I married my husband six years ago.

We were university sweet hearts and our families were very close.My husband graduated two years ahead of me but we kept in contact when he went to serve in the North of the country. Although he graduated before me,when I married him he was still a struggling young man,so we practically built up his business together from scratch.He was into importation and I was practically the office clerk/secretary in this teething period. Later on the business blossomed and from this he was able to set up a standard super market for me.

Life was rosy and I was really enjoying my marriage except for the fact that there was no fruit of the womb, but I was not bothered neither was he because we felt we were still trying to establish ourselves-children could come later after all we were working hard to make life easier for the coming kids.

Three years into the marriage,God really blessed my husbands business and we were able to purchase a plot of land in an upscale part of the town-our dreams were coming true and my husband handed over the building of our dream home to me, so I had to hire the builders carpenters and painters - I was fully in charge of the project because my husband trusted me and secondly because he was busy running the business.

The building of this house took a lot of my time and I had no time for my supermarket so I had to employ a female secondary school graduate from the locality where my super market was based to help me run the shop while I handled the building project.

I must tell you that I used to get home late in the night and very tired this was to prevent the workers stealing our materials and my husband was so caring and a perfect husband throughout this time.

I must also mention that when I told my husband about the girl I engaged to run the shop,he was totally against her and said I should have employed a boy because he believed a boy was more trust worthy and would be more serious about the shop,however somehow I convinced him that the girl was from a good family and could do a good job for me.

By the fifth year of marriage,the house project was almost completed and me and my husband began to talk about starting a family for serious-But no matter how we tried I could just not get pregnant,coupled with this was the usual questions from the inlaws on both sides,although this only toook the form of mild advise on both sides.

By the end of the fifth year we had completed the house and moved in but no children. Panic started to set in, and we visited a lot of doctors who assured us that nothing was wrong with either of us.

Meanwhile the girl I employed continued to work in my super market and was very hard working such that I started advising her to attempt JAMB exams but she told me her parents were financially handicapped.

Six years into this marriage, this girl stopped coming to work and I was worried so I visited her house and met her mother.When i enquire about my girl,the mother told me she was sick and that she had been taken to the village.I did not suspect any thing at this point although with hind sight I think I should have suspected something.

Two months later my husbands family members paid us a visit in our home-I thought they were around to complain about my failure to give their son a child but to my greatest surprise they and my husband came to tell me that the girl I employed to help in my supermarket had been put in the family way by my husband and since I had not been able to give him a child they wanted the girl to move into the house I built with my husband as a second wife.

My whole world collapsed.I looked at my husband but he could not look at me,all he did was nod his head in agreement to what his family members were saying.
I went back to my parents to explain the situation but they said I should go back to the house and remain there as the first wife and that they were sure I will conceive if I am patient - but how can I conceive now when I can not bear foe my husband to touch me-I feel so betrayed by him.

I still love my husband but I just feel so angry right now,with him and the whole world.Meanwhile he and his family are in full swing preparing for the wedding to the new wife,my former employee.

Where did I go wrong? Was I not a good wife? Did I not plan with my husband? Is marriage meaningless if there are no fruits-children?

I am so confused and I want women and men to learn from my experience.

My employee and my husband-I feel so bad right now. Could he not bear with me? I know I would have gotten pregnant if he had waited. Now a stranger is going to share my husband with me. Why are people of the world so wicked?

Stories like this make me wonder bad things happen to good people. Cassa I can feel your pain God will soon smile on you. I agree with your parent be his 1st wife its not easy though but all will be well.however you should have listened when ur husband said he doesn't want a female staff for your biz. He saw great dangers ahead but guess you were too busy to make the family dreams come through. Pray and tell the Lord to comfort you on every side. He is the only one that can feel what you are feeling right now. God still answers prayers.
God will come through

Stories like this make me wonder bad things happen to good people. Cassa I can feel your pain God will soon smile on you. I agree with your parent be his 1st wife its not easy though but all will be well.however you should have listened when ur husband said he doesn't want a female staff for your biz. He saw great dangers ahead but guess you were too busy to make the family dreams come through. Pray and tell the Lord to comfort you on every side. He is the only one that can feel what you are feeling right now. God still answers prayers. Pls call on him to open your womb and give you peace round about. The tides can stil change pls don't give up

God will come through

Omg

My heart goes out to you (((((hugs)))))

hghrrrrrrrrr, i developed goose pimples after reading thru, and tears immediately came to my eyes

this is very sad and WICKED, how the hell did ur hubby get involved with this girl without ur knowledge!

