@Poster,

With all the extra work I need to do after the end of a very hectic day, I feel a strong urge to reply to your thread.

Wo, it's time to get real here. Your husband, the lady, the pregnancy she's carrying even if they are two bouncing boys does not matter at this point. You have been called to war albeit unprepared, and you must fight with the last blood in your veins. Never quit, and do not surrender your home or husband. It's not about lack of pride in yourself, but you have to be strong and understand this principle that nothing worth having in life comes on a platter of gold. Even when you feel you have something worthwhile in your grip, if it looks good or have potential for success, somebody else will see it and will try to snatch it from you by fire or thunder. You must let whoever attacks your home knows that nothing born of a woman will remove you EXCEPT God says it's over. Your husband is your property and vise-versa because he is a link to your children, they will carry the burden of his success and failures, weakness and strengths. If he's in a bending position right now due to infidelity or have fallen to the trap or lure of another woman, do not despair. It is your responsibility to straighten him out with wisdom. You are a home builder, a man keeper, not a man loser. You go get that man back by everything and anything and never turn back no matter how icy the currents gets. He's your MAN, an adulterer and betrayer or what's not, HE is your first SON, will you give him up even if the world rejects him? He is your past, your present and your future EXCEPT the LORD says otherwise. Man business is like black market, you never really know what you get till you carry the goods home and begins to inspect. This is the husband you married and YES, he messed up right now, but it wasn't always like that. You need to tie your wrapper once more if they are loose and go back to the stream to fill your house jar with water like you're meant to. Forget new age thinking and your rights to pack out and seek happiness elsewhere and all that stuff. THEY DON'T work, do you hear me? THEY DO NOT WORK AND NEVER HAS NOR EVER WILL. And by marriage covenant, you don't get to choose because you committed to this marriage for good or better, not to run when trials comes.

My sister, God's plan is always the best, sometimes the process is painful and hard, but don't forget when God is SILENT He's doing something BEST for you surprisingly... You have to pray, but prayers of ''INQUIRY''. He says in Jer 33:3 "call upon me, and I will ANSWER YOU; I'll SHOW YOU GREAT & MIGHTY THINGS which thou KNEWETH NOT. 1. Ask God why you could not conceive. 2. Ask for divine direction. 3. What is His suppose for your life. 4. Let His will be done. (From your story it seems you were not wedded, because if you did your Church should been involve in this matter). "God can do anything to defend His SUPPOSE". My advice for you is " do not hold unto anything except God, reject pity, be careful of the type of advice you receive and pray till you have the answer. There are lots to share with you which I can't put them here, you can call me if you care. (08034196601, 07044339697, 08027213667). God Bless and Strengthen you. AMEN!

peaceheartt: hghrrrrrrrrr, i developed goose pimples after reading thru, and tears immediately came to my eyes

this is very sad and WICKED, how the hell did ur hubby get involved with this girl without ur knowledge!

I feel for u! Honestly u need a lot of wisdom here, my first instinct was "FIGHT! who the hell does he think he is.................." but that wont solve anything, it will only aggravate and worsen the situation.

U need to be patient and prayerful,my take is:

: Let ur husband rent another apartment for his new pregnant girl, she mustnt move into ur house, reason is, u need a healing period, which may not
be possible if u share ur home with her!

: Let go of the anger against ur husband, forgive him and let God have His way, so u can conceive, dwelling too much on unforgiveness, would only
delay ur own conception!

I pray God will help u in this o, I know its not ez sha!

I agree to this,Ʊ need time alone.renting a flat for her is the best....
Its such a pity about Ųя situation...but it will make Ʊ stronger.dnt lose hope and ur will to stand firm

Na today...

People Just talk anyhow about a wife leaving her husband because of such incidence. Marriage is not do-or-die for me, but there are some considerations that u'll have to think about b4 leaving ur marriage.
Such as the kind of man he really was to u b4 d incidence,where u are going to is it really better? For me I'll advise that u stay with him and restrategise so u do not loose out completely and he'll definitely understand ur actions.

Oh this is so painful, my dear kneel down and pray to God, then secondly never give up your marraige, stay put in that house. The Lord is your Strenght.

