Outstrip:

Here we go again. It is not the man that slept with his employee that shoould be held responsible. It is his family that unzipped his pants, spread her legs and forced him at gun point to screw her. They threatened to blow his brains off if he even thought of using a condom and when they were done they took the girl and went to hide her in the village until she gave birth. It is not the man at all. How can it be him. In fact it was remote control and if that one does nto work then it is the witches in the posters family that are jealous of her. Let us pity this poor poor man that cannot reason on his own.

, Cool down sister, u too dey vex

This is just terrible. I was at a loss for words after reading this. Here in the UK genetic counselling, in-vitro fertilisation or adoption would have been the next options. This is wickedness of the highest degree, plain and simple. @ the OP, pray to God for Peace and for a miracle concerning y°u getting pregnant and having your own kids. This is really unfortunate.

Its funny how everyone is saying shoe Love, stay put, Forgive and forget blah blah bla...Out of every single one that has given their advice, how many of you have been put in this position the woman has been put in? I bet none of you so in essences, its easy to say love the girl and the baby and all that crap...Don't tell her to do what you will not do if faced with the same situation.

Poster, since this has happened to you, then I believe its a burden you can bear because God does not place on us burdens we cannot bear. Without a lot of necessary information, its hard to see where the problem lies but I am just going to go based on everything you have posted instead of trying to find where the fault lies.

You husband as betrayed your trust because I am sure when you guys got married, you made vows of faithfulness to each other and vows to stick with each other for better for worse and in sickness and health.. The "worse" came which was inability to bear children and rather than stick with you, he decided to "help God" by sleeping with your employee and she got pregnant...I still do not understand Nigerians and desperation for kids. Yes children make the house fun and all BUT they are gifts from God and its God's choice to either bless you with kids or not. I will blame it on the still high level of illiteracy of many Nigerians.

Trust once broken can NEVER be put back together. It will get healed but there will ALWAYS be a scar. Now the choice is yours. God's grace is sufficient for us and if He gives you the grace to deal with this maturely and love this man inspite of all the troubles you are going through then please by all means tap into that sufficient grace. If on the other hand, you know you will always hold this against your husband till death do you part and if you will harbor resentment in your heart and hatred then I really don't see anything wrong with you dissolving this marriage. He broke the vows and covenant and yes God HATES divorce but he gave us a condition under which we could divorce and that's ADULTERY which your husband has clearly committed. If your heart cannot bear this act of betrayal then I don't see the point trying to stay in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life...Nigerians and their sometimes stupid cultures and ideals that make you suffer all in the name of impressing societal demands.

So my long story short, pray hard and ask god for wisdom to teach you the right thing to do. Dont be scared to do what he requires of you. In your case you still love your husband which is commendable and if you do decide to stay with him inspite of, under no condition must you ever hold this against him...you must totally forgive and forget and let it go and if you decide to live with him and accept the child and the new wife then you must follow up that decision by acting respectfully toward them and treating them like you would your own....

Your husband is a dog. If the bastard gives birth to a girl, i believe your husband will marry a third wife just to get a male child. I am sorry for you. I hope God will take care of you cus you are in for a long thing...

At those screaming 'karma','abortions', etc: How many abortions did Elizabeth the wife of Zachariah have? How many abortions did Sarah have? A man betrayed his wife and you are blaming the wife! What about men who are infertile? Have they had 'abortions' or too much se.....x too? Ra....ped too many women? Why do people see black and say it is white?

All the man had to do was 'zip up' for any woman outside his marriage! If the man had any remorse, he would not bring that pregnant girl into the home his wife built together with him.

@ poster, I dunno how much of a Xtian you are but pray about how God wants you to deal with this matter. Cry out to God! I would ask my husband to go get a place for his woman to stay o! You do need to be careful too considering in-laws involvement in this matter o. God comfort and strengthen you, dear! May God give you double compensation for the betrayal, hurt and humiliation you are suffering! Be prayerful!

blackboi:
4rm ur kidney

Loº°ºoL...

free2ryhme: where did u copy dis story from

Took the question right outta my mouth

well if u ask me, is better u reson wit ur husband and u both should take care of dat savice girl abi na sales girl make she give birth and pay her off wit money. Reason is dat ur husband may not love de girl but he will never joke wit de unburn baby cos he really need a child at dis condition. Is better u guys pay de service girl off wit money.

