Bobajo:


So the fact of a man impregnating another girl make him irresponsible? I dont understand that kind of logic. MKO is irresponsible? Alhaji Bakare of the Ojomu Chieftaincy Family is irresponsible? I can mention several, and all of the ones i know provided for their families excellently (including even extended family). Underline the word excellently please.

I had a girlfriend while i was in the University, a beautiful half fulani girl who told me, with all seriousness, that her life's ambition later in life is to be the first of 4 wives, and boss all the junior wives around. The thought of her being an only wife has never even occurred to her based on her upbringing.

It is all relative madam. 'Bi a ti nse nibi, eewo ibo mi'. And impregnating somebody else can never ever be equated to being irresponsible.

Yes they are all irresponsible. That is why when he died every cynthia, helen, and henrientta was coming out of the wood works saying that their child belonged to him. So it is not irresponsible because he had money. How does that benefit the many kids he had spread around that grew up without a father figure in the home. I laugh when Nigerians try to condemn other black people who have 7 baby mamas meanwhile it is even worse in Nigeria where it is considered okay because the man has money. Puff daddy nigerian style. Nothing relative. It is slefish and irresponsible. Control your damned peni5

Outstrip:

Yes they are all irresponsible. That is why when he died every cynthia, helen, and henrientta was coming out of the wood works saying that their child belonged to him. So it is not irresponsible because he had money. How does that benefit the many kids he had spread around that grew up without a father figure in the home. I laugh when Nigerians try to condemn other black people who have 7 baby mamas meanwhile it is even worse in Nigeria where it is considered okay because the man has money. Puff daddy nigerian style. Nothing relative. It is slefish and irresponsible. Control your damned peni5

Which women came out of the wood works? All the women that had children for him were known. He properly married more than 95% of them - traditionally. He didn't have no child that was a vagrant. Gave all of them fantastic education. Sorted out the mums correctly. He was a father to all his children. How dare you equate him to Puff Daddy? I am offended by that comparison. Those ones don't marry, they just impregnate women. There is a difference.

Father figure my foot. So all the children that have their fathers around 100% turn out all good and the reverse is the case for the ones that dont? Crappy logic. Guess what? Stay unmarried if you feel this strongly. Infact, become a Catholic Nun.

Bobajo:


Emigrate to the western world (if you are not already there); marry there, divorce your husband if he smiles at another woman (which happens). Generally do anything that takes your fancy. Or better still, don't marry at all. Problem solved. Spare me the whine about human feelings

OK! No human feelings, let's put it rationally.

Who is more at peace (I take it for granted that this man loves his family and kids immensely):

1. a man who lives with his wife and kids under the same roof, get to see them all the time and knows exactly what is happening in their lives

or

2. a man who has wives scattered all over to place, who has to travel everyday to be in one house or the other, who has less than a day to apprehend, digest and find solutions to the problems occuring in each home, who might have to face multiple emergencies at the same time and who has to satisfy the sexual urges of these women as often as possible?

michelin89:

OK! No human feelings, let's put it rationally.

Who is more at peace (I take it for granted that this man loves his family and kids immensely):

1. a man who lives with his wife and kids under the same roof, get to see them all the time and knows exactly what is happening in their lives

or

2. a man who has wives scattered all over to place, who has to travel everyday to be in one house or the other, who has less than a day to apprehend, digest and find solutions to the problems occuring in each home, who might have to face multiple emergencies at the same time and who has to satisfy the sexual urges of these women as often as possible?

You are generalizing again. You presume everybody wants a quiet place to retire to at the end of a workday? Not on your life. I know people who will fall ill if they are not solving multiple problems at once (both professionally and on the home front). I have friends who like me are quiet, drive modest cars = ki won ma ri simi - laid back and are happy getting home at 6pm everyday (or as the traffic will permit). I have some who are loud, brash, in your face, and cant touch Toyotas. The more flashy a car is the better. And i have a friend who has sworn he will not marry, cos wait for it, he wants to meet his things exactly where he keeps them (he is overly orderly and meticulous).

Don't generalize. Not everybody wants a quiet life like you posed in your questions.

Bobajo:


So the fact of a man impregnating another girl make him irresponsible? I dont understand that kind of logic. MKO is irresponsible? Alhaji Bakare of the Ojomu Chieftaincy Family is irresponsible? I can mention several, and all of the ones i know provided for their families excellently (including even extended family). Underline the word excellently please.

I had a girlfriend while i was in the University, a beautiful half fulani girl who told me, with all seriousness, that her life's ambition later in life is to be the first of 4 wives, and boss all the junior wives around. The thought of her being an only wife has never even occurred to her based on her upbringing.