This is an eye opener for every woman. Its gud to aspire to better our lives but some things like having and raising kids should not be taken for granted! It is obvious she was so occupied with their businesses and house project that she failed to see the danger signals. God will help you sis.

Op u need to sue that man if it's a legal marriage. Nonesense!!! This is the time to be strong. I think prenups should be introduced in the fu*cked up country

inasmuch as i sympathize with the Op, we should not fail to remind ourselves that polygamy is still not outlawed in Nigeria,all those who are sentimentally shedding tears should fight against polygamy first.
There was a topic on nairaland about marriage without kids, most ladies instead of been real said kids dont matter in marrige, that its all about love,even when they know love can fade but kids would always be there,for once lets tell ourselves the bitter truth about Nigerian and African culture.

Since you have to remain in that house, you have to forgive him. The fact that you have not been able to get pregnant , does not mean you are barren...it also goes a long way to tell you how fickle men's love is. But if you can put your trust in God, not many days hence, that which was planned to mock you will turn around to be for your advantage. It is Well!

Poster
I believe you are a Christian lady.Please listen to what i have for you:
Please look for the book titled ' His Beauty For My Ashes' by Tomi Ikomi and read it

I want you to imbibe some hard bitter truths difficult to swallow but that is the key to your victory and testimony in this challenge.
They are as follows:

1)Start praising and worshipping God who says in the Bible that we should rejoice in all situations whether positive or negative.He is the one who works out everything for our own good.He is the All Knowing God who knows the beginning from the end.He knew it would happen and He allowed it to happen for a purpose not known to you now but known to Him.The Bible says that we shall live by faith.That this happened to you does not mean that God has abandoned you.Remember Paul and Silas in Acts 16?.They were thrown into prison for preaching the Gospel and they had all the reasons to accuse God for forsaking them.They prayed and praised Him instead and God delivered them that night by a miracle.Same applies to us today if we can trust Him in whatever situation of life we find ourselves.
God is Sovereign,Mysterious,Unpredictable,Unquestionable.

2)Do not murmur against God.All those Jews who murmured against Him in the wilderness perished in the wilderness and did not get to the Promised Land.Murmuring against God is extremely dangerous.

3)Do not seek revenge.Leave vengeance to God(Psalms 94:1).Allow God to fight for you by handling over the battle to Him as directed in Exodus 14:13-14.If God fights for you,you will laugh last and laugh best.If you fight for yourself,you will be the loser.That is sure.

4)Exodus 23:4 says we should love our enemies.Leviticus 19:18 says we should not bear grudge and to love our neighbor as ourself.Show love to your husband and his 2nd wife.Relate with them as before as if nothing happened.Forgive them though difficult,but do it.1 Corinthians 13:1-10 details the type of love God wants us to demonstrate.By so doing,we heap coals of fire on the head of our enemies.Do not see them as enemies to be dealt with but as neighbors to be loved.Welcome the wife and relate with her as a sister.

5)In this life,winds of adversity will blow.Storms will rise against us.Every man on earth will walk across a wilderness whether we like it or not.Our wilderness journeys come in different dimensions,different times for different durations.It must happen and is a fact of life we must accept and live with whether christian or not.Attimes,it could be a test of faith.it could be that God is shaking us out of our comfort zones to draw us closer to Him(Leviticus 26:14-39).Some do not take God and His Word seriously until God brings adverse winds their way.it is then they begin to walk closely with the Lord.If God shakes you out of your comfort zone as He did to me few years ago,it is a demonstration of His love and mercies and you should be thankful to him for that.He said in His Word that'I will show mercy unto whom i will show mercy,compassion unto whom i will show compassion'. That means that though He is a merciful God,His mercy is at His discretion,not automatic and not for everyone.If he shows mercy and love to you by shaking you out of your comfort zone in order to make you come closer to Him,worship Him for His Kindness.Many have lived carelessly, died without Christ and have gone to Hell.Abraham,Jacob,Isaac,Joseph,Jabez,Jephtah,David,Mordecai,Paul,Elijah and many others went through adversity,triumphed in it and are examples for us to follow and learn from.

