I understand ur fears, u are worried that if this guy is indifferent to ur challenges now, girl they is a very good chance he won't change if he marries you.in life, we all need a close pal that can identify with our needs and offer support in whatever capacity they can. If u are working as u say and going through all these, and the guy u are dating, and must probably might marry, acts indifferent, girl! Check ur stand with him. Granted he is not ur dad, as so many people are quick to point out, but u can't be indifferent to someone u claim to love! When actually u have the means. Even the independent ones at times still have challenges and need help. My advice to u is to sit him down and tell him what u've noticed in him, and if he truly cares for you, he will adjust. But if he doen't pls consider.!!! Wish u the best.

obowunmi:

Also ure being very passive - aggressive about your problems.

More importantly, go get a job. Lazy woman. Ashewo!

Take it easy, her state of mind may be more fragile than you think!

thank doris_84

@ OP. Before i can post a comment i need you to please answer the following questions:

1) Don't you have a dad, mum, uncle or other close family members you can ask directly for financial assistance? Since your needs for the assistance bears directly on your education, unless any of your relations mentioned above is extremely wicked, if he can affors it, he should be able to help you.

2) Can we for a moment strike out your stingy boyfriend from the picture and assume you are single. How would you have been able to cope with meeting those needs?

Abeg try answer these questions make i sabi as i go take enter you. Whether na from front abi na from back.

Well spoken, Dyt.

Poster, this is just the occasion to discover a trait in your man, he doesn't seem generous, that is a fact.
But that does not mean he cannot improve. As a woman who would not think twice before giving a helping hand, and weighing his attitude with his "love" words, this might shock you but we are really all different.

If he is your man, and he listens to you, just like a mother who teaches her kids generosity or solidarity, bring his attention to this, and gently let him know what you would have expected of a friend in your situation. Take it easy, and you might be surprised that he just did not know, or know how to do things.

It's alright, this is part of discovering your partner. Do not miss having a clear calm conversation with him when possible.

Cheers!

Thanks Dyt and Kanou,

With posts like this, i feel all non naija chics that vivit nairaland will better understand why naija  guys open series of threads complaining about the level of materialism and selfishness of naija chics.

@ Pendo89. All your posts have been so on point. But sadly, only a few naija chics reason in a like manner as you. Majority of them think and act like the poster. I have met many of them like that.So it aint nothing new to us naija guys.

and how would you explain that i am into materialism here or selfish?

@ Poster

I know that asking can be embarrassing.

Shy-One had to ask her guy a few months ago - I have NEVER asked him for money NEVER but because I needed it VERY BADLY - I had overspent in an area that shorted me in another area and the area that I needed the money in regard would have damaged me in an area that had to do directly with both he and I.  SO I really need him to bail me out on this one because it would affect him and I just could not have him yelling at me up the road.

So there comes a time in every girl's/woman's life where you just have to put your pride to the side and "let the man be the man" let the man take care of the problem for you.

Ask him - if you are looking to settle with this guy and you are involved with him - he is working and you are working and in school as well there is only so much you can do and remain in school for yourself and for him too.

Just ask him - let him know you need him.

You need to move into a bothel where your services will be paid for - in full. That's where you belong.

lovedgal:

and how would you explain that i am into materialism here or selfish?

Funny how you have not really told us what exactly you need his financial assistance for. So i ask you (pardon me if you indicated it somewhere and i missed it), What exactly do you need your boyfriends financial assistance for?

fork adict:

Funny how you have not really told us what exactly you need his financial assistance for. So i ask you (pardon me if you indicated it somewhere and i missed it), What exactly do you need your boyfriends financial assistance for?

one month's rent

Poster, I dont know what to call you by saying your Bfriend is stingy, Infact, I've deal with this issue several time and i prefer my girl to table out her problems in order for me to solve the little i can, cos I dont work in CBN even at that, I make sure I save for future. Calling the guy a stingy person shows ur weakness and stupid you are to the person you said might marry you. Learn how to assist a guy in a relationship.

@ LOVEDGAL,,,
Pls have u considered the financial position your bf?
Are you very sure of his financial position or are you assuming from some certain things e.g may be he drives a car, but note as much as it seems the car is his, it might be a company car?

To the guys who are crucifying the poor girl for thinking her BF should help her out financially when he sees  she is struggling to meet genuine and reasonable needs.

U say since they are not married and she is not his financial responsibilty?I hope you will say the same if she says she doesnt want sex until they are married becos his sexual needs are not her responsibilty without putting a ring on it.

Guys are alwasy quick to say this but when it comes to sex without marriage, am sure the same guys will say they will not marry someone they are not sexually comaptible with.Well she wants to check for finiancial compatibilty too!!!
 
Just to also point out that am not saying her body is for sale only rebutting ur point

r231:

one month's rent

r231:

one month's rent

fork adict:

With posts like this, i feel all non naija chics that visit nairaland will better understand why naija  guys open series of threads complaining about the level of materialism and selfishness of naija chics.

@ Pendo89. All your posts have been so on point. But sadly, only a few naija chics reason in a like manner as you. Majority of them think and act like the poster. I have met many of them like that.So it aint nothing new to us naija guys.

@ OP. Please let me add to the list opportunism. You may not be selfish, you may not be materialistic, but are you not opportunistic? Rent for God's sake is one of man's most basic needs. So if you need your boyfriend to shoulder one of your most basic needs, what do you call that?