It is all relative madam. 'Bi a ti nse nibi, eewo ibo mi'. And impregnating somebody else can never ever be equated to being irresponsible.

There is a big difference beween what A wants and what B wants, the Fulani lady has already carved her future around several wives and am sure she is a muslim. islam allows a man to marry more than 1 wife.Now in the case of a christain marraige where a man is allowed to marry only one wife at a time, and the agreement from Adam between the couples is be together for "better for worst" with the latter being 'childlessness' in the case of the poster and that is for now!, no one says she can never have babies again in life.

I want you to tell me what is responsible in the case of the poster's husband and the way he went about the whole thing.??

Just so you know!!!, impregnating another lady outside our 'marital vows' is the height of irresponsibilty. how would you feel about a wifethat has been committing adultery or has decided to bring another man's child home to her husband? what do you call that? is that not also the irresponsibilty? I just want us to be fair in all our arguements.

Eh sori o! You know these secondary school girls are very fine nowadays, coupled with over exposure it's very easy for a young supple secondary school girl to snatch anybody's man, did your sales girl have big yansh and breast? Kai! I can just imagine your husband salivating every time he came into the shop, by the way if you can send me your address I can come and visit your sales girl, I'm sure she'll be willing to extend the same hand of comfort she extended to your husband to me..salami I know these kind of girls...jokes apart, you see at times like these, you really need a sense of humor it's the only thing that will stop you from going insane, the guy has done his worst, nothing he does from now on can ever hurt you

Tcrack: its easy to blame the poor man but everybody has a breaking point. after six year of marriage still nothing to show, i dont think you understand how much pressure the poor guy must have been under from his family.its not as if he is getting any younger. @poster, i hope your prayers will be answered soon. just make the girl dont move in with you.

Þ



How. Come u re so full wt pity for d man alone Did u forget they were into dis togeda n dt marriage is for beta for worse


I'm sure u can't be so insensitive to d fact dt d woman went thru a lot of emotional torture 2 thru d yrs of waiting

I am overwhelmed with the number of responses on this thread and I want to say thank you to everyone who commented,even those who think my story is a fable on a Nollywood movie.
I learnt a lot from comments on this thread and I hope both male and female posters learned something from the thread too.
Once again my sincere appreciation to every one who posted.May God bless your homes and may you never have to go through what I am going through.Amen.
As for those who think this thread is a movie,I pray from the bottom of my heart that you or anyone close to you never has to go through what I am currently going through.Bareness in Africa is a stigma and I would never joke with such an issue.
Love you all and Gods blessings upon you and your families.Cassa.

Tinax: hmmmm,this is really hurtful. Seems u'r a cool type not to hv takn any drastc decsn. Ur marriage is too young for all this. U must pay them bk in their own coin, u know the girl's house, get some area boys to beat the day light out of her ensuring she loses the preg, as for ur husy,let me think wht u'll do to him. Will be bk.

Lmao, wht an advise! @poster I beg don't try dis o, for ur own peace of mind!

Cassa: I am overwhelmed by the response of the lovely people here.It gave me some comfort in my mind.
I decided to post because of the state of confusion I am in.My husbands people insist I must allow the girl to move into the house,since she is pregnant for their son and I am not.
I can not leave my husband because to tell the truth I still love him even though he has hurt me deeply.
People please learn from my mistakes.Try and be closer to your God as I have tried to be over the last few weeks,although I keep screaming in my mind why me?
Thank you everybody.Now I just want to go and lie down and try to sleep.

I don't u/stand y ur husband wd allow his pple to dictate to him in his own she, dis luks to me like it was all planned!

niddamugu: Another home video script....Watch out for Part 2........ Just sick and tired of all these posts.

He who feels it, knows it

I wonder how many men would accept their wives and even try to "fight for their wives if the man was unable to get his wife pregnant and due to external pressures, the wife gets pregnant for another man.... How many men will try to win the wife back or still want to stay with her inspite of and just hope for the best and accept the child....

Ecalos: So Filani is she supposed to be watching her every man's moveA man that wants to cheat will cheat no matter how much she guides the goal post or not...Every one gets tempted but the man was stupid enough to fall rather than stand strong and resist the devil...

The problem here is that stupid Nigerian culture that thinks that the woman has the power to produce a child of her own accord and power. Who gave any human the right to place such a high premium of having kids. Kids are a gift from God and its up to God to decide to either bless a couple with one or not and if he doesnt then find other thing to do with your life and not wrap you life around having children....