Johndoe100: This posters plight is regretable, she should ask her husband to keep his new wife somewhere else. However she is not being honest with us. If she is ok how come the new wife is pregnant? She knows she has a fertility problem and did nothing to hold her hubby in place, most men would do the exact same thing.
I read a few of the posts and the women here were talking about tears. Why the tears? Would you advise your brother to stay with a barren woman? Why do you think her parents told her to go back? They understand the man's point of view. Sad, but that's life.

Don't be too quick to conclude she has fertility issues. That I think is not for today as I would suggest they do a paternity test on the child after birth. It is possible he has been sleeping the sales girl and may not be responsible for the pregnancy. Since they have been married for 6years, then the sales girl may be taking advantage of the present situation and that is why she need be patient with everyone so that she can plan things.

This is so sad and and OP i feel for you and would never wish my sisters or any woman to be in your shoe, to imagine the hell you're going through and dealing with , i pray you find strenth to make the right decisionand God put a smile on your face soon interms of your ouw fruit of the womb. i really wished i knew what advise i could give, God is your strenth.

Can i just digress and say this post is one of the main reason why contributors on the family section need to strike balance, be fair when giving advise or making conclusions on issues people bring here. to read the posters asking about OP previous life as regards dating married man is unacceptable, out of order, while i would understand where you're all coming from, this isnt necessary at this moment, however the thing is loads of posters especialy would find fault with the OP if this situation was to be reversed, why we cant advise based on the post being put infront of us and ignore any digging of what is not or what is inconclusive i would never understand.

Also generally seeing the sympathy of posters on this thread and heart to heart advise here one would wonder why a similar thread about a woman having affair after 6 yrs of no issue in marriage and getting pregnant has been on here for up to a month now and it hasnt even generated 2 pages of review and 80% of posters on there advised the woman to keep the pregnancy , reveal to husband and some even expect the husband to forgive and take in the result of the promiscuity of his wife, some even made it like the husband is the loser in that situation cos it has proved he is with the problem, the reverse is the case now on this thread, above all pls i'm not trying to turn this into a man Vs woman issue but to please appeal to the posters on here as the family section is very sensitive that unbiased, fair, respectable and balanced advise is given to all who bring their problems here regardless of the gender, country, and orientation.

sell this story give nollywood producers them go pay u handsomely,abi u be architect were your husband go leave house for u make u build

Iya, listen and listen very well. Life is too short - move on.

bayooooooo:

What type of house were you building for five years? Did you go to the building site everyday?
You are very naive for your husband to be bleeping someone under your nose for five years undetected! Behavioral wise either from your husband or employee, you should have noticed something awkward. Go and adopt a child and move on with your life!

Kindly read through her post again as she never claimed the building project was on for 5years.

[color=#990000][/color]
Wow!!! Deari ur story is very touching, I only read post buh rarely comment; buh I think I should try on ds 1: now d best tin 2 do is 2 call ur husby 2 U, cus I think his under d influence of hs family members n could still b reasonable, n mek him rent a house 4 d said gurl 2 stay on her own!dat will go on d line of diplamacy!cus if she moves in2 d house u re finished.
Anoda hash means if U really wanna pay d basterd in hs own coin, will b gettin a divorce attoney n meking him split hs wealth in2 cus hs action is enof 2 end a marriage n u can settle wt anoda sane Man, cus getting a sales second. Skool gurl preganant really mean he is a pervert n most likely would hav been trying hs erratic sexual adventures outside. N dear I think U nid more dan dat n besides wt d spate of HIV/AIDs deari U should really consider d 2nd option

Amynamerica:

Expect it too cos I'm pretty sure that you have slept with someone's future wife before.

You for pity the guy small now.

naijababe:

, Cool down sister, u too dey vex

It is not even that. I guess my frustrations at the things we do in the name of culture and traditions just annoy the heck out of me. It starts from the top and trickles down. That is why Nigeria is so f.u.cked up. Nobody takes responsibility for anything. Nothing moves forward in that country. You see people defending excuses in grown adults that you teach children not to do. Then they wonder why that country is useless. The corruption did not stand when people got into office. It started in the home where these men were never held accountable for anything. They go into office and the same thing keeps happening and they are experts at it because even their mothers and family members trained then to never take responsibility. With this attitude they have r4ped a whole generation of Nigerian children of their futures and they will not quit because even the fcuhing culture tolerates the behavior. If people respected themselves (poster) included, who will sit in her living room and tell her that they brought a wife? Culture allows this stuff. Now a womans life is ruined because of culture. Listen to her tone. She is even blaming herself. Her parents have sent her back to go and be housegirl for new wife and "husband". All in the name of culture. SMH. Useless country.

