Bobajo:


So the fact of a man impregnating another girl make him irresponsible? I dont understand that kind of logic. MKO is irresponsible? Alhaji Bakare of the Ojomu Chieftaincy Family is irresponsible? I can mention several, and all of the ones i know provided for their families excellently (including even extended family). Underline the word excellently please.

I had a girlfriend while i was in the University, a beautiful half fulani girl who told me, with all seriousness, that her life's ambition later in life is to be the first of 4 wives, and boss all the junior wives around. The thought of her being an only wife has never even occurred to her based on her upbringing.

It is all relative madam. 'Bi a ti nse nibi, eewo ibo mi'. And impregnating somebody else can never ever be equated to being irresponsible.




THAT IS FULANI CULTURE NOT 9JA![font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][color=#006600][/color]

edited

Cassa: I married my husband six years ago.

We were university sweet hearts and our families were very close.My husband graduated two years ahead of me but we kept in contact when he went to serve in the North of the country. Although he graduated before me,when I married him he was still a struggling young man,so we practically built up his business together from scratch.He was into importation and I was practically the office clerk/secretary in this teething period. Later on the business blossomed and from this he was able to set up a standard super market for me.

Life was rosy and I was really enjoying my marriage except for the fact that there was no fruit of the womb, but I was not bothered neither was he because we felt we were still trying to establish ourselves-children could come later after all we were working hard to make life easier for the coming kids.

Three years into the marriage,God really blessed my husbands business and we were able to purchase a plot of land in an upscale part of the town-our dreams were coming true and my husband handed over the building of our dream home to me, so I had to hire the builders carpenters and painters - I was fully in charge of the project because my husband trusted me and secondly because he was busy running the business.

The building of this house took a lot of my time and I had no time for my supermarket so I had to employ a female secondary school graduate from the locality where my super market was based to help me run the shop while I handled the building project.

I must tell you that I used to get home late in the night and very tired this was to prevent the workers stealing our materials and my husband was so caring and a perfect husband throughout this time.

I must also mention that when I told my husband about the girl I engaged to run the shop,he was totally against her and said I should have employed a boy because he believed a boy was more trust worthy and would be more serious about the shop,however somehow I convinced him that the girl was from a good family and could do a good job for me.

By the fifth year of marriage,the house project was almost completed and me and my husband began to talk about starting a family for serious-But no matter how we tried I could just not get pregnant,coupled with this was the usual questions from the inlaws on both sides,although this only toook the form of mild advise on both sides.

By the end of the fifth year we had completed the house and moved in but no children. Panic started to set in, and we visited a lot of doctors who assured us that nothing was wrong with either of us.

Meanwhile the girl I employed continued to work in my super market and was very hard working such that I started advising her to attempt JAMB exams but she told me her parents were financially handicapped.

Six years into this marriage, this girl stopped coming to work and I was worried so I visited her house and met her mother.When i enquire about my girl,the mother told me she was sick and that she had been taken to the village.I did not suspect any thing at this point although with hind sight I think I should have suspected something.

Two months later my husbands family members paid us a visit in our home-I thought they were around to complain about my failure to give their son a child but to my greatest surprise they and my husband came to tell me that the girl I employed to help in my supermarket had been put in the family way by my husband and since I had not been able to give him a child they wanted the girl to move into the house I built with my husband as a second wife.

My whole world collapsed.I looked at my husband but he could not look at me,all he did was nod his head in agreement to what his family members were saying.
I went back to my parents to explain the situation but they said I should go back to the house and remain there as the first wife and that they were sure I will conceive if I am patient - but how can I conceive now when I can not bear foe my husband to touch me-I feel so betrayed by him.

I still love my husband but I just feel so angry right now,with him and the whole world.Meanwhile he and his family are in full swing preparing for the wedding to the new wife,my former employee.

Where did I go wrong? Was I not a good wife? Did I not plan with my husband? Is marriage meaningless if there are no fruits-children?