P.s my aunt has been married 25 years and no kids yet her relationship with her husband is one to be emulated...I have lived with them so i know what i am saying...they spend their time giving to the community rather than running helter skelter trying to help God give them a child...

@ ecalos
You have missed the message behind my post. I am not saying that the OP should have forcefully close marked her husband because as you rightfully said the person who has decided in his or her heart to cheat will almost definitely cheat when the chance comes. I am also not saying what the OP's husband did is right, I didn't bother to reprimand him because the first 6 or 7 pages of this thread is full of peeps calling the OP's husband every bad name under the sun & throwing a "pity party" for the OP

"Oh you poor angel ,that evil man doesn't deserve you"
"All these naija men sef, das how they all are ! "
"Whaaat!!! How could he do that to you?in fact who does he think he is? Look my dear don't blame urself for anything at all, it's all HIS fault !!! "

And the beat goes on and on and on but none of these so called peeps will have the courage to play "devils advocate" by asking the OP that " yes , what hubby did is very wrong but on your own part have you been fulfilling ur wifely duties of late ? "

The danger of not making the OP see that she has a hand in her current situation is that she whips herself into self righteous rage , walks out on her marriage and spends the rest of her days as a man hating old woman with a room full of cats ( LOL)
Or
She walks out of her current marriage goes into a new one but makes the same mistakes in her new one that she did in her old marriage !!! Why ? Becos she never once asked herself " I know what my ex hubby did wrong but what did I do wrong to make that marriage crash?"

The OP needs to make not just her partner but herself accountable for the success or failure of their relationships , it really is that simple .

Filani Thanks for the clarification. You are totally right I see your point... Yes she has a part in it to and she needs to check herself and see if she was being the best wife that she could be to her husband. So that theis does not repeat itself again if she does decide to let go of her current hubby

Bobajo:

Which women came out of the wood works? All the women that had children for him were known. He properly married more than 95% of them - traditionally. He didn't have no child that was a vagrant. Gave all of them fantastic education. Sorted out the mums correctly. He was a father to all his children. How dare you equate him to Puff Daddy? I am offended by that comparison. Those ones don't marry, they just impregnate women. There is a difference.

Father figure my foot. So all the children that have their fathers around 100% turn out all good and the reverse is the case for the ones that dont? Crappy logic. Guess what? Stay unmarried if you feel this strongly. Infact, become a Catholic Nun.

Many women claimed to have bore his kid after he died. You don't remember the eldest son demanding all 'supposed' Abiola child go for DNA testing before they'd be given any inheritance? Some kids turned out not to be his.
And how's he different from puff daddy? Is puff daddy not taking care of his children as much as Abiola did? Irresponsibility is irresponsibility everywhere. Marrying the women does not change the situation. We all know Abiola still had girlfriends outside the so-called marital home.

@OP i understand the language of ur hrt. Now u have two solution that will help u. 1 if he is legally married to u take him to cult then they will divid d property into two part and u go on with ur life insteady of dat little rat will use d advantage of having an issue to intimidate u. 2 if u seriously need a child i have a woman who will give u a root to drink but not spiritual here Asaba and when ur husband touch u within one month u will see a pregnancy and make sure ur husband meets u after ur ovulation if u need a baby boy. Problem of taking time to be pregnant is ur fault since ur husband can pregnant d sale's girl, Anyway if u are interested call me i will give u details. And when u have a male child ur husband don't mind chasing dat poor girl away. My no 080666692485. I understand ur pain and u need to work on ur self.. That is hw u can restore ur happiness.

Sisi_Kill: Rotflmao. . . The drama between Ronke and Lastpage is getting inneressing!

Both of them think we dont know how they have been spending hours on IM and phone sexting one another?

They would now come here and be forming lovefight

Make una enter room and give us Ibeji jare

@op i have not read through the thread cause its to long, but i just want you to think if you are miserable now imagine when the baby comes , the shameless girl will make your life miserable and living int hat home unbearable. Leave this man if you have the resources start a new life of your own, this type of trouble is not worth sustaining, you will go crazy.

Why did you say SALES-GIRL; is the salesgirl not a lady fit for marriage?

Why all this noise over a barren woman? They are just for sex. To much noise.

Be strong, God will surely answer your prayers.

