truth be spoken, for her to always destroy your home appliances in her emotional hystericity, indicates that you've lost dominance. Such behavior implies disrespect...two agressive people can't stay under one roof. She's behaving like a parody of a man, and that you don't need.

4. Take yourself and kid oversea. You'll still continue to flirt and her with her agressive nature; couple that in a country that the family/divorce laws rips the man/husband into pieces, you'll regret your life!

(However, for the sake of your kid because they are the ones that suffers the aftermath of parental separation, both of you must resolve your differences and grow above it). This will fail 99% of the time, just start preparing on how you can raise your kid into a quality adult in the absence of the mother.

This is an evolutionary game in vogue.

Let her go!

Thanks.

This work very well for me... Withdrawing resources did not work because madam is okay and earns well too and most especially because i take PRIDE in paying for almost EVERYTHING in my house, sometimes i don't even accept help, if offered, yea that's my pride. I HATE it when someone says are we not the one that help him pay for "so so so and so!"..Withdraw attention, minding my business works perfectly for me.

I always say it, Never let your woman disrespect you, once she disrespect you once, its never really stop, it goes from bad to worst Nip it in the bud! The truth is, if a woman start to DESTROY things in the house, for ANY reason, it speaks volume, for me its not because of what you have done, it is because of her mental state, i see such person as having a MENTAL PROBLEM...Why would anyone destroy what they have built for years because they are angry.

Dear Op, once she notice destroying stuff is no longer working, her werey (apologies pls) will metamorphose into something bigger. She will pick up a knife one day and get you stab! Nip it in the bud! I don't care how please. Solve this problem before thinking of relocation....