No lie oo?

i dont know what to say. whatever you do, dont pass judgement. you did not sin, your husband did and he will be held accountable.

however, i hope for yout own sake that you recover from this happening.

The Bible says:

John 8:4-11 [They] said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of

adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus
declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

So don't condem your husband, forgive him. God will see your goodness.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept
pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Justice will come one day, don't worry.

@Poster, this is a sad and unfortunate situation. Before you do what ever, here are some few things to ponder about.

First wife counts for nothing if she gives birth to a son. I am assuming that with this situation and how it happened, this is obviously an issue depending on traditions

Have you discussed with your husband? And what did he say?
Do you work? Do you have some savings?
Are you interested in your happiness and can you trust again?

I won't advice you to stay or live but its time to calm down, think and take some actions that are beneficial to you. Be strong!

@Carsa:
I read your story and it made me sad! My wife read it and has been inconsolable since then!
The 'bad deed" is done already, lets not cry over spilled milk.
Let us focus on "objectives" that matter to you foremost, and your family as a whole (since neither can do without the other except we want to deceive ourselves.

I'll break this into two parts:

Summary:
1.) You love your husband and still loves him but you are hurt, really hurt by his actions.
I feel this is the most important ingredient in this equation, it can change the dynamics and end result. I will conclude that your husband loves you an still does (only that his action is wrong, though predictable to some extent). You both want a child desperately but he went about it the wrong way, especially in a way that hurts you.

2.)Right now, WHAT IS YOUR OWN OBJECTIVE(S)

a) Revenge?: Get even with him and fight him till death? Destroy the "Sales-girl and the pregnancy she is carrying? Burn down the whole house?
Depending on your objective(s), do the above "achieve" your set goal(s)? IF NOT, then dont waste energy on any of them

b) Peace of Mind?: I know what happened is very traumatic and the scars will linger for long but How can you achieve "Peace of Mind" in the midst of this turmoil? Prayer? Calmness of spirit? Avoiding a face-off? Packing out of the house? Discussions with he parties involved in a matured and non violent way?

c.) Getting Pregnant yourself?: Though bitter to say, not having an issue for six years in the may ave contributed to your husband's behavior (it does not excuse it all the same), so having your own child is very key, at least for your own happiness. Would you or would you not, allow ur husband to have intimacy with you? Can you get pregnant in an angry emotional state? Can you "free your soul" from this disappointment an still try to relax ur body or else how can you be pregnant if you are still angry with your husband and wont even let him touch you?

d) Would you keep this marriage further: D you see the marriage overcoming this trial or do you think it is finished? Do you want to initiate a fight over the house (l know you still have your Supermarket) or do you want to discuss further on the way forward with your husband?

Depending on your own objective, going forward, will determine what you can or will do.

I will suggest as follows:
For emotional stability: Talk to your husband one-on-one. Dont try to fight him or rub it in that he has done wrong (of course, he will simply go on the defensive), let your objective always be your guide! Reason with him, plead with him if need be, to please consider your health and your feelings at this moment, ask him how he will feel if you'd gone out to get pregnant for another fella? Speak to his soul, in a way that will touch his soul. Anger or abuse or confrontation cant do that, it will only explode the situation further! It will also set the "agenda" for your relationship with the other lady.

PLEAD WITH HIM (yes, if that is what will make you achieve your objective) to not humiliate or compound your problem further (at least for now) by bringing the lady into the home.
Note, this is a double-edged sword and may backfire if not properly handled (as it could drive him out of your reach completely!).
If properly handled and he agrees, he should rent a flat for the lady nearby. The "time and space" is for both of you to be together so that you can "heal" quickly sort of. You will need the time and space (just two of you) to discuss various issues and reassure yourselves that this was a mistake and not an act of "love gone dead in a marriage". You will gauge his feelings towards you at this time, not when both of you are warring and wrangling!
Tell him it is just for a short while, for you to adjust and get over the hurt. He is not a devil as some have said, he is just human like anybody else; he should listen.

Lastpage!
Part One.

Contd.
Right now, one side of him is sad and guilty(for what he has done) while the other half is happy and elated (he is expecting his own child, bad as tat may come across but it is true!). I think he will be willing to offer you concessions at this moment, if he truly still love you. Ask him if he wants you to leave and go away (Just ask him for asking sake), l bet he would beg you not to leave him and that is when you should ask him to tell you how he thinks: you can overcome the hurt?, overcome the shame?, overcome the embarrassment from your sales girl?, get pregnant and have your own child?