6)The Book titled 'His Beauty For My Ashes' is about a Nigerian Christian lady's wilderness experience.It is a true life story and the author is still alive today.Every Christian should read this wonderful book.This is not a Bible age story but present age occurence.
It is about one of the most harrowing,most tragic circumstances that can befall any woman on Earth.Before the tragedy that befell her,she was a devout,devoted christian,walking closely with God and hearing from Him directly.Yet tragedy of an immense proportion befell her which God saw coming and He allowed it because He had a will and purpose for her which had to manifest through the tragedy.That we are righteous does not exempt us from unpleasant experiences.Yet she came out of that harrowing experience a champion and today her experiences is an inspiration to millions across the world including me.Look for the book and read it.Then you will see reasons why you should be thankful to God for your own situation which you think is the end of the road.
Christianity is not bread and butter.Matthew 11:12 says 'from the days of John the Baptist,the kingdom of God suffreth violence and the violent taketh it by force''.Christianity is pain before gain,the Cross before the Crown.To enter into the Kingdom of God requires violent faith,violent determination,violent worship etc.We have a price to pay which is stated in Mark 8:34-36

7)My sister,do not allow depression in your life.Arise,move closer to God.Read the Bible,Praise Him,worship Him,serve Him the more.Go out evangelize to people,attend church services,listen to christian tapes by Adeboye,Oyedepo,D.K.Olukoya and Kumuyi.read their books,pray to God,Go to work,attend to your business and show love,not hatred, to your husband and his 2nd wife.If you can do all these,you will see How God will move in your own life.

Submit to the divine wisdom of God.Do not submit to worldly wisdom or wisdom of men.At a time like this,people will come with all kinds of worldly solutions.You will even be advised to do Juju or to attack/fight the lady,pack out,divorce him,seperate from him and all such nonsense.Please do not do such silly things because it will definitely backfire and your situation will be worse off and your advisers will be nowhere to be found then.As long as your life is not in danger,stay in your home.You said you still love him despite what he did.I am glad about that.Build it up.Then God will convert the ashes in your life to beauty according to His word in Isaiah 61:3.

9)Always trust God.God is infallible.Man is fallible because man is limited.If you trust God,you will not be shaken whatever the gravity of the adversity that blows.With the little knowledge of the Scripture that i have,my little knowledge of God and His ways,and the fallibility of men and ugly experiences i have suffered in the hands of men,if my wife of 15 years should spring a deadly surprise by absconding tonight and marrying another man tomorrow morning,i will not be shaken by His Grace(Psalms 56:11).
Put your trust in the Lord,not men.(Psalms 56:4). Cast your burden on the Lord (Psalms 55:22).

My heart is broken and anger has filled my heart. My dear cassa don't let the girl in to your home, tell your husband to rent an apartment for his mistress and you should never accept your husband renting an apartment for you. Let him rent it for the girl. Never allow her into your home cause on the long run you might be turned to their house help.

May the God of Elisha and Jacob be with you, may he guide you through the right path and give you the fruit of the womb because as a woman is your right to conceive and give birth. My heart strongly bleeds, we men can be so callous and wicked at times. God Forbid

Wow..can't believe we can be this reasonable to give give these fine counsels and advise, i concor wit al'em..kudos' Nigeria-Gud pple..Great Nation.

Stories that touch!!

hmmmm! I dnt no if dis story is true, if its den its a sign dat d world is comin 2 an end, pls no matter hw hard it is forgive him, n stay in ur house d lord wil answer u n giv u ur heart desire in Jesus name.hmmmm! I dnt no if dis story is true, if its den its a sign dat d world is comin 2 an end, pls no matter hw hard it is forgive him, n stay in ur house d lord wil answer u n giv u ur heart desire in Jesus name.hmmmm! I dnt no if dis story is true, if its den its a sign dat d world is comin 2 an end, pls no matter hw hard it is forgive him, n stay in ur house d lord wil answer u n giv u ur heart desire in Jesus name.

omeizad: hmmmm! I dnt no if dis story is true, if its den its a sign dat d world is comin 2 an end, pls no matter hw hard it is forgive him, n stay in ur house d lord wil answer u n giv u ur heart desire in Jesus name.hmmmm! I dnt no if dis story is true, if its den its a sign dat d world is comin 2 an end, pls no matter hw hard it is forgive him, n stay in ur house d lord wil answer u n giv u ur heart desire in Jesus name.hmmmm! I dnt no if dis story is true, if its den its a sign dat d world is comin 2 an end, pls no matter hw hard it is forgive him, n stay in ur house d lord wil answer u n giv u ur heart desire in Jesus name.