I am so confused and I want women and men to learn from my experience.

My employee and my husband-I feel so bad right now. Could he not bear with me? I know I would have gotten pregnant if he had waited. Now a stranger is going to share my husband with me. Why are people of the world so wicked?

dear poster,

I am sorry to hear your story and I can at least more or less imagine what you feel like. the pain must be terrible.
I pray the Lord gives you strength to go through all of what your husband put you through.
it's your choice whether you stay in this marriage or not. take your time to decide on this. let your head AND heart work for you but remember that nothing will be the same from now on.

for thos of you who point their fingers at the poster saying that she made mistakes by not fullfilling her marital duties. HONESTLY, even if she wasn't a perfect wife (which is btw not for you to judge) there is no excuse for his behaviour. I understand that he wants to have children and I understand that there was family pressure but I don't pity him. a MAN should stand by his wife, a man that runs a business should be able to stand pressure.

he married and so he said yes, for the good and for the worse. so before even THINKING of making babies with other women, he should have tried EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING to impregnate HIS WIFE! a married man should not give up on his wife so easily!!! only losers behave that way. this is my opinion, you don't have to agree or like it.

for those of you who say that his behaviour is normal, what would you say if he wasn't able to make babies, would you say it's ok for his wife to have a baby by another man? I am sure, you wouldn't! even if you set different moral standards for men and women. we are all human beings! and we all have feelings.

it's funny how some men say that they have some rights because they are men, the stronger gender, but then are not able to endure what they force their wives to endure. they pretend to be SO STRONG but give in to every little temptetion. where's your strength? they say women have to forgive but run away as soon as their feelings / ego gets hurt.

my parents never divorced and I pray to God my marriage will last till day do us part but if my husband breaks his vow and gives in to adultery and even has babies with other women then I will know that he was the biggest mistake of my life and that he is not worth it.

to err is human, to forgive is divine. but to forgive is different from being like a dog of a man.I want to be a wife and not a dog.

WhiteOne: What is there to learn? Not to give a job to a girl fresh out of high school?
Did her husband not tell her, he would prefer a boy in her shop?
He could not have sleep with him? Could he?
Anyway? That is Nigeria for you?
Men are dogs. He saw a nice, free meal in her shop and he ate it. And the girl saw a free meal ticket, too.
Surly, if the man has a good business and can give the first wife a nice shop, he can do the same for me, she must have thought or at least he can pay for my higher education.
What was stopping her from having a baby, wail building a house?
A good faithful wife . . .
Stand up woman, run your business, make sure you have a lot of sex with your husband to have your own baby, invest the earrings of your shop well, remember him; you are his first love AND forget about the small girl.
What she got to do, with you anyway.
The broom to sweep her out is waiting for her anyway.

Asian One,
So because this man misbehaves, you need to "tar" the whole of Nigeria with the "same brush"?
So, because this man "lost his self control", you need to "insult" all Nigerian men, and ALL MEN in general?

If all men are Dogs, does that not include that your Yoruba husband and those "male" kids of yours?

Think about it and stop this "ignorant generalization". You cannot stereotype a whole race, just based on the behavior of one or a few.

Lastpage!

BTW: I find some of your comments about Nigerian men very "caustic" and l am wondering if that is a general bias on your part (since you're not a Nigerian) just just a reflection of your experience with your own Nigerian husband?

dayokanu:

Both of them think we dont know how they have been spending hours on IM and phone sexting one another?

They would now come here and be forming lovefight

Make una enter room and give us Ibeji jare

Aaaaabajo!!! I was wondering!!!

dayokanu:

Both of them think we dont know how they have been spending hours on IM and phone sexting one another?