Let him be the one proffering the solutions. JUST ASK AND LISTEN!
The 'idea' is that he will first be the one to pass judgement on himself. Secondly, he will be th eone o pass punishment on himself!! Thirdly, he will be the one to "set the bar" for himself in terms of what needs to be done, to remedy the situation.
As a man, l know men find it easier and are more determined to "conquer challenges" they set for themselves than one set for them in anger, or by a second party

Ask him if he would commit all his promises (and they would be many!) at this moment, to paper? Persuade him to do so. That would be the manual for your marriage, for the next few years.
Once you can find this "peace" between you and him, the other woman is a small problem. Eventually, he would realize that all he wanted from her was just "intimacy" which unfortunately dovetailed into a pregnancy,something he also wanted!
The "peace" above will also set the stage for your own pregnancy, within a short time (and with prayer and faith in God + Medical Examinations; read one Thread about "Looking for a Child", here on NL).

Dont nag him at all, infact be nicer to him than before, spend more time with him like you just discovered him (it can be very unnerving if we get opposite of what we expect from someone, in this kind of situation). We want him to spend most of his free time with you at home, instead of with the other woman,less they begin to bond strongly, at your expense!

All the above can only work if your "objective" is to stay with your husband, in the house that belongs to him first and you second, as his wife and have his children. (Dont fall for all those "abroad folks" that wants a confrontation about property, with your husband, it could get very nasty and wont suit your purpose, at least for now)

If those objectives are correct as l stated them, then only calmness of spirit and very big maturity of the mind will help you (e no go easy o, but the end would justify the effort).
When it is "relatively peaceful" between you and your husband, he can bring the woman in if he still wants to.

You own pregnancy will change the "game" dramatically.
While l do not wish evil for the other woman and the innocent child she carries, l feel "she is a guest" and just maybe, the relationship between you and your husband afterwards, may convince her that she is just the mother of his child and NOT HIS WIFE!

She may get the message and opt out, get "settled financially" while your husband holds "full responsibility" for the child involved.

The Bottom line, unfortunately, is how your husband feels towards you afterwards, and towards the pregnant sales girl (now Madam! ) afterwards. Its the game-changer!

Dont become a church-hermit or do things that would further alienate you from your husband, at this stage. Be lively, be bubbly, dress cute, be attractive, put worries behind you, forgive, eschew bitterness, laugh a lot, dont nag, dont look sour-faced: all these feelings have a way of complementing the feelings your husband has for you and vice-versa!
He should not be allowed to develop "love' for the other woman, not by use of force but by superior attitude and intelligence, on your part.

May God give your strength and wisdom.

Lastpage!

BTW: This message is for Carsa, not peeps with short attention span who will start crying "epistle" or its too long! Move over if its too long for you, please.

my thought too. do i need to consult my parents for something of such, no. cuz i know nig parents will always say 'stay'
i will make my decision before telling them

stress also has a hand in infertility. oga no care but to go water his third leg eh with store keeper.

looks like OP has accepted her fate. life is good. for me o, that house won't contain 3 of us and any other emmissary/envoy from the village.

Outstrip:


It is not even that. I guess my frustrations at the things we do in the name of culture and traditions just annoy the heck out of me. It starts from the top and trickles down. That is why Nigeria is so f.u.cked up. Nobody takes responsibility for anything. Nothing moves forward in that country. You see people defending excuses in grown adults that you teach children not to do. Then they wonder why that country is useless. The corruption did not stand when people got into office. It started in the home where these men were never held accountable for anything. They go into office and the same thing keeps happening and they are experts at it because even their mothers and family members trained then to never take responsibility. With this attitude they have r4ped a whole generation of Nigerian children of their futures and they will not quit because even the fcuhing culture tolerates the behavior. If people respected themselves (poster) included, who will sit in her living room and tell her that they brought a wife? Culture allows this stuff. Now a womans life is ruined because of culture. Listen to her tone. She is even blaming herself. Her parents have sent her back to go and be housegirl for new wife and "husband". All in the name of culture. SMH. Useless country.

@OP awwch! Sorry! If it were me of before that such happened to? I will kill the man!! kill the man!! kill the man!! kill the man!! kill the man!! kill the man!! kill the man!! and then make sure the girl and her baby are well taken care of. But me of now will just walk away!!! Go some place else and start afresh life is too short and precious to allow someone (man!) make it miserable for me.

lol, coldfeet. So sad.

another part of me may just pack and leave. we settle and share the property in court and move on.

lastpage: Contd.
Right now, one side of him is sad and guilty(for what he has done) while the other half is happy and elated (he is expecting his own child, bad as tat may come across but it is true!). I think he will be willing to offer you concessions at this moment, if he truly still love you. Ask him if he wants you to leave and go away (Just ask him for asking sake), l bet he would beg you not to leave him and that is when you should ask him to tell you how he thinks: you can overcome the hurt?, overcome the shame?, overcome the embarrassment from your sales girl?, get pregnant and have your own child?