Do you need her to make indian or Nollywood movie before believe?

My dear, my heart is bleeding for u. I wish it is easy the way ppl are saying stay in that house and God will give you your own child. How do you forgive this guy and sleep with him again to get your own child?
I don't know about anybody here, but i think this lady needs sometime to get her sanity back and definitely not in that environment.
Madam, if you don't mind can i have ur personal email, i am a married woman myself i need to discuss personally with you.

feminine A: Stories like this make me wonder bad things happen to good people. Cassa I can feel your pain God will soon smile on you. I agree with your parent be his 1st wife its not easy though but all will be well.however you should have listened when ur husband said he doesn't want a female staff for your biz. He saw great dangers ahead but guess you were too busy to make the family dreams come through. Pray and tell the Lord to comfort you on every side. He is the only one that can feel what you are feeling right now. God still answers prayers.
God will come through

Well said!

@ Poster

As much as i sympathize with you and condemn your husband's impregnating your sales girl, yet i wouldn't pass any judgement based on one-sided story. As much as i know many women, they will always architecture their problems, then turn around to gain much sympathy. Anyway, pray hard that your husband will have a change of mind not to bring the girl inside your house and also that you conceive sooner, because if the girl packs in, while you remain childless, wahala go dey for u. But please, whatever, don't do anything ugly. My prayers goes to you.

I SAW AN EARLIER POST ABOUT MEN ALL OVER THE WORLD CHEAT, THIS IS A BIG LIE, NOT ALL CULTURE OR SOCIETY HAVE THAT, (I AM USING MY HUBBY NAIRALAND ACCOUNT), I AM FROM A COUNTRY WHERE MARRIAGE, FAITHFULNESS AND LOYALITY IS NOT TAKEN LIGHTLY EVEN WHEN A GUY AND GIRL DATING OTHER MALES AND FEMALES DONT

DONT TRY TO TOSS THEM, NIGERIAN CULTURE AND SOCIETY IS DIFFERENT, PLZ DONT DECIEVE PPL BY SAYING ALL MEN OVER THE WORLD CHEAT- ANY WAY OP I FEEL 4 U, IF THIS WOMAN COMES INTO UR HOME THE TRUTH IS THINGS WOULD BE HARD, SHE IS WITH CHILD U ARE NOT IN FUTURE SHE AND UR IN LAWS CAN USE IT TO GET U OUT

Six(6) years in the mariage,no child.Let us be sincere,if the man were ur brother or good relation. What would u advice him? The matter is not that the man does love the wife.but the issue is child which th wife was nt able to produce

Ask GOD sincerely what you want in this your situation and HE will do it

Now, I can't advice OP. But if I were to b d victim what would I do?

I, homerac7, would call for dissolution of d marriage. We settle, part company and let everybody go and live his/her life. The damage done here is very terrible and d wound so deep that it will always be an open sore till the aggrieved dies. So why live in d shame and pain just because ur family wants it so? I hav right to my life and living it joyfully. Also is my inalienable right to find for myself peace, security and sanity. Under d present situation, none of these can be guaranteed, so I'm not bound by any reason, logic, sentiment or tradition to "endure", "compromise", "understand", "exercise patience", "leave it to god/God", or whatsoever. The marriage contract has simply changed to my great disfavour and I have to react to d present reality which is terminate it and limit damages.

Every life is sacred and entitled to freedom, dignity and honour. If any of these is absent, no law, be it above or below, prevents the victim to discard whichever arrangement has placed such yoke, neither is any measure taken to make correction excessive.

This is what I, homerac7, would do.


I agree absolutely with the homerac7- There's no basis whatsoever, to remain in this marriage. However, i regconise how difficult men like this pig of man would react if asked to negotiate a handsome financial settlement for you, seeing that all rules of engagement has been broken by his premediated actions. Never-the-less, you should leave that marriage. There's no way anyone can ever forgive a grieviuos injury of this kind if matters remains or progress as they are.

Draw on your reserve, move out of the marriage. who knows your real husband may still be out there. As for this man and many that would behave as he....may they never find peace nor happiness, either in this life or next!

OP - if you want to part the marriage please claim 100% of the house and the business and send the 2 idiots out.

The husband who did this is a beast,inhuman, wicked,heartless,treacherous soul who never ever loved the lady in the first place.
He is a USER and many men who call themselves husbands are like that.
There was never any love in his heart from the beginning.

ZUBY77: How is that our business ?

Exactly my thoughts. Majoring on the minor and minoring on the major. Now the money issue has been settled, the relationship is broken. So it is with many couples out there, the rat race has turned them into animals with no passion for their spouses or children. They were busy building business and house and forgot to build a home.

I've said it times without number the most important thing in a marraige is the quality of the relationship not the quantity of material attainment. The couple were just deceiving each other. The woman probably thought wealth could probably contain the hurt and the man thought, oh well if she's okay like this she won't mind my own building.

No communication, selfishness, taking each other for granted and finally divergent aspirations. When was the day she lost him. The day she decided the economic losses counted more than marital ones and exchanged her place with an outsider. The man is utterly wrong in his move and deserves everything that comes his way including judicial intervention on her behalf but it is obvious she took her eye of the ball and crashed the union.

I hv followed this thread since yesterday without response so why the urge to drop these lines for you? My instinct tells me God is working out something for you through all this. Stop brooding and wait in silence.

Dont fight your husband nor the lady, build up emotions and assume your position in your marriage.

Someone i know closely had same experience and after the lady gave birth to two beautiful children, she died while giving birth to the third child yea sad she died but the barren became mother to her children. In your case God wd make you the Hannah of that home, You wd not just have children but special children, the samuels, the Daniels are in ur womb. Arise my Sister and stand firm.

My sister, its very unfortunate dat dis could befall u at a time like dis. Having suffered with ur husaband for a long period of tym now to sit and eat the fruit of ur labour the devil sets in. It is nt a crime dat ure married for 6yrs without an issue, neither is it a crime to employ a lady to ur supermaket. Let me nt say I no ao u feel cos av nt beenin in dat kind of situation.but let me advice u.please don't leave ur husband's house,don't divorce him either, dis is a tryin period for u. Dis is a tym to be closer to ur God.I no u feel like doin sometin crazy right nw but don't. U just endure dis, I tell u its for a moment.u did nt mention ur religion but if ure a christian pls do see ur pastor for spiritual advice.God will open up ur womb at his own tym.av seen and heard of cases far worse dan dis but in d end they endured and had the last laugh. Only God can heal ur wound, cos I no u av been betrayed and wounded seriously.but take consolation in His word.A man lost everything He ad in a shipwreck his wife, 3 daughters and all he ad on earth and still said "what ever my lot thou as thought me to say it is well with my soul".God will see u through this storm dat wants to wreck ur marriage

I tried to type some suggestions as follow up to my response yesterday, my hand pressed something and deleted it and I have things to do and did not want to type all over again then, but considering the fact that sometimes GOD speaks to us through other people and mediums, when I feel a strong urge to do something, I try not to back out no matter what. So am back here again, hopefully last posting here.

Let's get something out of the way first, no one is good. We are all just trying to live above the constant and ever present reality as men and women whose body and soul coexist in constant tension. What the soul feel is right and what the body will do or feel are two entirely different thing. No man or woman is absolutely good, please know this. As a wife, mother to be, you have work to do, you must understand that even though your husband and children may love you with their life but what their body will do stands in constant tension every single moment from the love in their soul. It is a fact you need to seek and understand in totality before you enter that marriage. It is a battle for the body to live in harmony with the soul and the temptation only ends when life ceases. Your husband's soul yielded under the temptation of the present, a childless marriage challenges a man more than they care to admit, love has nothing to do with it. Men are fulfilled by the happiness they get while a woman is fulfilled by the happiness she gives. They are not barbaric nor monster, it is just the way their mind is engineered. To question how that is, one may need to sit down and summon GOD to a hearing panel why he created them differently and that is a tricky situation so I'll advise that we leave that alone. It's not easy going to trial of any kind with GOD and come back victorious.