I feel for u! Honestly u need a lot of wisdom here, my first instinct was "FIGHT! who the hell does he think he is.................." but that wont solve anything, it will only aggravate and worsen the situation.

U need to be patient and prayerful,my take is:

: Let ur husband rent another apartment for his new pregnant girl, she mustnt move into ur house, reason is, u need a healing period, which may not
be possible if u share ur home with her!

: Let go of the anger against ur husband, forgive him and let God have His way, so u can conceive, dwelling too much on unforgiveness, would only
delay ur own conception!

I pray God will help u in this o, I know its not ez sha!

I read you post, and logged out because I dont know what to think or the right thing to say.
Betrayal or back-stabbing is more painful that a slap in public.
But CRY to Jehovah, He knows how to console the wounded.
It WILL be painful to stay in the same house in this situation but good will come out in the midst of that pain. Don't quit or give up, God will sort you out.

May God protect us from such situations.

If you want to remain in the marriage then the woman must not live in the same house with you because you REALLY need time to heal and recover from the shocker. . .Try methods like IVF so that you can conceive on time since the natural way seems to be delaying. . .I hope you conceive and have a child soon so that you don't lose your respect and dignity in the house. . .My mum's friend was in the same situation as you are, only that she never had a child and the lady she brought from another town and got her educated through polytechnic is now the main woman in the house because she has 4 kids while my mum's friend has non. . .Sad. . . .I hope you conceive soon. ..

I had tears in my eyes after reading this...I can only imagine the pain you must be going through now.Why do things like this happen?

This is sad. Some men sef! i can just imagine what you are going through rt now.God help you and see you through this period.

This is a normal occurrence in Nigeria; how could the poster have been so blind? Her parents have handled it very maturedly; stay put in your house even if you become a house girl afterwards. Life is not all about wealth and riches as most of the young girls think today.

Tell your husband to rent a place for the so called second wife
I hope the lord hear your prayers and bless you with your own health child
We men are evil, loving and some time good provide but our joystick take us to the extend we don't want to go

I was thinking of what you should do to get back at your husband, all the while i read this. I couldn't think of any. If you are a christian just kneel before God and pour your heart. He has a solution.

Meanwhile, where are all the men in Nairaland? They can't talk again? Because they feel they can be in the man's shoes. Men self *sigh*

I feel for u seriously but the deed has been done, so console urself and embrace ur God, try not to live in the same house with that girl, let ur husband rent another apartment for her. Be strong for urself nobody is worth dieing for.

kkk17: I was thinking of what you should do to get back at your husband, all the while i read this. I couldn't think of any. If you are a christian just kneel before God and pour your heart. He has a solution.

Meanwhile, where are all the men in Nairaland? They can't talk again? Because they feel they can be in the man's shoes. Men self *sigh*

Dumb ASS B
Getting back lot of time lead to the end of the marriage
How about find ways to resolve their differences
Getting back at the dude you are on the street smart girl

Speechless...what a husband!!!. He did not see other girls except your employee. That's a huge betrayal from one's better half. My dear,wipe your tears, God shall console you by granting you fruit of the womb. Don't leave your home for another woman to reap where she did not sow.

so sad. God will wipe your tears and stand my by at your time of tribulation. Faith can move mountains.

a moving experience apply wisdom at this point and I pray that that wisdom is made available and your heart desire is granted IJN. But how do we still act like this in nigeria.

where did u copy dis story from

I'm so sorry dear, can feel your pains. That's life for you, one can't believe some people's stories till it happens to you. Is like nigeria movie happening in your life. Good people always meet bad people in this life. Please dear just take heart all I know is that you must conceive and yours must be double or triple.

My dear, i feel deeply for u, i really do. Im so sorry dis had to happen to u.
My first instincts were leave d wretched man, fight back,sue him for trying to break d terms of ur monogamous etc, but i hardly tink dats a good advice, it could be my emotions speaking... So i ll refrain from giving any advice, rada, i ll pray for u, dat God may give u d wisdom to handle dis delicate matter

may u make d right decisions, it is well

peaceheartt: hghrrrrrrrrr, i developed goose pimples after reading thru, and tears immediately came to my eyes

this is very sad and WICKED, how the hell did ur hubby get involved with this girl without ur knowledge!