Let him be the one proffering the solutions. JUST ASK AND LISTEN!
The 'idea' is that he will first be the one to pass judgement on himself. Secondly, he will be th eone o pass punishment on himself!! Thirdly, he will be the one to "set the bar" for himself in terms of what needs to be done, to remedy the situation.
As a man, l know men find it easier and are more determined to "conquer challenges" they set for themselves than one set for them in anger, or by a second party

Ask him if he would commit all his promises (and they would be many!) at this moment, to paper? Persuade him to do so. That would be the manual for your marriage, for the next few years.
Once you can find this "peace" between you and him, the other woman is a small problem. Eventually, he would realize that all he wanted from her was just "intimacy" which unfortunately dovetailed into a pregnancy,something he also wanted!
The "peace" above will also set the stage for your own pregnancy, within a short time (and with prayer and faith in God + Medical Examinations; read one Thread about "Looking for a Child", here on NL).

Dont nag him at all, infact be nicer to him than before, spend more time with him like you just discovered him (it can be very unnerving if we get opposite of what we expect from someone, in this kind of situation). We want him to spend most of his free time with you at home, instead of with the other woman,less they begin to bond strongly, at your expense!

All the above can only work if your "objective" is to stay with your husband, in the house that belongs to him first and you second, as his wife and have his children. (Dont fall for all those "abroad folks" that wants a confrontation about property, with your husband, it could get very nasty and wont suit your purpose, at least for now)

If those objectives are correct as l stated them, then only calmness of spirit and very big maturity of the mind will help you (e no go easy o, but the end would justify the effort).
When it is "relatively peaceful" between you and your husband, he can bring the woman in if he still wants to.

You own pregnancy will change the "game" dramatically.
While l do not wish evil for the other woman and the innocent child she carries, l feel "she is a guest" and just maybe, the relationship between you and your husband afterwards, may convince her that she is just the mother of his child and NOT HIS WIFE!

She may get the message and opt out, get "settled financially" while your husband holds "full responsibility" for the child involved.

The Bottom line, unfortunately, is how your husband feels towards you afterwards, and towards the pregnant sales girl (now Madam! ) afterwards. Its the game-changer!

Dont become a church-hermit or do things that would further alienate you from your husband, at this stage. Be lively, be bubbly, dress cute, be attractive, put worries behind you, forgive, eschew bitterness, laugh a lot, dont nag, dont look sour-faced: all these feelings have a way of complementing the feelings your husband has for you and vice-versa!
He should not be allowed to develop "love' for the other woman, not by use of force but by superior attitude and intelligence, on your part.

May God give your strength and wisdom.

Lastpage!

BTW: This message is for Carsa, not peeps with short attention span who will start crying "epistle" or its too long! Move over if its too long for you, please.

Eeeyahhh!!!!

Well dats men 4 u.everywoman needs 2 guard her home with prayers.thats all I can say.just put urself 2geda and pray 4 God 2 give u d strength 2 bare dis. Its a tough one.

May I say the woman is with a man that doesn't belong to her. She might meet another man tomorrow and get pregnant within a month. Just saying.

ronkebp:

Eeeyahhh!!!!

What is wrong with you this eediot?
Dont you have anything else to do than respond to "our" post or is it my fault that you cant write well?
Get a life, okay!
Mtchew.

LastPage

lastpage:
What is wrong with you this eediot?
Dont you have anything else to do than respond to "our" post or is it my fault that you cant write well?
Get a life, okay!
Mtchew.

LastPage

no need to get aggravated.....the eeyah, was for something else....must you guys always be the first to throw insults?.....
i must be pressing the wrong buttons....which i like.....

I actually have a life...thank you!!!! no need to insult you back....this post is for Carsa and am not ready to turn it to a ''me''post.

Rotflmao. . . The drama between Ronke and Lastpage is getting inneressing!

Abi nay u wan marry am? Em don Bleep the gal finish he gats marry am na!

But y bring gist like this Τ̅☺ nairaland ‎​U̶̲̥̅̊ will be ill-advised ☺̣̣̥̇! M̶̲̥̅γ̲̣̣̥ 2 cents sha!