They would now come here and be forming lovefight

Make una enter room and give us Ibeji jare

You are very funny, dayokanu!
Not in this world or another, you need to see me in real life to debunk that joke! (no offense at her)
l have outgrown such "business" and handed it over to my son (he is probably doing exactly that at this moment)

See, l noticed the back and forth between her and my wife (we post on just his single i.d) and advised her to ignore the rant as she is obviously more matured, "life-wise" and she concurred and has not commented since then.
So,l was very miffed when l posted a comment on another entirely different Topic and without invitation, she trolled-in, quoted me and then made that "Eeyaah"; just that!
She could just have ignored my post as it was directed "@Carssa" and in no way inviting her response, you know what l mean?

Anyway, l get your drift as per the humor, l will pass it on "appropriately"

Lastpage!

Sisi_Kill:

Aaaaabajo!!! I was wondering!!!

Sisi Ekoo, her spat was not with me!
its woman-2-woman thing, me just came in to comment on this "Carssa" matter.

Na so people dey do for NL?
l hope 'dayokanu' has no been sextexting my wife o?

Thank God say ronke is female, l for carry cutlass come NL, to recover my wife!

Lastpage!

lastpage:

You are very funny, dayokanu!
Not in this world or another, you need to see me in real life to debunk that joke! (no offense at her)
l have outgrown such "business" and handed it over to my son (he is probably doing exactly that at this moment)

See, l noticed the back and forth between her and my wife (we post on just his single i.d) and advised her to ignore the rant as she is obviously more matured, "life-wise" and she concurred and has not commented since then.
So,l was very miffed when l posted a comment on another entirely different Topic and without invitation, she trolled-in, quoted me and then made that "Eeyaah"; just that!
She could just have ignored my post as it was directed "@Carssa" and in no way inviting her response, you know what l mean?

Anyway, l get your drift as per the humor, l will pass it on "appropriately"

Lastpage!

Eeeyah,,,wahlai i am a spirit, you know that night, i wanted to comeback to say that was 'lastpage's wife', but my hubby was looking at me with one eye, i just logged out fast! fast!!, i know last page will not always throw the first insult....and i will not insult his wife, because i respect lastpage to an extent, but that should be a warning., that does not mean i will stop saying 'eeyah'' at your post...... whether you all like it or not. And stop denying me as if you are not my Aristo......don't save face because your wife is watching your every move....

ronkebp:

Eeeyah,,,wahlai i am a spirit, you know that night, i wanted to comeback to say that was 'lastpage's wife', but my hubby was looking at me with one eye, i just logged out fast! fast!!, i know last page will not always throw the first insult....and i will not insult his wife, because i respect lastpage to an extent, but that should be a warning., that does not mean i will stop saying 'eeyah'' at your post...... whether you all like it or not. And stop denying me as if you are not my Aristo......don't save face because your wife is watching your every move....

[b]Why to an extent? [/b]Are you saying you are naturally disrespectful of people, .....for no reason?
What kind of "tasteless joke" is this? Who are you warning? Me? My wife?

(Anyway, Shakes head and moves on )

Lastpage!

niddamugu: Another home video script....Watch out for Part 2........ Just sick and tired of all these posts.

its nt jst a story.my uncle did d same.eventualy d fst woman divorced him cos she cudnt nt cope.2day she is married 2 anoda man n as God wil hav it she had a son wt d new husband.til 2day evryone in my family despises d new woman

victorblac: accept it and move on.just live ur life according to God's word.life is short.do ur part.also remember that ur husband still loves u.dont screw things up

did i jst hear u say love??dat love ended d day he started screwin d oda lady n he kept it 4rm his wife.how abt we do it dis way; ur galfrd or wife sleeps wt ur drive or security, she gets caught n dn she tels u sweetheart remember i stil love u.how abt dat huh?

victorblac: accept it and move on.just live ur life according to God's word.life is short.do ur part.also remember that ur husband still loves u.dont screw things up

did i jst hear u say love??dat love ended d day he started screwin d oda lady n he kept it 4rm his wife.how abt we do it dis way; ur galfrd or wife sleeps wt ur driver or securityman, she gets caught n dn she tels u sweetheart remember i stil love u.how abt dat huh?