I feel for u! Honestly u need a lot of wisdom here, my first instinct was "FIGHT! who the hell does he think he is.................." but that wont solve anything, it will only aggravate and worsen the situation.

U need to be patient and prayerful,my take is:

: Let ur husband rent another apartment for his new pregnant girl, she mustnt move into ur house, reason is, u need a healing period, which may not
be possible if u share ur home with her!

: Let go of the anger against ur husband, forgive him and let God have His way, so u can conceive, dwelling too much on unforgiveness, would only
delay ur own conception!

I pray God will help u in this o, I know its not ez sha!

i agree completely with u.

He must have bowed to pressure Saddening mehhnn. Just take heart and make the best possible choices so as not to make things worse. I have an aunt who had a similar problem, in fact she had already bore THREE kids when her Husband went out and brought another pregnant woman home. My aunt was so bitter about this, but handled it with great maturity. She has full respect of the other women(The man now has FOUR!! ) in the house simply because of the way she handles everything. Things can get very annoying but don't let it get to you mehhn, just handle everything with wisdom or you may end up losing control of everything within a jiffy. Take heart.

the husband is stupid to agree on what the his family says to him

and also you are to blame, unless if am missing something how can you hire a maid when you are just the two of you

was that house being built 24/4 and those people couldnt continue doing the work for few hours that you could go to buy groceries?

No be today.
Perhaps you should separate from him and move on with your life.

funny how the world turns... My stomach turns too.. but at least he should have seek your permission before doing such thing, but regardless all that, it will be wrong to move the girl into your house. This practically bad... it will result into further problems.. and it sounds like the family members are all illiterates..

This is a very sad news. What the husband has done Is purely wickedness.

Now, I can't advice OP. But if I were to b d victim what would I do?

I, homerac7, would call for dissolution of d marriage. We settle, part company and let everybody go and live his/her life. The damage done here is very terrible and d wound so deep that it will always be an open sore till the aggrieved dies. So why live in d shame and pain just because ur family wants it so? I hav right to my life and living it joyfully. Also is my inalienable right to find for myself peace, security and sanity. Under d present situation, none of these can be guaranteed, so I'm not bound by any reason, logic, sentiment or tradition to "endure", "compromise", "understand", "exercise patience", "leave it to god/God", or whatsoever. The marriage contract has simply changed to my great disfavour and I have to react to d present reality which is terminate it and limit damages.

Every life is sacred and entitled to freedom, dignity and honour. If any of these is absent, no law, be it above or below, prevents the victim to discard whichever arrangement has placed such yoke, neither is any measure taken to make correction excessive.

This is what I, homerac7, would do.

Don't stay in the same house with the girl.

Who knows, the girl might be having a grand plan of her own on how to become Madam

ZIM DRILL: the husband is stupid to agree on what the his family says to him

and also you are to blame, unless if am missing something how can you hire a maid when you are just the two of you

was that house being built 24/4 and those people couldnt continue doing the work for few hours that you could go to buy groceries?

You this Zimbabwe guy,didn't you comprehend the story? The maid wasn't living in the house with them,she was the sales girl at her shop.

Sad.

But do as mazaje has advised.

Other women, if you're in her shoes, don't put a female employee over your affairs.

soapdish: Speechless...what a husband!!!. He did not see other girls except your employee. That's a huge betrayal from one's better half. My dear,wipe your tears, God shall console you by granting you fruit of the womb. Don't leave your home for another woman to reap where she did not sow.

The fact that it was her employee hit me the most. How disrespectful and betraying! I just hope insensitive guys don't troop in here to spew trash. The last thing this woman needs is mockery or blame of any form.

I'm sure if she saw any signs she'd have sent the girl away. Clear case of women are their worst enemies! What was the silly girl thinking getting close to her oga's hubby to the extent of getting pregnant! She's nothing but a sl-ut, I guess she should be over 18, an adult, so I'm sure she knew exactly what she was doing. What was the hubby thinking putting his wife's employee in a family way! This man has absolutely NO respect for his marriage, its just so unfortunate. Some men deserve to be cursed! I'm so pissed I don't even know how to compose my post sef. This betrayal from both parties can kill. It is so easy to tell you to calm down and accept it all cos I'm not in your shoes.

*sighs*

May God grant you the strength and wisdom to do what is right. It is well.

luckgames: Tell your husband to rent a place for the so called second wife
I hope the lord hear your prayers and bless you with your own health child
We men are evil, loving and some time good provide but our joystick take us to the extend we don't want to go

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