I dont know what the fork gives all yall naija chics the effrontery to automatically bequeath on us naija guys your life's issues just because we happen to come into your lives at the wrong moment

Some men realise that if they r not a girl's father, then they shouldnt be their provider. . . . But i like spoiling girls silly . . . . This is not an avenue to toast me

Mr. Fork

I think Shy has to disagree with you.  Just to state very calmly and without foul language.  I think that you are mixing her up with being someone who is a "user and financial abuser of men."

This does not sound like what is going on here.

If you cannot during a friendship or dating relationship have "for better or worse."  How will you have for "better or worse." In a marriage?

If you cannot assist each other while boyfriend and girlfriend - and you run away now, or fear asking each now, or ridicule and slap each other around now during a request for assistance - "it matter not what be your lot, you need to separate"

If he meets me and I'm wealthy or he meets me and I am dirt poor - he is still meeting me and whatever time or condition is in my life - if he wants and needs to be part and parcel to who I am - then he helps me carry my load and I help him carry his load.

He needs to help her and then after he helps her - she needs to allow him to sit her down and focus on a "financial plan" that she can follow so she isn't in this situation again or frequently.  So poster really you shouldn't just ask for $$ - you should ask for $$ and assistance with managing what you have so you won't drain him - especially if he is and will be planning for the present and the future of the relationship itself - regardless to where you both are in the relationship.  Serious, semi-serious, just dating, etc.

But, some girls r bad. One once asked me 'what am i dating u 4, if u re not giving me money?' i ve seen parent encouraging their daughters 2 date guys, so, d guys would support d family financially, while d men in d family (father & sons who re as old or older than d bf) stay idle. And guys need 2 b careful because 2morow u may b asked how much did u spend? No free lunch, give nd it shall be given unto u, But ladies think its all about sex, if thats d case who needs a gf, because keeping one is more expensive nd they still would not stay xclusive because. Money 4 hand back 4 ground shap shap, doesn't sound sinful 2 me any more. It cheaper, saves time, don't ve to start telling sbody who doesn't give a cent u love her. Though i would wish 4 commitment, but gfriends re not commited, so, why worry myself?

Behind every bad woman there is a bad man.

Remember that.

Behind every bad woman there is a bad man.

Remember that.

OP,
There are ways to get round this. Dont stop loving your BF but keep a generous sugar dada very close otherwise u might end up lapsing into prostitution.

Pennywise:

OP,
There are ways to get round this. Dont stop loving your BF but keep a generous sugar dada very close otherwise u might end up lapsing into prostitution.

Shy-One:

Mr. Fork

I think Shy has to disagree with you.  Just to state very calmly and without foul language.  I think that you are mixing her up with being someone who is a "user and financial abuser of men."

This does not sound like what is going on here.

If you cannot during a friendship or dating relationship have "for better or worse."  How will you have for "better or worse." In a marriage?

If you cannot assist each other while boyfriend and girlfriend - and you run away now, or fear asking each now, or ridicule and slap each other around now during a request for assistance - "it matter not what be your lot, you need to separate"

If he meets me and I'm wealthy or he meets me and I am dirt poor - he is still meeting me and whatever time or condition is in my life - if he wants and needs to be part and parcel to who I am - then he helps me carry my load and I help him carry his load.

He needs to help her and then after he helps her - she needs to allow him to sit her down and focus on a "financial plan" that she can follow so she isn't in this situation again or frequently.  So poster really you shouldn't just ask for $$ - you should ask for $$ and assistance with managing what you have so you won't drain him - especially if he is and will be planning for the present and the future of the relationship itself - regardless to where you both are in the relationship.  Serious, semi-serious, just dating, etc.

I totally understand everything you said but the poster expect the guy to be a mind reader. . . . .

HAVE YOU ASKED THE GUY FOR HELP?? - - - - - - NO

so technically you can't call the guy stingy cus of your own stupidness

Maybe she didn't want to be coined as the typical Nigerian girl who begs for money and things.

Mrs, Chima:

Maybe she didn't want to be coined as the typical Nigerian girl who begs for money and things.

den she should kp her peace and stp calling the guy stingy

r231:

den she should kp her peace and stp calling the guy stingy

If he is stingy why wouldn't she call him stingy?   Would you tell a stinky person they do not smell?   

Maybe she have asked him in the past and concluded that he is stingy. People don't always tell the whole story and there are two sides to every story. We don't know the half of it.

Mrs, Chima:

If he is stingy why wouldn't she call him stingy?   Would you tell a stinky person they do not smell?   

Maybe she have asked him in the past and concluded that he is stingy.  People don't always tell the whole story and there are two sides to every story.  We don't know the half of it. 

she said that she dont like asking

that the guy suppose to be a mind reader

he was suppose to offer without asking

@ r231

You are correct - I agree with you. She must ask him or at least open her mouth and share what is going on with her with him so he can of his own volition offer if he is inclined to do so and not call him names.

On a side note - the wedding album that I keep looking at over and over again on your profile - did you have that professionally done in Nigeria? - How can shy-one get the information from you on who did this for you?

I love it very much.

@Pendo89
You are indeed blessed and Almighty God will continue to add  more power of reasoning to that wonderful mind of yours. All your replies to this topic are so on point. You are on course to living  a very happy and fufilled life. Cheers