Your point being that it has never happened before or that it doesn't happen? I used to think men were more liable to be promiscuous. Honestly, i am not so certain any longer. I think men just talk more. The kind of things i have experienced personally; and the things i have seen and heard...

Make we leave matter abeg

jadelyn007: did i jst hear u say love??dat love ended d day he started screwin d oda lady n he kept it 4rm his wife.how abt we do it dis way; ur galfrd or wife sleeps wt ur driver or securityman, she gets caught n dn she tels u sweetheart remember i stil love u.how abt dat huh?

lastpage:
[b]Why to an extent? [/b]Are you saying you are naturally disrespectful of people, .....for no reason?
What kind of "tasteless joke" is this? Who are you warning? Me? My wife?

(Anyway, Shakes head and moves on )

Lastpage!

I can see you take offense at evrything i say....if you think you are too old for this NL and people cannot joke with you again, please open up "old men Forum" by the way- i wonder what my dad would be doing on a forum like this??

And i do not disrespect anybody.....if no one insults or disrespects me it will be odd and silly of me to throw the first insults.

So!! why not to 'an extent'? do we know eachother? as far as i know, you could be 19 and claim 50 behind the computer, this is a faceless forum remember

Dear poster,
Sorry to hear what you are going thru,but this isn't a time to sit and grovel in self pity,this is time to get up and fight to keep ur home and marriage and fighting your husband is just going to push him away farther into the hands of ur sales girl,hard and difficult as it is,you have to first forgive him,try slowly to love him again,dnt let go of yourself,look nice,cook for him and be as welcoming as possible,get ur husband back,just bcus ur employee has a kid for him dsnt mean he loves her or has to love her!take control of your home and under no circumstances shud you allow the girl into ur house.be civil to her and her kid,that all you owe them. The lord will help you and heal you dear.

koko-oro:
Everyman is a polygamist by nature

Bros! Go and read your bible again...Jesus said One man for One woman. So please stop giving such a silly excuse. Are men animals that they cannot control themselves?

Just for the sake of "Logical Reasoning" only.......since l am not a Polygamist and have nothing for or against those who are for it:

I often wonder that "if Polygamy was such a SIN" as being construed by some, How come God was able to "relate directly without qualms", with so many Polygamist mentioned in the Bible?

I cant fathom that God did not speak against it nor destroy those who practice such lifestyle, after-all God is the same Yesterday, Today and Forever, his laws and precepts are GLOBALLY ETERNAL, he could have legislated against it like he did for other sins.

Would he require man, (Christian humans) to be the ones legislating against it?
Even some of the "Legislators" like the English King, are Polygamist themselves!

Just wondering aloud!

Lastpage!

lastpage: Just for the sake of "Logical Reasoning" only.......since l am not a Polygamist and have nothing for or against those who are for it:

I often wonder that "if Polygamy was such a SIN" as being construed by some, How come God was able to "relate directly without qualms", with so many Polygamist mentioned in the Bible?

I cant fathom that God did not speak against it nor destroy those who practice such lifestyle, after-all God is the same Yesterday, Today and Forever, his laws and precepts are GLOBALLY ETERNAL, he could have legislated against it like he did for other sins.

Would he require man, (Christian humans) to be the ones legislating against it?
Even some of the "Legislators" like the English King, are Polygamist themselves!

Just wondering aloud!

Lastpage!

hmmmm what a thought

^^^^^^Uuh-uuh.
"Great Minds" think multi-dimensionally!

"Small minds" think "laterally" in a single dimension!

Lastpage!

madam sorry abt dat ooo
take heath ehn

well i have to talk on both part.

I think its unfair of the husband to have done that with out the knowledge of his wife. he should have suggested alternative ways out of their situation. Maybe she would have agreed to that.