Simple Advice. JUST GO ON YOUR KNEES. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will never change.God is still in the business of doing wonders. He will do it again. Just believe. If only you can have faith like a grain of mustard, and say to this mountain, be thou removed and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

Cassa: I am overwhelmed with the number of responses on this thread and I want to say thank you to everyone who commented,even those who think my story is a fable on a Nollywood movie.
I learnt a lot from comments on this thread and I hope both male and female posters learned something from the thread too.
Once again my sincere appreciation to every one who posted.May God bless your homes and may you never have to go through what I am going through.Amen.
As for those who think this thread is a movie,I pray from the bottom of my heart that you or anyone close to you never has to go through what I am currently going through.Bareness in Africa is a stigma and I would never joke with such an issue.
Love you all and Gods blessings upon you and your families.Cassa.

Please, stop thinking that you are baren. For non shall be baren in the land says the Lord God of host.

Just DIVORCE him.

Husband obviously regards you as an animal not a human being.

[quote author=lastpage]
What is wrong with you this eediot?
Dont you have anything else to do than respond to "our" post or is it my fault that you cant write well?
Get a life, okay!
Mtchew.

LastPage [/quot


Bros, wetin come cos insults na? "eeyaaaah" is not an abuse na, take it ez, haba!!!!

ronkebp:

no need to get aggravated.....the eeyah, was for something else....must you guys always be the first to throw insults?.....
i must be pressing the wrong buttons....which i like.....

I actually have a life...thank you!!!! no need to insult you back....this post is for Carsa and am not ready to turn it to a ''me''post.

I like dt response sis, pl keep it up! ...lol

I feel your pain,what do i have to tell you but to be patient before they call you a witch,thereby chasing you out. Pls note this that the mills of God grind slowly but grind exceedly. hold on to God he is with you. Unlike my case i had a 3yrs sexless relationship and i am married for 2months and not able to have sex with my wife.Its just not penetrable,seeing the doctor,they said we are ok and should do harder and i wonder how harder i can be! sex time is a frustrating time.I still hold on to God,keeping myself and visiting for more medical consult. It well

Reference:

Exactly my thoughts. Majoring on the minor and minoring on the major. Now the money issue has been settled, the relationship is broken. So it is with many couples out there, the rat race has turned them into animals with no passion for their spouses or children. They were busy building business and house and forgot to build a home.

You have knowledge. That is the basic problem with our ladies. They are usually more interested in money, cars and houses. They forgot the major reason behind marriage. I hardly pity people these days.

stanbiggi: I feel your pain,what do i have to tell you but to be patient before they call you a witch,thereby chasing you out. Pls note this that the mills of God grind slowly but grind exceedly. hold on to God he is with you. Unlike my case i had a 3yrs sexless relationship and i am married for 2months and not able to have sex with my wife.Its just not penetrable,seeing the doctor,they said we are ok and should do harder and i wonder how harder i can be! sex time is a frustrating time.I still hold on to God,keeping myself and visiting for more medical consult. It well

I thought I'd heard it all , " sex time is frustrating "

otokx: This is a normal occurrence in Nigeria; how could the poster have been so blind? Her parents have handled it very maturedly; stay put in your house even if you become a house girl afterwards. Life is not all about wealth and riches as most of the young girls think today.

So what's your point really, and in what way was the poster blind?

Everyman is a polygamist by nature. Read the bible the bible well. It is quite a painful experience you have there @op.
MO: Your parents have given you the best advice. Frankly. That girl is no longer a "strange woman" as some are wont to call her, but your partner. Sister wipe your tears, find peace with yourself and make your peace with your husband (you still owe him an obligation of love). Life still has brighter days than the present gloom (which you must make temporary), and it all depend on how you handle it. If you keep fighting and counting your supposed losses (which do not even exist at the moment) you will not be able to see and reap all that you have "laboured" for, and will continue to live your life to make your enemies happy. Your in-laws are not necessarily your enemies yet but just have an interest that runs counter to your expectation. The child in that girl's womb is also your husbands child, and you must love him/her liberally if you still love your husband.

Persuade your husband to get his new wife her own apartment (as others have advised) and set her up also (if she had become pregnant for a less competent man and needs financial help you would still have helped her won't you). Please make your peace with the "girl" soonest 'cause she is also a victim of your husbands faults.

If you succeed in remaining happy in this marriage and maintain peace in your home/family your REAL ENEMIES will be mad. If you divorce your husband you'll be the worse loser and will bear the sad stigma of DIVORCEE, they will even add for being barren (God forbids). Then what do you know the next man will do to you?

ZIM DRILL: the husband is stupid to agree on what the his family says to him

and also you are to blame, unless if am missing something how can you hire a maid when you are just the two of you

was that house being built 24/4 and those people couldnt continue doing the work for few hours that you could go to buy groceries?

Did you even read her post