A bat came flying into his cave where all his
mates were hanging around. He had blood all over
his face and this was noticed by all. They were
insanely jealous as they had not eaten yet and
proceeded to badger him as to where he'd been.

"Leave me alone, I've had a bad night!" They, of
course, were hungry and wouldn't give up.

Finally, in desperation, he said: "OK, you want to
know where I've been, follow me."

They all flew out of the cave, down the valley,
half way up the mountain and landed in a tree.

"All right you guys, see that tree over there?"

They all nodded, eager to know more.
"Good, because I didn't!"

There were these three guys who like to
go deer hunting every year. So they hire
a guy to fly them to this remote forest.
They all split up to do their hunting,
have a successful day, and meet back at
the plane each carrying a buck. Well,
they loaded up the plane, and as the
pilot started up the engine, he said to
the men, "I don't think she'll be able to
get off the ground with this load."

Two of the men looked disappointed, but
the third quickly responded, "Don't worry
about it, we caught the same amount last
year, and we got off the ground no
problem."

So the pilot said OK, and the plane
started down the runway, and sure enough
got off the ground. But then the plane
started to make some strange noises, and
it crashed in the woods.

The next thing they knew, the three men
and the pilot were in the middle of the
plane wreckage, but in relatively good
health. One of the men asked, "Any idea
where we are?"

The other man said, "I don't know, but I
think we're about a mile or two from
where we crashed last year."

Miginies dose were really nice jokes u've made me laugh 2day, thanks.

u are most welcom, i just post more for ur reading pleasure

ynx and God bless

@

Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today,"
said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.

"Honey, what do you think the neighbors would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."

Trouble sleeping
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."

"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."

"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

What did the blonde say when the doctor told her
she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, my
husband has developed a penchant for anal sex.
So I came to you for advice."

Ok, let's see, does it hurt you?

Hmm, a little.

Do you like it?

Hmm, well, yes.

Then, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't
do it. If you take care about not getting
pregnant.

Getting pregnant? I didn't know you could get
pregnant in that way.

Of course you can. Where do you think lawyers
come from?

Giving very odd excuses
The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but, "

"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."

Q:A Blonde, Brunette, and Santa Clause all jump
off a bridge, Which on hits first??

A: The Brunette,
because Santa Clause Doesn't Exist,
and the blonde has to stop and ask for directions

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"

"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."

"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too."

"I'd like to see that."

So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"

"Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:

"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane, only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

Q. Why do brides wear white?

A. So the dishwasher will match the stove and
the refrigerator!

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough
to build up pressure.

Why do women fake orgazms?

They think men care.

There was once a single man who lived in the city.

Everyday he went to work and then came home. He
liked the single life, but sometimes he would get
lonely, and when that happened he would hire a
LovePeddler. As the years went by ,he eventually
started craving something a little different. One
day he saw an add in the newspaper: *Madam Zoe's -
We Cater To Every Taste*. So he went to Madam
Zoe's and informed her of his desire for something
different.

She said she had just the thing for him: a Rhode
Island Red Rooster that gave the best Mouth Action in
town. She led him into a private room and left
him alone with the rooster.

The man spent three hours trying to cajole the
rooster into giving him a Mouth Action, with no
success.

He left Madam Zoe's very dissatisfied. Several
months later he decided to give it a second
chance, and returned to Madam Zoe's. This time the
Madam said she KNEW she had just the thing for
him. She led him into a dark room where several
men were sitting around staring intently at a one
way mirror. On the other side of the mirror was a
woman in bed with a turkey.

"Wow! That's Nuts!" said the man.

The other men turned to him and one of them said
"Oh, that's nothing! You should have been here a
couple of months ago when the guy spent three
hours trying to get a Mouth Action from a rooster!

If you refuse to fly due to fear over the
probability that there will be a bomb on your
plane, rethink your tactics, take a bomb with
you. The probability of there being two bombs on
any given flight is very low.

A pretty girl is driving through the West. Her
car runs out of gas, and an Indian comes along
on a horse, gives her a ride to a gas station.
Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that
would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off
with a final Yaaaaa-Hooo! and gallops off.

"My god!" says the gas station guy, "What the
hell were you doing to that Injun to make him
holler like that?"

"Why, nothing," says the girl, "I just sat
behind him with my arms around him, holding
onto his saddle horn."

"Lady," says the guy, "Indians don't use
saddles."

more


enjoy!!!!

Blondes Are Not Stupid"Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention
80,000 blondes are gathered for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "18!" Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then, 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "90?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened. The blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "4?". Throughout the stadium, pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream , Give her another chance! Give her another chance!

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music,

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.

I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me,

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Nice one bro, took me three days yo finnish reading all n they ar Αℓℓ worth d effort.

nyc one bro,i don dirty my cloth finish cos i was Roflmao,am xpecting a bag of omo 4rm una sha

add my pin bb : 2a03b771....

ichiezubby: nyc one bro,i don dirty my cloth finish cos i was Roflmao,am xpecting a bag of omo 4rm una sha

Tomeseen: Nice one bro, took me three days yo finnish reading all n they ar Αℓℓ worth d effort.

lol...and almost a later im replying....thank u tho