Madam, This is naija where we believe there must be heir in the family not to talk of no kid at all. this must have generated a lot of heat from family and friends. Madam i want you to take heart. Ori omo lo ma pe omo waye.

women, women, women, when you marry and you are a 9ja and living in 9ja aim to have a baby within the first 2 years oh. That is the reality of the environment in which you live and do not ignore it. If you do its at your peril cos until you do so you are still a girlfriend oh and his family would not reckon with you as that is the end of the marriage ceremony whey they perform for your head oh.

Its an unfortunate situation but it happens all the time. The funny thing is that the baby might not even be the husbands own but he is so eager to proof that he is a man he will accept it without checking. So many women do this to men who have been in a childless marriage for a while.

If she can she should have the husband rent somewhere else for the sales girl/second wife if its difficult she can compromise by asking the husband to confirm that the baby is his DNA before the other woman moves into the home(either way gives her some healing time).

I really feel sad to hear this..I am among the Nigerian men who disregard women immancipation with a passion,however,even if it was a dog,it will still be a life time shock...Stay with ur husband my dear,talk with him,let him get that lady a rented apartment,the family house is for two of you...

Pray always,God will answer you..

lastpage: Just for the sake of "Logical Reasoning" only.......since l am not a Polygamist and have nothing for or against those who are for it:

I often wonder that "if Polygamy was such a SIN" as being construed by some, How come God was able to "relate directly without qualms", with so many Polygamist mentioned in the Bible?

I cant fathom that God did not speak against it nor destroy those who practice such lifestyle, after-all God is the same Yesterday, Today and Forever, his laws and precepts are GLOBALLY ETERNAL, he could have legislated against it like he did for other sins.

Would he require man, (Christian humans) to be the ones legislating against it?
Even some of the "Legislators" like the English King, are Polygamist themselves!

Just wondering aloud!

Lastpage!

lastpage: I am ot against polygamy unless one party doesn't agree, in other words: if husband and wife / wives agree to polyagamy it's their choice.
nevertheless: there is no such a thing as a Christian polygamous marriage. Chrisitans are allowed to have one wife only.

1. there are descriptions and prescriptions in the bible. in the old testament men with multiple wives are mentioned but it is only a description. it is not mentioned that they are suppossed to serve as an example.

2. there is a must in the bible: one man + one women = they become one

3. the old testament says "eye for an eye ..." but the new testament says something totally different: if someone slaps you ... (hope you know what Jesus said about that)
so the new and ols testament disagree at some points. a christian is suppossed to listen to what Jesus told us (=new testament) in case there is a disagreement between th two of them. this means, in the old testament, men used to have multiple wives but in the new testament it is all about one man and one woman. it is actually quite simple

4. you want a polygamous marriage, you can have it but not in church! this is not God's will

gabbytabby: women, women, women, when you marry and you are a 9ja and living in 9ja aim to have a baby within the first 2 years oh. That is the reality of the environment in which you live and do not ignore it. If you do its at your peril cos until you do so you are still a girlfriend oh and his family would not reckon with you as that is the end of the marriage ceremony whey they perform for your head oh.

Its an unfortunate situation but it happens all the time. The funny thing is that the baby might not even be the husbands own but he is so eager to proof that he is a man he will accept it without checking. So many women do this to men who have been in a childless marriage for a while.

If she can she should have the husband rent somewhere else for the sales girl/second wife if its difficult she can compromise by asking the husband to confirm that the baby is his DNA before the other woman moves into the home(either way gives her some healing time).

what a human society ...

kambili190:

dear poster,

I am sorry to hear your story and I can at least more or less imagine what you feel like. the pain must be terrible.
I pray the Lord gives you strength to go through all of what your husband put you through.
it's your choice whether you stay in this marriage or not. take your time to decide on this. let your head AND heart work for you but remember that nothing will be the same from now on.

for thos of you who point their fingers at the poster saying that she made mistakes by not fullfilling her marital duties. HONESTLY, even if she wasn't a perfect wife (which is btw not for you to judge) there is no excuse for his behaviour. I understand that he wants to have children and I understand that there was family pressure but I don't pity him. a MAN should stand by his wife, a man that runs a business should be able to stand pressure.

