What do you call a Lada on a hill?

A bloody miracle.

One sunny day on the North Sea a creative little boy was playing in the sand
trying to decide what to make. He discovered some Scheiss (you can guess what
that is) on the beach so he decided to make a VoPo (People's Policeman). Just as
he was finishing, along comes a VoPo, trying to make sure no one swims to
Denmark. He decides to ask the little boy what that ugly thing made of Scheiss
is. The little boy responds: "It's a VoPo!" So the officer beats him.

The next day, the boy is on the beach making the same creation when that same
officer comes along and sees the boy is playing with the Scheiss again, and asks
what he is doing. The boy responds "I'm making another VoPo!" So the officer
beats him.

The day after that, the officer is strolling the beach, sees the boy playing
just with sand, and is glad to see he has switched his medium. So he asks boldly
"what are you making today?" The boy responds: "A G.I.!" The officer asks: "And
why not a VoPo?" The boy responds: "Couldn't find any Scheiss."

The fight

Three prison inmates were locked in the same cell; they soon began talking.
"What are you here for?" asked one inmate of another. "They put me in for
beating up some old Jew named Khaimovich," snarled one man. "And why are you
here?" asked the second of the first. "For having defended some old Jew named
Khaimovich in a fight," he replied. "And what were you arrested for?" the third
inmate was asked. "For being Khaimovich," he sighed.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN

1. Know your great-grand-dad was a thieving bastard that no civilized nation
on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years
because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals (politicians only?)
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.

8 things you'll never hear a woman say :

8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just
friends'
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how
to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger.

8 things you'll never hear a man say :

8. Here honey, you use the remote.
7. You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.
6. Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!
5. While I'm up, can I get you anything?
4. Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held.
3. Aww, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place.
2. Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.
1. We never talk anymore.

England football team

The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6 children, all
girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy then, when one of his
wives presented him with his only son and heir.

Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and
said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you". His
son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane".

Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him British Airways.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side.

"Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His
son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat".

Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him P&O Ferries. Just
before his son's eight birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you
bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, shall get for you." His
son replied, "Daddy, I would like something to watch films on".

Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him MGM Studios and
their cinemas, where he watched all his favorite Western Movies. Just before his
son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are an
inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."

His son, who had caught the 'Western' movie bug, replied, "Daddy, I would like
a cowboy outfit". Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father went and
bought him the England football team.

Redneck Defined

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You and your dog use the same tree.

You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in
prison.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending upon how much gas
it has in it.

Interrogation.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. They
placed the message "HE'S LYING" in the copier, and pressed the copy button each
time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie
detector" was working, the suspect confessed to the police.
     

yeah you got it right the suspect is blond

Bell Ringer Wanted

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word
through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop
decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the
belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he
decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and
announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.

The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with
his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo.Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a
bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to
his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways.When he reached the
street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful
music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the
bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a
bell."

THREE IS EQUAL TO FOUR

Theorem: 3=4
Proof:
Suppose:
a + b = c
This can also be written as:
4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3c
After reorganizing:
4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3c
Take the constants out of the brackets:
4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c)
Remove the same term left and right:
4 = 3

Midgets Rock Las Vegas

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers and take 'em out for a night
on the town. After cocktails and gambling, they all head back to their hotel
room at the MGM Grand. But the night doesn't quite turn out as planned. Since
he's had too much to drink, one of the midgets can't get it up at all, and, to
make matters worse, has to listen to the other one say "1, 2, 3, huh," over and
over again, all night. The next morning, the first midget is complaining.
"Man, did that suck. I was soft all night."
"You think that's bad," said the other midget. "I couldn't even get onto the
bed."

Nice ones man !!

Thanks mishoo

nice one thre!
mig whats with hmmmmmm were u contemplating anyways am still waiting

@mimi
the "Hmmm" has got two sounds. 1 has a rizn tone while d oda has d falln tone. I meant d rizn1(hope u _stand)

@ituen&mimi
my dig.Cam is bad now nd i dont have ne pic on ma flash. Bt, b sure i'll send it.

@mimi
the "Hmmm" has got two sounds. 1 has a rizn tone while d oda has d falln tone. I meant d rizn1(hope u _stand)

@ituen&mimi
my dig.Cam is bad now nd i dont have ne pic on ma flash. Bt, b sure i'll send it.

okay i believe u

I nva doubted.

Hey guyz. I just saw a thread "kill english and go free" it's so damn hilarious even d title. Wudnt it be nice if we had it on d jokes sec? Or Wat do yall think.

I think it is hilarious. I was tinkin of the same thing. Its not supposed to be in forum games. Think i'm gonna create it now.

Please do

Answer:riddle me this

chap8: Floppy disc

u really tried, it was nice

Thanks girl.

The noblest of all dogs is the hotdog; it feeds the hand that bites it.

I think that Seun has blocked that Topic. Is there anyway to appeal to him because its hilarious

@ituen
what topic?

@clem
thanks i got ur msg
@ituen d password u were given is meant to be confidential
@saucekid
no strings attached ryte? Nd wat is in it 4 d founder of d. . .Watever?

Yo momma is so ugly, wen she waz born, her momma wished to hear d words "u've just been punked"

Sorry