he married and so he said yes, for the good and for the worse. so before even THINKING of making babies with other women, he should have tried EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING to impregnate HIS WIFE! a married man should not give up on his wife so easily!!! only losers behave that way. this is my opinion, you don't have to agree or like it.

for those of you who say that his behaviour is normal, what would you say if he wasn't able to make babies, would you say it's ok for his wife to have a baby by another man? I am sure, you wouldn't! even if you set different moral standards for men and women. we are all human beings! and we all have feelings.

it's funny how some men say that they have some rights because they are men, the stronger gender, but then are not able to endure what they force their wives to endure. they pretend to be SO STRONG but give in to every little temptetion. where's your strength? they say women have to forgive but run away as soon as their feelings / ego gets hurts

to err is human, to forgive is divine.

Sorry I had to quote this. My thots too.

In addtion, if u are lacking in your duties as a wife and you think ur husband is loving and caring cos he isn't complaining, please think twice n shine ur eye. In all probability he is sleeping with another woman. Don't relax cos your husband is lovey dovey.

@ poster, ur husband gave you a very good distraction. Don't neglect your primary responsibility in the name of running around for the family.

kambili190:

lastpage: I am ot against polygamy unless one party doesn't agree, in other words: if husband and wife / wives agree to polyagamy it's their choice.
nevertheless: there is no such a thing as a Christian polygamous marriage. Chrisitans are allowed to have one wife only.

4. you want a polygamous marriage, you can have it but not in church! this is not God's will

I don't agree with you on this and the scriptures you post do not tally. Like Lastpage said. God is not against polygamy. Infact, all through scriptures HIs main men were polygamist and God did not strike dem down for it.

If you look at someone like David, God purnished him cos he coveted another man's wife and not cos he married another wife. Infact, kings are allowed as many wives and concubines as possible. Hehehe

We need to renew our minds in this area.

@ poster, I just read this now and I want to say Im very sorry for what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. And so much advice has been given... All I can say is listen to your gut feeling, that inner voice we all have that tells us what we really want to do. Be strong and true to yourself. Best wishes.

Tgirl4real:

I don't agree with you on this and the scriptures you post do not tally. Like Lastpage said. God is not against polygamy. Infact, all through scriptures HIs main men were polygamist and God did not strike dem down for it.

If you look at someone like David, God purnished him cos he coveted another man's wife and not cos he married another wife. Infact, kings are allowed as many wives and concubines as possible. Hehehe

We need to renew our minds in this area.

you don'T have to agree. you can believe whatever you want. still, it doesn't make it right.
have you studied theology? any Christian country condemns polygamy. why do you think, this is so? because everyone who really KNOWS the Bible knows what is said about marriage in the new testament! and it CLEARLY says: ONE WIFE + ONE HUSBAND!!!
just because some men had multiple wives in the old testament doesn't mean that every man is allowed to do so because the rules were changed in the NEW TESTAMENT. read the new testament!
I always hear this argument: in the old testament some important men had multiple wives. SO WHAT? the old testament ALSO says: eye for an eye but Jesus says that you should not take revenge (= eye for an eye), so this part of the old testament is no longer valid. like polygamy! s.tupid argument. really! use your brain to think and NOT to make up things the way they fit to you.

apart from this: you must consider THAT a man HAS TO love his wife and treat her with care, like his body. so if your wife is agianst polygamy, you can't marry other wives because this would hurt her. and you are not suppossed to hurt your wife like you mustn't hurt your body!

polygamy is for people who like it. I don't mind. for me this is somewhat pervert. the man who sleeps with me in one bed, under one and the same roof, the father of my children brings a stranger to MY family and expects me to live with her. nonsense!

@ Kambili;
I don't go about preaching polygamy but that doesn't mean I should label what the bible didn't clearly label as a sin a sin.

I don't intend derailing this thread. Could you please substantiate your position with one clear scripture that says 'Man must marry one wife'?

Thanks: